The Longest Day
by JPC
Summary: Willow defeats evil Cordy and Angel gets his soul back after an epic fight. Later, Spike and Angel enter an Amazon dimension opened by Willow and get mistaken for gods.
1. Giles meets his Match

Now that "Carry that Weight" has become even longer than "Straight Outta Quor Toth," I have decided to split it up. "The Longest Day" immediately follows the end of "Straight Outta Quor Toth. Except for this first chapter, all the chapters in this story occur on the same Saturday. First, Willow defeats Cordy while Faith, Connor, Lindsey and Angel's friends fight Angelus, Drusilla and their vampire gang. After Willow restores Angel's soul, Angel and Spike stumble into an adventure in an Amazon dimension where they are mistaken for gods, unwittingly turn Buffy into a cult figure and provoke tens of thousands to go to war in order to decide whether Spike or Angel is the most powerful. They have to find a way to excise themselves from this world they've turned topsy turvy. And of course each of them wants to win. Especially for the small group of men and women who look up to them as idols and even father figures.

Originally, this was the final chapter of "Straight Outta Quor Toth." I have decided that it works better as a prologue to "The Longest Day." Among other things, it introduces Mayor Estella Santos, a possible love interest for Giles and someone who will play a role in the fight against the First Evil.

In addition to the main gymnasium, rebuilt Sunnydale high has a wrestling room about sixty feet square. During the school day, the Potentials can use that space to train. Buffy and Giles watch Kennedy lead them.

BUFFY: It's better than the basement. I'll give you that.

GILES: I hope the gawking young men don't become a distraction.

BUFFY: What gawking young men?

Giles points to the double-doors between the room and the hallway. Three or four guys have their faces up against the glass, looking in.

GILES: Apparently, the boy's locker room is down the hall. Which means every male in this school passes by here on their way to and from gym class.

BUFFY: One good thing about training in the library — I never had an audience. Which reminds me — whatever happened to the secret identity? Okay, a few people knew who I was. But it's not like I put on a show everyday for the entire student body.

GILES: We're hardly doing that.

BUFFY: Right now it's more of a peep show for a few guys at a time.

A woman enters. She 5'7", wears a black business suit and skirt and has brown eyes and medium-length black hair.

STELLA: I hope everything's to your liking. [she holds out her hand] Estella Santos. Nice to meet you, Rupert Giles.

He shakes her hand. Buffy has no idea who this woman is.

GILES: You wouldn't happen to be related to Vincente Santos?

STELLA: Vince is my brother.

GILES: Do you also work for the school district?

STELLA: No. I'm the mayor.

Giles and especially Buffy are freaked out and start inching away.

BUFFY: Well, uh, I suppose someone had to replace him.

STELLA: Don't mean to boast, but I did break a lot of new ground in this town. First hispanic mayor. First woman mayor. First human mayor. First mayor who's not conspiring against the citizens of this town.

BUFFY: You knew what he was?

STELLA: My family always knew Richard Wilkins was a demon. We were here before Sunnydale was Sunnydale.

GILES: Vincente never mentioned this.

STELLA: He's not much for storytelling. This room's pretty noisy. Would you mind going outside to talk, Mr. Giles?

GILES: Please. Call me Rupert.

STELLA: Call me Stella.

They smile at each other and walk out of the room. They stroll along the grass outside.

GILES: 1806. That's quite early.

STELLA: First non-mission settlers. Vince and I are the seventh generation.

GILES: Your ancestors must have witnesses all sorts of terrifying phenomena.

STELLA: It wasn't as bad as you'd think. When there were fewer people, there were also fewer demons. For a time, it was just a few farms. Maybe ten families in the whole area. We had a 3,000 acre ranch. When you're in the middle of nowhere, you stay inside at night. Sometimes vampires would kill a few of the sheep and cattle. But you know what's great for keeping vampires away? Dobermans — with crosses tied around their necks. Three of them leap at a vampire, he goes somewhere else to feed. The demons and the people developed an understanding. As long as there were only a couple of us and a few of them, everyone could co-exist. There's a family legend that when the Americans conquered California, a hundred soldiers tried to remove the Mexican residents and settle the land themselves. My family told the demons that the armed men camping in the nearby hills were demon fighters, and they scared them away. Which was how we kept all of our land. I don't know if that really happened. What I do know is that the Anglo population was tiny until Richard Wilkins appeared. After that everything changed.

GILES: How long was it before your family realized he was a demon?

STELLA: About twenty years. But they knew from the start that he had power over the other demons. Their attacks became more frequent. But they weren't random. They only targeted his political enemies. Scared them out of town. He went after our flocks and herds to try to force us to sell our land.

GILES: But your family stood up to him?

STELLA: My family adapted. They sold off 2000 acres, invested in an irrigation system and grew lemons on the remaining thousand. Something the demons wouldn't care to eat. By the time I was born we'd sold all the land to developers and gotten out of farming. But we always kept plugging away as the lonely opposition. Though it's incredibly frustrating when you can't use your opponent's main weakness against him.

GILES: Hard to literally accuse your political opponent of being demon. Though you'd figure others would notice that he didn't age.

STELLA: People live here 10, 15, 20 years. Raise their kids and leave. There's very little in the way of collective civic memory. The worst part was how he won the tight races. Always resorted to nativism. Keep the Mexicans out. Keep the Chinese out. Keep the Okies out. Keep the blacks out. All the while he's letting the demons in. Course, Dick did keep taxes low by supplementing the general fund with demon tribute. When I took over, I had to raise property taxes to cover the lost tribute, and the people screamed bloody murder. Most likely it'll get me voted out this November. Scary thing is, if the people knew the truth, I bet at least half of them would vote for less taxes and more demons.

GILES: You certainly don't talk like a politician.

STELLA: I don't sound like this when I'm on-the-record. On the record, vampires and demons don't exist.

GILES: Never underestimate the human instinct for willful blindness.

STELLA: Something we learned from your Council. To us, you were the blind ones. We petitioned close to 50 years before they did something. To be honest, Vince and I used to call you "Señor Better-Late-than-Never." It wasn't meant as a slap at you, per se —

GILES: I, myself, have often been frustrated by the organization's intransigence. How did your family learn about the Council of Watchers in the first place?

STELLA: When things started to get real bad in the early fifties, my grandfather tried to hire demon fighters. But this town was too hot for any of them to touch. One of them said only a Slayer would think of working here. Grandpa found out what a Slayer was and tried to get one. He put together studies proving Sunnydale was the world leader in all things deadly and paranormal. They condescendingly told us pushy Americanos that they knew all about the Hellmouth and would act when the time was right. Course, they didn't know everything. Didn't even know Dick was a demon. Threw away all the intell we gave them on him.

GILES: Did you know in advance about the Ascension?

STELLA: Seems we knew everything but that. It was so out of character for Dick. A century of planning, of careful political stewardship and community-building, all for an afternoon of binge eating? Part of me felt let down by the crudeness of the gesture. I had come to expect something more cunning and cerebral from him. I suppose a Freudian would say it was a manifestation of repressed sexual desire, what with him turning into a giant snake and all.

The two of them talk some more before heading back into the training room. Buffy and the Potentials are getting lunch. Estella picks up one of Giles's foils.

GILES: You fence?

STELLA: Varsity at Stanford. Epee. Been almost 20 years since I've done this seriously. Probably could take you.

GILES: Is that a challenge?

STELLA: You brought two of these things in here. Obviously you were hoping someone would take you up on the offer.Then again, I've never fenced in a skirt. Or high heels. [takes off her heels so that she's barefoot]

GILES: No point making excuses for losing before we've even started.

STELLA: Just lulling you into a false sense of security.

They get in position and begin. Giles goes on the attack. Estella parries his thrusts as she backs up. She briefly goes on the attack, causing Giles to retreat. He catches her off-balance and counter-attacks. She backs up to avoid a hit. Giles comes close to making contact, but he gets over-confident and she parries one particularly aggressive thrust, then quickly gets her foils' point against his collarbone. Giles rests his foil at his side and catches his breath.

GILES: Well-played. Though I shouldn't have made so many careless blunders. Two out of three?

Fred, Gunn and Wesley walk towards Cordy's building.

FRED: I still would feel safer if at least one of us had a weapon.

WES: That would only give her an excuse to attack.

GUNN: It's just too damn obvious to be a trap. And taking us out on a downtown sidewalk in the middle of the day? That ain't her style.

They stop in front of the building and wait for two minutes, anxiously glancing around and checking their watches. Cordy comes out and stands in front of them. She looks distraught. And pregnant. This is the first time they've seen her since she freed Angelus and killed Lilah. It looks like she's gone from the first to the third trimester in a matter of weeks.

CORDY: I miss you guys. I miss . . . people. If I have to do this alone, then I won't do it at all.

Cordy pulls her right hand out from behind her back and shows then Angel's soul.

CORDY: You want this more than I do.

Cordy chucks it high in the air and over their heads. Fred, Gunn and Wes turn around, look up and give chase, running over pedestrians as they try to reach the vessel before it hits the ground. Gunn, who gets out ahead of the other two, leaps through the air and makes a diving catch. He holds the fragile vessel carefully in his hands as the others look at it. Cordelia snaps her fingers. The glass vessel shatters. Gunn, Fred and Wes grab their eyes. Cordy laughs as she walks back into her building. The mystical properties of the container caused it to disintegrate before it tore through their flesh. But Cordy liked seeing them terrified. To her it was a great practical joke. And the best part was yet to come. She still had to tell Angelus the news.

Giles sticks Estella with the point of his foil. His blazer and vest are off, his tie is loosened and his shirt is sweaty. Estella has also taken off her blazer, wearing only her skirt and black sleeveless blouse.

ESTELLA: Two-out-of-three. You win.

Giles drops his foil and puts his hands on his knees.

GILES: You were certainly a more-than-worthy adversary.

STELLA: Maybe next time we can both be dressed for the occasion.

They both catch their breath as Buffy and the Potentials come back from lunch. They see that Giles and this women are panting, sweating and putting their clothes back on.

STELLA: So you're the young women who saves the world. Giles has told me a lot about you.

KENNEDY: He's told us nothing about you.

Kennedy looks a little disturbed. Buffy looks plenty disturbed as Giles buttons up his vest and Estella slips back into her high heels and puts on her jacket.

BUFFY: I thought you two just met?

GILES: About 45 minutes ago, to be exact.

RONA: Damn.

AMANDA: Gross.

Estella wipes the sweat off her forehead and goes to meet the girls. They look very uncomfortable around her.

GILES: Girls, I'd like you to meet Estella Santos. She's the Mayor of Sunnydale. Sorry about our disheveled appearance. We were just fencing.

He holds up to two foils.

MOLLY: Oh. Silly us. We thought —

BUFFY: You . . . had to fight off some sort of demon.

STELLA: It's an honor to meet you, Buffy.

BUFFY: That's very, sweet, of you. I never get tired of hearing that. Probably because so few people say it to me.

GILES: Estella's family had been the sworn enemies of Mayor Wilkins since he founded this town. Her brother Vincente is Superintendent of Schools. He got me the job as school Librarian. He's also the person who worked out this training arrangement.

BUFFY: Nice to know we have friends in high places. How come I didn't know about these connections sooner?

GILES: And why did Vincente never mention that he had a younger sister?

STELLA: You know how big brothers are. He probably feared you might be my type. Well, work beckons me back to City Hall. Nice meeting all of you.

Estella leaves. The Potentials look at Giles and smirk.

GILES: So. How was lunch?

KENNEDY: Looks like everyone's hooking up these days.

GILES: I don't know what you're talking about.

MOLLY: Mister GIles has a girlfriend!

GILES: Nonsense. Stella and I are merely friends.

AMANDA: Then why did you fight with her?

GILES: We did no such thing.

ROSE: You went at each other with weapons.

RONA: That's foreplay.

Giles's cell phone rings.

ROSE: Saved by the bell.

GILES: Hello. Wesley? Can you repeat that? Yes, that would be very big news. [looks at Buffy] I should take this outside.

FADILA: Did anyone else feel weird in the cafeteria?

BUFFY: You mean because you don't go to school here?

FADILA: I mean because of the way all the boys were looking at us.

AMANDA: It did feel strange.

FADILA: Like we were, I dunno, popular or something.

ARIELLA: Do they know who we are, why we're here?

BUFFY: Look, if you're wigged out by the attention, we can always go home. Or train here only after school.

MOLLY: Are you bloody mad? This is tops.

ROSE: Guys dig girls who kick ass. And we're not even Slayers. Buffy, you must have been the most popular girl in your high school.

BUFFY: Actually, yes I was. Before I became a Slayer.

RONA: I don't understand. They liked you more when you weren't a hero?

BUFFY: It's not like they knew what I was. I did maintain a semi-secret identity. Plus, training and patrolling took a big bite out of my social life. The popular kids made fun of me and thought I was a freak. Until they were in danger. Then they'd run to me for help, and I'd save their lives, and afterwards they'd still think I was a freak but make fun of me somewhat less.

AMANDA: If they disrespected me like that, I woulda just let them die. Or beat them up until they treated me respect. How much of a jerk do you hafta be not to act nice to someone who saved your life?

BUFFY: Good question. Too bad the person who could answer it isn't around. [pause] No. it's a good thing Cordy's not in town. Which reminds me. It's time to train with weapons. Each of you grab a sharp shiny thing and pair off.

They practice attacking and defending with swords and axes. Buffy walks around giving them pointers and correcting bad habits. She knows they must be ready for the Reapers. The guys at school have heard something was happening in the wrestling gym, so more of them came to the door to gawk. One of them runs off to fetch Preston.

DUNCAN: Dude, ya gotta see this.

He takes Preston down to the gym and nudges a few guys aside so they can get close to the door.

DUNCAN: Isn't that your girlfriend?

PRESTON: It is. I thought she had Spanish this period.

DUNCAN: Why is the guidance counselor teaching self-defense? And who are those girls, anyway?

PRESTON: They're like all new in town. Amanda hangs with them. Dude. Get Clarence. That's the girl he was with the other night.

Keith heard the rumors, and he cut class to see if Molly was there. He pushed and shoved and bullied the boys in front of him out of the way. Then he saw Molly crossing swords with Rona.

KEITH: Clarke was right.

PRESTON: Right about what?

KEITH: Dawn's sister really is forming a gang. I didn't think the school allowed the faculty to do that. I tell ya, this town just keeps getter weirder and weirder.

PRESTON: I'm not complaining.

KEITH: I probably should say hi to Molly. I'd be a jerk if I didn't.

Keith and Preston pull and the doors open outward. The crush of bodies pushes Keith and Preston inside before closing the doors on everyone else. The two guys stumble inside. The girls notice.

BUFFY: What are you doing in here?

Molly smiles and waves at Keith.

AMANDA: Hey there Preston.

BUFFY: Shouldn't you boys be in class?

PRESTON: Shouldn't Amanda be in class?

BUFFY: She has an excuse.

KEITH: And that excuse would be - ?

BUFFY: None of your business.

Clarence enters.

RONA: Hey Clarence.

CLARENCE: Hi Rona.

RONA: Sorry I didn't call. I was pretty busy last night. [vampires, Bringers, a burning barn, a high-speed car chase, Reapers]

BUFFY: We really need shades over these windows. And where's Giles? Look, I'm sorry, but you boys have to leave.

MOLLY: No they don't.

BUFFY: You know these guys? Oh God. Are these your boyfriends?

PRESTON, CLARENCE and KEITH: [together] Yes.

MOLLY: Cool.

RONA: Alright.

Rona and Clarence and Molly and Keith look at each and smile.

BUFFY: This is not gonna work.

Amanda whispers in Buffy's ear.

AMANDA: They've seen us slay vampires.

Buffy thinks this over. It would be hypocritical of her to completely deny them a social life. On the other hand, the numbers of helpless hangers-on had to be kept to a minimum.

BUFFY: You three can come back when school gets out.

KEITH: Cool. Thanks Miss Summers.

BUFFY: What did you call me?

She's glaring at him and holding a mace. Keith backs up against the wall. He doesn't quite understand.

KEITH: I'm Sorry. Is it Mrs. Summers? [some of the Potentials laugh] Ms.? Just trying to be polite. You're like a teacher, right?

Buffy doesn't like being treated like she's middle age. And she's heard that Keith can be obnoxious. But as he stands there, frightened, she realizes he really was just trying too hard to be polite.

BUFFY: Just call me Buffy.

KEITH: Okay. See ya. Catch you later, Molly.

Molly waves as he leaves with the others.

MOLLY: Just because you're the Slayer doesn't mean you can bully my boyfriend around whenever you bloody well feel like it.

Giles is off in another hallway talking with Wesley, who is in the command center with Fred and Gunn. Fred's cell phone rings.

WILLOW: I'll be there in the morning.

FRED: You know? Who told you?

WILLOW: Cordelia. She engaged me in an extended telepathic conversation in the middle of my Political Theory seminar. Very embarrassing. One minute, I'm contrasting Rawls and Bentham. Next thing I know I'm mentally out of the class for 20 minutes.

FRED: What did she say?

WILLOW: In a nutshell, she's itching for a fight. When you're evil, nothing feels worse than inactivity.

Wes, Fred and Gunn are both in the same room. Gunn's trying to contact the others. 

FRED: Willow, can you hold one second? Charles, don't bother. Lindsey and Faith took Connor out to lunch. And Lorne said he had an important meeting with some high and mighties.

Lorne is in the luxury apartment of the Transuding Furies. The three sisters are floating in front of him.

LORNE: Then it's agreed. You'll do the Bronze.

FURIES: Mmmmmmmm, Angelus. Mmmm, William.

LORNE: Who's William?

FURIES: Mmmmmmmm, Angel. Mmmm, Spike.

LORNE: Oh. Ewww. Ladies, those two fellas are NOT a package deal.

The Furies look at each other and giggle.

ANGELUS: You're bluffing.

CORDY: Tell me that tomorrow when you have a soul and your skank's been flayed. [smiles] I wonder how Dru would look skinless.

ANGELUS: If you're not bluffing, then you're a complete fool.

Cordy starts to walk towards the door.

CORDY: If I were you, I would show a little more respect to the only woman who can save you.

Cordy walks out.

DRU: She's not lying. That's why you can't trust her.

ANGELUS: I know. And I don't trust her. But she's set it up so I can't lose and she can't win.

DRU: Am I forgiven?

ANGELUS: Aren't you always?

DRU: You never can stay mad at blood for too long.

GUNN: Angelus is protected as long as he's at the hotel.

FRED: Both physically and metaphysically.

WES: Unless Willow performs the spell from inside the hotel.

GUNN: Which will be a problem since it's crawling with vamps and we can't touch em.

FRED: Willow's sure she can take down that forcefield.

GUNN: But then she's gotta get by Cordy. Which is why Cordy set the whole thing up.

WES: I recall that the two of them didn't got along when they were in high school. I can't help but wonder if this is an adolescent spat blown up to terrifyingly absurd proportions.

FRED: I think there's a whole lot more to this than petty rivalry. Willow's the one person who can restore Angel's soul. Cordy knows that. She might have known Willow was close to liberating Angel's soul. She knew this fight was coming, so she decided to have it on her terms.

GUNN: But why tell your enemy what she has to do to win?

FRED: Because Cordy's really, really overconfident.

WES: Doesn't she have a right to be?

GUNN: Okay. I know we all noticed, but no one's said a word about it. How did Cordy get pregnant?

FRED: Since coming back, the only person she's slept with is Connor. [looks queasy] Oh God.

WES: That was five months ago. She appears to be eight months along.

GUNN: Anyone else thinkin' demon spawn?

Lorne has just entered.

LORNE: You guys talking about Connor? Has the lovesick chipmunk gone bad again? If so, I'm outta here faster than Suge Knight at a Crips convention.

FRED: Cordy's pregnant.

LORNE: Oh. [looks shocked] This is when I'd turn white if my pigmentation allowed for it. Jeepers creepers. Poor kiddo.

GUNN: Pregnant as in about to burst.

LORNE: As in mystical. So she's carrying some hideous demon. That's good. [everyone looks shocked] You'd rather it be an actual child? Something we couldn't kill? Something Connor and Cordy would have to raise? That's the last thing he needs right now.

CONNOR: What is?

Lorne, Wes, Gunn and Fred gasp.

FRED: Y-y-you're back.

Faith and Lindsey enter.

WES: How was lunch?

CONNOR: Awesome.

LINDSEY: Never seen anyone eat $400 worth of food. Okay, it was at Spago's. But still.

FAITH: Never seen a chef come out of the kitchen and thank a customer before.

CONNOR: What were you guys saying about me?

Lorne, Wes, Gunn and Fred look at each other. None of them wants to be the bringer of bad news.

FRED: Connor, I really don't know how to tell you this. We saw Cordelia. And she looked . . . well — different.

CONNOR: I know. She's huge. I saw her yesterday.

GUNN: Did she tell you?

CONNOR: That she's pregnant? She said it was mine. Maybe it is. Don't care. She tricked me. I don't owe her nothing.

FAITH: Cordy's carrying Connor's baby!? Damn. This really is a soap opera.

Lindsey just stands there in silence, his hands in his pockets, trying to fathom the idea that Angel could be a grandfather, or that Connor could be a father less than one-and-a-half years after being born.

WES: Did we forget to mention that Cordelia released Angel's soul into the either, and Willow will be here tomorrow morning to restore it?

GUNN: And for that to happen, she has to break down the protection spell at the hotel and we gotta go in and kill all of Angelus's vamps.

CONNOR: Cool. Gwen said I could hang at her place. You guys can come over if you want.

Connor leaves. Everyone's quiet for a few seconds.

LINDSEY: Does anyone else think Connor took all of that way too well?

Giles has the Potentials meditating.

GILES: Focus on the crystal. Become one with the energy. Concentrate. Let nothing distract you.

Giles and Buffy are quiet. There's some Brian Eno-esque ambient music on the stereo. The girls seem to be entering a trance-like state. Then the bell rings. They all are startled and look around.

GILES: Bloody hell. I'm sorry. We'll continue in a few. [to Buffy] I thought the school day was done. It's 2:45.

BUFFY: They start classes a half-hour later than when I went here. Too many parents complaining about how tough it was getting their kids to the bus stop by quarter of seven.

GILES: At least we'll be distraction-free for the rest of the afternoon.

Preston and Clarence enter. They notice the lights are off and the girls are sitting on mats.

CLARENCE: Did we interrupt nap time or something?

GILES: Very funny. You interrupted something you cannot possibly understand. I was under the impression that wrestling season was over and we'd have the room to ourselves.

PRESTON: Do we look like wrestlers?

KEITH: No, you look like gawky basketball players. I'm the one who made it to the regional finals. Room's yours, coach. We're just here to watch.

GILES: I don't know what gave you the absurd notion that this is a spectator's sport, but —

ARIELLA: Buffy. She's the one who gave them that absurd notion.

Giles looks at Buffy like she's out of her mind.

BUFFY: It's not absurd. Okay, it is, but not as absurd as you think. Only their boyfriends are allowed in.

GILES: Boyfriends? Whose boyfriends? And just when did this happen?

CLARENCE: Never seen a coach care so much about his players' lives.

GILES: Please stop calling me that. I am not a coach.

BUFFY: Actually Giles, if you look at it from their prospective, you kind of are a "coach," the girls are "players," and this a "practice."

Giles realizes this makes for a reasonable cover story.

Dawn, Elijah and Kit walk in with Eric and Prashant tagging along.

DAWN: Okay, I know we're not supposed to bring people around, but these are really nice guys, they said they knew you, and they just wanted to say hi, and . . . they're not the only ones. What's going on here?

GILES: I've been asking the same question.

MADARI: Hi Prashant.

PRASHANT: Hey Madari. Great to see you again.

ROSE: Eric!

ERIC: How's it going, Rose?

Giles is overwhelmed by the sudden explosion of dating among his Potentials.

GILES: Just so I know, who here does not have a boyfriend?

Chao-Ahn, Ariella, Fadila and Izora raise their hands. So does Buffy, sheepishly, as well as Kennedy, who's smirking.

ERIC: Wait a minute. Boyfriend?

ROSE: If you don't want to, that's okay. I mean, we can take things slow.

ERIC: No. I mean, I'd really like to. That is if you would.

ROSE: Okay. [they both look at each other and smile]

Prashant walks over to Madari.

PRASHANT: Um, I have to go to a Model UN meeting. I'll come by after, if you're still around. Anyway, I forgot to give you my number the other night. Catch you later.

As he backs away, they look into each other's eyes and smile. She gives Prashant a little wave as he leaves.

DAWN: Can someone answer my question?

GILES: For reasons I still can't quite fathom, Buffy decided that the girls' boyfriends could watch them train.

KIT: But only their boyfriends?

BUFFY: Yes.

ELIJAH: Shotgun dating. I like it.

DAWN: They're finally getting Scooby privileges. This should be interesting. I just came by to tell you that I'm going out with Kit and Eli, but I'll be home by six. No sneaking off to Los Angeles. I promise.

ELIJAH: Why would we drive all the way the LA? Connor said he was meeting us halfway. [Dawn punches Eli in the ribs] Oww. Can't anyone take a joke around here? [he looks at Buffy. She's not amused] It was a joke. I swear. [chuckles] Meet halfway on a 90-mile trip. Who could take that seriously?

Well, Buffy could, for one. Dawn hadn't told Kit or Elijah about Buffy's relationship with Connor's father. Dawn gives Elijah a nasty look as they leave the room.

ELIJAH: I don't get why you're mad at me. You're the one who brought it up.

As they walk down the hall, they meet up with Willow.

WILLOW: Hey guys. Buffy and Giles are around here, right?

KIT: They're in the wrestling gym.

WILLOW: Which is around here, right? I'm not familiar with this school.

ELIJAH: Just keep going. Second door on the right. The room where everyone's kung fu fighting.

WILLOW: How's the new arrangement working out for them?

DAWN: Pretty good, from what I saw. The Potentials have groupies.

WILLOW: And to think, I used to be the only one.

Willow walks towards the room as Dawn, Kit and Elijah walk out to Eli's car in the parking lot.

Buffy's teaching the girls how to fight an armed opponent when you are unarmed. She tells Kennedy to attack her with a sword. Kennedy at first declines. Buffy insists. The boys, who are sitting against the wall, are more than a little shocked.

ERIC: What kind of "team" are they?

KEITH: Does it matter?

He's flirting with Molly, who stands 30 feet away with the other Potentials. She starts to flirt back. Giles walks up to Molly.

GILES: [whispers] If they prove to be a distraction, I will force the young men to leave.

Molly stops flirting. Rose has started flirting with Eric. Molly taps her on the shoulder and whispers a warning in Rose's ear. She stops flirting with Eric. Kennedy comes at Buffy with the sword. She avoids it, but doesn't take Kennedy down.

BUFFY: Don't hold back.

KENNEDY: I'm not.

BUFFY: Yes you are.

KENNEDY: You want me to try to kill you with this thing?

BUFFY: You wouldn't be the first. [it's the sword Buffy tried to kill Anya with, and which Anya briefly tried to kill Buffy with.]

Kennedy swings for Buffy's neck. Buffy ducks. She slashes for Buffy's right hamstring. Buffy does a back flip and kicks Kennedy in the chin. The boys gasp.

FADILA: Uh, Buffy, we can't do that.

BUFFY: Sorry. Let's try it again.

Kennedy tries to stab Buffy in the stomach. Buffy steps to her left to avoid the blow. She puts her right foot behind Kennedy's left leg and pushes Kennedy to the ground. As Kennedy falls, she takes her left hand off the sword's handle. Buffy grabs Kennedy's right wrist, flips her so she's face down, pulls Kennedy's right arm behind her back and takes the weapon. She flips Kennedy so once again she's on her back, and puts the point of the sword to her neck.

WILLOW: Finish that thought and you'll be very sorry.

Buffy turns around. Kennedy gets up.

KENNEDY: It's okay. Just training.

WILLOW: I know. Just joking. [looks at the guys] So this is the fan club. Giles, did you tell Buffy?

BUFFY: Tell me what?

GILES: I was going to wait until the training session was over.

WILLOW: Maybe we should take this outside. It'll only take a minute.

Willow, Buffy and Giles leave. Kennedy has the Potentials pair off. In each pair, one person has a weapon and the other one doesn't. Chao-Ahn is paired with Izora, Fadila with Kennedy, Molly with Rona, Amanda with Ariella, and Rose with Madari. The boys are somewhat in awe.

ERIC: Those things she can do. I had no idea.

PRESTON: I know. Pretty cool, huh?

ERIC: More hot than cool.

KEITH: Looks like Molly's giving your girl some problems.

CLARENCE: Cause she's the one with the weapon, dumbass. Once your girl drops that sword, my Rona's gonna take her down.

ERIC: Did you see that kick? Rose just flew at her! Too bad Prashant's not here to see my girl knock his girl on her ass.

Dawn wasn't quite right. The boys aren't Slayer groupies. They're Slayer cheerleaders.

That night, Angel's friends rest up for the big fight and discuss tactics.

FAITH: When you took me to see Angel's crib today, I noticed two things: it's huge, and it's got lots of windows. We make them come after us. If the odds get long, we slip into a room and open the windows. You're the ones who lived there. Tell me if I'm blowing smoke.

GUNN: They'll just wait us out in the basement.

FAITH: They're vampires. They hunt. They never wait. We go in two groups. First group is me, Connor and Lindsey. Second group is Gunn Wes and Fred. You guys go low. We'll go high. If they come up, we kill them and go down to help you. If they don't, we just go straight down to help you. Lorne stays with Willow. You guys said he'll make a good alarm if she has any problems.

LORNE: No fighting, just screaming. I can swing that.

Gwen enters.

WES: Did you get in?

GWEN: In, around, up and down. Word of advice: give the Hyperion an exorcism before you move back in there. Or at the very least, a serious steam cleaning. Caligula would be shocked by what those vamps have been doing in there. So here's what you're gonna be looking at . . .

Giles gets off the phone. He looks very upset.

BUFFY: What's wrong?

GILES: That was Marcel. He said that two days ago Robson left for Bulgaria to rescue another Potential. Today the police in Varna found his body. He had been hacked to pieces.

BUFFY: I'm sorry. What about the Potential?

GILES: No word about a dead girl. But he wasn't the only one. In the last few days, others have killed in Japan, Australia, Pakistan, Paraguay. The Reapers are waiting for the Watchers to come to the girls, and then they're killing the Watchers but not bothering with the Potentials.

BUFFY: That doesn't make sense. I thought it's the Potential Slayers the First Evil is after.

GILES: These girls don't know they are Potential Slayers. The First wants to keep it that way. Then they'll never come here, and you can't protect them.

BUFFY: We think there's 20. We've found five. That means the other 15 are probably still spread out across the world. We need to find the four that are in town and take them out before they get backup. [Buffy grabs Giles's ax] We got Reaper guts. Willow, can you use this to do a locator spell?

WILLOW: Probably. But not tonight. I'm saving my strength.

BUFFY: Fair enough. You need it to fight Cordy, since she's suddenly super-powerful. I still can't get my mind around that.

WILLOW: Don't laugh about it. You don't know how easy it would have been for her to kill you and everyone in this house.

She means Cordy could have sicked the Beast on them.

BUFFY: I mean, you're also super-powerful. And you're acting like you're intimidated by her.

WILLOW: I have a healthy and hopefully life-preserving respect for her abilities.

GILES: You realize she's set a trap and you're walking straight into it.

WILLOW: You know of another way to get the job done?

Angelus and Drusilla look at three people who are bound-and-gagged.

DRU: I can't decide. Who would you eat first?

ANGELUS: Whoever's in our orchestra box. You still like that game?

DRU: Someone's in a playful mood.

ANGELUS: Berlioz can have that effect on me. [Dru smiles and her face lights up] Symphonie Fantastique. With dancers.

DRU: You and your ballerinas. [he spins her around] But what about the bloody-haired girl?

ANGELUS: Our enemies will be asleep at the switch. Let's have some fun.

DRU: My sweet Angelus, awlways putting play before work.

ANGELUS: Baby, life's nothing but play.

Willow and Kennedy lie in bed.

WILLOW: What's wrong, sweetie? I thought I was the worrywart in this relationship.

KENNEDY: I'm scared.

WILLOW: Don't be. I'm just going to do a favor for a couple of friends. Sure, the favor involves me fighting the most powerful person in the planet. But I was once the most powerful person on the planet. So I know how fragile that power is. I know how to take it out of her. I'm not going to fight Cordy and Angel. I'm going to save them.

Kennedy takes Willow's hand and places it on her stomach, running it over the scar where Drusilla cut her.

KENNEDY: I know how far you'll go to save people. That's why I'm afraid. I'm not scared of what she'll do to you. I'm scared of what you'll do to yourself.

Dawn and Connor sit on their beds and talk on the phone.

DAWN: Be careful. I remember what happened the last time you fought Drusilla.

CONNOR: I haven't forgotten. But I'll be okay. This time I have help.

DAWN: This time you have a Slayer. Stick with Faith. She's good at beating up and killing things. By the way, how are you, uh, getting along with her, Connor?

CONNOR: Great. She's amazing. And fun. Faith's really cool. I like hanging out with her and Gwen.

DAWN: Gwen? Who's that?

CONNOR: Someone who helps us. She's real nice to me. They both are.

Dawn's a little worried.

DAWN: So I guess you've, uh, made some new friends. Some new female friends.

CONNOR: What should we name our children?

DAWN: What was that?

CONNOR: Like, what would you want to name our son?

DAWN: Our, our what? Connor, what the hell are you talking about?

CONNOR: You haven't thought about our future?

DAWN: Well, yes. But not that far into the distant, remote future. It's just, well, see, why are you bringing this up? I mean, this is sudden and bizarre even by your standards.

CONNOR: Don't you wanna have a family?

DAWN: I guess. Maybe 10, 15 years from now. But not right now. For God's sakes, I haven't even finished high school. Then there's college. And getting a job, and, Connor, I don't think you completely understand how things work in this world.

CONNOR: But you want to be with me when you do those things, right?

DAWN: Well, yeah.

CONNOR: And you love me.

DAWN: Of course I do.

CONNOR: So isn't that how it works? You find the person you belong with, get married, have a family.

DAWN: A long time from now. A very long time from now.

CONNOR: I know. It's just nice to think about.

DAWN: It is, if you mean nice in a terrifying way. Terrifying, but also sorta sweet. I had no idea you took our love so deadly seriously.

CONNOR: I think we'll have great kids. They'll be smart and beautiful and tough, like you.

DAWN: And powerful and noble and handsome, like you. Okay. Stop. Rewind. I can't believe we're actually having this conversation. I'm glad you're committed to this relationship. But seeing how we met last week, can you hold off on the wedding plans? There's a fine line between committed and creepy.

CONNOR: I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know that I missed you, that I was thinking about you.

DAWN: You've succeeded in making that crystal clear. You really think about our future like that?

CONNOR: Don't you think about our future?

DAWN: Yeah. I think about visiting you this summer. And, sometimes in the back of my mind I toy with the idea of maybe going to college in LA so we can be together. But that's kind of about it. Mostly I hope we'll both be alive in a month or two. We don't do much long-term planning in this house. Too many worries about short-term survival. But if I do make it out of this town alive, maybe I'll start daydreaming about us being Mr. and Mrs., do you have a last name?

CONNOR: I don't think we have those in my family.

DAWN: They never call you anything other than Connor?

CONNOR: Sometimes they call me the Destroyer.

DAWN: Mr. and Mrs. Destroyer. [she smiles] I like that. Speaking of family, be nice to Angel. When he gets his soul back. Promise me you'll give him a chance this time.

CONNOR: I promise.

When she gets off the phone, Dawn goes into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She sees Buffy in the upstairs hallway.

DAWN: By the way, Buffy, that thing I told you about de-inviting Angel — cancel it. I was overreacting. It was wrong to blame him.

BUFFY: No. You were right to blame him. But you're also right to forgive him. Don't think I know many people who would be big enough to do that so quickly. Hope some of your maturity rubbed off on Connor.

Angelus and Drusilla swagger into the lobby of the hotel where Lindsey and the others are staying. They're smiling and laughing. Angelus is in a tuxedo and Dru has on a black evening gown.

ANGELUS: That really hit the spot.

DRU: The ballerina, or the cellist?

ANGELUS: I meant the symphony about a man losing his soul. A celebration of the triumph over the human spirit. Let's do some celebrating of our own.

DRU: Here?

ANGELUS: Where better?

They get in the elevator. The other couple in there pushes the button for the eighth floor. They push the button for the 19th.

ANGELUS: Dru, honey, how do you think the acoustics are in here?

DRU: Perfect for screaming.

ANGELUS: I'm not sure about that. Let's find out.

They go bumpy. The two people scream and shriek as they are killed. Angelus and Dru dump their bodies out on the eighth floor and continue up to the 19th, which is just below their enemies. Angelus wants to send them a message. They walk down the hall. Angelus kicks open a door, they enter the room and slaughter a family.

Lindsey and Faith are lying in bed.

LINDSEY: You're usually feel better afterwards. I mean, that's the whole idea. Still worried about tomorrow?

FAITH: Tomorrow doesn't worry me. It's what comes after tomorrow.

LINDSEY: I know. I'll miss you too, Faith.

FAITH: Lindsey, that's not what I meant.

LINDSEY: There goes whatever's left of my ego.

FAITH: You're missin' the big picture, Linz. There's a bunch of girls down in Sunnydale waiting for me to die.

LINDSEY: That's not true.

FAITH: Like hell it's not. Buffy's training them for a job opening that only comes when I croak.

LINDSEY: They're only with Buffy because they need her to protect them. It has nothing to do with you.

FAITH: I'm sure that's how Buffy and Giles see it. Deep down, they want some fairy tale where I make it and all those girls still become Slayers and no one ever has to die. But that ain't the real world. You can't get a new Slayer without the old one dying. They're can't be a happy ending for us. That's why it was such a kick. When you're living on borrowed time, and each night could be your last, you go wild 24-7 and don't have a care in the world. No fear, no responsibilities, no hassles. You're free.

LINDSEY: Can't be too much fun when you got nothing to live for.

FAITH: I didn't plan on living long enough to ever figure that one out for myself. That's the comedy. The tragedy is my number's coming up just when I start feelin' like I don't wanna go.

LINDSEY: Then don't.

FAITH: Not going anywhere yet.

She kisses Lindsey and rolls on top of him.

It's 3 am. Angelus looks out the window in his bedroom at the Hyperion. Drusilla lies on the bed, happy and satisfied.

DRU: They won't come till the birds start their singing.

ANGELUS: I know, baby. I'm not thinking of them. I'm thinking beyond them.

DRU: By this toim tomorrow, you'll have your darling boy back.

He turns around, walks back to the bed and sits down on it.

ANGELUS: I want to see Connor's eyes light up when he sinks his teeth into his first kill. I'm so excited. I just can't wait.

DRU: Loik a boy on Christmas morning.

She puts her right hand on his face and her left hand on his chest. He gets on top of her. Dru smiles and moans.

DRU: Your presents will be here soon enough.

NEXT: Dark Willow fights Demon Cordy, and neither of them holds back. But first, Willow tries a little magic on Gwen.


	2. Open Sesame

This story begins where "Straight Outta Quor Toth" ended. Willow comes to Los Angeles to restore Angel's soul. But first she has to deal with Cordelia. Meanwhile, Connor, Faith, Lindsey, Wes, Gunn and Fred have to contend with Angelus, Drusilla and a dozen other vamps if they want to retake the Hyperion. And they have to hope Willow gives Angel his soul back before Angelus kills them all. Kelly, a demon fighting mercenary I invented in my previous story, returns to help the good guys. Meanwhile. Gwen makes a surprise visit to Buffy's house, where she causes quite a stir.

After Angel returns, he tries to repair the damage caused by the traumatic events of the previous year. He bonds with Connor and tries to help Cordelia come to terms with what happened to her. The Gang tries to find out how and why Cordy became so powerful and so evil. But soon enough Angel has to contend with a dangerous new baddie is far too powerful for Angel to handle by himself. Wolfram & Hart does their usual meddling, while The Powers That Be have a most unexpected surprise for Angel.

When Angel returns, Faith heads off to Sunnydale just in time to help Buffy battle The First's two most powerful weapons. I've jettisoned Caleb and created two villains of my own, one male, one female, and neither of them like anything Buffy's faced before. There will be some crossover elements, as Buffy's and Angel's worlds bleed into each other and eventually merge.

Warning: Strong violence and some sexual content.

Enjoy. As always, your comments — whether positive or negative — are greatly desired.

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In this chapter Willow arrives in Los Angeles and begins her battle with Cordelia while Connor, Faith, Lindsey and the rest of the gang fight Angelus and his vampires.

Lindsey stands outside the hotel on Saturday morning, waiting for Willow. He picks up his cell phone to make a call. Buffy rolls out of bed and answers the ringing phone. She's bleary-eyed and woozy.

BUFFY: Hello.

LINDSEY: Hey Buffy. It's Lindsey. Sorry to call so early.

BUFFY: Who?

LINDSEY: Lindsey MacDonald. You saw me at the Bronze the other night.

BUFFY: Oh. Lindsey. Of course. How are things?

LINDSEY: I should have thought of this earlier. But I guess it's one of those better-late-than-never sort of things.

BUFFY: What is?

LINDSEY: Last week, Angelus killed two soldiers. They have friends who've vowed to make him pay. They're pros, so if they want to kill him, it's only a matter of time. Angel can't sweep the rooftop of every building he walks by for snipers with crossbows. However, the military does not take kindly to current and former soldiers engaging in vigilante headhunting in densely populated American cities. This is why I'm calling. I remember you said that you know Captain Riley Finn. I think if you put a call in to him, he might do you a favor and put the kibosh on any prospective lynch mob. I don't know if Finn knows Angel, but if he does I'm sure he doesn't like him and wouldn't want to do him any favors. But I'm betting he might be willing to help you out. Am I barking up the right tree?

BUFFY: Actually, yeah, you are. But why are helping Angel? I vaguely remember you saying Angel was your arch-nemesis and cut off a part of your body. Is this some sort of restitution, or are you trying put him in your debt?

LINDSEY: Angel never finds out about this. As for my motivation, let's just say I think Angel's life is worth my making a two-minute phone call. Just imagine how rotten a person I'd have to be to sit back and do nothing.

BUFFY: That would be one way of looking at it. You really like to play up the downplaying.

LINDSEY: I trust this was worth waking you up for.

BUFFY: Again with the understatement. Thanks for calling and telling me this. That was very thoughtful of you.

LINDSEY: Just thought I'd tell you in case I died later today. Cause then Angel would really be screwed.

BUFFY: I'm hoping both of you make it out alive. Well, in his case, you know what I mean. Good luck. And thanks for calling.

First Buffy asks Riley to save Spike's life. Now she's going to ask him to save Angel's life.

GUNN: Anyone find out why the cops are downstairs?

WES: There were several murders here last night. Five people were slaughtered in their room on the 19th floor.

FRED: That's right below us.

GUNN: Is this Angelus's idea of a taunt?

WES: It fits with his methods, though he seldom was this bold in the past. Hopefully they'll be the last people he ever kills.

FRED: Willow willing.

A few minutes later, Willow enters the suite with Lindsey. Inside are Wes, Gunn, Fred and Lorne. Willow wears black jeans and the black sleeveless top with sparkles that she wore when she went to the Bronze with Amy.

WILLOW: Wow. I thought only the bad guys had digs this nice. Fred! Great to see you. [they hug] I really liked that Hattusan scroll text you sent me.

FRED: Did it help?

WILLOW: You were right. There was a connection to the inscriptions on the Carian amphorae. And that line about the priestesses of Shawushka!

They both laugh. Everyone else looks at them funny.

FRED: You had to be there, I guess.

WES: You mean the one about Queen Puduhepa?

FRED: Do you know a Shawushka story that's NOT about Queen Puduhepa?

Willow, Wes and Fred laugh.

WILLOW: Well, well Wesley. You've sure gotten . . . stubbly-er. Looks like Kelly wasn't exaggerating.

WES: When did Kelly go to Sunnydale? And what exactly did she say about me?

WILLOW: Night before last. Positive stuff. About all of you. She helped out with the slayage. Tried to kill Spike. Though the latter was not part of the former. The Potentials loved her. They were pretty taken with the wacky notion of people getting paid to fight demons. Where are Faith and Connor?

LINDSEY: Faith went down to fetch him from the breakfast buffet.

WILLOW: How the little guy been since he came back?

FRED: Changed.

GUNN: And really nice.

FRED: Eerily nice.

LORNE: When I see him, I know longer think "walking time bomb." Give that Dawn girl my heartfelt thanks for Connor's personality transplant. It's like Cupid put away his bow and shot that kiddo with a bazooka.

WILLOW: That's pretty much how he looked the morning after they first slept together. Connor's reverse cursed. Perfect Happiness makes him good.

WES: Wouldn't that be ironic.

WILLOW: But happy ironic, as opposed to tragic ironic. Unless, maybe, you're looking at it from Angel's point-of-view. But, then again, don't all parents want their children's lives to be better than their own?

LORNE: Not where I come from.

WES: Yes, that does sound like a very alien notion to me as well.

Faith and Connor enter.

FAITH: Willow. Been a while.

WILLOW: Sure has. You've become good, and I became evil but then became good again.

CONNOR: Everyone does that in Sunnydale.

WILLOW: In some cases entirely within the last week. Good to see you again.

CONNOR: So you're the one who knows how to do magic without screwing it up?

WILLOW: I hope so. I mean, I hope not to screw it up.

Gwen enters. She's wearing her usual tight red pants, red midriff-baring top and long red gloves. She walks by Willow.

WILLOW: Speaking of scr –

GWEN: Cordy's place is trashed. The Elois are drowned. Looks like she's moved out for good. At Angelus's the vamps aren't assembled yet. You must be Willow. I'm Gwen.

Willow looks Gwen over.

WILLOW: And you're . . . shiny. The gloves are an interesting touch.

GWEN: More necessary than interesting.

FRED: Gwen emits large doses of electricity on contact.

GWEN: Anyone who touches my skin dies.

WILLOW: That can't be very much fun.

GWEN: Yeah, well, we all have problems. [She looks at Faith, Willow and Fred] I'm gonna split before this turns into an episode of Angel's Angels. Had my fill of fights to the death this past week. Plus, I gotta be in Malta tomorrow morning and it's, like, already tonight there now. Good luck. Tell Angel I'll stop by when I get back.

Gwen walks to the door. Connor glances at her and smiles. Willow has an idea.

WILLOW: Wait a second.

Gwen turns around and looks at Willow. Willow puts her right hand on Gwen's left cheek. She slowly moves it down her face, her neck, her left shoulder, then down Gwen's left arm. Willow gets her right pinky and ring fingers under the glove, and pushes it down Gwen's arm as Willow's right hand slowly descends towards Gwen's left hand. The glove falls to the floor. Willow holds Gwen's hand for a second or two, then pulls her hand away. Their fingertips touch as Willow lets go. Gwen stands there in stunned, breathless silence for a few seconds.

GWEN: How . . . how did you do that?

WILLOW: [smiling] Magic. Too bad for you I have a girlfriend.

As Gwen puts her left glove back on, she becomes acutely self-conscious and begins the hyperventilate just a little.

GWEN: Yeah – and, too bad for you I don't go for that kinda thing, anyway.

The men look on, their jaws dropped, their mouths wide open.

LORNE: Anyone else need a cold shower?

Angelus stands with a pointer in front of easels displaying his rather accurate color illustrations of Connor, Faith and Willow. Dru stands to his right. The twelve other vampires are seated in front of Angelus. He addresses them.

ANGELUS: Connor you don't bite and you certainly don't kill. You're welcome to kill Faith, but don't put your life at risk trying to do it. Willow you kill at all costs. As for the others – he places smaller illustrations of Wes, Gunn, Fred and Lindsey at the bottoms of the other pictures – they're the easy ones. Kill them first, kill them quick, don't hold back. We get rid of these four, the three with the power don't stand a chance. Fourteen of us, seven of them, plus Cordy. Willow kills Cordy. [the vampires smile, especially Drusilla. Angelus doesn't. He wants to get rid of Cordy for business, not personal, reasons.] Willow then has to do her hocus pocus thing. That will take her longer than expected. [the vampires laugh] Fourteen against six. Kill the powerless quartet. Any one of us can probably take out one of them. Any two of us can DEFINITELY take out one of those four. That leaves six against the power duo. Three against one. They can hold out. But soon the other four are dead. Now it's all of us against the two of them. Seven against one. They can hold out – for maybe a minute or two! [more laughter] Then all that's left is to take out Willow, and we're free. The rest of humanity will be sheep for us to slaughter at whim. And all it takes to make that dream a reality is for us to vanquish these seven people. Never will so few do so little to earn so much. Ladies and gentleman, warriors and killers, are you with me?

The twelve vampires stand up and cheer. Angleus calmly walks out of the room as the pep rally continues. Drusilla follows him out. They walk down the hall.

ANGELUS: The men are fodder, but they'll put a good fight before they go. I'm hoping at least one, maybe two of my sirens make it through. Thing is, it's a battle of attrition, and we got more bodies.

DRU: She is approaching. [smiles and her eyes light up] So much darkness. Loik an angry cloudy ready to burst forth its wrath. She will serve you well.

Willow stands on the street in front of the Hyperion. Wesley, Fred, Gunn and Lorne stand 15 feet behind her. Cordelia stands in the center of the lobby, prepared for the imminent fight. Thought the two adversaries cannot see each other, they can definitely feel each other's presence.

WILLOW: Minerva, here my call. Yanus, guardian of the threshold, I call on thee to work my will.

Streaks of blue light swirl around Willow, causing Wes, Fred, Gunn and Lorne to back up. Meanwhile, a helicopter approaches the roof of the hotel. When it is 30 feet above the roof, Connor leaps out, does a forward flip and lands on his feet.

FAITH: Show-off.

Faith jumps out from 20 feet up. Lindsey waits until the chopper is a few feet off the roof before he steps out. The helicopter quickly pulls up and departs. Faith breaks a lock and opens the door to the stairway that leads down into the building. The three of them quickly scamper down to the fifth floor. Faith kicks open a door and they enter one of the hotel rooms. Lindsey pulls up the shades on the room's four windows. Sunlight floods into the room.

LINDSEY: They put up their barrier. We put up ours. Think ours will last longer.

FAITH: I love when you scheme.

She puts her hands on Lindsey's chest and they smile at each other.

LINDSEY: This was your idea.

FAITH: Then I love it when I scheme. But the chopper was your idea.

LINDSEY: Guess it's best when we scheme together.

Connor groans.

CONNOR: Will you two get a room?

LINDSEY: We just did.

CONNOR: Save it for later.

FAITH: What, you and Dawny never got friendly in front of others?

Just then, the floor shakes. Outside, the air grows stormy as Willow strains to take down Cordy's barrier. Willow is getting frustrated. She tried the Latin incantations. Then the Greek. Nothing. She even threw in some Sanskrit. But Willow still can't find the combination. The entrance of Faith, Connor and Lindsey had not gone unnoticed. Angelus went up to the fifth floor to find them. He took along Lars, Lewis and Lex. They soon heard breathing and found the room. Angelus stands to the left of the door with his back to the wall. Lars, Lewis and Lex stand on the opposite side of the hallway, to the right of the door and facing it. Angelus reaches out his left hand and opens the door. Sunlight shines out into the hallway, but the vampires are far enough to the side that it doesn't hit them.

ANGELUS: You're welcome to stay in there as long as you want.

Angelus tosses a tear gas canister into the room, then shuts the door. The gas makes it hard for Faith, Connor and Lindsey to breath. Their irritated eyes redden and tear up. Lindsey and Faith smash the windows so they can get fresh air. The three of them stick their heads outside and are able to breathe. Connor picks the canister up and tosses it down to the street. Angelus can hear the metal strike the pavement.

ANGELUS: Care for another?

Angelus reaches into his pocket and takes a hand grenade he got from one of the soldiers he killed. He pulls the pin, opens to door, tosses the grenade inside, then closes the door. He moves to the other side of the hallway and waits. He looks at Lars.

ANGELUS: Something tells me they won't pick this one up.

When Lindsey and Faith see the grenade, they are terrified. Connor doesn't know what it is, but he can sense it's something bad.

FAITH: Get out!

Connor runs through the wall into the hallway. Faith follows, going through the hole Connor made. Lindsey jumps over the bed and lies on the floor between the bed and the wall. As Faith enters the hallway, the grenade explodes, destroying much of the room and hurling debris out the shattered windows. The force of the blast knocks Faith down. The vampires, who had been standing well to the side, walk towards Connor and Faith.

FAITH: Lindsey! Where's Lindsey?

ANGELUS: He always did have slow reflexes.

FAITH: No!

Faith looks devastated.

ANGELUS: Right now, if I were you, I'd be looking out for number one.

Lars and Lewis grab Faith's arms and toss her twenty feet to the north, away from the rays of sunlight shining into the hallway through the hole Connor made. Connor faces eastwards, towards the wrecked room. Lex approaches from the right and Angelus from the left.

ANGELUS: He's my son. Go easy on him.

Connor throws a right hook, but the force field is still in effect. He can't touch the vampirse. Lex lands a right uppercut to Connor's stomach and a left hook to his ribs. He head butts Connor in the nose. Connor falls on his back.

ANGELUS: But not too easy. Wouldn't wanna let my boy go soft.

Lex kicks Connor twice, causing him to roll over on his stomach. Then he stomps on Connor's back. Angelus walks over and picks Connor up. He shoves Connor against the wall, looks his son in the face and smiles.

ANGELUS: I'm glad you're home.

Connor gets his arms free from Angelus's grip and throws a left uppercut. It doesn't connect.

ANGELUS: Willow always comes through when it's too late.

He hits Connor's face with left and right punches.

ANGELUS: But if you're going to live under my roof . . .

Angelus lands a right uppercut to the chin, a left jab to the right eye and a right hook to the ribs.

ANGELUS: . . . you have to live by my rules.

He steps back and kicks Connor twice in the stomach with his right foot. He follow this up with two left jabs to the nose, a right hook to the jaw, a left cross to the mouth and a right uppercut to the chin. The uppercut lifts Connor's feet three inches off the ground before he collapses to the floor, his back leaning against the wall, his head drooping to the right. Angelus wanted to pay him back for the other night. With that out of the way, he is ready to move on to Faith.

Unlike Connor, Faith realized that even though she couldn't hit, she could still dodge and block. She avoids and blocks several of Lars's and Lewis's punches, the continues running north towards the end of the hall, where a window is. The window is small, and the direct sunlight it let in only hurt vampires if they were within ten feet. Lewis grabs Faith's right ankle when she is 15 feet away, causing Faith to fall on her face. He drags her away from the window. Lars picks Faith up and hurls her into the wall. Lewis kicks her in the stomach and Lars lands a right hook to her face. She ducks Lewis's right jab, and his fist goes through the wall. She runs south, towards the stairs and elevators in the center of the floor, trying to draw the vamps away from Connor. When she is about to turn left towards the elevators, Angelus grabs her. He looks over her shoulder at Lars and Lewis.

ANGELUS: You boys do something else for a while. I'll be doing her.

He slams Faith's head through a wall, then throws her on her back in the middle of the hallway. He puts his left foot on her throat and looks down at her.

ANGELUS: Of course, I don't me "do" in the conventional sense.

He takes his foot off her throat and allows her to get up. She turns to her right and is about to run south towards the room she was in with Lindsey. He grabs her neck with his right hand and shoves her against the wall before Faith can take a step.

ANGELUS: That would be the other Slayer.

She blocks his right hook, but Angelus knocks her down with a left cross.

ANGELUS: The one you never could live up to.

Faith tries to get up. Angelus hits her with a right hook. Down the hall, to the south, Connor has Lewis to the right of of him, Lars in front of him and Lex to his left. He's figured out that he can block and dodge their blows, and tries to do this as best he can. He blocks about two-thirds of their punches, which still leaves him pretty battered. But ten seconds after the trio begins attacking Connor, Lindsey comes out into the hallway.

LINDSEY: Did you vamps forget about me?

Sitting on the ground, Faith hears Lindsey's voice 50 feet away and turns her head to the right to see him. Lex goes after Lindsey, who flees south before entering a room to his right. Faith rolls to the other side of Angelus and gets to her feet. He turns around and throws a right cross. She ducks and his fist goes through the wall. Faith turns left and tries to run after Lindsey. Angelus grabs her and throws her into the wall.

ANGELUS: It would be cruel of me to let you watch him die.

It has been 90 seconds since Willow began trying to break down the forcefield. An exasperated and frustrated Willow starts yelling in Arabic. She pauses for a second and smiles. She yells out a few more Arabic words. The Hyperion shakes and a massive gust of wind blows out from the courtyard, knocking Wes, Gunn, Fred and Lorne on their backs and shaking the windows of the nearby buildings. In his head, Wesley tries to translate Willow's Arabic.

WES: Open sesame? That really does work.

The four of them stand up. Willow turns around. Her eyes are dark red. Her hair is black, matching her clothing. They tremble in fear.

WILLOW: Going now.

Willow turns around and starts moving towards the hotel. She is floating several feet off the ground.

GUNN: Is she supposed to that?

FRED: Are humans supposed to do that?

WES: Not if they're on our side.

The four of them cautiously follow Willow through the courtyard and into the lobby.

LORNE: I'm getting the feeling we ain't seen nothing yet.

When Lindsey enters the room, he runs straight for the windows. Before he can get close enough to open them, Lex grabs Lindsey and throws him into the closet door to his left. Lindsey stands up and puts his hands up to protect his head. Lex lands a left punch to Lindsey's stomach and a right uppercut to his chin. Lindsey falls down. Lex bends down to bite him. When his fangs are six inches from Lindsey's neck, the floor shakes violently. Lex stumbles and falls backwards. Lindsey and Lex stand up. Lindsey takes his stake in his right hand.

LEX: Now where were we?

Lindsey thrusts the stake into Lex's heart.

LINDSEY: One of us was about to die.

Lex looks shocked that the forcefield no longer holds. He reaches for the stake, but turns to dust before he can pull it out. In the hallway, Lars and Lewis are throwing Connor back and forth, his left shoulder hitting one wall, then his right shoulder hitting the other as his staggers south, away from Faith. After getting thrown ten times, Connor falls to his knees. Lars and Lewis move in front of him, Lars to Connor's left and Lewis to Connor's right. Lewis sends a right kick towards Connor's face, but he grabs the foot with both hands. Connor pulls Lewis down, but Lars hits Connor in the left side of his head with a right hook kick. Despite the blow, Connor feels great when he gets to his feet. He thinks the fact that he could pull down Lewis means the barrier has been broken. He blocks Lewis's left jab and hits Lewis with a left cross. Then Connor knocks Lars down with a right roundhouse kick. He ducks under Lewis's right hook and hits with a right hook of his own. Lars stands up, and he and Lewis attack Connor simultaneously. He gives Lewis a right kick in the face, but Lars slugs Connor with a right hook. Connor backs up a few steps. He glances over his shoulder and sees Faith 40 feet behind him.

LEWIS: Girl's too busy with Angelus to help you out, boy.

When Lindsey left the room, he grabbed a fire extinguisher which was in the hallway. He approaches Lars and Lewis from behind. Lindsey hits Lars in the back of the head with the extinguisher, knocking him down. As Lewis turns around, Lindsey swings the extinguisher, hitting Lewis in the face and knocking him down. Connor looks at Lindsey and smiles.

LINDSEY: Sorry to leave you all alone with these two. I was busy turning one their friends into dust.

The violent shaking led Faith to suspect the barrier had been broken. She throws a right cross. Angelus blocks it and pummels her with a right hook. He blocks two more punches and pushes her back.

ANGELUS: I guess I didn't need that barrier to protect me. At least not from you.

Faith tries to hit Angelus in the chest with a right kick. He grabs her right foot. She leaps up and kicks him in the face with her left foot. Angelus falls down, but quickly gets up, charges in and throws a right hook. Faith ducks. They pass by each other then turn around. Angelus blocks a straight right kick to his face, then block a left roundhouse. He hits Faith in the stomach with a right uppercut and in the mouth with a left jab. She lands a left jab. Angelus knocks her back with a right cross.

ANGELUS: Looks like you got nothing left.

Connor hits Angelus in the back of the head with the fire extinguisher. Angelus falls on his face. Connor hands the extinguisher back to Lindsey.

FAITH: Lindsey!

Angelus rolls on his back and sees Connor and Lindsey. He's alarmed to see that Lindsey is alive and almost unscathed.

LINDSEY: You really should stop leaving me for dead. Looks like you're as good at killing me as I was at killing you.

Angelus slowly gets to his feet and rubs the back of his head with his right hand. The fact that he's surrounded makes absolutely no sense to him.

ANGELUS: I'm surrounded by incompetents.

He sees Lars and Lewis coming at Connor and Lindsey. Angelus smiles.

ANGELUS: And so are you.

Connor senses someone approaching. He turns around and is immediately grabbed by Lewis, who knock Connor down with a head butt. Lindsey swings the extinguisher as he turns around, causing Lars to move back. When he raises the extinguisher above his head and tries to bring it down on the vampire's skull, Lars grabs it with both hands, throws the weapon to the ground and tosses Lindsey southwards over his shoulder. He chases after his prey. Faith tries to run after Lars, but she is grabbed around the waist from behind by Angelus, but picks her up in the air.

ANGELUS: Sorry Faithy. You don't get the chance to save your little man.

Angelus spins around and tosses Faith on her face. He stomps his right heel on her spine. Then he picks her up again and tosses her to the north, up the hallway, past the elevators and well away from Lindsey. Faith gets up.

FAITH: I'm not worried. Lindsey doesn't need to hide behind a Slayer. Who do think he is? Angel?

Angelus stops smirking. Faith smiles and knocks him down with a right hook. The Buffy-related trash-talking could cut both ways.

Willow flies into the Hyperion lobby. Cordy stands there, alone, waiting for her. She wears white pants and a long white blouse.

CORDY: Where's your broom stick, witch?

Cordy tosses a broom stick at Willow. When it is five feet from her, it explodes into hundreds of wooden shards. Willow puts up a forcefield around her body, and this burns the shards. She puts her feet on the ground. Cordy planned to make Willow use up all of her power in a battle of attrition. Gunn, Fred, Wes and Lorne discretely entered, kept their heads down and scampered behind the long "check-in" desk, where they hid.

CORDY: How nice of you to bring an audience.

Cordy and Willow circle round the lobby, staring each other down from 20 feet away – black Willow and white Cordy.

CORDY: Love the die job. It really says "I'm sick and tired of being a loser and a doormat." Your skin could use some work. I never seen anyone with varicose veins on their face.

WILLOW: At least I kept my figure. Which is a lot more than I can say for you.

GUNN: [whispering to Wesley] I think you were onto somethin' when you called this a high school grudge match.

FRED: [whispers] Why do people always become immature when they turn evil?

CORDY: A lot's changed since you last came here. [laughs] For one thing, Buffy's alive! You yanked her kicking and screaming out of Heaven. Speaking as someone who's been, I found the Paradise Dimensions to be really boring. I couldn't wait to come back here. I had friends I loved. People I missed being around. No wonder Buffy hated coming back to Earth. She didn't miss you and Xander. Hell, she didn't even want to see your pathetic loser faces ever again.

Willow shoots energy bolts out of her fingers. Cordy waves her right hand in front of her body and blocks them.

CORDY: My truth hurts you a lot worse than your magic hurts me.

WILLOW: I'm sure Buffy got into a better paradise dimension than you did.

CORDY: Nope. I know exactly where she went. It's not very often a dead person gets pulled back. Leaves a gaping hole. Easy to spot. She was in a lower, less prestigious dimension than I was. We all get what we deserve in the afterlife.

WILLOW: I thought in Buffy's Heaven she got to screw Angel for eternity. Nope. Im wrong. That's Angel's Heaven.

Willow smiles sadistically. She knew Cordy's vulnerabilities. Cordy merely rolls her eyes.

CORDY: Was that supposed to make me mad? In case you haven't noticed, we're not in high school anymore. Angelus is going to die today. But you'll be dead long before that happens. As for my friends currently cowering in the corner, I hope they live. Who knows? Maybe I'll help them live. I like you guys so much better than those loser vampires. Especially that goth whore Drusilla. Be sure to kill her before she bites Connor. I would hate if anything happened to him.

WILLOW: Sounds like the words of a woman who thinks she's about to die.

CORDY: What's wrong? Not evil enough for you?

WILLOW: No. Just human enough.

She starts chanting in Latin. Blue sparks flash through the air above and between Willow and Cordy.

CORDY: Am I supposed to be impressed by a witch who still plays Speak-And-Spell? That's baby magic.

A white hoop comes down on top of Cordy, pinning her arms to her sides and lifting her three feet off the ground.

CORDY: Time for some grown-up magic.

Cordelia wriggles her arms. Slowly the hoop moves up. She frees her forearms. Then her upper arms. And finally she raises her arms and frees her shoulders. Cordy gets her feet back on the ground. She holds out her left hand. The hoop falls down onto the palm of her left hand. She hits the side of the hoop with the back of her right hand. It starts spinning. Cordy steps back a step and holds both arms behind her back. The hoop levitates without anything supporting it. It spins faster and faster. Willow tries to undo the spell or destroy the hoop she had created. But her words are useless. Soon the hoop is spinning so fast that it looks like a sphere. Cordy nudges the back of the sphere with her right index finger. It flies at Willow like a white cannonball. The impact from the ball knocks Willow backwards, through one wall and into Angel's office, through a second wall and out of Angel's office, into the hallway and through a third wall, into one of the hotel rooms. Willow stands up and brushes off drywall and other assorted debris.

WILLOW: Not smart to make me play rough.

Cordy calmy stands in the lobby, looking at her manicured nails. Willow comes marching back in, moving past Lorne, Wes, Gunn and Fred, who cower in the corner to Willow's left.

CORDY: So what other presents do you have for me?

Willow holds her arms out, palms up. She chants a few words, her eyes glow and in front of her appear two fireballs: the same energy balls she hurled at Buffy, Andrew and Jonathan. Cordy withstands the energy from the first ball, though it does cause her to wobble. The second explodes on contact. Cordy is knocked ten feet backwards and falls down. She stands up and walks back out towards Willow before the smoke clears. Either ball would have killed a human being on impact.

CORDY: Got any new tricks?

WILLOW: I'm just warming up.

CORDY: You will be. In a few seconds.

Cordy starts talking in a demon language Willow doesn't know. Even Wesley can't recognize it. A piece of barbed wire grabs the front of Willow's neck, pulls her back ten feet and ties her to one of the support columns. Two longer pieces of barbed wire snake up and down her body in a double helix. When she struggles to break free, the barbs dig into her flesh. She hangs there, lashed to the columns, suspended two feet above the floor. Cordy yells a few more demon words, and a fire appears below Willow. Cordy looks at Willow and smiles as Willow frantically tries any spell she can think of to break free.

CORDY: I know you were burned at the stake once before. But this time I'm not gonna put it out.

NEXT: Willow escapes, plays around with other dimensions, and pulls out all the stops in her fight with Cordy. But what if she gives Cordy everything she has, and that's still not enough?


	3. Out of this World

Willow finds herself in an Amazon dimension, then reluctantly returns to fighting Cordy. The two of them engage in a fantastic and destructive struggle which both awes and terrifies, Wes, Gunn, Fred and Lorne. Faith and Angelus get personal, while Lindsey tries not to let his lack of super powers prevent him from staying alive.

Nothing Willow does helps her. She cannot break free from the barbed wire. She cannot even put out the fire, which she finds supremely shocking. Clearly Cordy's tapped into magics Willow is unfamiliar with, and hence unable to combat. Gunn grabs a fire extinguisher and rushes towards Willow. When he tries to use the extinguisher nothing comes out. Cordy turns to her right and looks at Gunn.

CORDY: You think I'd be THAT stupid? Give me some credit, Charles.

When he tries to hit Cordy in the head with the extinguisher, she rips it from his hands and tosses it towards the elevators. She knocks Gunn on his back with a left jab.

CORDY: Aren't you supposed to be the muscle?

Lorne grabbed the other extinguisher on the first floor and ran towards Willow. Cordy turns to her left to face him. She lets him try to extinguish the fire.

CORDY: You know how you're always getting knocked on your head?

Cordy grabs Lorne by the lapels and tosses him behind her. He flies over the desk, his head slams into the wall, and he falls to the ground in a heap. The flames are licking Willow's legs. She cries out in agony. The heat tempts Willow to turn herself into a rat in order to escape. But she knows no one there has the power to turn her back into a person. Fred pulls out a piece of paper and starts chanting. A few seconds later, Willow disappears. Cordy looks stunned and furious. When she realizes Willow's not coming back, Cordy stops the flames. She turns to her right. Her four former friends are crouched behind the desk. She walks over to the opening between the end of the desk and the wall, hemming them in. They pull out their weapons.

CORDY: You're developing a very dangerous teleporting habit.

The four of them point their axes and crossbows at Cordy. She takes a step back and puts her hands up.

CORDY: Watch where you point those things. I don't want to kill you.

Ronan, Nat and Hector leap down from one side of the second floor balcony. Alanna, Tina and Vala leap down from the other side. They slowly walk towards Wes, Gunn, Fred and Lorne.

CORDY: But they do. And since you four insist on helping a woman who wants to kill me, I'm not going to stop them. The vampires are afraid of Willow. But thanks to you, she's gone.

Cordy backs up. She has no interest in trapping her former friends. Plus, the vamps are too fast for them to run from. Lorne fires his crossbow at Ronan. He catches the bolt and sticks it in his mouth, biting off the metal point. Fred fires her crossbow at Vala. She catches it when the point is an inch from her chest. She twirls it between her right index and middle fingers like a mini-baton. She looks and Wesley, smiles seductively and raises her eyebrows. The four of them decide it's safest to remain in the corner, barricaded behind the desk. That way they can't be surrounded.

LORNE: Just out of curiosity, which demon dimension did you send Willow skedaddling off to?

FRED: I don't know the name, but it's not a demon dimension. It's entirely benign.

Willow finds herself in the middle of a green meadow.

WILLOW: This is weird.

She starts walking north. It's so quiet and bucolic. No signs of civilization. She looks herself over. The barbed wired wounds are gone. All her wounds are gone. Her hair is red again

WILLOW: Nice trick. Going home now.

She tries some spells to open the portal back up. Nothing works. She decides to keep walking north. A half-mile up is a small river. Maybe she can meet something or someone there who could help her return. She hears something galloping towards her. Willow turns around, expecting to see a vicious monster. Instead, she sees a woman on horseback. The woman wears tight red pants with black spots and a tight short-sleeved shirt with a similar red-and-black pattern. On her head is a conical leather cap with a hole in the center. Her long hair comes out through the hole and down her back in a pony tail. Hanging from her left hip are a compound bow and several dozen arrows. Hanging from her right hip is a battle-ax. She doesn't have a saddle or stirrups. The woman looks down at the red-head in the strange black clothes. Willow looks the woman over and smiles.

WILLOW: You're an Amazon!

ANTIOPE: The tunic you are wearing sparkles in the sun. And those are funny shoes.

WILLOW: You like?

ANTIOPE: Are you a Getan?

WILLOW: I'm a Willow.

ANTIOPE: Is that your tribe?

WILLOW: It's my name.

ANTIOPE: Mine's Antiope.

Two other women on horseback approach, one on either side of Antiope. Willow smiles.

WILLOW: This is one great trip. Almost a shame I have to leave so soon. Ladies, sisters, whatever, I'm not from around here. I need to go back to where I came from. I have some important business to attend to. Just so I know, you are Amazons, right? And there's a tribe with hundreds more just like you?

ANTIOPE: They are across the river. When the rest of our party finishes grazing, we will join them. Are you a warrior?

WILLOW: Not in the way you gals are. I'm a witch.

ANTIOPE: A what?

WILLOW: Magician. Sorceress. One who's in touch with the goddesses and can control the four elements — most of the time.

Seven more women on horseback join the group.

WILLOW: I hope I didn't die and go to Heaven. You gals need to cross the river. Let me help.

She puts her left hand in the water, and covers a six foot-wide, 30 foot-long stretch of the river with ice. The women gasp.

WILLOW: After you.

She lets the astonished women cross, then does so herself.

CALLIOPE: Not even our most powerful priestess can do that.

WILLOW: Say, where could I find these priestesses? You know, you're magic women? Shamans, perhaps? Someone who could help me get home.

Another group of 10 ride towards them from the west. They gallop along in a delta-shaped formation. Their leader, who is in front, races to Antiope.

MELANIPPE: The enemy's been sited.

ANTIOPE: How many?

MELANIPPE: Ten. Maybe twenty.

ANTIOPE: Nothing we can't handle ourselves.

WILLOW: What enemy?

ANTIOPE: The men.

MELANIPPE: Who is this?

ANTIOPE: Her name is Willow. She's an extraordinarily powerful priestess from parts unknown.

WILLOW: These are just normal men, right? Not super-men or demon-men? Tagging along with chick fighters is old hat for me, but I just wanna know what we're facing.

MELANIPPE: They're vagabonds, bounty hunters, adventurers, desperados. They track us everywhere we go and try to kill us. It's their obsession.

EURYBIA: If only that was their only obsession. [the women laugh] At first they want to kill us to prove their manhood. Then they find they're not strong enough to kill us. Bloodlust turns to lust. They want to sleep with us. Some of them even fall in love with us.

WILLOW: Your world really isn't that different from my own. We have women like you and men like that where I'm from. Do they ever succeed?

ANTIOPE: We sleep with the strongest and handsomest to conceive daughters.

ASTERIA: But that's only once a year. [scornfully] Some of you go to them for more than breeding.

PHOEBE: Some of them are worth it. [a few of the other women nod and smile in agreement] But we can never love them, no matter how much some of them want us to.

WILLOW: You ladies know you don't have to rely on the menfolk for that sorta fun stuff, don't you?

They all look at each other and smirk and giggle. Willow breathes a sigh of relief.

WILLOW: Thanks for not ruining the fantasy. I really must be going. Can you point me in the direction of your priestesses?

Ten men who've been lying in wait get up and attack the women from the west. They are armed with oval shields and javelins, which they hurl at the Amazons. Melanippe and nine other women turn and attack, assailing the men with arrows. Keeping their shields in front of them for protection, the men backpedal and retreat. The women pursue, trying to run ride them down. Just when the Amazons are close enough to stab the men with their spears, 20 heavily-armed hoplites attack them — ten on each flank.

ANTIOPE: They're getting smarter. I hate when that happens.

Antiope and the nine other Amazons join the fight, surrounding the hoplites who surround Melannipe's troops. With their three foot-wide bronze-covered shields, bronze helmets and bronze breastplates, the hoplites are well-protected against the Amazon's arrows. The women dismount to fight hand-to-hand. Antiope leaps off her horse and tackles a male warrior, pinning him on his back. She takes out her dagger in her right hand and tries to stab him in the neck.

MEMNON: I see you still like to be on top.

Memnon smiles as he grabs her right wrist with his left hand. He struggles to keep the dagger from piercing his flesh. But Antiope is just a little stronger than him. He kicks her in the chest. She does a forward somersault. They both stand up and face each other. Memnon pulls out his short sword. Antiope holds her ax in her right hand and a two foot-wide hide-covered crescent-shaped wooden shield in her left hand.

ANTIOPE: I assume this ambush was your idea.

MEMNON: Impressed?

ANTIOPE: By you? Never.

Antiope parries Memnon's sword thrusts with her ax. Since his large shied makes it difficult for her to attack with the ax, Antiope knocks Memnon on his back with a right roundhouse kick. While he's down Antiope swings her ax for his neck, but Memnon rolls out of the way and gets to his feet. He knocks Antiope back by striking her with his shield.

MEMNON: Stop denying your feelings for me.

He slashes his sword. She blocks it with her shield and swings her ax for his face. Memnon ducks, and the ax blade hits his helmet.

ANTIOPE: It's not that I could never love a man. It's just that I could never love you.

Antiope turns her back on Memnon and goes to help the other Amazons. A hoplite raises his spear to stab an Amazon. Antiope strikes him with her ax just under his arm, in a gap in the armor. The injured soldier retreats. The women use their quickness to outmaneuver the heavy hoplites. When the ten peltasts throw their javelins at the women, five Amazons charge after them, spear in hand, and kill two. The rest flee up the nearby rocky hills, where the Amazon's horses couldn't pursue. Asteria sees Memnon approaching. He looks very angry.

ASTERIA: Another day, another failure?

MEMNON: Which girls will weep after I've killed you?

Asteria laughs.

ASTERIA: You're not man enough. Or so Antiope likes to tell us.

Memnon charges at her and tries to stab Asteria with his spear. She backs up, then moves to her right. Memnon realizes he'll need to lighten up in order to touch her. He throws down his shield and takes his sword in his left hand.

ASTERIA: [singing] "Someone's got a death wish."

She chucks her shield and takes her ax in her left hand. Like Memnon, Asteria has an eight foot spear in her right hand. Memnon twirls the spear in his right hand as they circle round each other. Asteria leaps at Memnon and stabs for his neck with her spear. He moves to his left and tries to spear her in the face. Asteria ducks and swings her ax for his right thigh. He spins out of the way. Asteria has the high ground, and stands between Memnon and the rest of his soldiers. After three hoplites have been injured without hurting a single Amazon, the men begin to retreat, leaving Memnon isolated.

MEMNON: I'd say my predicament looks pretty desperate.

Asteria thrusts her spear towards Memnon's neck. He slices the shaft with his sword before the spear point can reach him. At the same time, he drives his own spear through Asteria's stomach and out her back. After running her through, Memnon pulls the spear back out. Asteria fall to her knees. Blood trickles out of her mouth.

MEMNON: Never fight a desperate man.

Memnon puts his sword back in its scabbard and picks up his shield. He backs away, heading up the hill to join the rest of his men. The Amazons send a hail of arrows his way, but they bounce off his shied and his armor. Antiope and Melanippe carry Asteria back towards their horses. They try to apply pressure and close the wound. Asteria manages a weak laugh.

ASTERIA: Why did it have to be Memnon? I wanted a glorious death.

ANTIOPE: You're not gonna die. You're strong. You're gonna make it.

ASTERIA: I bet you say that to all the girls.

Asteria groans and looks up at the sky. It's obvious she's near death. Willow walks over to her. She reaches her right hand down and puts her fingers around the wound. Asteria looks up at her with her big brown eyes. She grimaces as the wound closes. A few seconds later, she realizes the impossible has happened.

ASTERIA: Are you a goddess?

WILLOW: I don't think they make house calls.

Asteria grabs Willow's right hand with her right hand and Willow pulls her up. Asteria keeps looking at her with awe. The other women gasp in astonishment.

ASTERIA: She fixed me. Feels like I wasn't even stabbed.

PHOEBE: You have the power to heal?

WILLOW: Gaea did the healing. I was just, you know, the conduit.

ASTERIA: Willow. You are the most amazing woman I have ever met.

She's smiling at Willow, who fears Asteria might be falling in love with her.

WILLOW: Thanks. I get that a lot from your type.

ANTIOPE: You really can manipulate the four elements. At least two of them. Your power is astounding.

ASTERIA: Can you curse that bastard Memnon?

WILLOW: I can do things to men you can't even imagine. But I, uh, don't like to. Not anymore. I use my powers only to help people.

ASTERIA: You'd help a lot of people by killing Memnon. You saw what he did to me.

ANTIOPE: We don't attack Memnon with magic.

ASTERIA: I don't believe this. You still have feelings for him!

ANTIOPE: He's never used magic against us. It would be dishonorable. We're not killers, Asteria. We're warriors. We have a code and a heritage and a sacred tradition to uphold.

ASTERIA: I know the speech. Don't waste your breath.

WILLOW: I'd really love to stay, but I have to return to my own, somewhat parallel, dimension. Is there a Hecate temple nearby?

MELANIPPE: Eighty stadia to the north.

WILLOW: That sounds far. I'll take a shortcut.

ASTERIA: Wait. [she puts her right hand on Willow's bare left shoulder] Thanks. I owe you my life.

Willow looks at the hand that's caressing the side of her shoulder.

WILLOW: Don't mention it. I was just offering a hand. As you seem to be doing. [she takes Asteria's hand off her shoulder] I'm sorry, but I already have an Amazon of my own. [Willow smirks. Then she gets serious, bows her head and closes her eyes.] Goddess Hecate. I come to you as your humble servant. Bring me into your presence.

She disappears. Marpe looks at Asteria. Marpe appears to me miffed.

MARPE: You forgot about me. While I was standing right here!

ASTERIA: No I didn't, sweetie.

MARPE: You were throwing yourself at that priestess.

ASTERIA: I was only showing my gratitude. I would have been rude not to be nice to her after what she did.

MARPE: Do you always touch women like that when you're being "nice" to them?

Willow materializes inside a small temple. Three white-haired priestesses stand before her.

WILLOW: Get me home. Now.

The women back away and start trembling, fearful of Willow's power.

PELONIA: It's okay, Willow. Don't get mad. The Goddess told us you were coming. She commanded us to assist you.

Willow smiles.

WILLOW: I'm on a first-name basis with Hecate!! What does she say about me?

PELONIA: You need to hurry.

WILLOW: Well, duh. Don't hafta be a goddess to know that.

She holds hands with the three priestesses and they form a circle. The priestesses do some chanting, and Willow returns the lobby of the Hyperion just when the six vampires are about to descend on Wes, Gunn, Fred and Lorne. She materializes 15 feet to the left of where Cordy tried to burn her. When the vampires turn around and see Willow right behind them, they flee. Willow's wounds return. She groans and bends over in pain as her hair and nails turn black again. Willow picks up Gunn's empty extinguisher.

WILLOW: Miss me?

Willow hits Cordy in the face with the extinguisher. Cordy flies across the room and lands on her back. Willow looks at the people she's there to protect.

WILLOW: I'm sorry that took so long.

FRED: Whadya mean long?

WILLOW: How long was I gone?

WES: Fifteen to twenty seconds.

WILLOW: Huh. Seemed longer.

FRED: I hope the place where I sent you wasn't too bad.

WILLOW: Wasn't at all bad. Thanks for the breather. Now back to work.

Five floors up, Faith tries to bruise more than Angelus's body.

FAITH: Buffy spent more time saving you than anyone. Even Xander.

Angelus connects with a right jab. Faith answers with a right hook.

FAITH: You were such handful. All that coddling and babying and protecting she had to give you. At least Riley could take care of himself.

Angelus throws a right hook. Faith ducks and gives Angelus a right kick in the chin and a left roundhouse in the head.

FAITH: You remember your last night together? "Oh Buffy, please save me from that mean, wicked Faith. You're my only hope. I wish I could save myself, but I'm too weak and helpless and Buffy-whipped to try that."

Faith blocks Angelus's right cross and hits his right ear with a left hook kick. She pops him in the stomach with a right kick, but when she gets ready to throw a punch he nails her in the chin with a right uppercut, knocking her back into the wall. He sends a left jab for her nose, but Faith moves her head the left. Angelus's left fist goes through the wall. He grabs Faith's neck with his right hand and throws her face-first into the wall on the opposite side of the hallway. She tries a right reverse kick, which he blocks. Faith turns around and kicks Angelus in the face with a straight left kick, knocking him into the opposite wall. They stand there, six feet apart. Faith circles rightward, into the open area in front of the elevators and stairs. Angelus follows, cutting her off from Connor and Lindsey.

FAITH: So what went down after Buffy failed? Did you beg her? Naw. Knowing B, you didn't have to. "Angel, you must drink me." "You know I could never hurt you." "If you don't, you'll die." "If I do, you'll die." "Angel, I couldn't live without you. I'll do anything for you. Even though you never do anything for me. And I don't just mean in the bedroom. I'm a real doormat like that. I need a man who needs me like a baby needs his momma. Now stop being such a sissy boy and sink your teeth into my soft, milky-white not-quite-virginal flesh." 250 years, and the only Slayer blood you ever tasted was charity. I've heard the really tough vampires can drink a Slayer's blood without asking for permission.

ANGELUS: You're right. Angel was a depressing loser. Then why did you love him?

Angelus hits Faith with a left hook. She answers with a left cross and a right roundhouse kick.

ANGELUS: Why did you need him to save you? And why are you risking your life to bring him back?

Angelus responds with a straight right kick, a left jab and a right cross. He grabs her and tosses her into the wall on the far side of the hallway.

ANGELUS: I'll tell you why. Because you're even more pathetic, even weaker than he is.

Lindsey runs down the hallway away from Faith and away from Lars, who is chasing him. After running sixty feet, he stops, turns around and points a gun at Lars. The vampire laughs.

LARS: That's a toy gun.

LINDSEY: That's why you should be worried.

Lindsey squirts pulls the trigger six times and squirts a liberal amount of holy water onto Lars's face. He screams in agony as the smoke rises off his skin. Lindsey runs back towards Connor and Faith. Connor is going at it with Lewis. Lewis blocks Connor's first two punches and hits him with a hard right cross. Connor kicks Lewis in the face with his right foot, then knocks him down with a leaping left kick. Lewis gets to his feet in the middle hallway in front of the elevator. Connor lands a flying right roundhouse, knocking Lewis into the elevator door. He pulls out his stake and goes for the kill. Lewis grabs the stake with his left hand and decks Connor with a right hook.

LEWIS: Ain't gonna be that easy, kid.

Lindsey arrives. He is ten feet behind Connor and 15 feet to the right of Faith. Angelus, who is facing Faith, looks to his left and sees Lindsey. He also sees Connor behind him and to his left. Angelus backs up towards Lewis. Connor, fearing he's going to be double-teamed, back up towards Faith.

ANGELUS: We can afford to be patient. Fall back, Lars.

Lars races towards Lindsey, who has his back to the vampire. Faith sees him coming and pulls out her stake. With her left hand, she pushes Lindsey to the ground. With her right hand she stakes Lars as he leaps through the air towards Lindsey. Lars turns to dust.

ANGELUS: You idiot!

FAITH: What was wrong with that guy's face?

Angelus and Lewis head into the stairwell. Connor tries to run after them, but Faith grabs the back of his t-shirt and holds him back.

FAITH: It's a trap, kiddo. He's got backup.

CONNOR: They need our help.

Willow communicates with Faith telepathically. Faith looks incredibly startled and bewildered.

LINDSEY: What's wrong?

FAITH: I just heard Willow's voice in my head. She said they're with her. She's fighting Cordy, and the vamps are keeping their distance. Guess that's one of her witchy powers.

CONNOR: It could be Cordy playing a trick.

FAITH: She talked like Will. Plus there was that wicked perfect timing.

LINDSEY: They're safe. That's good.

FAITH: Maybe for them. For us, it bites. Means we gotta take em all on.

LINDSEY: I say we hide for the time being, wait for our moment.

FAITH: I think that's what Willow was getting at.

The three of them go into another room and open the windows. They take a few minutes to rest.

CONNOR: How do we know when to come out?

FAITH: I'm bettin' Willow tells us.

Willow comes at Cordy with the extinguisher. She goes for Cordy's head. Cordelia smashes her right fist into the metal container, denting it and stopping it from hitting her. She hits Willow in the chin with a left uppercut that sends Willow flying fifteen feet backwards. Willow gets up and tries to knock Cordelia down with a spell. Cordy bends backwards, but she stays on her feet.

CORDY: Which goddess are you invoking now? They won't help you. Your gods would tremble before what's inside me.

Cordy kicks the circular sofa in the center of the lobby with her right foot. It comes loose and speeds towards Willow, knocking her down. The sofa comes back towards Cordy, breaking the charred column along the way. Willow gets up again.

WILLOW: You will feel my wrath.

CORDY: Sure. Whatever you say.

As Willow prepares another spell, Cordy puts her two hands behind the sofa and pushes it towards the other column near Willow. It breaks the column on impact, and the balcony above Willow falls on her head. Wes, Gunn, Fred and Lorne look worried. Willow stands up and brushes the concrete dust off her clothes. She stairs Cordy down, clenches her fists together, yells out a few commands, and hits Cordelia with a bolt of energy more powerful than any she's thrown at anyone before. The impact causes Cordy to wince in pain. Her legs go wobbly. She tries to stay on her feet, but falls down. Smoke rises from the top of her head. She gets up, looking visibly shaken and somewhat drained. She circles to her right. Willow follows suit. They now stand in front of the stairs at the two entrances.

CORDY: Is that the first time you've used that one?

WILLOW: The first of many new tricks I'll try on you.

CORDY: And what would have happened if you hit one of my cowering friends with that much juice? They'd be a pile of dust, wouldn't they?

WILLOW: If they were lucky.

CORDY: And yet I was just a little stunned. That spell took a lot out of me. But it took a lot more out of you.

Cordy walks towards Willow.

CORDY: Come on, Will. Let's see what you got left. Hit me with your best shot.

Willow looks straight ahead and Cordy. Then she looks up at the chandelier. A few small flashes of blue light flicker near the chandelier's top. It becomes unhooked from the ceiling and falls to the ground, smashing itself on Cordy's head. She falls down. The glass and metal from the chandelier spill across the floor. Cordelia gets to her feet. Willow takes the offensive and approaches her.

WILLOW: I thought that night at the factory taught you to watch where you stepped. Right now, I'm feeling a little nostalgic. Care for another stomach wound?

Willow throws a left punch for Cordy's stomach. Cordelia looks furious. She grabs Willow's left fist with her right hand. Cordy hits Willow in the face with left and right hooks. She staggers backwards but manages a small half-smile.

WILLOW: This is about to get fun.

CORDY: When did getting your ass kicked become your idea of fun?

Willow leaps in the air and spins counter-clockwise as if she is going to hit Cordy with a flying left roundhouse kick. Instead, Willow keeps spinning. The second time she comes around, Willow hit Cordy's head with a flying right hook kick. Cordy staggers backwards and keeps from falling down by putting her right hand against one of the interior columns. Willow stays on the attack, hitting Cordy's nose with a right jab that causes her head to whiplash backwards. Cordy answers with a left jab that sends Willow ten feet back. Cordy walks out towards her. Willow tries a left hook kick. Cordy blocks it with her right forearm. She ducks under WIllow's right cross and grabs Willow's left leg when she tries to kick Cordy in the stomach. Cordy pulls the leg up and Willow does a backflip. When her feet hit the ground, Cordy's right foot is halfway to her head. Willow moves her head back just in time to avoid the blow. She throws a left jab and a right cross. Cordy blocks both of these. Willow blocks Cordy's right hook. These blows are thrown with astonishing rapidity — far faster than even Angel or Connor could manage. Willow tries another left jab. Cordy swerves her head to her right and Willow's fist sails by her left ear. Cordy quickly responds with a left jab that hits Willow in the mouth. She tries to follow this up with a right hook to Willow's ribs, but Willow blocks this. She throws a few body blows of her own, all of which Cordy blocks. After each person throws a few more punches, they realize that continuing this ineffectual sparring would be pointless. They've each thrown ten punches in less than five seconds. Wes, Fred, Gunn and Lorne ca't quite believe what they've just witnessed.

Willow tries a right roundhouse kick. Cordy steps back out of the way. She blocks Willow's left hook kick. Willow blocks Cordy's right hook kick and her left roundhouse. Willow leaps at Cordy and tries a flying straight right kick. Cordy blocks the kick with both hands and takes three steps back to absorb the force of the blow. When Willow lands, Cordy's standing right in front of her. She nails Willow in the chest with a straight left kick. Willow flies twenty feet backwards. Her back lands on the rubble of the balcony Cordy sent tumbling down on top of her. Cordy grins confidently. Willow runs towards her. She leaps in the air and does a forward flip over Cordelia, landing six feet behind her. Both women turn to face each other. Willow grabs Cordy and spins around, tossing Cordy towards the column she used to steady herself after Willow landed her 720-degree flying kick. Cordy's back goes through the column, breaking it into several pieces. When Cordy gets up, Willow leaps in the air again. She sails to her right, away from Cordy, but towards the other column on that side of the lobby. Willow's left foot crashes into the column four feet off the ground. The column splits in two, and the balcony Cordy is stand below falls on top her. Willow wheels around and stands in the middle of the room, happy with her achievement. But then the dust clears, and Willow realizes the falling debris hadn't even knocked Cordelia off her feet. For the first time in the fight, Willow looks a little worried.

NEXT: Gwen comes to Sunnydale and makes quite a splash. Angelus lets Faith and Connor know he has a few surprises in store for them. And Willow resorts to extreme methods to pacify Cordy.


	4. Gwen Shocks Buffy

Gwen meets Buffy. Willow and Cordy fight to the death. Connor gets pummelled by Angelus but tries to stand up to Drusilla. And Faith and Lindsey find themselves in dire straits.

Things are quiet late Saturday morning in the Summers house. Kennedy walks up the stairs to the bedroom she shares with Willow. When she gets to the upstairs hallway, she sees the door to Buffy's bedroom open. She finds this odd, since Buffy is in the kitchen. An unfamiliar woman in skin-tight red clothing walks past her. The woman looks to her left and acknowledges Kennedy.

GWEN: Hey there. You must be one of the trainees.

Kennedy assumes Gwen is an assassin for the First, sent to kill the Potentials.

KENNEDY: [yelling] Buffy!! There's something in the house! It's coming down the stairs!

Gwen looks up at Kennedy. She's a little miffed.

GWEN: Do I look like an "it" to you? That's even worse than freak.

Buffy runs into the living room, opens the weapons chest and grabs a short sword. She enters the foyer just as Gwen has reached the bottom of the stairs. Buffy glares at Gwen.

BUFFY: You made a big mistake coming here.

GWEN: So much for small town hospitality.

Gwen sees the sword in Buffy's right hand. She rips off her left glove. Buffy swings for Gwen's neck. Gwen ducks. She grabs Buffy's right wrist with her gloved right hand. Before Buffy can break free, Gwen puts her left fingers and thumb on the flat sides of the sword. The metal gets red-hot, then peels from the top down like a banana peel. Buffy lets go of the handle to keep her right palm from being badly burnt. The deformed sword falls to the ground. Giles, Andrew, Anya, Dawn, Amanda and Rose, who've been watching from the living room, stand there with their mouths open in stunned silence. Kennedy, who came running down and saw what Gwen did to Buffy's sword, backs up into the living room. Gwen picks up her glove and puts it back on. Buffy stands six feet away, crouching in a fighting stance, her face intense but wary.

GWEN: None of you try to kill me, and I won't try to kill any of you. That sound like a good deal?

Spike comes running up the basement stairs and enters the hallway.

SPIKE: What the bloody hell is going on? Sounded like trouble. [he sees Gwen, stops in his tracks for a second, then smiles.] Gwendolyn!

GWEN: Spike!

Spike rushes towards her and they hug. She laughs as he lifts her off the ground. When her feet are back on the floor, Gwen looks him over.

GWEN: You look the same. Then again, your kind's supposed to do that.

Spike runs his right hand through the front of her hair. Gwen smiles.

SPIKE: You got highlights. That's new.

Xander, who had been shopping, comes in through the back door and walks down the hall. He looks to his right and sees the people in the living room standing there, looking astonished and puzzled.

XANDER: What's with the funny faces? [he turns to his left and sees Gwen] Hummana hummana haaa-hi. [after staring at her for a couple seconds, Xander glances over his right shoulder towards Buffy.] Who's the new girl? [he looks back at Gwen] And why is she touching Spike?

GWEN: You'd rather I touch you?

XANDER: We-ell. I'd uh, umm, ugh . . .

Spike smiles.

SPIKE: I'd like to see that.

GWEN: I thought you one of the good guys now.

Spike has his left arm around Gwen's waist. She has her right arm around his waist. He notices everyone staring at them.

SPIKE: I'd like you to meet Gwen Raiden. She's on our side.

Kennedy walks past Gwen and towards Buffy. She stares at Gwen suspiciously.

KENNEDY: Another good demon?

GWEN: Hey! Enough with the insults. This girl's got a mouth on her.

BUFFY: This is Gwen? The woman you slept with? The one who's electric?

GWEN: The one and only.

Giles walks from the living room into the hallway towards Gwen. He takes off his glasses, cleans them and puts them back on.

GILES: What precisely do you mean by electric?

BUFFY: This.

She picks up the sword, the top half of which has been peeled back in four strips. Giles takes it in his hand and looks closely at it. Andrew thinks he knows what Gwen is. The gloves. The highlights. The powers. His eyes get very big.

ANDREW: You're a super hero!

GWEN: Usually people go with freak.

SPIKE: Usually people don't know a great thing when they see it.

Spike and Gwen flirt a little, then let go of each other. He goes and stands near the others, between the foyer and the living room.

GILES: Am I to understand that you emit electrical energy? Enough to melt steel?

GWEN: Or kill a man. Ergo the gloves.

XANDER: You can kill me with your touch? [smiles] I really go for that in a woman.

ANYA: The sad thing is he's not joking.

SPIKE: What was all that bloody screaming about?

GWEN: Buffy tried to cut my head off.

Spike looks horrified.

SPIKE: Is that how you usually treat house guests?

GWEN: It's okay. Must be a Slayer thing. Faith also tried to kill me when we met. Then I shocked her. After she didn't die, we really hit it off. That's pretty much how I make all my friends.

KENNEDY: Why did you come out of Buffy's room?

BUFFY: You were in my room!

GWEN: Had to go through somebody's window.

SPIKE: Gwendy, there was no reason to break and enter. Why didn't you tell me you were coming?

GWEN: I like to surprise people.

BUFFY: You broke my window?

GWEN: No. I opened it.

BUFFY: It was locked.

GWEN: So?

SPIKE: Gwen makes her living as a cat burglar.

GILES: You're a professional criminal?

GWEN: Its not what you think. I only steal from the obscenely rich for the obscenely rich. I'm guessing from the accent and vintage that you're Buffy's Watcher. John Steed to her Emma Peel?

Giles smiles. He likes the Avengers analogy.

GILES: Minus the bowler hat and weaponized cane, of course.

GWEN: Plus, you're a whole lot better looking.

SPIKE: Emma Peel as a Slayer. Makes me look at Diana Rigg in a whole new light.

GILES: She looked good in any light.

KENNEDY: Giles! I had no idea. Guess I'm not the only one in this room who had a teenage crush on her.

Giles is a little disturbed by the idea that Kennedy and him could have similar tastes in women.

ANDREW: Did your parents send you away to a special academy?

GWEN: Well, yeah.

Andrew looks very excited.

ANDREW: It really exists! So there was a kind old man who taught you to hone your powers and use them for good?

Gwen looks at Andrew like he's a little nuts.

GWEN: It was like a really expensive reform school. They knew not to touch me, and kept me away from people who didn't.

ANYA: But Spike can touch you. And you've obviously touched him. You can't touch people, but you can touch vampires?

GWEN: Actually, I can do a little more than that to them.

Buffy, Giles and Xander cringe.

SPIKE: It's not what you think.

GWEN: I made Spike's heart go thumpety-thump. Literally.

Giles gasps.

GILES: With electricity? That, that's just not possible.

GWEN: I could show you.

Spike backs away from Gwen.

SPIKE: Sorry Gwen. As much as I appreciate the offer, it would be wrong.

GWEN: I was only kidding. I know better than get you throbbing while the kind-of not-really girlfriend's watching. [oblique backhanded reference to omniscient Cordy watching her jump-start Angel's heart.]

ANYA: So you HAVE to sleep with vampires. Not because your super powers make you feel psychologically estranged from mortal men, but because you physically can't have sex with mortals. That's very interesting.

Buffy glares at Anya.

XANDER: But why Spike!? Couldn't you find a better vampire?

Angelus stands in the hallway with Lewis. He bounces a rubber ball off the door of the room Lindsey, Faith and Connor are in. It bounces back across the central hallway in front of the elevator. Angelus repeats this process again and again, trying to get on his enemies' nerves.

LEWIS: How long are we gonna stand here and wait?

ANGELUS: As long as they stay in that room. Remember Lew, when they're in there, they can't do us any harm, and they can't give their friends any help.

CORDY: Don't lie to me, Willow.

Cordelia picks up a chunk of concrete from the balcony Willow dropped on her head. She hurls it at Willow's mouth. Willow staggers backwards. Cordy confidently approaches.

CORDY: Was I everything you expected?

Willow puts out her right hand and tries a spell to push Cordy back across the room. It only knocks her back three feet.

WILLOW: More.

Cordelia smiles.

CORDY: Thanks Will. You're not just saying that so I'll hold back, are you?

Willow shoots energy out from her fingertips, slashing Cordy's left cheek and right shoulder. Cordy looks upset.

CORDY: You got blood stains on my Vera Wang!

Hits Willow in the face with the back of her right hand.

WILLOW: I think red's more your color.

CORDY: Well, I am both a Spring and an Autumn, but — hey! Are you threatening me?

Cordy puts her right hand around Willow's neck and lifts her off the ground. Willow struggles to speak as Cordy chokes her.

WILLOW: I'm giving you one last chance to surrender.

Cordelia laughs and looks up at Willow.

CORDY: Or else what? You'll float a pencil and stick it in my eye?

Willow floats a iron reinforcing rod that supported the destroyed balcony. The rod levitates on the opposite side of the lobby and starts spinning. It comes at Cordy from behind, striking her in the back of the head and the back of the neck. Cordelia lets go of Willow. She reaches her left hand back and grabs the spinning rod.

CORDY: Thanks for the gift.

She swings the rod for Willow's head. Willow grabs it with her right hand. Cordy kicks Willow in the chest with her right foot. Knocking her backwards and onto the curving stairs near the elevators. Willow stands up and has the high ground. Cordy holds the rod with both hands and swings for her knees. Willow leaps up and does a forward somersault over Cordy. Cordy turns and sticks the end of the rod into Willow's lower back before Willow can turn and face her. Willow moves away from Cordy as she turns around. Cordy strikes her in the right knee, then in the face. Willow backs up towards the center of the lobby. Cordy strikes her first in the head, then in the ribs, then three more times in the head. Willow goes down. Cordy turns around and walks away. She puts her hands on each end of the metal rod, bends it into a U, then drops it to the ground.

CORDY: Why do your weapons always turn on you?

WILLOW: Those are toys. I'm the weapon.

CORDY: Wrong.

Cordy walks towards the bruised and bleeding Willow. Willow tries a right punch. Cordy blocks it, grabs Willow with both hands and throws Willow through the desk in front of Lorne, Wes, Gunn and Fred.

CORDY: You're the toy.

Willow stands up amid the debris of the shattered desk. Lorne, Wes, Gunn and Fred now have nothing to hide behind. They stand and anxiously watch. Willow stands in the lobby in front of Angel's office. Cordy stands 12 feet away, in front of the elevators.

CORDY: The question is, how long before your batteries run out?

WILLOW: I'd worry about myself if I were you.

White bolts shoot out of Willow's fingers and hit Cordy for three seconds. She shakes and grimaces in pain. When the bolts stop, Cordy falls to the ground. Willow walks over to her. She puts her right hand on Cordy's chest. Glowing red light emanates from the area Willow's touching, and the light moves up Willow's right arm. After five seconds, Willow takes her hand off of Cordy and stumbles back to the center of the room. She gets on her knees and grabs her head in agony. Cordelia stands up.

CORDY: You thought you could handle my power?

While Willow is down, Cordy kicks her in the face, knocking Willow on her back.

CORDY: The stuff I've got would blow your brains out.

Cordy grabs Willow by her hair, picks her up and throws her through the glass in the front door. She walks up the stairs and grabs Willow's right leg, dragging the rest of her back into the lobby.

WILLOW: Now comes the bad part.

Cordy hits her in the face with three left crosses. When Willow gets up, she tries to leap away from Cordy, who holds Willow by grabbing Willow's right arm with her left hand.

CORDY: You'll fly when I want you to.

Cordy hits Willow in the nose with two right jabs, in the chin with a right uppercut, then tosses her in a high arc across the length of the lobby. Willow crashes through the glass in the opposite set of doors. Cordy saunters down the three steps into the lobby. She glances at Lorne, Wes, Gunn and Fred and gives them a little half-smile. She can tell they're very worried about Willow. Willow limps down the stairs in the lobby. She stands in front of Angel's office, and looks at Angel's friends, who are behind her and to her right. Cordy stands on the opposite side of the lobby.

WILLOW: Don't worry guys. It'll be over real soon.

CORDY: That is what they're worried about. But she's right. You don't have to worry. I'll protect you. So long as you don't try to hurt me.

WILLOW: They won't have to.

The weapons case, which is behind Willow and to her left, opens. The weapons float out and array themselves in a line above and behind Willow. The swords, axes and daggers hang on midair, pointing menacingly at Cordy.

CORDY: All for me? I'm honored.

Willow stares intensely at Cordy, looking very serious. Cordy appears nonchalant. All the weapons to Willow's left fly at Cordy. Cordelia puts her hands down at her side, palms facing outward. Her head tilts slight upwards and her eyes turn completely white.

CORDY: Aegios.

At the last instant, the weapons veer away from Cordy and fall harmlessly behind her. Willow lets fly all the weapons to her right. The same thing happens to the them. Cordy's eyes go back to normal. Willow looks demoralized and exhausted. Cordy smiles at her.

WILLOW: You're right. Your powers too much for me. I'm not strong enough to beat you.

Before leaving the hotel, Willow asked Connor to give her his small double-headed ax. At the start of the fight, when Willow and Cordy were exchanging insults, she placed it inside Angel's office, since the door was open. Now, Willow reaches her left hand back. The ax floats through the open door and into her left hand. Willow quickly throws the ax at Cordy, catching her by surprise. It strikes her in the belly. Cordelia screams and falls to the ground.

WILLOW: But I am smart enough.

Willow stares at the stunned and horrified Cordelia, who is sitting on the ground. The ax slices downward, cutting a foot long slit in her stomach. Her stomach opens, and a baby floats out. Dark Willow smiles as she works her magic. Lorne, Fred, Gunn and Wes are aghast. The baby boy turns and looks at Cordelia, opening its blue eyes. Cordy looks up at it and cries. Willow looks even happier. Cordelia, trembling with grief and anguish, reaches for the child. Before she can touch her baby, Willow flays him. Fred closes her eyes and turns away. Lorne vomits. Cordelia starts screaming and crying. A few seconds later, Willow snaps her fingers. The baby disappears. Cordy lies on her back. Her eyes are wide open, but she's not moving. Willow falls to her knees. She groans in pain as her hair turns back to red. Willow stays there for thirty seconds, gasping for breath and recovering from the ordeal. Angel's friends rush over to Cordelia. She's not responsive, put she has a pulse. Willow stands up.

WILLOW: Whew! Don't ever wanna have to go through that again. Let's get going. Come on guys. Time's a wastin'.

They turn towards Willow, but can't look her in the face. All of them appear to be deeply afraid of her.

FRED: What about Cordy?

WILLOW: She'll be fine.

WES: Not without medical attention. You, —

The front of her blouse is soaked in blood. Wesley pulls the blouse up to look at her stomach. There's no cut.

WES: You, but you cut her.

WILLOW: Magic. I gave her a radical demonectomy. The shock should wear off in a couple hours.

FRED: Not for me it won't.

WILLOW: Are you getting squeamish on me?

FRED: You flayed a child!

WILLOW: Don't believe everything you see. That wasn't a child. It took the form Cordy wanted it to take. Wasn't gonna look like that when it came out her. I don't know what it was, or what it really was going to look like, but I know it was going to be powerful and evil and even harder to kill once it was on its own. I did what I had to. Demon killing isn't pretty. It's not my fault if you couldn't handle the rough stuff. But standing around and gawking isn't going to bring Angel back.

Lorne grabs the bag with Willow's magical supplies. Fred take her crossbow, Gunn his ax and Wesley his sword. The three of them lead the way into the basement. The door to the "citadel" is defended by Tina, Vala and Alanna. They see Angel's three armed friends, with Willow behind them, and decide to flee. After all, the steel door's locked. Willow walks up to the door. Angelus's vampires attack Fred, Gunn and Wes from behind. Willow causes the circular handle on the inside of the door to turn, and the door opens. Willow and Lorne duck inside. Wes, Gunn and Fred quickly follow, shutting the door on the vampires, who make their way to the other side of the citadel, where Ronan, Nat and Hector stand guard.

ALANNA: They fell for it.

RONAN: Boss is probably expecting us.

The six vampires head down into the sub-basement.

The room itself is where Angelus was kept in a cage. After he escaped and expelled Angel's friends from the Hyperion, he built two more cages, and used them to hold human victims. He sealed off all exits, including elevator, stair and sewer access, save for three heavy metal doors which only he could open from the outside. Two of them connected to the hotel, and one connected to the sewers. Anyone can open them from the inside. The sewer access gave Angelus the luxury of being able to hide from his enemies without becoming a prisoner. It was insurance in case Cordy lifted the protection spell and forty-odd soldiers raided the place, or if Faith, Buffy all of Angel's friends and all of Buffy's friends came by to capture him. The idea had been Cecil's, and Angelus did not object. After the sun returned and Faith arrived, Cecil had the cages dismantled and the defenses strengthened. Alanna mentioned the citadel to Spike, and Gwen confirmed the existence of a sealed-off area in the basement when she did her pre-fight reconnaissance. Willow thought she could break in. So did Angelus. In fact, he was counting on it.

Willow set up her supplies as Gunn and Wes checked all possible means of entry to make sure there wasn't a secret way in.

WES: It appears to be secure.

LORNE: If you're wrong, we have enough people to stop them.

GUNN: We ain't stayin'.

WILLOW: You're leaving me alone?

GUNN: Lorne's stayin'. We gotta go fight the vamps. Faith and Connor can't do it alone.

LORNE: You're counting on me to defend Willow?

FRED: Do what you do best. Scream. We'll hear ya.

LORNE: And in the meantime?

FRED: The vampire will be disoriented by the noise. There's too many of them for more of us to stay here and keep watch.

GUNN: So we kill 'em before they get in here. Best defense is a good offense.

WES: You know the plan. Don't go wobbly on us now.

LORNE: Are you questioning my commitment? When have I not stayed till the bitter end? I never go wobbly. Unless I'm hit in the head and knocked unconscious. Here's hoping I sound the alarm before that happens.

WILLOW: Good luck.

FRED: You too.

Fred almost looks at Willow, but is still too uncomfortable around Willow to look her in the eyes. Wes, Gunn and Fred take their weapons and leave. Since Faith, Connor and Lindsey started from the top, these three will start from the bottom.

Willow gives Faith the telepathic head's-up.

FAITH: Time to move.

Connor, Faith and Lindsey leave the room and re-enter the hallway on the fifth floor. Angelus and Lewis stand in front of them. Faith and Connor look to their left and their right for ambushes. They don't see any.

ANGELUS: Don't dawdle. Your friends are waiting. Or, [smiles] maybe it's already too late.

Connor charges at Angelus and kicks him in the chin. Angelus staggers back a few steps into the central hallway.

ANGELUS: That's my boy!

When Connor charges Angelus, Lewis charges Faith to keep her from helping Connor. They exchange right crosses. Lindsey tries to stake Lewis from behind. Lewis reaches his right arm back, grabs Lindsey's left arm and pulls Lindsey in front of him as a shield against Faith. Lewis goes bumpy.

LEWIS: Tell me Slayer, who do you save?

FAITH: Who do you think?

Faith throws a right jab. Lindsey ducks and the punch hits Lewis in the mouth. He lets go of Lindsey. But he's done his job of isolating Connor. The elevator is on the sub-basement level. Angelus has pulled open the elevator doors on the fifth floor. They are ten feet to his right or Connor's left. Angelus hits Connor's face with a left cross. Connor responds with a left hook and a right roundhouse kick, knocking Angelus into the wall 15 feet in front of the open elevator shaft. Connor stands in front of Angelus, his back to the elevator.

ANGELUS: You're always so eager for action.

CONNOR: Someone in this family has to get some.

Connor lands a right cross. Angelus responds with a right jab, knocking Connor back three feet. Angelus laughs.

ANGELUS: That's not the kind of action I was talking about.

He blocks Connor's straight right kick and hits Connor's head with a right hook kick, then a straight left kick to Connor's chest. These blows knock him back six more feet.

ANGELUS: Anyone ever tell you to look before you leap?

Angelus smirks. He blocks Connor's right hook and left cross and knocks Connor three feet back with a left uppercut. Angelus follows this up with a right roundhouse kick that sends Connor into the open elevator shaft. He falls 50 feet before his back slams into the top of the elevator car. Lindsey and Faith can hear the thud, as can Wes, Gunn and Faith six floors below. Lewis retreats towards Angelus.

ANGELUS: Don't you wish you took your old man's advice?

Angelus's voice echoes down the shaft. Faith and Lindsey notice the open door. Angelus turns to his left and notices them. He smiles.

ANGELUS: Would you like to join him?

Lewis leaps at Faith, knocking her to the ground.

ANGELUS: Looks like it's just you and me, counselor.

Lindsey pulls out his water pistol and tries to squirt Angelus in the face. He puts up his right arm to protect himself, and the holy water burns his forearm. Lindsey kicks Angelus in the groin with his left foot. Angelus reaches his left hand out and rips the squirt gun from Lindsey's right hand. He tosses it to the floor and crushes it under his left foot. Lindsey moves behind Angelus so that he's past the elevator. Angelus turns around.

ANGELUS: So that's what you did to Lars. Let's see how tough you are without your secret weapon.

Faith throws Lewis off of her. He hits her with a right roundhouse kick. She responds with a flying right kick and follows this up with a right hook. She runs to her right, into the central hallway, and passes Angelus on his left, between him and the elevator. As she's going by, Faith hits him in the left ear with a right jab, knocking Angelus into the wall to his right. She grabs Lindsey's hand and they open the door to the stairs. They run down a few steps before they notice three more vampires waiting for them on the landing. Angelus and Lewis enter the stairwell and shut the door behind them.

ANGELUS: Guess you won't be joining Connor after all.

Connor groans as he slowly stands up. A few feet above him is the basement level. He climbs up and pries open the door. He sees sheet metal in front of him, part of the barrier sealing off the room WIllow is in. Connor jumps back down onto the roof of the elevator car. He pulls off the trap door and drops down into the car on the sub-basement level. Drusilla is standing there waiting for him.

DRU: Miss me, brother?

Connor stands in the back right corner of the car. Dru is the last person he wants to be trapped in an elevator with after a bruising 50-foot freefall.

DRU: Don't be afraid.

Drusilla puts the nail on her left index finger against Connor's carotid artery. When he tries to move, she digs in her nail a little — just enough to break the skin. but not enough to sever the blood vessel. Connor gets the message and holds still. She stares deeply into his eyes. He doesn't try to close them or look away.

DRU: That's a good boy.

She puts her right hand on his heart.

DRU: Still pounding too much. Relax. You don't have to fear me. You won't have to fear anything. Same with your Blessed Lady of the Locksmiths. Dawn is a funny name for a vampire. It can be such a sad toim, unless you have someone to help you wile away the long, lonely morning hours. You can be with her forever. After tonight, the two of you will never spend a moment apart ever again. Just imagine: every second, of every day, or every year, of every century, you will be by her soid. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Connor wasn't expecting this. He takes a few seconds to recover from Dru's disturbingly seductive fantasy. Then he realizes how to respond. If she's gonna mess with his mind, then he's gonna mess with hers.

CONNOR: You're giving me a choice. I like that.

Drusilla smiles.

CONNOR: Did Angelus give you a choice?

Drusilla stops smiling.

CONNOR: Maybe at the end he did. But he didn't give you a choice when he killed your family. You didn't chose to go insane. Didn't chose to let him take away everything that mattered to you.

Drusilla glares at Connor and starts bending her left index finger, as if preparing to slit his throat.

CONNOR: You wouldn't. I'd be dead before I could drink. You need me. Just like Angelus made you need him. You know what he did was wrong. Even now, deep down, you know that Angelus did a bad thing when he killed all those people you loved. If he really loved you, why didn't he just sire you right away? Why did he make you suffer? Did Darla do that to him? Did you do that to Spike? If Angelus loved you, if he cared about you, why did he take pleasure in hurting you?

Drusilla was certainly not expecting this from Connor, and she is not amused.

DRU: Because I wasn't ready. Neither are you.

Connor reaches his left hand into his pocket and begins to pull out a wooden stake. Dru puts her right hand on Connor's left hand before he can lift the stake all the way out of his pocket.

CONNOR: Relax. I just want to make your pain go away.

Connor gives Dru his smart aleck smile. Dru gets furious. She punches him twice in the stomach with her right fist. She wraps her left hand around his throat and chokes him for a few seconds before bashing his head twice into the metal door. She knocks him down with a left hook to his right cheek. Dru pries the door open and tosses Connor out into the hallway in the sub-basement. He looks up and sees Vala, Alanna and Tina. Dru walks out of the elevator.

DRU: Have fun playing with your big brother.

Drusilla walks away. When Connor tries to get up, Angelus's Sirens start wailing on him.

Lindsey and Faith stand next to each other on the stairs. Three vampires are a few feet below them, and two vampires, including Angelus, are a few feet above them.

ANGELUS: Faith's big brown Bambie eyes look so cute when she's afraid.

LINDSEY: Any suggestions?

FAITH: Stick with me.

LINDSEY: That's a given.

Faith leaps down onto the landing, tackling Tristan and Penn. Lindsey leaps down and elbows Gelo in the mouth. (His name's Angelo, but there can only be one Angel, so Angelus made him change it.) Gelo tosses Lindsey down to the next landing.

ANGELUS: Don't let them get below you!

Gelo shoves Lindsey against the wall. Faith leaps down, grabs Gelo from behind and tosses him down to fourth floor level. Tristan and Penn leap down to Faith's and Lindsey's level. Tristan punches Faith a few times and Penn gets in two body blows against Lindsey. Then both of them turn to their left and leap down and join Gelo at the fourth level. Angelus and Lewis walk down to the first landing, turn left and look down at Faith and Lindsey. Faith looks at Angelus and Lewis, who are above and in front of her, and glances at Tristan, Penn and Gelo, who are below and to the right of her. She stands with Lindsey on a landing that is six feet long and five feet wide. Faith is in the center, with Lindsey standing in the back corner.

ANGELUS: Think you can protect your boy toy from all of us?

Penn leaps up onto the landing and grabs Faith. She pushes him back down. Lewis leaps down and — before she can turn to face him — lands a left hook to the left side of her face. Lindsey steps forward and hits Lewis in the nose with a right jab. Angelus leaps down. While still in mid-air, with his right hand he pushes Lindsey into the wall and with his left fist punches Faith in the face as she turns to help Lindsey. Tristan leaps up and pounds Faith in the back. When Angelus tries to hit her with a right hook, Faith ducks and moves to her left so that she's in the back corner with Lindsey, who is to her left. Lewis leaps down to join Angelus and Tristan and surround their cornered opponents. Angelus is in the center, Lewis on his right, Tristan on his left.

ANGELUS: Call me a romantic, but I love it when a man and woman choose to die together.

FAITH: Not me. I like it better when they choose to kill together.

Lindsey and Faith pull out their stakes. The confined space makes it hard for the vampires to get out of the way. With his right hand, Lindsey stabs for Lewis's heart, which is only two feet away from his own. Lewis brings his arms in and grabs the stake with both hands when the point is brushing against his shirt. Lindsey puts his left hand behind the stake, trying to drive it home. After a few seconds of struggling, Lewis pushes Lindsey's back against the wall and gets the stake four inches away from his heart. He pulls the stake out of Lindsey's hands and it falls to the floor. The space they are fighting in is too confined for Lindsey to bend down and pick it up. Lewis pins Lindsey's shoulders against the wall and leans in to bite the right side of his neck. But just before he can dig in, Lewis's right shoulder touches the small silver cross Lindsey wears around his neck. Lewis growls and backs up two feet. Lindsey hits him in the face with a right cross. Lewis tries a right hook, but LIndsey ducks. Lewis's fist hits an exposed metal pipe. He growls again and hits Lindsey in the ribs with two left hooks, then knocks the wind out of him with a right uppercut to the stomach.

Faith reaches her right hand out to stake Tristan. He grabs her right wrist with his left hand and rams it into the wall. The stake falls to the ground. Faith hits him in the stomach with a left kick. Angelus pounds Faith with two right crosses to the face. Tristan adds a left hook. Faith bends her knees and props her back against the wall to keep from falling down. She blocks Angelus's left uppercut with her left hand and Tristan's right jab with her right hand. Angelus connects with a right hook. Faith responds by hitting Angelus with a left jab. She tries to follow this blow with a right hook, but Tristan grabs her right forearm and Angelus lands a left jab to her right eye and a left hook to her ribcage.

Kelly Campbell walks into the lobby of the Hyperion. She sees the wholesale devastation: the collapse balconies, shattered chandelier, bust walls and broken furniture. She sees the floor strewn with debris.

KELLY: Looks like I came too late.

NEXT: Kelly tries to come to the rescue. Gunn, Wes and Fred duke it out with Angelus's vamps. And Connor discovers it's lonely at the bottom. Plus, more of Gwen with the Scoobies.


	5. Up Against the Wall

Kelly joins the fight in the nick of time. Angelus is delighted. Gunn, Wes and Fred battle Angelus's minions on their own. Connor gets clobbered by Angelus's Sirens and knocked out by Drusilla. And Gwen tells Buffy about her Angel(us)-related adventures.

Kelly Campbell walks into the lobby of the Hyperion. She sees the wholesale devastation: the collapse balconies, shattered chandelier, bust walls and broken furniture. She sees the floor strewn with debris.

KELLY: Looks like I came too late.

She walks down the three stairs into the heart of the lobby. To her right, she sees Cordelia lying on the floor, covered in blood. Kelly runs over to her. Cordy is not responsive. She pulls up Cordy's blouse, but finds no sign of the wounds which caused the blood to get on her clothes. She checks Cordy's pulse, and realizes she's alive, though unconscious, but with her eyes wide open. It doesn't make sense. Kelly has no idea who this woman is. She needs to find the others, if they're still alive. She hears noises from a stairwell. Kelly runs to it and opens the door. She looks up through the open space in the middle of the staircase. From that angle, she can't see much, but she can tell from the sounds that a fight's going on. Kelly fears that if she simply runs up the stairs, the vampires will hear her and run down after her. She knows the importance of surprise when fighting a stronger opponent. Kelly runs up the sweeping red stairs in the lobby.

GUNN: Forgot how big this place was.

WES: And labyrinthine. I feel like Theseus.

Fred, Gunn and Wes walk the hallways of the sub-basement, looking for vampires. They open a door, enter the kitchen and turn on a light. After walking a few steps forward, they notice the light flicker, and turn around. Ronan, Nat and Hector stand just inside the door. Ronan flicks the light switch off for good. Fred, Gunn and Wes back up a few steps. The vampires stand still, smiling confidently. Fred fires her crossbow. It hits Nat's chest but misses his heart.

NAT: High and Outside. Ball one.

RONAN: Just killing. No balling.

Nat laughs. He pulls the bolt out of his chest, breaks it in two and drops it to the ground.

NAT: You think I'd waste my time with Olive Oil?

Gunn and Wes are tempted to attack Nat for disparaging Fred, but prudence wins out of chivalry and they hold their ground. Fred reloads, but Nat rushes her before she can finish. Fred backs up a few steps. She hits Nat in the face with the metal front of her crossbow. He rips the crossbow out of her hands. Fred is an alley five feet wide. To her left and right are metal counters. She reaches to her right, grabs the handle of a frying pan that hangs from the wall and hits Nat upside the head.

When Nat charges Fred, Ronan attacks Gunn and Hector attacks Wesley. Before Gunn can swing his ax, Ronan throws him into the end of the counter in the center of the room. Wesley pulls out his sword, holding it in his right hand. Hector ducks Wesley's first swing for his neck, and kicks Wesley in the chest, knocking him back down the aisle to the left of Fred. Wesley slashes again, this time for Hector's left arm. Hector takes a step back and grabs a frying pan with his left hand to use as a small shield. He blocks Wesley's next two slashes and tries a right hook. Wesley backs up out of the way. He pulls out his stake in his left hand. Wesley puts his right arm behind his back, puts his left foot forward and thrusts for Hector's heart with his stake. Without thinking, Hector reaches his left hand towards his chest and blocks the stake with the frying pan. The moment Wesley sees him begin to make this movement, he pulls out his right arm and swings his sword for Hector's neck. Realizing his folly, Hector quickly ducks and backs up. He saves his neck, but gets slashed just above his right temple. Furious, Hector swings the frying pan. Wesley backs up. Hector throws the frying pan into the wall and prepares to fight Wes bare-handed.

Gunn raises his ax, but Ronan grabs the handle with both hands and tries to rip the weapon away. Gunn kicks Ronan in the chest with his right foot, knocking him back six feet. Ronan steps forward so that he's three feet from Gunn. Charles swings for Ronan's neck. The vampire moves his neck back out of the way and watches the blade whoosh by two inches in front of him. Before Gunn can try another swing, Ronan kicks him in the chest with his right foot, knocking Gunn back into the counter. He grabs the ax with his left hand and tosses it to the floor. Gunn hits Ronan in the face with a right hook. Ronan smiles and responds with one of his own. While Gunn is still reeling from this blow, Ronan grabs him with his left hand and tosses Charles backwards so that he is on top of the counter. While he's on his back, Ronan punches Gunn in the stomach with his right fist. He puts his left hand on Gunn's chest and slams the back of his head into the metal counter. Ronan puts his right hand on the top of Gunn's head, and his left hand under Gunn's chin, preparing to snap his neck.

Behind Charles and to his right, Fred fights with Nat. He rips the frying pan from her right hand. She grabs a mace in her left hand and hits Nat in the forehead. Nat grabs Fred by the shoulders and tosses her into the back wall. Fred falls to the ground.

NAT: You're a real pistol.

Fred tries to get up, but Nat kicks her in the stomach with his right foot.

NAT: I don't mind havin' to work for my meals.

Wesley glances to his right and notices the peril Fred is in. Hector takes advantage of Wesley's distraction to kick the sword out of his right hand. Wesley still has a stake in his left hand, and he leaps over the counter to come to Fred's assistance. Nat has pulled her up off the ground and is about to bite her. As Wesley leaps over the counter, his kicks Nat in the face, knocking him away from Fred. He turns to face Nat and finish him off. But Hector leaps over the counter and decks Wesley with a right hook. Nat and Hector move in on Fred and Wesley, who are trapped against the wall.

Gunn's on his back, lying on top of the counter. He can't pull Ronan's hands off his head. In a second his neck will be broken and he'll be dead. Charles looks up. Hanging from the ceiling are several pots. He reaches his legs up and kicks a large pot loose. It falls onto Ronan's head, blinding and disorienting him. Gunn hits the pot with his left palm, driving it into Ronan's nose. Ronan staggers backwards. Gunn stands up and hits Ronan again, knocking him down. He turns to his right and picks up his ax. Gunn approaches Nat Hector from behind. When Hector leans down to bite Wesley, Gunn swings his ax, beheading the vampire and missing the top of Wesley's head by an inch. When he swings for Nat, that vampire grabs the ax handle with his right hand and hurls it to the ground. Fred hits Nat with a right cross. Nat grabs Fred's throat with his left hand and Gunn's throat with his right. Wesley gets up and hits Nat in the face with two left jabs. He lets go of Gunn and Fred.

Charles grabs Nat's arms from behind, and Wesley goes to stake him. Meanwhile, Ronan has ripped the pot of his head and stood up. He grabs Gunn from behind, freeing Nat's arms just in time for him to grabs Wesley's stake with both hands. With the stake in his left hand, Wesley uses his free hand to hit Nat in the face with a right hook. Meanwhile, Ronan blocks Gunn's right hook and floors him with one of his own. Fred and Wes quickly come to Gunn's aide. He gets up while Ronan and Nat take a few steps back.

NAT: Boss said they'd be easy.

RONAN: Boss said we'd have backup.

Nat and Ronan leave to find that backup.

Upstairs, Faith and Lindsey are cornered, outnumbered and exhausted. They can't escape from the trap. If Faith pushes Tristan away, Angelus keeps her from breaking free. If she pushes Angelus away, Tristan keeps her against the wall. And even if she did kill Tristan, Penn and Gelo, who stand below her, could take his place. Lindsey is doing all he can to keep Lewis from killing him. They've been up against the wall for 20 seconds, but it feels like a lot longer. Kelly looks through the stairwell window on the fourth floor and sees two vampires with their backs to her. They are intently watching the fighting going on a few feet above them. She quickly opens the door with her right hand and stakes Penn in the back with her left as she steps into the stairwell. Penn turns to dust as the door slams shut. Gelo turns to his right and sees Kelly.

KELLY: Am I interrupting something?

Gelo charges Kelly. She backs up until she is against the side wall. Gelo throws a right hook. Kelly ducks, grabs Gelo's right arm and tosses him down the flight of stairs to her right. When Gelo stands up, he leaps over the railing and falls down the gap in the middle of the stairwell. Tristan hears the commotion and leaps down to the fourth floor level. He sees Kelly, a pile of dust and neither of his vampires. He too leaps over the railing. She runs over to the other side of the landing, turns right and looks up to see Faith and Lindsey. With Tristan gone, they turn to their right and leap down to Kelly's level. Angelus and Lewis turn to their left and look down at Lindsey, Faith and Kelly. Angelus turns to his right and looks at Lewis.

ANGELUS: Help them regroup.

Lewis leaps down to ground level, joining Gelo and Tristan. Kelly looks at Faith and Lindsey. 

KELLY: Sorry I'm late.

ANGELUS: I'm not. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. So you couldn't stay away from me. I'm gonna have fun with you.

Angelus also leaps down into the gap in the middle of the stairs and rejoins Lewis, Tristan and Gelo at ground level. The four of them head to the sub-basement to make life very precarious for Gunn, Fred and Wes.

FAITH: Damn Kel, am I glad to see you crashin' this party.

LINDSEY: You're a real sight for sore eyes.

KELLY: From the looks of it, I'd say you mean it. You guys look pretty thrashed

FAITH: 'Nuff talk. Let's motor. I'll fill you in on the way.

Faith starts bounding down the stairs. Kelly and Lindsey follow. Faith explains what's happening as she races down. By the time they've reached the ground floor, she's figured out how to fit Kelly into her battle plan.

GWEN: So you're an ex-demon. Now I know where I've seen your name before. You must be the Anya from Sunnydale who wanted to pay a million bucks to get back her necklace from a parallel dimension. I saw a notice about that three years ago.

XANDER: What!! We were dating three years ago. You were living with me!

ANYA: Our relationship was in a rut. I didn't know if you were committed to me. You didn't know if you were committed to me.

BUFFY: Where were you going to get a million dollars?

ANYA: Once I became a Vengeance Demon again, I planned to plunder my victims.

GWEN: There are a couple guys who do that type of work. But they won't even think of bending the temporal folds for less than eight figures.

XANDER: I don't believe this! You were looking for a way out right behind my back.

ANYA: Only for a few weeks. But I resolved my doubts, unlike some of us who repressed them and bottled them up until they exploded at the very bitter end.

Andrew changes the subject by reaching his right hand towards Gwen's neck. When his index finger is within an inch from her skin, a spark shoots out from her into Andrew.

ANDREW: Oww!!!

He sits back down and shakes his right hand. Everyone looks at him like he's a four year-old who touched a hot stove even after his parents told him not to.

GWEN: What part of "touch me, you die" don't you understand?

Spike puts his right hand on the back of Gwen's neck.

SPIKE: Andrew's just too bloody curious for his own good. Also, he's expendable. So even if you did accidentally kill him –

Buffy, Dawn, Xander and Giles glare at Spike.

SPIKE: What the bloody hell! Only Anya gets to tell the brutal truth around her?

GWEN: I would have brought him back. Done it before when people accidentally touched me. But I've never had to do it to someone who knew better.

ANYA: Andrew's here because he has a knack for doing stupid things when he should have known better.

ANDREW: I'm on a mission of redemption. I used to be a super-criminal. As part of my plan to take over Sunnydale, I became a master of the nefarious arts. I even masterminded a major jewel heist. You might have heard about it, since you are in the business.

GWEN: Sorry. Don't know of any major scores in this town.

ANDREW: We froze a security guard.

GWEN: That was here? [laughs] That was you?

ANDREW: The freeze-ray was my idea.

GWEN: I knew that had to be an amateur job. A pro would never attract that much attention. It's bad business to get your work in the papers. Makes the goods too hot to fence. Even when they're only semi-precious.

ANDREW: Semi-precious!? That diamond was worth a quarter of a million dollars!

GWEN: Like I said – too cheap for the museum to bother to protect, too cheap for someone like me to bother trying to steal.

DAWN: What was that thing Angel tried to steal worth?

GILES: The Axis of Pythia is a priceless antiquity.

GWEN: Not priceless. Pricey. To the tune of 33 mil. Angel said he just wanted to borrow it to find the woman he loved.

BUFFY: Angel told you he loved Cordelia?

GWEN: I'm gonna stay outta this crazy love rhombus. I don't know Angel well enough to answer that. Only time I saw them together, they were bickering like an old married couple. Course by then she was evil.

XANDER: Just out of curiosity, what was evil demon Cordy like?

GWEN: A real first class bitch. Unbelievably catty. Made snide comments and insulted me whenever she got the chance.

BUFFY: Sounds like the same old human Cordy to me. Obviously Angel couldn't have loved her and missed her that much if he kissed you while he was searching for her.

GWEN: Vampires tend to do that when I touch them. Unless they're evil.

GILES: Spike was evil when you [shudder] touched him.

Gwen rubs Spikes' right thigh with her left hand.

GWEN: Spike was a sweetie.

SPIKE: No I wasn't. [under his breath] You're embarrassing me.

GWEN: Why? You don't think they've seen past your bad boy facade?

XANDER: It wasn't a facade back then. Spike killed people.

GWEN: Spike didn't kill anyone during the [smirks] two days and three nights that I knew him. I didn't see that side of his personality. To me, he was a nice guy. Everyone always treated me like a freak. Spike treated me like a person.

DAWN: I totally get your point. Spike used to be the same way with me. [Dawn looks a little worried when she realizes her comment could be disturbingly misinterpreted.] I mean, in a totally Platonic, non-touching way.

GWEN: I should hope so. Spike was a predator, but I assumed he wasn't THAT kind of predator. What I meant to add was, Spike was the only guy who treated me like a human being before I met Angel.

XANDER: Speaking of those kinds of predators.

Xander couldn't resist the chance for a cheap, insensitive Angel dig. Buffy glares at him. The reference goes over Gwen's head.

GILES: Was it Angel who inspired you to fight evil?

GWEN: Yeah. By attacking me after he'd gone bad. I wasn't fighting evil so much as I was fighting off evil.

XANDER: That's pretty much how it started for all of us.

GWEN: So I decided it would be best if I wasn't alone the next time I fought a vampire.

GILES: You're telling me you fought Angelus alone and emerged unscathed?

GWEN: There were scathes. A bruise or two. Guess on that night he was looking for something that wouldn't put up too much of a fight. He was different the next time. Lucky for me, by then I had Faith on my side.

BUFFY: Faith took you patrolling?

GWEN: More like I took her clubbing and we staked like 15 or 20 vamps along the way. The best was this one place where the vampires sealed the exits so they could massacre everyone inside. Faith comes in through the front window. I break in through the back. Minute or two later all the demons are dust. Joint goes wild for us. Guys sure love it when you save their lives.

RONA: You're preaching to the choir.

Rona looks at Amanda. The Potentials laugh.

XANDER: I'm guessing the men would have paid attention to you and Faith even if the two of you weren't slaying vampires. Especially if you were dressed like you are now and Faith was dressed like, well, Faith.

BUFFY: You two are eerily color-coordinated.

GWEN: Vampires seem to like glam. Easier to reel them in than to chase them down. Speaking of glam, after we left that place the two of us ran into Drusilla and her three vampettes. And those chicks could fight better than any of the guy vamps we dusted that night. Things got pretty fierce, but they all ran away before Faith could dust any of the vampettes. Then it was back to clubbing and staking. Couple hours later, we're heading back home, and Angelus is outside waiting for us. He's cocky like before, but this time he could back it up. Hurt me worse than the first time we fought. Gave Faith some trouble, too. Guess he's streaky when he's evil, and that was one of his good nights. Unlike the next night, when he got his butt whipped by Connor.

ANDREW: The son vanquished the father? [Andrew imagines the ending of "Empire Strikes Back," except with Luke winning.]

BUFFY: That's impossible. Connor can't take Angel.

GWEN: They took each other. I saw them both afterwards, and Connor gave as good as he got. Don't think daddy was expecting such a hard fight. Kid's got guts.

DAWN: How bad was Connor hurt?

GWEN: Real bad. But he was happy. Like he knew he proved something to the old man. Course he was good as new the next morning.

DAWN: You talked to him?

GWEN: Quite a bit. We get along great. Same with Connor and Faith. Three of us hung out at my place yesterday.

Dawn looks worried.

DAWN: Connor spent the day alone with the two of you?

GWEN: Just the afternoon. And why are you so - ? Wait a sec. [pauses for a moment, takes a good look at her interrogator, smiles] You must be the amazing Dawn.

DAWN: Well, yes. [chagrined smile] Except of course for the amazing part. Certainly never been called that before. Wow. Thanks. [her look goes from happy to worried] Unless you were being sarcastic. Were you?

GWEN: No joke. Connor's always going on and on about how great you are, how much he misses you. You really put the whammy on that boy.

Connor lies on his back. To his right are Alanna and Vala. To his left is Tina. When Tina tries to kick him, Connor grabs her foot and pulls her down. He rolls to his left and stands up. Alanna and Vala charge. He hits Alanna with a right hook kick and Vala with a left roundhouse kick. Tina gets up and kicks Connor in the chest. He backs up a few steps. Tina charges and throws a right cross. Connor blocks it, but Vala grabs his right arm and Alanna his left. They turn Connor's body 90 degrees counter-clockwise and slam his back against the wall. Connor kicks his right foot out towards Tina, who steps back out of the way.

ALANNA: Don't play too rough, T. Wouldn't wanna mess up that pretty face.

Alanna licks the left side of Connor's face and Vala licks the right. Connor cringes and tries to free his arms, but can't. When they're done, Tina hits Connor's right eye with a left hook.

TINA: Way he heals, junior should be good as new in no time. Boy was built to be abused.

Connor brings both legs up and brings them together in a scissors motion, hitting both sides of Tina's head. He brings them back to the ground and turns his head to his right, towards Vala. Her right hand is caressing his right shoulder. He bites her fingers. She pulls her right hand off of his right arm. Now he can move his elbow. Connor thrusts his right elbow back through the drywall. Tina kicks Connor in the stomach and the face, but he it doesn't distract him. Once Connor's right elbow is bent, he has enough leverage to push Vala's left hand off of his right arm. After freeing his right arm, Connor kicks Tina in the face with his right foot, then turns to his left and hits Alanna in the face with a right hook, freeing his left arm from her grasp. Connor turns back towards Vala and tries to hit her with a left hook. She backs up out of the way, grabs Connor's left arm and spins him clockwise ninety degrees so he is facing the wall. Vala puts her left hand behind Connor's head and pushes it through the wall. He hits her with his right elbow. When he gets his face out of the drywall, Connor turns and knocks Tina down with a flying right hook kick. Alanna attacks and he throws her over his shoulder. Then he grabs Alanna and tosses her face-first into the other wall in the hallway. The three vampires are now in front of him: Alanna to his left, Vala directly in front and Tina to his right. Connor tries to hit Vala in the face with a right kick. She backs up out of the way. Tina hits Connor in the right temple with a left hook kick. At the same time, Alanna hits Connor in the left temple with a right hook kick. The simultaneous blows daze Connor, but he stays on his feet. Connor blocks Alanna's right hook with his left arm and blocks Tina's left hook with his right arm. Vala leaps at Connor and tries to kick him in the chin. Connor does a backflip to get out of the way. He tries to hit Vala in the face with a left kick, but she ducks and sweeps his right leg out. Alanna tries to kick Connor in the ribs while he's on his back. Connor grabs her right foot and pulls it up, sending her to the ground. When Connor turns to his left and tries to get up, Tina kicks him in the right side of his skull. He rolls on his side. Alanna kicks Connor in the spine. Connor rolls over onto his back and tries to vault to his feet. No soon do his feet hit the ground than Vala clobbers Connor with a right hook. He spins around and falls on his face. The women look down at Connor and smile.

VALA: Pretty AND tough.

TINA: Just like us.

ALANNA: He'll fit right in.

The three of them walk away. Connor sits up. Alanna glances back at him.

ALANNA: Sweet dreams.

They disappear around the corner. Connor stands up. Behind him is Drusilla. Before Connor realizes this, she puts him in a sleeper hold. Dru places her mouth near his left ear.

DRU: It's for the best, my darling deadly boy.

Connor struggles, but can't break free. Within 15 seconds, he's passed out. Dru lets go and Connor falls to the ground. She walks away, in the opposite direction of the other female vampires.

Kelly knocks on the metal door in the basement.

KELLY: You're in there, right Lorne? It's me, Kelly. Right. You need me to give a positive ID. One sec. [she thinks tries to think of what to sing] Okay. Here goes. "It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees. They're putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace. Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on. But it don't snow here, it stays pretty green -"

Lorne turns the circular handle and opens the door. Kelly walks in and he quickly closes it.

KELLY: Thanks for stopping me before I got to the high notes. But I guess you're used to lousy singing.

LORNE: Don't sell yourself short. That was very good. And it's always nice to hear someone take a stab at Joni Mitchell.

KELLY: Faith thought you could use some backup.

WILLOW: Kelly! Short time no see. Didn't know you'd be making a guest appearance.

KELLY: What can I tell ya. Got the day off. Had nothing better to do that risk my life. Speaking of which, there's a comatose woman in the lobby.

WILLOW: I know. I put her. She's Cordy.

KELLY: The one who made the sun disappear and took Angel's soul?

WILLOW: I had to put her out of the way. She'll be okay in a couple hours. No need to worry.

KELLY: I'll take your word on that. Right now I'm much more worried about all the vampires who are trying to kill us.

Kelly starts checking all possible means of access to make sure the room is secure. Willow finishes setting up her supplies and is about to begin her spell.

Alanna, Tina and Vala meet up with Ronan, Lewis and Tristan. They each smile and kiss their men.

ALANNA: Did you miss me?

RONAN: Like I'd miss my left arm.

Alanna runs her right hand down Ronan's left arm, then take his left hand. Tina takes Lewis's hand and Vala takes Tristan's.

VALA: Time to party.

TINA: I smell fear somewhere near.

TRISTAN: They must still be alone.

LEWIS: Let's keep it that way.

The six of them snake through the sub-basement hallways; smiling, confident, giddy with anticipation as they track Wes, Gunn and Fred. In another part of the basement, Angelus meets up with Dru.

DRU: He sleeps loik an angel. [giggles] 

ANGELUS: You've always had a way with children.

DRU: Shall I join the girls?

ANGELUS: Maybe layer. First, let's kill all the lawyers.

DRU: Just wot your mummy said.

Dru grins and walks in one direction. Angelus walks in the other. He goes bumpy.

ANGELUS: I'll take care of the witch.

NEXT: The fighting gets desperate on all fronts as Angelus keeps his enemies isolated and overmatched.


	6. Hotel Angelus

Angelus gets his chance to take out Willow and Kelly. Meanwhile, Wes and Gunn find themselves outnumbered, isolated and fighting in the face of seemingly hopeless odds.

Separated from the others in an unfamiliar building, Faith and Lindsey quickly get lost in the sub-basement. They snake through the narrow hallways and kitchen corridors. Faith hears sounds of a struggle in the distance to their left. They walk to the end of the hallway and turn left. In front of Faith is Nat. Lindsey turns and notices that to his left, coming up behind them, is Gelo.

GELO: Well lookie here. If it isn't the distressed damsel.

NAT: And his girl.

Wes, Gunn and Fred worry that they are missing the fight. They haven't seen Faith or Connor. Or Angelus or Drusilla, for that matter. They decide to go up the stairs and head to wherever the action is. When they are 30 feet from the stairwell, Lewis, Tina, Tristan and Vala come round the corner and appear before them. The two couples are smiling and holding hands like they haven't a care in the world. Their human adversaries appear to be anything but care-free. They huddle together and point their weapons at the oncoming vampires. Vala looks behind her at the door to the stairwell.

VALA: Were you nice people trying to get away?

TINA: Apparently you're not familiar with the hotel rules.

As the four vampires move forward, Gunn, Wes and Fred retreat.

TRISTAN: You can check out any time you like.

RONAN: But you can never leave.

Ronan's voice echoes down the corridor. The six vampires laugh. Wes, Gunn and Fred look behind them, and see Ronan and Alanna coming at them from the other end of the hallway. In a six foot-wide hallway, they will be easily trapped. They turn around and run in the direction of Ronan and Alanna, looking for a way out. Fred spots a door to their left and opens it. It's a storage closet. Fifteen feet down and to their right, Gunn spots a double-door. This looks more promising. The vampires are closing fast. Gunn tries to kick it open, but fails. Wesley tries next, but also fails. Gunn raises his ax. Fred grabs the raised ax handle with her left hand. With her right hand, she twists the doorknob and opens the door. Wes and Gunn look chagrined. The three of them enter and flip on the lights. They're in a room that is 60 feet long, 40 feet wide and nearly 20 feet tall.

GUNN: Ain't this that old ballroom?

FRED: Don't look so old.

WES: Evidently Angelus has put it back into service. Though for a vampire hangout it's surprisingly clean.

The two doors open inward, and the six vampires enter.

ALANNA: Master hates it when we get blood on the carpet.

LEWIS: Course if it's your blood, I'm guessin' he won't mind.

Faith and Lindsey are cornered. She faces west. Nat is six feet in front of her. Lindsey faces south. Gelo is five feet in front of him.

FAITH: Only two. This shouldn't take long.

Faith tries right and left punches. Nat backs out of the way. She tries a right kick to his face, but he keeps backpedalling. She looks over her shoulder and sees Lindsey 15 feet behind her. Nat exploits her distraction and lands a left hook kick to the right side of her jaw. Faith floors Nat with a quick left roundhouse to the head.

Lindsey hits Gelo with a right hook, then a left cross. Gelo responds by landing a right hook. Lindsey backs up into the corner, his back against one wall and his left shoulder against the other. He kicks Gelo in the stomach with his right foot. Gelo throws a left hook. Lindsey ducks, and Gelo's fist hits the wall to Lindsey's left. Lindsey lands a right uppercut to Gelo's chin. The vampire belts Lindsey in the stomach with a right uppercut. Out of the corner of his left eye, he sees Faith approaching. When Faith attempts a leaping right kick, Gelo ducks and Faith slams feet-first into the wall to Lindsey's left and tumbles down to the ground. He helps her up. She takes a left jab from Gelo, then hits him with a left jab and a right hook, knocking him back several steps. She turns to her right and nails Nat in the nose with a left cross, following this up with a straight right kick to his chin.

LINDSEY: What was that for? I didn't need your help yet.

Faith stands right in front of Lindsey, in the middle of the hall where it turns the corner, waiting for the next attack. When it comes, she hits Gelo with a left jab. A fraction of a second later, she hits Nat with a right jab, then a left kick. Lindsey knocks Gelo back with a right hook.

LINDSEY: Point taken. Better early than never.

Faith turns to her left and knocks Gelo down with a right hook kick to the left side of his head. Then she turns to her right and hits Nat with a straight left kick. He responds with a right cross. Faith grabs Nat and tosses him to her left, so that both vampires are now coming at them from the south.

Wes, Gunn and Fred back up. They notice an emergency exit behind them and to their left. The vampires notice them noticing. The male vampires are bumpy, while the female vampires have on their human faces.

TINA: Think you can beat us to that door?

WES: I must say, I find it very gallant of you gentlemen to accompany your ladies while they're hunting for your replacements.

Wes is on the right, with Fred in the center and Charles to her left. Vala and Tristan are in front of Wes, Alanna and Ronan are in front of Fred and Tina and Lewis are in front of Gunn. Wesley gives Vala a flirtatious smile and raises his eyebrows. Fred thinks that either Wesley's taken leave of his senses or he really does like his women evil. At first Gunn is shocked. Then he notices how Tina is looking him over, and he realizes what Wesley's up to. The male vampires give their female counterparts suspicious looks. Tristan sees hunger in Vala's eyes. He knows she wants Wesley for more than a meal. Tristan charges Wesley and leaps at him. Wesley stands still, his arms at his side, his sword in his right hand, its point facing the floor. He waits until Tristan is in mid-air and halfway towards him before he raises his sword. Wes swings and beheads Tristan a few hundredths of a second before Tristan's right fist slams into Wesley's face. The blow connects before Tristan turns to dust, and it knocks Wesley down. He leans against the back wall, looks up and sees Vala.

VALA: This mean you want me all to yourself?

WES: No. It means chivalry always gets you killed.

While still sitting on the ground, Wesley swings the sword in his right hand for Vala's knees. She does a backflip to avoid the blade. Wesley stands up. Vala kicks him in the chin, knocking Wes back into the wall.

VALA: Dusting Tris makes sense. Way I hear it, you're don't stand up too well to competition.

Wesley swings for her neck. Vala does a backwards handspring. When Wesley steps towards her, Vala sends a right hook kick towards his stomach before he can swing his sword. Wesley spins around clockwise to avoid the blow. Meanwhile, Vala spins counter-clockwise. When Wesley comes back around swinging his sword, Vala kicks it out of his hands with a left roundhouse.

VALA: Don't see Little Miss Longhorn worrying about your fate.

Wesley glances to his left and sees Fred near Gunn on the other side of the room. Vala kicks him in the stomach with her right foot and punches him in the jaw with a left hook, knocking Wesley on his back. Vala gets on top of him and goes bumpy.

VALA: Made you look.

On the other side of the room, Lewis charges Gunn. Charles swings his ax and Lewis swerves his head back out of the way. The vampire throws a left jab, which Gunn leans back to avoid. He hits Lewis in the forehead with the blunt top end of his ax, knocking him back a step. In the center of the room, Alanna and Ronan approach Fred. She retreats leftward, towards Gunn. Fred fires her crossbow at Tina. The bolt sails past Gunn's right shoulder and hits Tina just under the sternum, about an inch too low. Tina looks down at the wound. She pulls the bolt out, snaps it in two and looks at Fred.

TINA: Guess you'd rather save his skin than your own. Suit yourself.

Gunn steps forward and hits Tina in the nose with a right jab. She knocks him down with a flying right roundhouse kick. Ronan wants to charge Fred before she can re-load. Alanna grabs his left arm, whispers something in his left ear and bites his earlobe. Ronan smiles and stays put. Fred reloads, standing behind Gunn and to his right. Before she can aim, Ronan charges. She tries to point her weapon at him, but he's too fast. With his left hand, Ronan knocks the crossbow out of Fred's hands before she can pull the trigger. With his right hand, he pushes her back into the wall. Gunn rolls backwards and stands up before Lewis or Tina can touch him. He sets up like he's about to swing his ax for Lewis's neck. Instead, he sticks his right foot forward and sweeps out Lewis's legs. Gunn spins counter-clockwise and swings for Tina. She grabs the ax handle with both hands. Gunn kicks Tina in the chest, knocking her backwards. He looks back and notices Fred is against the wall, 15 feet behind him and five feet to his right. Ronan grabs Fred. Gunn races to her rescue. He swings for Ronan's neck. At the last instant, Ronan ducks. The ax goes through the wall two inches to the left of Fred's right ear. Fred screams. At this point, Wesley is on his back and in no position to help, since Vala is lying on top of him. Gunn stops in his tracks when he sees that he nearly decapitated Fred. He looks at her.

GUNN: Get out.

Ronan grabs Gunn from behind and throws him into the side wall, near Lewis and Tina. The ax blade remains imbedded in the wall. With her right hand, Fred pulls out her mace and hits Ronan in the front left side of his skull, opening up a bloody gash. Alanna joins the fight. With her left hand, Fred reaches across her body and pulls the ax out of the wall, hitting Alanna in the head with the blunt back end of the end.

FRED: Charles!!!

Fred flings the ax to her left. Gunn, who is trying to fend off Tina and Lewis, reaches up and grabs the ax handle. He swings it in a circle, forcing his assailants to back off.

GUNN: Now's your chance. Get out!

Gunn motions his head towards the rear exit. Fred moves along the wall to her left, towards the exit. Charles stands in front of Fred to protect her.

FRED: I can't leave you.

GUNN: Someone's gotta find Faith and Connor.

Fred realizes there might be a tiny bit of tactical wisdom in Gunn's self-sacrificing chivalry. She ducks out the rear exit as he fends off Lewis, Tina, Ronan and Alanna, maintaining a six-foot perimeter around the back right corner of the room by swinging his ax. Tina and Alanna each take their man by the hand and back up ten feet away from Gunn. He stops swinging. Alanna and Tina are laughing.

ALANNA: How very noble of you to to send her out to face Angelus and Drusilla all by herself.

TINA: I'm sure he'll have a lot of fun with that philly.

The male vampires chuckle. Gunn worries that maybe he made a mistake. But he knows there's no point in running, since they could easily catch him. Alanna puts her right hand on the right side of Ronan's head and pulls it towards her. He goes back to his human face. She licks the blood coming out of Ronan's head wound, then kisses it. It seems to make him feel better. Gunn's tired and quadruple-teamed. He knows he'll have to use a lot more than muscle to get out of this jam.

GUNN: So you guys don't mind bein' Angelus's sidekicks?

LEWIS: I ain't no sidekick!

GUNN: I hear ya, bro. At least you outrank this white dude with the tattoos, right?

Lewis goes to his human face.

GUNN: Damn, bro. You a sub-sidekick.

Lewis looks hurt. Gunn's struck a nerve. Ronan and Alanna have their minds on other things. They nuzzle and grope and whisper sweet nothings into each other's ears about Ronan killing Faith. He thinks Angelus is too much of a control freak and not enough of a risk-taker to kill a Slayer. She knows Dru will focus on siring Connor. That leaves Faith to Ronan. He's feeling especially macho right now, since unlike Tristan and Lewis, his girl isn't looking to sire a new boyfriend. Ronan thinks he's the only one for Lana. He doesn't know that she'd drop him for Spike – Ronan's polar opposite – in a millisecond. All this sweet talk is making Alanna excited, and she goes bumpy. For now, Ronan keeps his cool.

Tina can tell her man's feelings have been hurt. She rubs the back of Lewis's smooth, bald head with her right hand, and reaches under his tank-top and rubs his chest with her left hand. She looks at Gunn seductively.

TINA: You have a sharp tongue.

Tina puts her mouth to Lewis's left ear. She goes bumpy.

TINA: [whispers] Maybe I should rip it out.

Tina sticks her tongue in Lewis's ear. He smiles. Tina takes her hands off of Lewis and turns to face Gunn. She steps forward as if about to charge him. Gunn raises his ax. Tina gives him a quick kick on the chest, knocking Gunn back into the emergency exit. It opens outward. But Gunn has no intention of leaving, and the vampires have no intention of letting him. Alanna grabs Gunn and flips him over her shoulder. He lands on his back ten feet out from the corner. Charles swings his ax to keep Ronan and Lewis away, and gets to his feet. The four vampires surround him.

Vala lies on top of Wesley. She puts her ankles inside of his and spreads Wesley's legs out so he can't use his feet to push her body away. She grabs his wrists and pins his arms to the ground. The first time Vala moves in to bite Wes, he tries to head-butt her. She pulls her head up out of the way and smiles, her eyes gazing down into his from a foot away.

VALA: You know the one about how it's the size of fight in the man that matters?

Wesley struggles in vain to free his arms and legs. He spits on Vala's face. She goes unbumpy and licks it up.

VALA: They must have been talking about you.

Vala leans down and licks the tip of Wesley's nose, gazing at him with her big blue eyes.

WES: Could you please get on with it and try to kill me already? You really aren't very good at foreplay.

Vala's fangs come back out and her eyes turn from blue to yellow.

VALA: Could you squirm a little more to get me in the mood? Mmmn. That's better.

As Wesley frantically tries to free himself, Vala leans in to bite the left side of his neck. He keeps raising and lower his right hand, flicking his right wrist, which Vala holds down with her left hand. She squeezes and tightens her grip on Wes's right wrist as she sinks her teeth into his flesh. But she only gets to drink a few ounces before a wooden stake shoots out of the bottom Wesley's right wrist, slicing through Vala's left palm. She takes her left hand off his right arm and pulls her head up.

VALA: Ow!!! What the - ?

Wesley shoots his right arm for her heart. Vala lets go of Wesley's left arm and grabs the stake with her right arm when the point is two inches from her skin. She rips Wesley's little contraption apart. He punches her in the face with his left fist, then pushes Vala off of him. Both of them stand up. Vala looks at the wound on her left hand. A small amount of Wesley's blood trickles out of the right corner of her mouth. Wesley turns around and sees his sword on the ground ten feet behind him. Vala, who stands six feet in front of Wesley, also notices the weapon. When he dashes towards it, so does she. Wesley reaches down and grabs the sword with his right hand. Vala slashes his left shoulder with the edge of the stake she ripped off his right wrist. When Wesley turns and tries to slash Vala with the sword in his right hand, she grabs his right wrist with her left hand and slashes the inside of his right forearm with the stake in her right hand. Wes hits her mouth with a left cross. Vala sends a right roundhouse kick for Wesley's face. He slashes her right calf muscle with his sword. He charges at the injured vampire, and Vala retreats towards the center of the room.

The room Willow was performing her spell in appeared to be completely secure. The thick metal doors were impossible to break down. The elevator and stairwell were sealed off. There was, however, a two foot-wide square metal grate in the floor which connected to the ventilation shaft in between the basement and the sub-basement. Wes, Gunn and Kelly had all checked the grate and made sure it couldn't be pulled out. And it couldn't – from above. The grate was solidly bolted into the metal strip it rested on. The metal was strong enough to support the weight of the grate by itself, or the weight of someone standing on top of the grate, or someone jumping up and down on top of the grate, but not strong enough to hold if someone pulled down on the grate with more force a human could manage. Angelus was the only one who knew this. This was why he wanted Willow to be in that room. She would feel a false sense of security, and Angel's friends wouldn't feel the need to protect her. She would be trapped, alone and helpless. To Angelus, this was the easiest to keep that pesky soul from coming back.

Angelus walks to the spot directly underneath the room. He pushes a ceiling panel to the side. Above the panel is the ventilation shaft. Angelus had cut a hole in the shaft directly below the grate. He looks up and sees the grate ten feet above him. Angelus reaches into his right pocket and pulls out a long, thin metal chain with a hook on the end. He tosses the chain upwards. Its links slink through the spaces between the grates and wrap around them. Kelly hears the noise and turns around to see chain in the grate. Angelus pulls down on the chain, and the grate tumbles down to the sub-basement floor. Kelly runs over the hole to prevent a break-in. Angelus leaps up, knocks Kelly down and lands fifteen to Willow's right. She is in the middle of her incantation.

ANGELUS: I guess Angel's not the only one who chooses to get locked in cages.

Lorne, who is ten feet to Angelus's right, lets out a shrieking high note which reverberates off of the metal doors and walls. Less than two seconds after Lorne begins screaming, Angelus hits him with a left cross that sends him back into the wall, then knocks him out with a right uppercut.

ANGELUS: Your friends can't save you this time, old pal.

When Angelus turns around, Kelly kicks him in the face with her right foot. She is the only thing standing between him and Willow.

ANGELUS: Maybe I'll do you after the redhead. Don't take the snub personally.

Angelus throws a right cross. Kelly backs out of the way and tries a left roundhouse kick. Angelus blocks it with his right hand and hits Kelly in the face with a left jab.

ANGELUS: Willow's not my type, and I'm pretty sure the feeling's mutual.

Kelly throws a right hook. Angelus blocks it and belts Kelly in the stomach with a powerful right uppercut that nearly raises her feet off the floor. Kelly continues to fight desperately. She hits Angelus in the chin with a right uppercut, but he hardly notices. Angelus lands a left hook to her ribcage. He hits the left side of her face with a right hook, then the right side of her face with the back of his right hand. Kelly falls to the floor. Angelus walks towards Willow. She's in the middle of a trance and isn't aware of what's going on around her.

ANGELUS: Then again, I know for a fact that you'd make one helluva vampire.

Angelus smashes Willow's Orb of Thessala with his left foot and kicks her in the chin with his right, knocking Willow on her back. She comes out of her trance, looks up and sees Angelus standing over her.

ANGELUS: Maybe I should have killed you instead of those goldfish.

Angelus clobbers Willow's face with two left crosses. He picks her up with his right hand and throws her into the wall opposite Lorne. Willow stands up and tries to repel Angelus. He kicks her in the stomach with his left foot and punches in the her face with a right jab. Angelus takes Willow's arms and lifts them over her head. He grips both her wrists with his right hand puts his left hand over her mouth so she can't try any spells while he bites her. Angelus digs his fangs into the left side of her neck. But right when he's about to take his first big gulp of blood, Angelus feels a searing pain on the back of his neck. Kelly has jumped on his back, and the crucifix she wears around her neck is burning his flesh. Angelus lets go of Willow and takes a step back. With her left hand, Kelly rips the cross off her neck and sticks it into Angelus's open mouth. While she's doing this, he reaches back, grabs her head and throws her to the ground in front of him. Kelly stands up and notices that Angelus's fangs went straight through her left hand. She's bleeding badly, but knows it was worth it when she sees the smoke coming out of Angelus's mouth. He looks alarmed, realizes why his mouth feels like it's on fire and spits out the crucifix. But Angelus is still in an incredible amount of pain as the smoke continues to rise off his tongue. Knowing that these next few seconds are her only chance, Kelly hits Angelus in the face with a straight right kick followed by a left roundhouse kick. He staggers across the room. Kelly runs at Angelus and connects with a leaping right kick. Lorne had gotten up and opened the door. The kick knocks Angelus outside, and Lorne immediately shuts the door in his face. Angelus rises to his feet and stands there, growling and furious, with a black cross burned onto the top of his tongue.

ANGELUS: [under his breath] Why do I keep forgetting that blondes AREN'T more fun? [yelling at the door] Hey Lorne! How many of your friends I gotta kill before you guys come out and play?

Angelus walks away, thirsty for blood. Inside, Kelly helps Willow to her feet.

WILLOW: I'm okay. Thanks for the timely life-saving.

Kelly picks up her crucifix.

KELLY: Don't thank me . . .

Willow looks at the cross and appears a bit queasy.

WILLOW: The Jewish, neo-pagan wiccan in me would rather not.

KELLY: Still, ya gotta admit it's nice when God actually IS on your side.

WILLOW: Your ritualistic charmed talisman aside, I've found it's a lot more useful to have the Goddess on your side.

Kelly notices how bad her hand's bleeding. So does Lorne. He rushes over and giver her his handkerchief.

LORNE: Here you go, sweetie. I really hate the sight of blood. Obviously the Fates have a wicked sense of humor.

Kelly sees that the blood is soaking through the handkerchief.

KELLY: Got anything else to stop the bleeding.

LORNE: Lemme see. [reaches into his jacket pockets] Thanks for saving the day, Kel. I dunno what I woulda done without you.

Kelly grabs the left sleeve of Lorne's green jacket and rips it off.

LORNE: Well, I know I woulda kept this jacket from becoming a vest.

Kelly wraps the sleeve around her left hand.

KELLY: That should stop the bleeding.

Lorne looks at his one-armed blazer.

LORNE: I suppose I could do without the jacket. [he takes it off] Look on the bright side – at least you didn't rip off my pants!

Kelly picks up Lorne's metal bat and stands over the hole in the floor. She looks at what's left of Willow's supplies.

KELLY: Angelus smashed your works.

WILLOW: Not to worry. I have more. [she pulls out another Orb of Thessala, sits down, takes a deep breath and tries to recover from the beating Angelus gave her.] Angel re-re-re-souling, take two.

While Gunn desperately tries to hold off three vampires at once, Alanna turns around to see how Vala is doing. She's surprised to find Vala still battling Wesley, and decides to give her sister a little help. Alanna picks up Fred's crossbow and aims it at Wesley's back 25 feet away. Alanna pulls the trigger. The bolt hits the left side of Wesley's lower back. Alanna rips the string off the crossbow so it can't be fired again. Wes winces in pain. Vala slugs him with a left hook to the jaw. Wes spins around and lands on his stomach.

VALA: I thought the crossbow belonged to your dream girl. Why would HER weapon hurt you? Maybe it's a sign. [she grabs the shaft sticking out of Wes and wiggles it around, hurting him even more.] This wound's pretty deep. Looks like the head went all the way in.

Vala rips the bolt out of Wesley's back. He grinds his teeth and groans in pain. Wes rolls over and sweeps Vala's legs out. They are both on their backs. Wes rolls to his left and stands up. Vala vaults to her feet and sees Wes in front of her and to her right. Behind Wesley and to his left is Alanna. One could draw a straight, 30 foot-long diagonal line from Vala, through Wes Alanna and Ronan, to Gunn. Wes raises his sword in his right hand. With Vala focused on the weapon, Wes hits her in the throat with the tips of the fingers on his left hand. Vala grabs her throat in pain (though she doesn't breath, the blow still smarts). He takes his sword in his left hand and quickly turns counter-clockwise. Catches Alanna by surprise, Wes stabs her in the stomach with his sword. While she is distracted by this non-fatal but none-the-less painful injury, Wes runs to Gunn's aide. Charles kicks Lewis in the stomach with his left foot and hits Tina in the face with her right elbow. He swings for Ronan with the ax in his left hand. Ronan grabs the ax handle with his right hand and puts his left hand around Gunn' throat. Wesley grips his sword with both hands and comes at Ronan from behind, slashing for his neck. Ronan reaches his right hand back and grabs the blade, snapping it in two. He keeps choking Gunn with his left hand, but turns to look at Wesley, who is still in shock about what the vampire has just done to his weapon. Ronan squeezes his right hand into a fist. Blood pours out of it from the wounds he sustained from gripping the sharp blade.

RONAN: That stung a little.

Ronan floors Wesley with a right cross to the face.

Gunn swings his ax for Ronan's left arm. Ronan sees this, removes his left hand from Gunn's throat and pulls his arm out of the way in the nick of time. Charles grips the ax handle with both hands and swings for Ronan's neck. The vampire backs up out of the way. Gunn keeps swinging the ax in a counter-clockwise direction, towards Tina and Lewis. Tina moves out of the way. Lewis holds his ground. When the blade is two inches from the left side of his neck, Lewis grabs the top of the handle with his left hand and quickly snaps it in two. The metal blade falls to the ground. Charles smiles.

GUNN: Gonna regret that.

Lewis knocks Charles into the back wall with a left jab to the chin. Gunn holds the broken ax handle in his right hand. When Lewis throws a right cross, Gunn thrusts the pointy end of the broken handle towards Lewis's heart. Gunn takes Lewis's punch. The vampire looks down and sees the wood stuck through his heart.

GUNN: What'd I tell you?

Lewis turns to dust. Gunn grabs the 18 inch-long wooden weapon out of the air. After getting knocking down by Ronan's punch, Wesley got to his feet before Alanna or Vala could set upon him. He pulled a wooden stake out his his pants pocket and clutched it in his right hand. Wes circled counter-clockwise towards Gunn. When he sees Lewis turn to dust, Wesley races for the back wall. Tina immediately tries to set upon Gunn, but he holds out his pointy weapon, causing her to step back. Wesley makes it to the wall. He stands to the left of Charles. Both men lean against the wall and catch their breath. The four vampires, nearly as weary and almost as determined as their opponents, slowly converge on Wes and Gunn. They glance at each other, exhausted, injured, knowing they can't take much more of this.

NEXT: What happened to Fred went she wondered the hallways all alone. Plus, Angelus joins the fight. He's out for blood - and revenge. But so is his son.


	7. Trapped

Faith and Lindsey face-off against Nat and Gelo. Dru approaches Faith to her right. When she is 30 feet away, she claps her hands twice.

DRU: Chop-chop, boys. Leave them to me. Go help your chums. I have to talk to an old friend about some unfinished business. Hello Lindsey. Pleasure to see you again. I awlways have such fun when you're around.

Faith and Lindsey glance to their right and see Dru closing with them. They realize they are outnumbered. So do Gelo and Nat, which is why they can't understand why Dru wants them to retreat. She may be crazy, but surely she wasn't stupid as well. At the same time, Fred runs down the hall at the opposite end of the basement. She takes a left turns and runs towards Gelo and Nat. They hear her approaching, glance over their shoulders and see her sixty feet behind them. Both of them choose to ditch the Slayer for an easier kill and give chase. Faith looks at Lindsey.

LINDSEY: I know.

Before Faith says a word, Lindsey runs away from Dru and towards Fred. Faith and Dru stare each other down.

DRU: Are you willing to die for him?

Dru hits Faith in the face with left cross. Faith throws a left hook, which Dru blocks. But Faith connects with a right jab.

DRU: Would you die for him, loik you would for Angel?

Faith tries a right kick, but Dru backs up out of the way and giggles.

When Fred sees the two vampires rushing towards her, she turns and runs. Fred makes a right turn at the end of the hallway. A few steps later, Nat grabs her from behind and tosses her backwards into the side wall. Gelo hits her in the stomach with a right punch. Lindsey races to her rescue. He tries to stake Gelo in the back. But before he can do this, Nat hits Lindsey in the chest with a left hook kick, knocking him into the wall a few feet to Fred's right. Gelo glances to his left and notices the new arrival. Fred takes advantage of this momentary distraction to hit Gelo in the face with a left hook and in the groin with a right kick. Lindsey steps towards Gelo and hits him with a right cross. Gelo shoves Lindsey back into the wall. Fred grabs her stake in her left hand and turns to her right, trying to stake Gelo in the back. Nat kicks her in the chest with his right foot, knocking Fred back into the wall, five feet to Lindsey's left. He grabs Fred's left forearm with his right hand and tries to hit her in the face with a left hook. Fred ducks under the punch, puts her right hand on Nat's chest and pushes him to her left. Nat trips over Fred's outstretched left foot falls down for a moment, freeing Fred to turn to her right and stake Gelo in the back just before he bites Lindsey. Lindsey gasps as the vampire who was attacking him turns to dust less than a foot in front of him. He sees Fred standing there, the stake in her left hand, and smiles. "Good thing I came to your rescue," he jokes ironically. Lindsey grabs his own stake with his right and the two of them charge Nat. He grabs Fred's left arm with his left hand and Lindsey's right arm with his right hand, then flips them on their backs. Nat runs down the hall towards Faith, but makes a quick left turn into the ballroom, where he smells and hears his comrades. He enters, and sees Ronan, Alanna, Vala and Tina at the back end of the hall arrayed in a semi-circle around Wes and Gunn.

NAT: No need to share.

Three seconds after Nat entered, Fred and Lindsey come barreling into the ballroom to provide help for Wes and Gunn.

NAT: I brought enough for everyone.

Alanna and Ronan smile and race towards the new arrivals, seeking to cut them off from Gunn and Wes. Nat locks the doors and slides a doorstop underneath each of the them. This is exactly what Angelus wanted: the four ordinary humans trapped and separated from their super-powered friends. Wes and Gunn are delighted to see Fred return alive, but are troubled by Faith's and Connor's absences. Still, the new arrivals take some pressure off them and give Gunn and Wes new life. Gunn blocks Tina's right roundhouse kick and hits her in the face with a right cross. When she attempts a right hook, he grabs her right arm and throws her to his left, towards the wall. Gunn turns to his right and throws a left hook at Vala. Wes throws a right hook, and the blows hit her face simultaneously. Vala falls down. Wes and Gunn look at each other, a little shocked by their coincidental collaboration. Then both of them race to save Fred. Lindsey and her stand shoulder-to-shoulder, trying desperately to fend off Alanna and Ronan. As Wesley runs by her, Vala sticks out her legs and trips him up. Wes falls on his face, but reaches his arms forward and grabs Alanna's left ankle, pulling her down to the ground. This creates the odd sight of Vala, Wes and Alanna on the ground, lying almost end-to-end, in a line along the carpet from the rear wall to the center of the ballroom.

Nat runs from the front of the room towards Gunn, intercepting him before he can reach Fred. Gunn looks over his left shoulder, and sees Tina approaching from behind. After single-handedly holding off four vampires, staking Lewis, knocking down Tina and Vala, and escaping every trap the vamps had sprung, Gunn felt like he was in the zone. He sticks his left arm straight out towards Tina, and his right arm straight out towards Nat. The stakes he had strapped to his wrists shoot out towards the charging vampires. However, things didn't work out quite the way they did when Angel tried this move. Tina stops on a dime, the stake half-an-inch from her skin. She looks down at the stake protruding from underneath Gunn's sleeve and bursts out laughing. Nat rotates his body to the right. The stake brushes across his chest, its point tearing his shirt and its outer edge slashing his skin. As the stake brushes across his chest, and while he's still moving, Nat rips the stake off Gunn's wrist and plunges it deep into his left deltoid muscle. It all happens too quickly for Charles to react. From the moment the stakes shot out to the moment Gunn was stabbed with his own weapon, less than a second had passed. Nat twists Gunn's arm and flips him forward so he lands on his back. Tina is still laughing. Gunn sits up, looks to his left and reaches his right arm across his body, trying to stake Nat, who leans over him and stands to his left. When Nat blocks this attack, Gunn reaches his left arm behind Nat's feet and sweeps the vampire's legs out. He stands up, grimacing in pain, and turns to his right to face Tina. She is still laughing.

TINA: I'm sorry. [He-heh-he-heh-heh-heh] What vampire would be stupid enough to run into a wooden stake? [He-heh-heh-heh] That has to be the lamest trick I've ever seen!

Nat gets up and tries to jump Gunn from behind. He gives Nat a right elbow to the face, quickly turns around and knocks Nat down with a left cross. Gunn turns back to face Tina, who has finally stopped laughing. Gunn pushes the attached stake back under his right sleeve and pulls the other stake out of his shoulder with his right hand and puts the bloody stake in his left hand. He grunts in pain as he does this, but manages a small chuckle over Tina's comment on the lameness of retractable stakes.

GUNN: Maybe you should take that up with Angelus.

Gunn gives her a right kick to the chest, knocking Tina towards the back wall.

GUNN: It's his gizmo.

Tina is a little disappointed by this. She knew getting a soul made you boring. But she didn't think getting a soul could make you THAT lame. Charles hits her in the face with a right hook. When he tries to stake her with the bloody stake in his left hand, she grabs his left forearm with both hands. The other stake pops out from underneath Gunn's right sleeve, and he tries to finish her off. Unfortunately, Nat comes from behind and grabs Gunn's right arm. Tina knees him in the stomach and rips the stake off his right wrist with her left hand. Gunn head butts her and struggles to drive the stake in his left hand home. Nat tosses Gunn behind him. He rolls several times before getting up. Nat and Tina stand side-by-side, looking at him.

NAT: What's with the wannabe Polgara demon?

Faith knows Drusilla's attack is a holding action designed to keep her from helping the others. She kicks Dru in the stomach with her right foot and throws a left jab, which Dru blocks. She tries a right hook, but Dru grabs her arm and pushes her against the wall, pinning both her wrists. Dru goes bumpy. Faith head-butts her and kicks her away with her right foot.

FAITH: You thought I would be that easy?

Faith hits her head with a left hook kick. Dru goes back to her human face and smirks.

DRU: All Slayers are "easy."

She blocks Faith's right cross and tries a straight right kick, which Faith steps back from and blocks.

DRU: Some just aren't easy to kill.

Faith throws a right jab, which Dru blocks, then a left roundhouse kick, which Dru backs away from.

FAITH: Must be the same way with vampires.

As so Faith throws Dru's aphoristic insult of Faith (and Buffy) right back at her. They trade left jabs, then Faith lands right and left crosses. She backs away from Dru's right hook, lands a left hook kick, then knocks Dru on her back with a right roundhouse kick. Faith runs towards the ballroom. When Dru gets, up, she decides not to follow Faith right away. Instead, she elects to check on Angelus's progress. Dru tracks his scent to the hole in the ceiling he leaped through to get at Willow. She runs towards the hole and leaps up. Kelly is alertly keeping watch, and she swings her bat, hitting Drusilla on the top of her head. (Kelly has never met Dru, so she assumes the attacker is merely one of Angelus's foot soldiers. Besides, she doesn't get a good look at the vampire.) Dru's feet land back down on the sub-basement floor. She looks up and sees an arm about to throw a glass bottle. Dru quickly steps back out of the way. Kelly's small bottle of holy water smashes into the floor, but doesn't hurt Dru. She knows this can only mean one thing: Angelus did not accomplish his task. Dru decides to chase after Faith and accomplish hers.

Faith tries to open either of the doors to the ballroom. Realizing they're locked, she attempts to kick them down. The doors bend but don't break. Finally, Faith charges the doors, her right shoulder hitting them where they meet. Strips of wood fly to either side as she barrels her way into the ballroom. In front of her, Fred and Lindsey stand together, trying to fend off the attacks of Ronan. For the last 15 seconds, they've kept him from biting either of them, but have taken a lot of pounding. Along the wall to Faith's left, Wesley tries to prevent Vala and Alanna from devouring him. To Faith's right, Gunn faces down Tina and Nat, who stand in front of the back wall and appear ready to pounce. From the looks of it, Faith has arrived just in time. The vampires heard her burst through the doors, and they turn to look at her. Faith surveys the scene and manages a small grin.

FAITH: Five on five. Sounds like my kinda fight.

Ronan charges Faith and throws a right hook. She ducks underneath his fist and grabs his right arm. Faith pulls it behind Ronan's back and drives the much larger vampire face-first into the wall to Faith's left. Ronan swings his left arm as he spins around to face the Slayer. Faith ducks and hits Ronan in the chin with a right uppercut, then in the nose with a left jab. Nat rushes to Ronan's aide from across the room. He grabs Faith from behind and tosses her to the ground in the middle of the room. When Ronan attacked Faith, Lindsey and Fred moved towards Gunn. Wesley managed to slip by Alanna and Vala and join the other three. Alanna and Vala joined Tina along the back wall, where they watched how the Slayer did against the boys and made sure the four other humans didn't try to slip out the back exit. They walk out towards the quartet of human adversaries, making it clear that if any of them try to help the Slayer, they will attack them from behind. Ironically, it is fear of being staked in the back by Wes, Gunn, Fred or Lindsey which keeps Angelus's three Sirens from helping their men fight Faith.

Faith rises to her feet as Nat charges her. She ducks down and trips him up. Nat falls on his face. She sees Ronan moving towards her. Faith quickly leaps forward and clobbers Ronan with a flying right kick to the head. Ronan's back slams into the side wall and he falls to the ground. Faith turns to resume her fight with Nat. He stands on the other side of the room, awaiting Faith's attack. Faith runs at him. Nat bends his knees and prepares to block whatever Faith sends his way. When she gets close, Faith does a forward cartwheel and kicks Nat in the face while her hands are on the ground. He was not expecting this, and the blow knocks him into the wall opposite Ronan. Faith follows up her cartwheel kick with a right cross, but Nat responds with one of his own. Faith blocks his left jab, and he blocks Faith's left jab. Faith kicks Nat in the stomach with her right foot. She sends a left hook kick for his head, but Nat ducks. After missing her kick, Faith spins around clockwise, avoiding Nat's right uppercut. When she comes around again, Faith nails Nat with a power left hook. She follows this up with a right uppercut, a left jab, a right cross and another left jab. After this flurry of punches, Faith takes her stake in her right hand and dusts Nat half-a-second after landing her last left jab. But as Nat evaporates, Ronan grabs Faith from behind and throws her 30 feet to his left, towards the rear exit. Tina tilts her head towards Lana.

TINA: Here comes your Great White Hope.

Tina smirks.

ALANNA: Don't joke. My baby's about to do all of us a huge favor.

Faith stands up. The exit is ten feet behind her. She quickly puts away her stake and puts up her fists as Ronan approaches. He hits her in the chest with a powerful and unexpected left roundhouse kick. For a 250 pound muscle-bound vampire, Ronan is quite light on his feet. The kick knocks Faith back into the door. Ronan charges her like a linebacker and slams his body into hers. The door opens out, and Ronan lands on top of Faith in the hallway.The door closes behind them. Faith pushes Ronan off of her before he can bite her. The two of them stand up in the dim hallway. Ronan hits Faith in the face with a right kick, knocking her ten feet backwards and on her back. He slowly walks down the hallway towards her. Faith vaults to her feet. She blocks Ronan's left jab and hits him in the face with a left hook and a right cross. Faith follows this up with a left kick to his stomach and a powerful right hook to his face. Ronan just stands there, looking bemused by his opponent's exertions. He decks her with one right hook.

RONAN: You hit like a guy. That's disappointing.

Ronan picks Faith up and tosses her 20 feet down the hallway. She rolls along the floor for another ten feet before stopping and standing up.

FAITH: Yeah, well, I'm good at that.

Ronan walks up to Faith and throws a left jab. She moves her head to the right, avoids the blow and then lands a left jab and a right cross. With her right foot, she kicks him in the stomach, then the nose. Ronan lands a right cross, but Faith counters with one of her own. He throws a left hook. Faith reaches across her body, grabs his left arm with her left hand, and pushes Ronan into the wall to her right. His back slams into a metal door. Faith pounds Ronan's face with a right cross, left jab and right hook. He pushes her six feet away to the other side of the hallway. Ronan reaches his left hand downwards and to his left. He grabs a long metal handle. Faith steps towards him to throw a right kick. When she does this, Ronan pulls the handle out and opens the metal door. As it swings outward, Ronan grabs Faith with his right hand and throws her through the open door. She tumbles into a room's back wall. Ronan enters and shuts the door as quickly as he had opened it. The room is now pitch black. Ronan flips on a light switch. Faith stands against the back wall and looks around as Ronan inches towards her, his arms stretched out in both directions, his fingers nearly touching the side walls. Faith and Ronan are sealed inside an empty, unused walk-in freezer that is 12 feet long, 8 feet wide and 8 feet high. Like a crypt, only without the rustic, lived-in charm.

Inside the ballroom, Wes, Gunn and Lindsey look worried. They stand in a line facing the back wall, looking at Alanna, Vala and Tina. Fred is more confident than the boys, largely because she doesn't know how badly Gunn and Wes are injured.

FRED: Come on guys. It's four on three. We can take 'em.

When Fred first entered the room with Wes and Gunn, it was three against six. Now most of their opponents are dead and they have the numerical advantage. The tide had turned. The Sirens don't appear so confident anymore. They slowly inch backwards as Lindsey, Fred, Gunn and Wes walk towards them. Then the four of them see the Sirens smile from ear-to-ear.

DRU: Take your pick, dearies. We each get one.

The quartet turns around and sees Drusilla. Now all of them are worried. They retreat back to the center of the room and form an outward-facing circle. The vampires rotate around them at a distance of ten feet. After a few seconds, they stop. Tina stands in front of Gunn, Lana faces Fred, Vala stares down Wesley, and Dru goes bumpy as she smiles at Lindsey.

GUNN: Where the HELL is Connor!?

When it came to fighting, Ronan wasn't as dumb as he looked. He had more brute strength than Faith. But she was faster and quicker. He knew he would have the best chance of killing her in a confined space that minimized her mobility and made it very unlikely for any of her friends to interfere. Faith kicks Ronan in the chin with a straight right kick. She follows up with a left hook kick, which he blocks. Ronan kicks Faith in the stomach with his left foot, then pounds her face with a right cross and a left uppercut. But he gets in too close, and Faith hits Ronan's right eye with a left elbow and his nose with a right jab, knocking Ronan back five feet. She steps forward and connects with a right roundhouse kick. The blow causes his head to snap back, but his feet remain firmly planted. Ronan grabs Faith and hurls her into the wall four feet to his left. He grabs her again and tosses her into the other side wall. Ronan hits Faith with a right hook kick to the ribs and a left uppercut to the stomach. Faith responds with a left cross and a right hook. Ronan steps back and smiles.

RONAN: Having fun yet?

Faith sends a straight right kick for Ronan's face. He grabs her right ankle with both hands and hurls her to his left, into the back wall. Ronan tries a left kick for Faith's head, but she ducks. He blocks her right kick, then hits her mouth with a right jab. Faith steps forward and tries a left hook, but Ronan backs up so that her blow misses his face by three inches. She blocks his right hook, but he lands two left jabs. Faith tries a left jab of her own, but it doesn't touch him and Ronan connects with another left jab. She realizes he's using his enormous advantage in reach to prevent her from getting close enough to hit him. She blocks his next left jab, but he quickly belts her left cheek with a right hook. Faith throws a quick right kick. Ronan leans back to avoid it. Faith leaps to her left off of her left foot. Her right foot lands against the wall to Ronan's right, near the back corner. She pushes off to her left and plants her left foot against the back wall, so that for an instant she is facing the corner. Then Faith pushes back with the left foot, turns clockwise, and hits Ronan in the head with a leaping right kick. This three-part improvised move knocks Ronan into the front wall and boosts Faith's morale. When her feet hit the ground, Faith pops Ronan in the face with a straight left kick.

FAITH: I am now.

RONAN: Good.

Ronan blocks Faith's right cross and pushes his right palm into her chest, knocking Faith down to the ground.

RONAN: Cause the party's just getting started.

Connor wakes up. He's sitting on a cold concrete floor. He doesn't know where he is, or how he got there, but it feels like he's been asleep for a while. Connor stands up and thinks. The last thing he remembers is getting grabbed from behind and hearing Drusilla's voice. Connor gets goose bumps and shivers. He puts his right index and middle fingers to his throat and feels a pulse. Connor breathes a huge sigh of relief. He had never been so petrified than during the three second interval when he feared he had become a vampire. Connor heads on down the hall, following Dru's scent.

Ronan walks towards Faith while she's on her back. She sticks up her right foot to kick him in the groin. Ronan grabs the foot with both hands. He's a little surprised she fell for the decoy, but he'll take whatever good fortune he can get. Holding onto Faith's right foot, Ronan swings her to his left, slamming her head and neck into the side wall. He keeps spinning her counter-clockwise. Her head slams against the front wall, the other side wall, and then, after Ronan lets go, the back wall. Angelus had done a similar move when she fought him two nights before, so she assumes Ronan learned it from him. Actually, Angelus learned it from Ronan. Faith lies against the back wall, dazed and dizzy. Ronan reaches down with his right hand pulls Faith up to her feet by her hair. He grips her throat with his left hand and begins choking her. He lifts her feet six inches off the ground and belts her in her stomach with his right fist when she grabs his left wrist with both hands and tries to free herself. After absorbing four body blows, Faith tries to kick Ronan with her dangling feet. He stops punching her and uses his right arm to fend off the blows.

But like Ronan, Faith is also smarter than she lets on. She grips his thick right arm just above the elbow between her two feet, then pulls it towards her as she lowers her arms. She grabs Ronan's right wrist with her right arm and his right forearm with her left arm, and pulls his arm across her body and to her right. Ronan's arms are now crossed, and his right knee bends inward. Ronan continues to choke her as he loses his balance. Faith reaches her dangling feet backwards and pushes off the back wall as hard as she can. Ronan falls on his back, and Faith is about to land on top of him when she does a quick forward somersault and stands up near the front wall. Ronan stands up facing the back wall and turns around, seven feet from Faith. He steps his right foot forward as if above to attack, but it's only a feint. Faith pauses for a few seconds before going on the offensive. She starts to send a right kick to his chest, but then quickly pulls her foot back and kicks Ronan in the face. Faith follows this up with a left jab and a right hook. After taking these blows, Ronan grabs Faith and throws her into the wall to his right. He turns and throws a left jab. Faith ducks. Ronan's fist leaves a dent in the metal wall. Faith brings her right knee up, puts her right foot against his chest and pushes Ronan across the room. She leaps towards him, puts her legs on either side of his neck, puts her hands on the ground and flips him forward. Ronan does a somersault and gets up. Faith hits the slightly disoriented vampire is the chest with a right kick and the face with a leaping left kick, sending him into the wall he had thrown Faith into only a few seconds earlier.

Now that she's turned the tide, Faith takes her stake in her right hand. She gives Ronan a left uppercut to the chin and stabs for his heart with her right. Ronan takes the uppercut, grabs the stake with his left hand and hits Faith in the face with a right jab. Ronan follows this up with a left jab. When Ronan takes his left hand off Faith's stake, she plunges it forward, only to have Ronan grab the stake with his right hand when the point is against his chest. After hitting her with his left fist, Ronan pulls Faith towards him with his right hand and sends her face-first into the wall. Without turning around, she hits him in the face with her right foot, knocking Ronan down. She looks at her stake. It's covered in blood from the wound on Ronan's right palm. She puts it away for now. Ronan gets up. Both fighters circle counter-clockwise, until Faith faces the back wall and Ronan faces the front wall. They put up their fists and stare each other down. Both of them are badly bruised and bleeding.

RONAN: I'll give you this – you sure can take a beating.

FAITH: You're not such a bad punching bag yourself.

Faith tries a right hook kick, which Ronan blocks. She follows this up with a swift left roundhouse kick, which he also blocks. She does manage to hit him in the stomach with a straight right kick, then nails his chin with her right foot while it is still in midair. Ronan spins around and hits Faith in the chest with a right roundhouse kick, knocking her into the front wall. As he charges in, she lands a left hook. Ronan takes the blow and connects with a left jab. She hits his face with a right hook, and he responds by landing a right cross. Ronan follows this up with left and right hooks to Faith's face. Her knees buckle and her legs start wobbling. Ronan continues the beating, pounding the right side of her ribcage with a left hook, then sending two right kicks to a spot on the left side of her ribcage where he suspects the bones are already either bruised or broken. (Now this trick he actually did pick up from Angelus.) Faith groans in pain. Ronan hurls her through the air. Faith slams head-first into the back wall and falls to the floor. He picks her up and tosses Faith into the inside of the front door. She manages to stay on her feet. She even hits Ronan in the face with a right reverse kick as he approaches. Faith turns around and throws a left jab and a right cross. But Ronan is not deterred. He senses victory and views these as her parting shots. He blocks both punches and hits Faith with a left jab and a right hook. The hook spins her around, and Ronan grabs the back of Faith's head and slams her face into the door, leaving a splatter of blood at the point of impact. Faith falls to her knees. Ronan stands behind her, ready to administer the death blow.

Gunn, Fred, Wes and Lindsey stand in a tight, outward-facing circle. Their outstretched right hands hold crosses like small shields. Their left hands, kept close to their bodies, hold stakes like miniature swords. Tina, Alanna, Vala and Drusilla stand six feet away, forming a circle around them. The vampires appear tentative about attacking this compact formation. They move around a little, searching for possible ways of breaking it up. Fred and Lindsey start to move a few inches one way, then the other as they follow their attackers.

WES: No one move. Stay in formation.

GUNN: We stick together, we can fight 'em off.

High up along each of the side walls are three small, evenly-spaced decorative windows. Each window is double-arch, each arch 30 inches high and 12 inches in diameter. The windows are covered up with translucent, gray wallpaper. From inside the ballroom, the windows look painted-on, an attempt to make the space seem less subterranean. But the windows are real. Standing in the basement, one floor above the ballroom, and behind the middle window along the left wall is Angelus. He leaps through the window, breaking through the paper and the three inch-wide piece of wood between the arches. Facing this window is Wesley, and behind him Gunn faces the other wall. Angelus leaps over Wesley's head and kicks Gunn in his upper back with both feet. Vala runs away from the piece of wood falling towards her head and ends up to Dru's left. Gunn falls on his face. Fred turns around to see what did this. The instant Angelus's feet hit the floor, he pivots backwards and hits Fred in the face with a right roundhouse kick, bloodying her nose and nearly breaking it. Wesley spins around and shoves his cross at Angelus's face. Angelus backs up a step, then knocks the cross out of Wesley's hand with a right hook kick. Wesley lands a left cross to Angelus's face, but he gives Wesley a right kick in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. When Wes doubles over, Angelus quickly punches him in the adam's apple with his left fist, making it even harder for Wesley to breathe. He falls to his knees. Angelus turns to his left and sees Lindsey's right fist coming towards his jaw. He pulls his head back out of the way as he laughs at the absurdity of Lindsey attacking him. But while LIndsey's right hook falls short, Gunn pops the left side of Angelus's jaw with a right jab. The blow stings, and Angelus responds with a quick right hook to the left side of Gunn's skull. No sooner does this blow connect than Lindsey hits Angelus's right cheek with a left cross. This stings a lot less than Gunn's blow, but it bothers Angelus more, since he views Gunn as a seasoned fighter but sees Lindsey as a white-collar pansy. When Angelus turns to his right and prepares to deck Lindsey with a left jab, he sees Lindsey's outstretched right hand holding a cross. After what Kelly did to him, Angelus hates these things like never before. He growls and squeezes Lindsey's right wrist with his left hand. The pain causes Lindsey to drop the cross before Angelus breaks his wrist. Angelus immediately lets go. With his left hand, he blocks Gunn's right hook. With his right hand, he grabs Lindsey by the back of his head. Angelus then puts his left hand behind Gunn's neck and pulls his arms inward, slamming Gunn's forehead into Lindsey's forehead. The two of them fall to the ground. Angelus walks towards Drusilla near the front of the room. His Sirens join them. This is the first time these three women have seen their Master since before the start of the battle. They're happy, and of course so is Dru. All five of them have on their human faces. Unlike the four women, Angelus appears grim and determined. Dru can sense his intensity. Rarely has she seen him this businesslike.

ANGELUS: No prisoners. [meaning no siring] No more games. No more toying with them. We end this NOW!!

NEXT: Connor to the rescue.


	8. Invincible Connor

Lana, Vala, Angelus, Dru and Tina stand in a line facing Wes, Fred, Gunn and Lindsey, who are twenty feet in front of them. For the exhausted, weaponless (no swords, axes or crossbows) and badly wounded humans, things have never been bleaker. The arrival of the mighty Angelus leaves them outnumbered and hopelessly outclassed. At the exact same moment, all five vampires turn bumpy and roar in unison as they go on the attack. The humans know this is no longer a fight, but a hunt. They flinch and step back as Angelus strides towards them. His calm, unhurried walk is terrifying, and gives them a couple seconds to imagine what he's about to do to them. It is also smart. If Angelus leaped at them, he could end up with a chest full of cross burns. The women follow their leader, and the five vampires advance in a delta-shape, Angelus front and center, Dru and Vala in back and on the right and left wings, respectively. Gunn and Wes stay put, covering Fred's left and right flanks, both of them prepared to die for her. Angelus doesn't want to give them the chance to help her. He walks straight at Gunn, who holds out a cross in his right hand. Fred holds one in her left. When he is six feet in front of Charles, Angelus suddenly veers to his left. Tina, behind and to the right of Angelus, also veers left. She takes a quick step towards Gunn and hits the left side of his face with a right cross. Charles, who was focused on Angelus, never saw it coming. He falls on his back, but holds his cross up to keep Tina from leaping on top of him. She growls and rips it out of his right hand with her left hand, tossing it behind her. Gunn pushes her away with both feet and stands up. Before he can even think of helping Fred, Tina knocks him into the back wall with a flying right kick.

When he veers left, Angelus reaches with his left hand for the cross Fred holds in her left hand. When his left hand is inches from the crucifix, causing Fred to focus on it, Angelus grabs her left triceps with his right hand and quickly yanks her forward. She falls down 15 feet in front of where she was standing. This gets her away from Wes and Gunn, her two erstwhile protectors. But they have problems of their own. The vampire's leftward movement outflanked Wesley. Vala comes at him from the front while Lana dashes along the wall to Wesley's right and ends up behind him. He turns towards the wall and tries watching Vala with his left eyeball and Lana with his right. But when Vala charges Wesley and sends her right foot towards his head, he has no choice but to face her and hope Lana goes away.

Fortunately for Wesley, she does. Getting behind him was just meant to keep Wes from coming to Fred's aide if he managed to quickly knock down Vala. The Sirens knew almost instinctively what Angelus and Dru would want them to do. Wes blocks Vala's right kick with both hands. She nails him in the stomach with her left foot. Because of his crossbow wound, blows to the abdomen are especially painful for Wesley. He grunts and manages to hit her in the face with a right hook. When she grabs his throat with her right hand and winds up to punch his ribs with her left fist, Wes shoves the cross he holds in his left hand into her abdomen. The steam has just begun to rise off her flesh when Vala grabs the cross with her left hand and hurls it into the wall to her left. She moans in pain, but also in pleasure, as Wes can tell from the smile on her face. "Just my luck. I get the masochist," Wes thinks to himself. Vala grabs the hair on the back of Wesley's head with her right hand, yanks his head backwards and upwards, then leans in to bite the right side of his neck. Wes remains still, as if no longer resisting. He quickly but discreetly tries to stab her heart with the stake in his right hand. Now that she has leaned in, Vala's chest was only a foot from his. On a normal vampire, this would work. But Vala is not a normal vampire, having been sired and trained by Angelus. She quickly shoots her left hand upwards and grabs the stake when its point is two inches from her chest. Wesley is surprised that she stopped it so soon. He pulls his left hand in and tries to force the stake home with both hands. Vala grabs his right hand with her left hand and pulls it out wide. Meanwhile, with her right hand, she pulls on Wesley's hair even harder. Considering how short Wesley's hair is, it's a testament to Vala's strength that she can grab it at all, let alone pull it hard enough to cause Wes extreme pain. His head tilts back until he's looking at the ceiling.

VALA: You are one tough son of a bitch.

When Vala is about to bite him, Wesley reaches his left arm up and grabs her hair. Once he starts pulling on her long straight black locks, Vala's fangs back away from his flesh. Val puts her right foot on his chest and pushes him into the back wall.

VALA: Oww!! Hair pulling's for girls. You fight dirty.

Exhausted and fighting with a wound that should have sent him to the hospital, Wesley leans up against the back wall, gasps for breath, and tries flirting in order to get as many seconds of rest as possible. He puts on the best come hither look he can manage at this point.

WES: Doesn't that turn you on?

VALA: Well, yeah.

Vala smiles and licks her upper lip as she walks towards him.

VALA: Maybe I will take one prisoner. Daddy knows we need to replenish our ranks.

Wesley's too tired to think through the implications of Vala wanting to make Angelus his grand sire – meaning Wes would be taking Spike's old place in the family. He sighs in resignation. The two of them have been fighting for what seems like forever. But despite all the punishment he's given Val, she's no different from when they started. Meanwhile, he's taken the thrashing of a lifetime and is amazed that he's still able to stand on his own two feet.

The one vampire who didn't veer left was Drusilla. While Gunn, Wes and Fred were being set upon, she drifted right, moving along the wall to Lindsey's left. He had no choice but to turn and face her. After Vala attacked Wes, Lana, who was behind him, ran to her left, behind Fred and Gunn. With Lindsey turned to face Dru, he could not see Lana when she ambushed him from behind. Dru sees Alanna leaping through the air and starts walking to her left, towards the center of the room and away from Lindsey. Right when he turns his head rightward to watch Dru, Lana lands on his back. Lindsey falls forward, breaking the fall with his hands, which hold his stake and cross, but are pointed in the wrong direction.

Fred tries to get up. Angelus grabs her right leg and drags her towards him. She sweeps his right leg with her left foot. Angelus falls down. Fred stands up, but from a sitting position Angelus leaps up off the ground. While he's in midair, Angelus grabs Fred and pushes her on her back. In the blink of an eye, Fred goes from escaping one trap to being trapped again. And this time, Angelus is not in the mood for foreplay. The back of Fred's head hasn't even hit the ground when he plunges his fangs deep into the left side of her neck. The speed of the maneuver leaves Fred powerless to stop it. Angelus immediately begins quenching his parched and scorched tongue. Fred screams, but is quickly weakened by the rush of blood leaving her body.

Not as badly wounded as Wesley, Gunn still has a little fight left in him. Tina plans to take care of that very quickly. After knocking Gunn into the center of the back wall, she kicks him in head with a left hook kick, then punches his heart with a powerful right jab that causes him to groan and pull his arms inward. Tina lands a left uppercut to his diaphragm, then a right hook to his left shoulder, the one she stuck the stake into. This causes Charles extra pain. She hits him in the mouth with a left jab. But then he hears Fred scream. Gunn nails Tina's jaw with the hardest right hook he can muster. The blow knocks her back half-a-step. He kicks her in the chin with his right foot. She staggers six feet backwards. Gunn steps forward, ready to run to the rescue.

Rather than double-up on one of the humans, Drusilla decided to hang back and stay in reserve. That way, if one of the Sirens got into trouble and was about to be staked, she could rush to the rescue. Tina seemed to be in a little bit of trouble. Dru walks forward to help her as Angelus bites Fred. But no sooner does she arrive by Tina's right side than Tina hits Gunn in the forehead with a leaping right roundhouse kick. After being knocked back a step, Charles continues coming forward. He blocks Tina's left hook with his right hand and sends a straight left kick for her chin. She grabs his right calf with both hands, plants her left foot on the floor and kicks Gunn in the groin with her right foot. When he groans and doubles over, she knocks him back into the wall with a left uppercut to the chin. Tina follows this up with two right hooks to the face. Now she has taken the fight out of him.

When Wesley hears Fred's scream, his back is literally against the wall. Vala has just landed two right hooks to his ribcage and a left uppercut to this stomach. As much as these blows hurt and sapped his fighting ability, Fred's cry for help makes him resolve to dig down deep and use whatever life he has left in his body to come to her rescue. Val hits his face with a left cross. Rather than collapse in a heap, as his body is telling him to, Wesley hits Vala in the face with a left cross of his own. Vala grabs Wes and pulls him towards her so she can bite him. He head-butts her in the nose and runs towards his damsel. Wes bounds forward with his left foot, and his right foot is about to hit the ground when Vala grabs Wes by the back of his t-shirt and hurls him ten feet backwards, into the corner. She turns around and closes with Wes before he can escape or offer up a defense. Now he is trapped. Six feet to his left, on the back wall, is a large blood spot from where the wounded portion of his back hit the wall.

Face down, with a vampire on top of him and about to bite him, Lindsey does not have many options. He could try to push himself up with his arms and then roll over or pull her off of him, but he doesn't think he's strong enough. He holds a cross in his right hand, but can't reach far enough back to touch Alanna's skin. Then it comes to him. Lindsey tosses the cross straight up in the air. If his aim is halfway decent, this might work. If not, he's a dead man. The cross lands on the middle of Lana's back as she leans forward and opens her mouth to bite and drain Lindsey. She stands up and screams. Lindsey gets up, turns around and hits her face with a quick left hook. Right then, he hears Fred's scream. Lindsey looks in front and to his left, and sees Angelus on top of her. During the few seconds while Alanna is still smarting from the cross burn, Lindsey sprints towards Angelus, who gleefully gulps away. Lindsey drives the stake in his right hand deep into Angelus's back. Then, when the point is about to come out through Angelus's chest, Lindsey rips the cross back out.

Angelus is shocked beyond reckoning. He takes his teeth out of Fred's neck and arches his back. He looks positively flabbergasted. After all, he is the one they are trying to save. Who could possibly want to stake him? While Angelus is on his knees, still straddling Fred, Lindsey kicks him in the mouth with his left foot. Angelus falls back, and Fred, though still in shock, rises to her feet. Barely able to stand, she glances to her right and sees this most unlikely instrument of her salvation. Lindsey looks down at Angelus, who feels sick to his stomach when he looks up and sees who's holding the stake.

LINDSEY: Staked you just a little bit too high. [smiles] Guess that means you owe me your life. Hurts, doesn't it?

He means both the physical pain of getting a stake stuck into his body and the humiliation of having it done by Lindsey. By this time, Tina is in control against Gunn, so Dru turns around to see how the others are doing. The first thing she sees is a hole in Angelus's back. The next thing she sees is Lindsey looking at Angelus and gripping a stake. As Angelus stands up, Alanna comes running up and hits Lindsey in the right ear with a leaping left hook kick, knocking him towards the opposite wall. This denies Angelus the chance to kill him. Dru shrieks as she runs forward and to her right. When Lindsey stands up, she gets in front of Lana and shoves Lindsey's back into the wall with her right hand. She clobbers his face with two left hooks, then a right jab to the nose. Still furious, Dru puts her left hand to his forehead and pounds the back of Lindsey's head into the wall three times. The third time, his head goes through both the drywall and and wooden two-by-four right behind it. She steps back and looks at the wounded and dazed lawyer. For whatever reason, she kicks him in the groin with her right foot. Lindsey moans in pain. Dru adds a left uppercut to his diaphragm and a right hook to his face, the last blow practically knocking him out.

After Lana kicked Lindsey, Angelus and Fred were left all alone. She was pale from the loss of blood. He stood there for a moment, watching her struggle to keep her wobbly legs from collapsing while her big, frightened doe eyes looked around for someone, or something, to help her. This brought the fun back into his work. She dashes forward and to her right, towards the wall and the rear exit. Angelus calmy follows and cuts her off 15 feet in front of the door. He pins her wrists to the wall. With Dru getting Lindsey, Alanna walks towards the back wall. To her left, she sees that Wes has been cornered by Vala. To her right, along the back wall, Tina is just about finished breaking Gunn's resistance. She decides to join in. At this moment, Lindsey, Fred, Wes and Gunn have all been beaten into submission. Everyone is propped up against a wall, about to be eaten. Faith is locked in another room and near death herself. Connor has no idea what he's walking into. He just knows Dru's going to be there. Connor enters the ballroom through the hole in the door created by Faith. He sees what looks like a massacre-in-progress. But he's neither worried nor alarmed.

CONNOR: Wonder what mom would think of you biting Lindsey.

Drusilla turns to her left and sees Connor. She smiles.

CONNOR: Hello sister.

Further down, and along to opposite wall, Angelus turns his head to the right upon hearing the sound of his son's voice. He pulls Fred's body away from the wall and then slams her back into it. Fred falls to the ground. Angelus also smiles at Connor. Tina was about to bite the left side of Gunn's neck, and Lana the right side, when Connor entered. They turn around. Alanna, knowing what's next, walks over to Lindsey. Gunn takes his stake in his right hand and tries to get Tina in the back. She hits his face with the back of her right hand, turns around and knocks Gunn down with a left hook. Vala holds Wesley against the corner with her right hand and looks over her left shoulder to catch a glimpse of Connor. Wes, Lindsey, Gunn and Fred can all see him, and are relieved beyond measure. The vampires are calm and confident. But so is Connor. The way Angelus sees it, Lana takes Lindsey, Dru takes Connor, and that's the end of the story, barring the reappearance of Faith. Connor's scared of Dru. He's always lost to her. And all she has to do this time is keep him occupied for 15 seconds while the four other vampires finish off the four other humans.

CONNOR: Sorry I'm late. You guys can leave. I'll handle the rest. It's a family thing.

Lindsey, Wes, Gunn and Fred aren't quite sure if their concussions are making them hear things. After all, Connor just said he was comfortable single-handedly fighting five vampires at once, including Angelus and Drusilla. Perhaps he still hasn't recovered from when Dru cut off the blood to his brain. Speaking of which, Connor looks at Drusilla, who is ten feet in front of him.

CONNOR: You should have killed me when you had the chance.

Connor and Dru step towards each other. Connor throws a left hook. Dru blocks it. Connor reaches around, puts his right hand on her back and pushes Dru face-first into the wall 15 feet to his left. Connor kicks Dru in the spine with his right foot, then uses his hands to box both her ears. Dru falls to the ground. Alanna abandons Lindsey and comes at Connor from his right while he's still facing the wall. Connor spins and knocks Lana on her back with a left roundhouse kick. The other vampires ditch their meals to deal with the family's Black Sheep. To get an innocent bystander out of harm's way, Connor grabs Lindsey and chucks him 30 feet through the air. He crashes into Wes in the back left corner. Fred crawls along the wall toward the right corner. Gunn puts his left hand on the back wall and stumbles to the back right corner as well.

Angelus bounds confidently across the room, eager to give his boy some fatherly discipline. Connor walks forward and meets Angelus in the center of the room. Vala is behind Angelus and to his right, while Tina is behind him and to his left. Angelus leads with a right cross. Connor blocks the blow with his left arm and hits Angelus twice in the nose with right jabs. Angelus lands a left jab to Connor's nose. Alanna comes at him from behind and to Connor's left. Connor knocks her down with a left back kick to the face. When Angelus charges, Connor swings his left foot forward and hits Angelus in the stomach. Connor tries a right hook kick, but Angelus blocks this. Angelus throws a straight right kick for Connor's chin, but he does a back flip to get out of the way. Dru comes at him, but he reaches his left arm out. She goes down after running into the back of his left hand.

CONNOR: Thanks for the rest, big sis.

Angelus hits Connor in the face with left and right hooks. Connor holds his ground, and quickly grabs Angelus by his shirt, pulls him inward, and knocks him back with a head butt to the nose. Connor follows this up with a leaping straight right kick to the chin. Angelus staggers back to the center of the room. Connor swaggers towards him. He seems to have stolen Angelus's scornful smirk.

CONNOR: How did I ever let you kick my ass in the first place?

Connor laughs. He blocks a left jab and ducks under a right cross. He lands a right uppercut to Angelus's stomach and a left hook to his ribcage. Connor quickly nails Angelus in the head with a right hook kick, followed immediately by a left roundhouse. Angelus falls on his back. Connor leaps over top of him towards Vala and Tina. Angelus slowly gets up and shakes his head. Dru doesn't understand it either. Their mistake was deciding to knock Connor out with a sleeper hold. The move did buy them more-than-enough time to finish off Wes, Gunn, Fred and Lindsey. But Connor had never lost consciousness before. When he passed out, he thought he had died. When he realized he hadn't, for the next few minutes he felt invincible, much like Buffy had when she was revived after the Master actually did kill her.

Vala and Tina charge at Connor. Vala is to Connor's left and Tina is to his right. Connor duck Tina's straight left kick for his head and simultaneously sweeps Vala's legs with his left foot. He blocks Tina's right roundhouse kick with his right hand and blocks Vala's right hook with his left arm. However, Vala hits Connor's face with a left jab. Connor grabs Vala with both hands and pushes her away. Tina kicks him in the spine with her right foot, then sends a left kick for Connor's head. But Connor spins around and grabs her left foot with both hands. Tina does a back flip to break free. When they attack again, Connor leaps in the air and does a flying split kick, hitting Vala's head with his left foot and Tina's with his right. They both fall down. Connor spins around to face the front of the room. Lana flies at him, trying a leaping left kick. Connor sends a straight right kick towards her. The sole of his right shoe hits the soul of her left shoe, knocking Lana off-course. She spins to Connor's right and tumbles to the floor. Connor turns to his left and gives Tina a right kick in the face as she tries to get up. Connor turns around and gives Vala left kick to the chest as she approaches him. Vala grabs his left foot. Connor leaps forward, kicks Vala in the face with his right foot, does a backflip and lands directly in front of Tina. Dru is about to go after Connor, but Angelus puts out his right hand and holds her back. He wants to see how his three girls handle the situation.

Tina grabs Connor from behind and puts him in a full Nelson. Connor drives her into the wall five feet behind them. He bashes her nose with the back of his head. Tina lets go when Lana and Vala are six feet away and closing. Connor hits Lana with a right hook kick and Val with a left roundhouse. The kicks knock each of them 15 feet backwards and to the ground. When Connor turns around, Tina hits his face with a right hook and a left cross. She blocks Connor's right cross, but he kicks her in the chin with his left foot. Connor blocks Tina's right hook kick, ducks her left jab, then blocks her right uppercut with his left hand while he lands a right uppercut of his own. Connor hits her face with quick left and right crosses. He blocks her right cross, hits Tina with two quick right jabs, then nearly knocks her down with a powerful left hook. Before she can put her arms up to defend her heart, Connor takes his stake in his right hand and finishes her off.

Connor turns around. His back's against the wall. Lana throws a left hook. Before the punch reaches him, Connor knocks her down with a quick left jab. Vala rushes straight at him. Connor leaps in the air, sails over her head and lands in the middle of the room near Drusilla. Connor makes a back-handed move to stake her. When Dru grabs his right arm, Connor knocks her down with a left hook. Alanna throws a right kick for his face. Almost without looking, Connor grabs her right foot with both hands when it is three inches in front of his left eye. Connor spins her foot and lets go. Lana spirals in the air several times before tumbling to the floor. Connor turns to his left and is hit in the mouth by Vala's left jab. She then throws a right hook. Connor grabs her right wrist with his left hand, puts his right hand against her left biceps and pushes her back into the rear wall. Connor tumbles towards her and hits Vala's face with a right cartwheel kick. When his feet hit the ground, Connor peppers her with a lightning quick left jab-right cross combination. Sensing the attack, Connor turns around and sends a straight left kick for Alanna's head. At the same time, he drives the stake in his right hand backwards. Alanna grabs Connor's foot. But Vala turns to dust. Lana can see the dust fall down the back wall. She lets go of Connor's foot and retreats towards Angelus and Dru. Connor spins the stake in his right hand like a six-shooter. Wes, Gunn, Fred and Lindsey sit against the wall in the back corner next to the door, watching Connor in disbelief.

CONNOR: Who's next?

Faith sits on the floor, facing the door. Ronan stands behind her. He puts his right hand under her chin and his left hand on top of her head. When he tries to snap her neck, his arms won't budge. Faith had grabbed his right wrist and forearm with both hands. When he pulled and arm to her right, she pulled it to the left. Realizing this method won't work, Ronan decides to do the job one-handed. He cups his left hand and clamps his large fingers down on her skull. All he has to do is twist and it's over. Faith quickly sinks to the ground until her head is almost touching the concrete. With her back flat on the floor, Faith shoots her legs up and hits Ronan in the face, knocking him away. She vaults to her feet, turns and kicks him in the chest with a right roundhouse. Ronan's back is against the back wall. Faith hits him with a right hook, but Ronan answers with a crushing right cross. He blocks her left hook kick and her right jab. Ronan grabs Faith and throws her to his left. She crashes into the side wall. Ronan nails her in the stomach with a right hook kick, but Faith blocks his left cross and ducks under his right jab. As Ronan's right fist dents the metal wall, Faith knocks him back with a quick right uppercut and a left jab, then steps forward and adds a quick left jab-right hook combination. Ronan launches a right roundhouse kick for her chest. This blow had never failed to work against Faith. But this time, she grabs his right foot with both hands and throws him to her right, giving Ronan a taste of his own medicine. His back slams into the rear wall. Faith kicks him in the stomach with a straight left kick. He lands a left jab. Faith connect with a quick left jab-right cross combination. Ronan knocks her away with a right cross. Faith comes in again and tries another left jab. Ronan beats her to the punch and knocks Faith on her back with a left cross. He confidently looks down at her. She smiles back. Then Ronan realizes something doesn't feel quite right. While she threw the left punch, Faith reached into her pocket, grabbed the stake with her right hand and quickly sent it for Ronan's heart with an efficient backhand stab. He looks down and sees the wood stuck in his chest. Naturally, Ronan appears both confused and horrified, with a "How'd THAT get there?" look on his face.

FAITH: Didn't I say you'd be disappointed?

Ronan disintegrates. The stake falls on top of the dust pile. Faith slowly gets to her feet. This was the most punishing fight she'd ever had with an unarmed opponent. Faith picks up her stake and walks to the door. There's no handle on the inside. She kicks the door with her left foot. It bends a little. She kicks it again. It bends some more. After her third kick, the latch comes loose and the door opens. Faith enters the hallway, turns right and limps back towards the ballroom.

Connor walks out from the back wall towards Alanna. She backs up. Angelus is to Connor's left. Dru is to his right. As he pursues the retreating Alanna, Connor walks into a trap. He's surrounded by his three opponents. Connor shakes his head with bemusement. Angelus attacks. Connor leaps in the air and does a back flip. The 18 foot ceilings allow him to exploit his leaping ability. Connor lands behind Angelus, between him and the other people. Connor folds his arms across his chest.

CONNOR: Are you even trying?

Angelus leaps at Connor and drives him into the side wall. Connor throws Angelus to his left. Angelus hits him with a right hook to the face and a left uppercut to the stomach. Connor throws a right hook. Angelus blocks it with his left arm. Connor steps to his right and grabs Angelus's left arm with his left arm. He pulls Angelus's arm behind his back, puts his right hand behind Angelus's head, shoves him head-first into the wall, then tosses him away from the side wall and towards the front of the room. This puts him in the path of Drusilla, who was coming in to double-team Connor. Angelus collides with her and they both fall down. Lana races towards the four other humans while Connor is busy fighting Angelus and Dru. He takes care of both of them just in time, leaping at Alanna and tackling her from behind when she is five feet from Lindsey. Connor stands up, grabs her again and tosses Lana away from the back corner where the people are. She snarls.

CONNOR: Any last words, lil' sis?

Alanna is older than Connor and just as tall, so he only means little in the sense that she was sired after he was born. Lana growls and comes at Connor with a left hook kick and a right roundhouse kick. Connor blocks the hook kick and moves to his right to avoid the roundhouse. Alanna is now between Connor and the people. She looks at them, baring her fangs menacingly. Connor pulls his stake out of his pocket. Lana glances back and sees this. She realizes if she went for the kill she would be able to take out one human at most before Connor staked her in the back. Dru and Angelus stay out of the way. Angelus has decided to let Connor tire himself out killing Alanna. She was the best of the three Sirens, as well as the freshest, since she had yet to engage in any drawn-out one-on-one fights. Angelus figured that when Connor was done with her, he should be far more manageable.

Alanna realizes daddy's making her prove her worth. She shuffles towards Connor and throws a right kick, which he blocks. She retreats as Connor attacks, blocking a left kick for her head. Lana goes back on the offensive, catching Connor with a leaping right kick to the mouth. He staggers back ten feet but stays upright. Connor blocks her left hook kick and tries to use his left foot to sweep her right leg. Lana hops up above the attack and tries to hit Connor in the face with a right kick while still in mid-air. He quickly backs up, and her foot misses his chin by an inch. Connor steps forward and sends a right kick for her head. Lana does a backwards hand spring to get out of the way. Angelus and Dru are grinning, especially Angelus, who is proud of how well BOTH his progeny are handling themselves. Connor ducks under her right roundhouse kick and throws a right cross for her face. Vala blocks this. Connor blocks her left jab. Each of them try two more quick punches. Both fighters are quick enough to block all of the blows. Connor tries a head butt. Lana moves her head back out of the way. She pushes Connor back. He circles left. So does she. Now Connor faces the front of the room, and Angelus and Dru stand 15 feet behind Lana. (The two of them decline to attack the four injured humans right now because it would be too risky. Connor could easily intercept them, and if Dru were caught between Connor on one side and Wes, Gunn, Fred and Lindsey on the other, she would probably get staked.)

Connor steps forward and throws a left jab. Alanna backs out of the way and sends a quick left hook kick for his right ear. He blocks it with his right hand, but she lands a straight left kick to his nose. Lana follows this up with a left cross. The balletic, non-violent preliminaries are over. Lana hits Connor in the chin with a backflip kick. When she leaps at him, Connor does a forward flip, jumping over top of her. His feet his the ground, and Connor turns and tries a quick right roundhouse kick. She jumps backwards, plants her feet against the wall three feet above the floor, pushes off with her left foot and kicks Connor in the head with a right hook kick. She attacks while he's staggering backwards, but Connor gets his right arm under her right shoulder and flips Alanna on her back. When she gets up, he gives her a right roundhouse kick to the chest. Connor ducks under a right kick to his head and gets in close with Alanna. He clobbers her with a left jab, right cross and left cross. She responds by landing a left uppercut, but Connor blocks her right hook and lands two of his own. He follows this up with a left kick to the stomach and a right hook to the face. Connor dodges her right cross, peppers Lana with left and right crosses, then blocks Lana's right kick. When she spins while attempting a left roundhouse kick, Connor nails Lana in the head with a quick left hook kick. She spins through the air and hits the ground to Connor's left. He immediately leaps on top of Alanna in order to stake her. She grabs the stake with both hands, but Connor overpowers her and finishes Alanna off. He stands up and looks at Drusilla.

CONNOR: Sorry bout the girls. But I liked it better when I was an only child.

After making this thinly-veiled threat, Connor walks towards Dru. Angelus has had enough of Connor the Invincible. While Connor looks straight ahead at Dru, Angelus blind-sides his son from the right side and nails him with a left hook. Connor spins and hits Angelus with a left roundhouse. Angelus kicks Connor in the mouth with a straight right kick. He takes Connor's left jab, blocks his right hook and knocks Connor backwards and rightwards with a right hook of his own. Connor steadies himself and tries a right kick. Angelus blocks this and hits Connor's ribcage with a right hook kick. Connor and Angelus trade left crosses. Connor lands a left jab. Angelus blocks his son's right hook and pounds Connor's face with a right hook and a left cross. Connor staggers backwards towards the rear wall.

ANGELUS: Fantasy time's over, Wonder Boy. Back to reality.

Angelus approaches Connor from the front, while Drusilla comes at him from his left. To Connor's far left, Faith rips open the emergency exit and enters the ballroom.

NEXT: Faith and Connor team up to kill Drusilla while Willow finally gives Angel his soul back. But neither Dru nor Angelus will go quietly, and they make Willow, Connor and Faith pay dearly for trying to bring Angel back.


	9. The Price of Saving a Soul

Faith walks over to Connor. Her appearance make her threats seem absurdly misplaced. There's a large red bruise on her forehead, another on her right cheek, a black bruise under her left eye and below her lower lip, and her nose and upper lip are bleeding. Connor has purple swelling beneath both eyes, a bloody nose and lower lip, a bloody scratch on his right cheek and and a red bruise on his left. Angelus and Dru are battered, but not nearly as badly as their opponents.

ANGELUS: Looks like Ronan softened you up pretty good.

FAITH: Looks like you two got no one left to protect you. [looks over her left shoulder at Gunn, Fred, Wes and Lindsey] Get outta here.

WES: Very well then.

GUNN: Catch ya later.

Wesley and Gunn are both eager to leave and take care of their serious injuries. Lindsey is a little hesitant to abandon Faith.

FRED: Besides, Willow should be done with that spell any second now.

As Fred turns to leave, so does Lindsey.

ANGELUS: Of course. Because in this house magic always works out just the way you planned it. Toodles. Remember to come out and carry Faith's and Connor's bodies away.

The four of them leave. Faith faces Angelus. To her right, Connor faces Drusilla. Connor and Faith glance at each other. They attack diagonally. Connor goes after Angelus and Faith goes after Dru. In the hallway, Gunn and Wes prop Fred up. She has her left arm around Wesley's shoulders and her right arm around Gunn's.

FRED: Thanks. Sure you guys are up to this? You're both bleedin' awful badly.

WES: Superficial flesh wounds. Nothing serious.

GUNN: Did anyone else notice how laid back Angelus was about Willow?

WES: He can't show fear. That would give his enemies the satisfaction of knowing he was worried.

GUNN: I think it's more than that.

LINDSEY: Kinda like he was saying "I know something you don't know?"

GUNN: Maybe. Wouldn't put it past Angelus to have a few more tricks up his sleeve.

Wes and Gunn fall to the ground because of their injuries and exhaustion. They inadvertently pull Fred down with them.

FRED: Okay, ah think you two are worse off than me.

Lindsey reaches down, takes Fred's right hand in his right hand and pulls her up. She puts her right arm around his shoulders and he puts his left arm around her waist. They start walking down the hall. Gunn and Wes feel abandoned. If she thought they were worse off than her, why didn't she help THEM up?

FRED: Thanks for saving life.

LINDSEY: Just paying you back for saving mine.

FRED: When did I save your life?

LINDSEY: In the hallway, when you staked that vamp right before was gonna kill me.

FRED: Oh, right. You're welcome. And thanks again.

She rests her head on his left shoulder.

LINDSEY: How bad are you hurt?

FRED: Jus' a little blood loss. No biggie. Thanks to you.

Wes and Gunn hobble along ten feet behind them. They can't believe what they're seeing and hearing. After everything the two of them did, Fred thinks Lindsey's the hero? The four of them make a right turn, walk underneath the room Willow's in, and get to the stairs. Wesley noticed something odd, and he turns around and looks at the ceiling grate on the ground.

WES: How did that get there?

He walks back and sees the hole leading up to the basement. But no sooner does he look up than Kelly, thinking it's a vampire, hurls a bottle of holy water at him. It shatters against his forehead.

WES: Ow! What on earth?

Kelly looks down and sees him.

KELLY: Wesley!!

WES: Kelly?? Kelly is that you?

KELLY: I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

WES: No. But not because of anything you've done.

KELLY: Angelus tried to break in. I've been on the lookout for vamps.

WES: They've been taken care of.

GUNN: What's goin' on?

LORNE: Charles, is that you?

GUNN: Hey Lorne. Kelly?

LINDSEY: Hey Kel. Everything alright?

KELLY: So far. Who all's down there?

FRED: Just the four of us. Faith and Connor are keepin' Angelus and Dru busy. Willow almost done?

LORNE: I think so. Come on up. We'll let you in. Kelly brought a first aid kit which, from the looks of it, you battered munchkins desperately need.

Connor hits the left side of Angelus's head with a flying right hook kick. Faith tries a left jab, but Dru grabs her left arm. Faith does a forward flip, takes her stake in her right hand and tries to quickly stake Dru in the back. Dru spins around and leaps back from Faith, who puts away her stake. Dru blocks Faith's right kick and left cross, but Faith lands a left hook. Angelus blocks Connor's left and right punches, then hits his son with a right jab. He ducks under Connor's right roundhouse and hits him with a left hook and a right kick to the face. These blows knock Connor down near the center of the room. Faith has her back to the front wall, and Dru is six feet in front of her. She sees Connor fall down ten feet behind her and to her left. Dru leaps at the opportunity. She gives Connor a right kick to the ribs while he's down. Faith rushes towards Dru, intending to attack her from behind. Instead, Faith gets ambushed by Angelus, who grabs her arms from behind.

ANGELUS: Forget about me?

Angelus spins round and hurls Faith face-first into the front wall. She throws a back kick before turning around. Angelus stays out of the way, and once the kick misses and Faith is facing him, he nails her face with a right cross. On the other side of the room, Connor stands up and tries a back flip kick. Dru backs up a step to avoid it. Next, Connor tries a right cross. Dru blocks this with her left hand and hits Connor's nose with a right jab. She blocks a right kick for her head and gives Connor a right kick to the stomach. Connor cocks his left fist, but before he can throw the punch Dru lunges at him, driving Connor ten feet backwards into the rear wall. The crushing tackle weakens Connor. He's still standing, but not able to defend himself. Dru puts her left hand against his upper chest, pinning Connor against the wall. He reaches into his right pocket for a stake. Dru puts her left hand on Connor's right hand while it's in his pocket, preventing him from pulling out the stake. She leans in to bite the right side of Connor's neck. He reaches his left hand into his left pocket, pulls out an eight inch-long metal spike and drives it five inches into the right side of Dru's neck. She screams and backs away before she can bite Connor. He rips the stake out of her. Looking horrified, she puts her left hand to the neck wound. Connor hits her face with a right cross, sending her two steps back. Once again, he has on his wicked smile. Connor puts the spike up to his mouth and licks off the blood.

CONNOR: You drank my blood. I drank yours. Isn't that what you wanted?

Connor gives the still-stunned Dru a left kick to the stomach and a right hook to the face. He's still holding the spike in his left hand.

CONNOR: Funny how I don't feel any different.

It's very hard to freak out a woman as twisted as Drusilla, but Connor had done just that. At least she thought she knew where Connor had picked up this dastardly trick.

DRU: Bloody William.

CONNOR: Who? You mean Spike? What's he gotta do with this?

And angry Dru sends a left hook kick for Connor's left hand. He spins around and makes a backhanded stab for her left eye. She grabs the spike with both hands in the nick of time and wrestles it from Connor's grasp. The stake falls on the floor as Connor hits Dru in the chin with a right uppercut. She turns and runs out the door, hanging a left. Connor races after her. Angelus turns around and tries to hit Connor in the stomach with a right kick. Connor leaps up, but the kick hits his shins. He flips forward in mid-air and lands on the floor just in front of the door. Faith comes at Angelus. He turns and blocks her right kick. Connor stands up and runs into the hallway. Angelus hits Faith with a left jab and a right cross. She throws a left hook. Angelus grabs her left arm, but Faith grabs his body with her right arm and throws him over her shoulder. He crashes through what's left of the broken door and falls on a pile of wooden debris.

ANGELUS: Okay Faithy. Now you're getting reckless.

Angelus gets up and runs down the hall. Faith follows. Connor and Dru are out of sight. After running to the end of the hallway, Connor followed Dru's scent and took a left. He was walking towards the spot where Angelus and Dru each tried to break in and attack Willow. Connor follows the trail for 20 feet. Then it ends. But no sign of Dru. He realizes she must have doubled back. When Connor turns around Dru hits him in the forehead with the metal chain Angelus used to pull down the grate. She swings it like a whip, rapping his knuckles when he tries to grab it. He backs away when she swings for his face, then tries again to grab the chain. This time, he succeeds, taking hold with his left hand. Dru quickly moves behind Connor and wraps the rest of the chain around his neck. He tries to pull it off his neck with both hands. After getting garroted for ten seconds, Connor pulls the chain out enough so that he manages a few wheezing breaths. Dru takes the chain off his neck. Connor falls on his knees, still gasping for breath. The chain links leave a dark red impression on his skin. Dru kicks him in the back with her left foot, knocking Connor on his face. She whips his back twice with the chain. Connor rolls to the side and quickly gets to his feet. He puts his hands up and backs away, expecting more whipping. Then he hears someone coming round the corner. It's Angelus. Connor sighs in despair. Fortunately, Faith tackles Angelus from behind. Dru charges the temporarily relieved Connor, ready to continue their increasingly bitter battle. Connor lands a left jab and a right cross. Dru has wrapped some of the chain around her right knuckles. She throws a right cross, pounding Connor with a heavily-mailed fist. The unexpectedly fearsome blow knocks Connor to the ground. Dru joins Angelus so they can double-team the Slayer.

Lorne opens the door and Wes, Gunn, Fred and Lindsey hobble inside. Wes, Gunn and Fred fall to the floor.

LORNE: Jeepers. You brave chipmunks are in worse shape than I thought. And the blood! Great Caesar's ghost, what did they do to you?

WES: Arrow in the back.

GUNN: Stake in the shoulder.

FRED: Bitten.

KELLY: Need to get you outta these clothes.

Kelly takes off Wesley's shirt and lies him down on his stomach. Wesley manages a roguish smile.

WES: Thank you. I suppose being injured does have its fringe benefits.

KELLY: You too, Charles.

WES: Though that does dampen the mood, somewhat.

Kelly pulls his t-shirt off, though this does require Gunn to raise both arms, and raising his right arm hurts quite a bit. She sits him down and has him leaning against the wall. On the other side of the room, Willow is just about finished with her spell, as Wes can tell from translating her Latin. Fred's sitting down, leaning against the door, feeling very light-headed and spaced-out. Kelly checks her pulse and blood pressure.

KELLY: What's your blood type? Fred, what's your blood type?

FRED: Blood type? I know this one. A-plus. Do I hafta go to the hospital?

KELLY: No. You'll be fine right here.

Lorne puts large gauze pads on Gunn's shoulder and Wesley's back to stanch the bleeding.

LINDSEY: Should I get the cooler from your car?

KELLY: Wait till Willow's done. No one's in any danger of dying.

Wesley hears Willow say some stuff that doesn't sound encouraging. She looks very angry, and starts to stammer and improvise. A few seconds later, she bangs her fists against the floor.

WILLOW: Dammit!! Dammit, dammit, dammit!

LORNE: What's wrong, honey?

WILLOW: Something's protecting him.

LINDSEY: I thought you took down all the barriers.

WILLOW: I did! Nothing's protecting his soul. But something's protecting his body. A charm. A talisman. Something. Until it's off, I'm useless.

LINDSEY: So it's something on his body.

LORNE: Where on his body?

Lorne and Lindsey look at each other and shudder.

KELLY: Guess we'll have to find out.

Kelly jumps down through the hole and lands on the sub-basement level. Lorne, with his baseball bat, and then Lindsey follow her lead. Angelus turns around when he hears Kelly's feet hit the floor. Connor is just getting up. Angelus hurls him into the back wall, which Connor's body hits when it's four feet off the ground. Kelly runs towards Angelus. She puts her hands on his chest. He grabs both her arms and looks down at her neck. He sees she's not wearing the crucifix. Though he'd desperately love to kill this woman who's caused him nothing but pain since the moment they met, Angelus suspects that he is being set up. With Kelly, there has always been a set-up. He pushes her away and to the floor, put not before Kelly's ripped open his black button-down shirt. Angelus decks her with a right hook. Lindsey immediately closes with him. Angelus knocks him on his back with a left hook. But right before he threw the punch, Lindsey reached his right hand out and grabbed hold of the necklace Angelus was wearing. Once Lindsey hits the ground, Angelus looks down at his chest. Then he looks at Lindsey, who's smiling and holding something in his right hand.

LINDSEY: It is the hand of a thief.

Angelus leaps at Lindsey, who tosses the necklace to Kelly. Standing against the wall, to Lindsey's right, is Lorne. As Angelus flies by, Lorne swings away, making contact with the back of Angelus's skull. Angelus falls on his face, temporarily knocked out. Lindsey backs out of Angelus's way just before he falls face-first to the floor. Kelly runs away, as does Lorne. Dru heard a bludgeoning. She pushes Connor with her left hand and Faith with her right, knocking them into opposite walls. Dru turns around and, to her horror, sees that Angelus was the one who got bludgeoned. She charges Lindsey. He rises to his feet, but doesn't have time to get away. Kelly and Lorne have already made good their escape. Dru stands over Angelus's body and picks Lindsey up. Connor runs at her from behind and tries to stake her with his left hand. Faith grabs Connor's left forearm with her right hand and grips it very tight. She looks at him with the utmost seriousness.

FAITH: Don't even think about it.

Connor hadn't noticed that Dru was about to kill Lindsey. If he staked her, Dru might still be able to snap his neck before she turned to dust. Dru looks Lindsey in the eyes.

DRU: Smart girl. Oies where oi can see them, children. Chop chop.

Faith comes round front. Connor keeps his stake against he back.

DRU: Be a good little boy and do what the Slayer tells you.

FAITH: Get over here, Connor.

CONNOR: What if it's a trick?

Dru tosses Lindsey 15 feet forward. Now that she's fulfilled her end of the bargain, Connor has a chance to stake Dru. She doesn't think he'd be that under-handed. She's wrong. However, before he gets a chance to drive the stake through her heart, Angelus wakes up and grabs Connor's legs, pulling him to the ground and pinning his shoulders down.

ANGELUS: You were gonna do it! That's my boy!!

Connor wanted to do what Angelus would have done in the same situation,not what Angel would have done. Faith kicks Dru in the chest. She falls backwards over Angelus while he's kneeling on top of Connor. Faith kicks Angelus in the ribs with her right foot. He rolls over and stands up to Dru's left. Connor gets up and stands to Faith's left.

ANGELUS: If I'm going, I'm taking both of you with me. Gonna make damn sure poor Angel won't be able to live with himself.

Angelus turns and runs. He takes a quick left into the stairwell. Dru follows right behind. Connor and Faith chase after them. They are a little confused. He threatens to kill them, then runs away? It doesn't seem to make sense.

Willow opens the door and lets Kelly and Lorne back inside. They both gasp for breath. Kelly holds out her left hand. Willow takes the necklace and looks at the red ruby medallion dangling from it.

WILLOW: I think we have a winner. Good job, Kel.

KELLY: [hands on knees, still catching her breath] Don't thank me.

Lindsey bangs on the outside of the door.

LINDSEY: Hey guys. It's me.

Lorne opens the door. Lindsey enters.

KELLY: Lindsey's the one who took it.

LINDSEY: Couldn'ta done it without her help. Couldn'ta got away without his.

WILLOW: Okay. Good job all around. This last part shouldn't take long. Just make sure we don't get any unwelcome visitors.

Angelus bounds up the stairs to the basement level, then up to the first floor. This move strikes everyone, including Dru, as odd. Once Angelus leaves the stairwell, he races into the lobby and picks up Cordy. Here clothes are covered in blood, she's unconscious. Angelus puts his left ear to her chest and can hear her heart beating. Connor and Faith come upstairs just in time to see this.

CONNOR: Cordy!!

Angelus turns his head to the left, glances at Connor and smiles. Faith is struck by the wholesale devastation she sees all around her. Dru stands in front of, but below, Connor and Faith. She picks up an iron reinforcing rod. Connor runs to his right, staying above Dru along the outer edge of the lobby. She swings for his knees. Connor leaps up and avoids the blow. Dru spins round and swings for Faith, who does a forward flip and leaps over Dru in an effort to get to Angelus. Dru hits her in the back with the rod, knocking Faith down. Connor is across the lobby and 30 feet away from Cordy. Angelus, who doesn't want to waste time draining her, is about to snap Cordy's neck. Connor picks up a concrete chunk about six inches in diameter and hurls it at Angelus. It slams into his skull, knocking Angelus down on his stomach. He lets go of Cordy and she falls on her back. Connor takes a slightly smaller concrete chunk in his hand and goes after Angelus, who is on his knees and reaching for Cordy's head. With two leaps, Connor goes across the lobby and grabs Angelus. They roll around several times. Angelus ends up on top, but Connor quickly strikes his ribcage with the concrete chunk in his left hand and does a reversal. He raises his left arm and tries to bash Angelus in the skull. Angelus blocks the blow with his right hand and struggles with Connor, who pins down Angelus's left wrist with his right hand. Angelus chuckles.

ANGELUS: So she drops a few pounds, no longer looks like a blimp, and all of a sudden you want her again?

An enraged Connor raises the stone to strike Angelus, put he knocks it away with his right hand and flips Connor over. Connor pushes Angelus off of him with his feet. Angelus somersaults and gets up near the wall by the front door. Connor charges him. Angelus lands a right cross, but Connor keeps coming and pushes Angelus up against the wall. Connor glances to the door a few feet in front of him and to his right.

CONNOR: You kill Cordy, we take this outside.

Angelus laughs.

ANGELUS: You're not strong enough to kill me. What do you think you are – a Slayer?

While Faith is down, Dru swings for her back. Faith rolls out of the way and stands up. Dru hits her in the left side of the rib cage with one end of the eight foot-long metal pole. She tries to hit Faith's right cheek with the other side of the pole. Faith grabs it with her right hand, then her left. Dru pulls the rod away and tosses it behind her. She hits Faith in the face with a right cross. Faith answers with a right hook, two left jabs and a left hook. She hits Dru with a straight left kick, then knocks her down with right roundhouse. Faith turns around, rushes over to Cordy, picks her up and runs back towards the stairs. Angelus sees this. Hurt by the insult, Connor tries to drag part of his father's body in front of the door to prove he's for real. Angelus overpowers Connor and hurls him through the shattered glass door. He lands in the sunlit courtyard. Angelus runs after Faith. Dru gets to her feet and does the same. When Faith gets to the basement, she kicks the door with her left foot.

FAITH: Open the goddamn door, now!!

Lorne opens. Faith tosses Cordy inside. She hears Angelus approaching from behind.

FAITH: Close it!!!

Lorne slams the door shut when Angelus is six feet away. Faith turns around, grabs the charging Angelus and pushes his back against the outside of the metal door. They exchange left crosses. Then Dru grabs both of Faith's arms from behind. Angelus goes to bite her. Faith does a quick backflip to escape the hold and ends up behind Dru. Dru knocks her away with a quick left elbow to the face. Connor shows up and stands to Faith's left, facing Dru. She grins at him. There's a twinkle in her eye.

DRU: Awl this running around makes a girl awful peckish.

Connor rushes Dru. She throws him behind her. Angelus goes after Faith with a sense of urgency. She blocks his left jab, but he connects with two quick right crosses. Faith answers with a right hook. Angelus knocks her into the wall with a left hook and a right uppercut. He grabs her shoulders and pushes her into the wall again, slamming the back of her head into the concrete.

ANGELUS: Quit trying to be the hero. It doesn't suit you.

Faith knocks Angelus's hands off her shoulders and pushes him away. She steps out from the wall and sends a straight right kick for his chin. Angelus avoids the blow.

FAITH: 'Kay. Once you quit playing the badass. Doesn't suit you.

To Faith, he's always be Angel the brave, compassionate Champion who saved her life and gave her a shot at redemption. Angelus swings for her head with a right hook. She ducks and tries a right hook kick for his head. Angelus blocks this, then blocks her left jab. He hits Faith his left and right crosses. She tries a right roundhouse for his head, but Angelus ducks and kicks her in the stomach with his right foot. He pounds her with a left hook, then knocks her into the wall with a left reverse kick to the chest. Before she has a chance to recover, Angelus pops her in the ribs with a right hook kick, then slaps her face with the back of his left hand. Faith moves leftwards, towards the side wall. She tries a straight right kick. Angelus backs out of the way, then knocks Faith into the corner with an unexpected right roundhouse kick. Angelus moves in and knocks her down with a right uppercut. Suddenly and inexplicably, he steps back ten feet and grimaces.

ANGELUS: No. Oh no. I'm not going back. Not this time.

Connor stands with his back to the door, for once waiting for Dru to attack. Connor's new-found caution leads Dru to believe he's losing heart. She steps forward and attacks. Connor blocks her right cross, but Dru lands a left uppercut to his stomach, follow by a right Rabbit Punch to his left kidney. This blow causes Connor to wince. Dru grabs his throat with her left hand and hits Connor's left kidney once again. Connor yelps in pain, then hits Dru's face with a left jab. He tries a right hook, but she steps back out of the way. Connor moves forward and lands a right kick to her chin. Dru holds out her hands and flutters her fingers, goading Connor to attack. He sweeps her legs with a right kick, putting Dru on her back. While on her back, Dru tries to sweep Connor's legs with her left foot. She succeeds, but as Connor falls to the ground, he grabs Dru's still-outstretched left foot with both hands. Once he's on the floor, Connor twists the foot ninety degrees clockwise, badly spraining and nearly breaking Dru's left ankle. If she wants to fight dirty, Connor is more-than-willing to respond in kind. Dru was not counting on this. She screams out in pain and reaches for Connor's left foot. He pulls both feet back and stands up. So does Dru. Connor is confident that he can quickly dispatch the hobbled Drusilla.

Faith hits Angelus with a right hook. He throws a right hook, which she blocks. Faith connects with a right jab. Angelus responds by landing a left jab. Angelus rushes in, grabbing Faith and pushing her into the back wall. He tries to bite the right side of her neck. Faith puts her left thumb in his right eye, forcing him to pull his head back. She hits him with a right jab. Angelus puts his right hand around her throat. Faith kicks his stomach twice with her right foot, but he holds onto her neck. Finally, she sends a left kick for his groin. He lets go and backs up after strangling Faith for eight seconds. Angelus takes a few more steps back and looks over his right shoulder.

ANGELUS: You're not taking me. Didn't I already tell you? Give it up, already!

Angelus goes back to his human face. This surprises him. He goes bumpy, but almost immediately his human face involuntarily returns. He does this again, with the same result. Faith stands back, a little confused. Inside the room, Willow struggles. She sits on the ground, looking determined and angry. Wesley can tell she's ad-libbing and repeating phrases, trying to overcome an unexpected obstacle. The others look worried as well. Angelus looks at Faith. He notices her staring at him, not with fear, or anger, but with concern. Watching a human being care for and worry about him is one of the most infuriating sites Angelus can witness.

ANGELUS: Hey Faithy! Aren't you a little too young and buxom to be a Watcher?

He kicks Faith in the stomach with his right foot, then grabs her t-shirt with his left hand. Angelus hits her face with three straight right crosses, causing Faith to fall to the ground. When he tries to kick her with his right foot, she sweeps out his left leg and stands up. Angelus kicks her left shin bone with his right toe, then gets to his feet. She hits Angelus in the head with a right hook kick. He nails her with a right cross, grunting as he throws the punch. The blow knocks her back into the wall. Faith barely manages to stay on her feet. She puts her hands up and gets ready for Angelus to attack again. Instead, he collapses to the ground. Inside the room, Willow also collapses, though without Angelus's theatrics.

Dru leaps at Connor, trying to get close and minimize his advantage in mobility. He lands a quick left jab, but Dru grabs him and pushes Connor's back against the door. She blocks his left and right punches, then growls as she head-butts him in the nose. Dru follows this up with a right cross. Connor responds with a right uppercut and a left hook. Dru staggers backwards. She can still put plenty of weight on her left foot, so she's hardly fighting on one leg. However, she can't do much in the way of footwork, which is why she wants to keep close to Connor. She blocks his right kick and left cross, landing a left hook of her own. Then she senses something has happened to Angelus. A look of horror spreads across her human face. Connor responds with a quick left jab, right hook and left roundhouse kick. As he spins during the roundhouse kick, Connor pulls out his stake with his right hand. A fraction of a second after landing the kick, he stabs for Dru's heart. Though reeling from his attack and appearing as if she is about to fall, Dru instinctively shoots her left hand across her chest and rips Connor's stake from his hand when the point is an inch from her skin. While taking the stake into her left hand, Dru knocks Connor down with a right cross. With Angelus down, Faith comes at Dru from behind, her stake in her right hand, ready to strike. As she runs towards Dru, and is about to stake her in the back, Dru swings her left hand behind her back and plunges Connor's stake into the left side of Faith's abdomen.

The sequence of moves (grabbing the stake, punching Connor, stabbing Faith), executed in the blink of an eye, catches Connor and Faith completely by surprise. Dru slaps Faith's face with the back of her left hand, turns her body to the side so Connor can see how badly Faith is wounded, then knocks Faith on her back with a left back kick. Dru goes bumpy and attacks while Connor is still wracked with guilt for causing Faith's potentially mortal wound. Dru hits him with a right cross. Connor staggers backwards and tries a left jab. She grabs his left forearm with her right hand. He quickly throws a right uppercut. She grabs his right fist with her left hand. Dru pushes Connor's back against the door and bites the right side of his neck. Connor cries out in pain and desperation. Drusilla's fangs pierce his carotid artery, and she rapidly drains him. Connor's eyes look up to the ceiling as his back slides down the door, until he is sitting on the ground. Inside, everyone is focused on Willow, who collapsed only seconds earlier. But even if they weren't distracted, it is unlikely the people would have heard Connor's muted cries for help through the three inch-thick metal door.

Faith struggles to her feet. She limps across the room and tries to stake Dru in the back with her right hand. Dru hears her approaching. Long ago, Angelus taught her that you don't drink with you eyes and ears, and therefore should use these senses to detect ambushes while feeding. She quickly spins around and reaches for the stake with her left hand. Faith astutely pulls it behind her back. Dru stands up, her lips covered with Connor's blood. Faith points her left index finger at her wound and manages a small smile.

FAITH: You thought this was enough to kill me? Shoulda known better, D.

Dru sends a right hook kick for Faith's stomach wound. Faith circles to her right and tries to get behind her opponent. Pivoting on her right foot, Dru turns around before Faith can outflank her. Faith now stands between Dru and the barely-conscious Connor, whose head is propped up against the metal door. Dru hits Faith with a left hook. When she throws a right jab, Faith steps to her right. She grabs Dru's left forearm with with her left hand, pivots around and stakes Drusilla in the back. Naturally, Dru looks stunned. Her face becomes human again. Connor stares up at her. He can't see the stake, but knows something momentous has happened to her. Drusilla lifts her eyes towards the ceiling.

DRU: Tomorrow . . . Nevermore.

Drusilla's flesh and bones turn to dust and fall to the floor, forming a small, pyramidal pile. As she disintegrates, Connor sees Faith. She drops to her knees, looking at Connor, blood trickling out of the right corner over her mouth. Connor passes out. Faith falls on her back. Lindsey opens the door. As it swings inward, the back of Connor's head hits the concrete. Lindsey sees Connor, Faith and Angel lying on their backs.

LINDSEY: Oh God. Oh God, no. No.

Lindsey walks towards Faith. Kelly and Lorne step out and view the destruction in stunned silence. Gunn, Wes and Fred get a look at what has happened. No one says a word. They are too shocked. It appears that they have triumphed. But at what cost?


	10. Angel Meets his Grand Inquisitor

While Angel and Willow have parallel allegorical dreams, Gunn, Wes and Fred try to spell in order to figure out what went wrong. Also, Gwen chats with Spike before leaving Sunnydale.

Angel opens his eyes. He's lying on a wooden floor covered with a thin layer of straw. His wrists are bound together with rope. The room is dark and unfamiliar. Angelus stands up walks to the back of the room and looks out a slit in the curved stone walls. It's night time. He looks down and sees that he is at least 50 feet off the ground, probably in a tower. In the plaza below, a large crowd watches a man get burned at the stake. He can hear priests chanting and onlookers occasionally yelling something out. He knows he's dreaming, but not of any place he's ever been. This is new territory for Angel. He sits in a wooden chair in front of a 3 foot-wide square wooden table, puts his hands in his lap under the table, and waits for what's next. The door opens, then slams shut. A man in a black robe walks towards him. He pulls back his hood, so that Angelus can see his face. It's Holtz.

ANGEL: I should have been expecting you. I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition.

Holtz slaps him with the back of his right hand. Angelus falls off his chair. He gets up, puts his chair back in place and sits down in it again.

ANGEL: Then again, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Holtz hits Angel in the mouth with a right hook. Angel takes the blow and remains in his seat. Holtz sits down opposite him. He folds his hands together and rests them on top of the table.

ANGEL: I'm sorry. I just couldn't resist.

HOLTZ: Do you know why you are here?

ANGEL: I'm guilty. I'm being punished for killing people.

HOLTZ: Wrong. You're being punished for trying to help them.

Angel's not quite sure where this is going.

GWEN: I really should be going.

ANDREW: Where?

GWEN: Malta. On business.

XANDER: So you're planning on stealing something Maltese. It's not a certain jewel-incrusted bird, is it?

GWEN: Something a lot smaller and easier to get by customs. Anyway, great meeting all you wacky folks. The whole teeming, huddled mass of you. I'm not used to seeing so much humanity crammed into so little architecture.

GILES: Pleasure meeting you too, Miss Raiden.

GWEN: Sorry about the sword.

GILES: We have others.

XANDER: And I can probably fix you – fix what you did – with some hot, hard pounding. Of the steel. I've done a little metal-working in my time.

ANYA: He's highly skilled with tools.

GWEN: I'll have to take your word on that. Thanks for the hospitality, B. Great to meet the freak around whom all the other freaks I know seem strangely to revolve.

BUFFY: That's a, curious way of describing me. Thanks for not short-circuiting anything, or anyone.

GWEN: Sorry bout the break-in.

BUFFY: Forget about it. It's always nice when an unexpected visitor pops by and no walls or windows or furniture gets destroyed.

GWEN: And I thought I lived in a tough neighborhood.

Gwen leaves. The Potentials stand around.

AMANDA: That was . . . interesting.

MADARI: Yeah. She was very, interesting.

FADILA: You really do see something new every day in this town.

ROSE: So what do we see tomorrow?

Gwen and Spike stand outside in the shadow of the porch.

GWEN: This must really suck for you. Living with all those people.

SPIKE: They're not so bad. Hell, if I went evil, there's a few I wouldn't even bite.

GWEN: I meant quantity, not quality. You like to keep to yourself. You need your space. Something me and you have in common. We're both lonely souls.

SPIKE: Doesn't mean we like being lonely.

GWEN: So you want to shack up with one girl, but end up sharing a roof with a dozen?

SPIKE: [laughs ruefully] I don't think shacking up was ever in the offing.

GWEN: Looked to me like Buffy wants to keep you at arm's length – no closer, but no further.

SPIKE: Big bloody improvement on how she used to feel about me. Sad as it sounds, with Buffy I'll take whatever I can get.

GWEN: You do have that whole obsessive streak.

SPIKE: That's me. Always plugging away till to bitter end.

GWEN: Doesn't have to be bitter.

SPIKE: Yes it does. Just doesn't have to be tragic.

GWEN: [semi-sarcastically] Nice to know you haven't lost hope.

SPIKE: Same to you. [smiles] Thanks for stopping by. Great seeing you again, Gwendy. Good luck in Malta.

GWEN: Good luck here in Riverdale.

SPIKE: Um, it's Sunnydale, love.

GWEN: I know that's the name on the map. But deep down, this is Riverdale.

SPIKE: Not quite following you, love.

GWEN: You mean you haven't noticed? You're telling me that Buffy and Cordy and Willow and Xander don't remind you of a certain group of comic book characters?

SPIKE: Yeah. I suppose. But what's Riverdale got to do with that?

GWEN: [groans] Imagine the four of them going to high school together. Betty and Veronica fighting over the same guy. Betty always winning. Sabrina the Teen Witch practicing magic, trying to use spells to help people. Jughead, the loveable loser it's fun to hang out with, even if his jokes are lame. This is Riverdale.

SPIKE: I didn't know them very well during their high school years. [thinks for a few seconds] But you may be onto something.

GWEN: Take care.

SPIKE: You too.

Gwen walks down to the driveway, gets on her bike and puts her right index finger to the ignition. The engine roars. Spike watches her ride away. Then he goes back inside and sees Xander sitting in a chair in the living room. Spike bursts out laughing.

SPIKE: Archies.

Spike laughs some more as he walks down into the basement. Xander looks at Dawn, who's sitting in the chair to his right. They're both puzzled.

XANDER: The more I know about Spike, the more I wish I knew less about him.

Willow finds herself on stage. The crew is running around, finishing their preparations for the performance.

WILLOW: Oh no. Not this again.

She walks towards the front of the stage, and quickly realizes the audience is two-dimensional. She touches it. It's a giant poster of an audience.

WILLOW: That's new.

Willow turns around and walks to the right side of the stage. An old man with a long beard who wears a brown, threadbare three-piece suit comes towards her. His clothes smell of nicotine and his breath smells of alcohol.

AUTHOR: The play is about to begin. Get in your place.

WILLOW: I, I, I didn't their was going to be a play. I don't know any of my lines.

The old man looks at the frightened, neurotic Willow as if she is nuts.

AUTHOR: Foolish girl. You're not in play. You watch. Sit down.

Willow breathes a sigh of relief. She sits down in a chair behind her. The old man sits in the chair to her left.

WILLOW: Excuse me, pardon me, sir. Why is that picture in front of the stage?

AUTHOR: For the players. They need to believe they're being watched. If they don't believe, they cease to exist.

WILLOW: What about us? Don't they know we're watching?

AUTHOR: To them, those people are real. To them, you don't exist. They can't see you. They could see me, but that would kill them. Man cannot look upon his Creator with his eyes. Only with his soul.

WILLOW: Yes. His soul. Speaking which, I need to be getting back.

Willow stands up. The old man grabs her left arm and pulls her back down.

AUTHOR: Stay. For the show. I wrote it for you.

WILLOW: You really didn't have to go to all this trouble.

AUTHOR: Neither did you. But you came. And you gave. Now you will take.

The man throws two die on the floor. He rolls a nine. He picks up the die and hands them to Willow.

AUTHOR: Your turn.

WILLOW: Huh?

AUTHOR: Your turn!

Willow shrugs and rolls an 11. The man huffs and picks the die up. He looks at Willow with anger.

AUTHOR: You have ruined me. We play again. Double or nothing.

WILLOW: Again I say "huh?" What are we playing for? Whatever it is, we're not. I'm not. Okay?

The old man walks away, angrily muttering in Russian. The lights go out. A spotlight shines on a rectangular table. Xander sits at the back end. On the side and to his right is Wesley. Across from Wesley is Connor. They are eating dinner. Willow leans forward in her chair. Her eyes open wide.

WILLOW: Okay. This is getting weirder.

WES: History teaches us that it is reason, and not faith, which improves the condition of mankind. What has your God done for the starving peasant? What has he done for the wretched orphan dying of consumption in some filthy alley? Where, Alyosha, is this God you are so certain exists?

CONNOR: He is in the soul of your peasant. He is in the soul of your orphan. He is in the soul of everyone. Including yourself, Ivan. [smirk]

WES: So God is everywhere, yet he does nothing. Better no God at all than an impotent God.

CONNOR: Your problem is you only believe in what you can see.

XANDER: Will you stop it? The two of you have this same argument every goddam day.

CONNOR: You shouldn't curse, Dmitri.

XANDER: But it's okay if Ivan curses?

CONNOR: There's still hope for you, Dmitri.

WES: You're right, Alyosha. Here's hoping dad dies and Dmitri gets the farm. [raises his glass in a mock toast. His brothers give him dirty looks] I'm joking. But of course I'm also serious. We all know that's what you want.

XANDER: That doesn't mean it's what I wish.

WES: Perhaps. But not even "Saint" Alyosha will mourn our father's passing. There's your God for you, brother. Kills mom, but lets dad live. Tell me where in the Bible it says God will punish the righteous and reward the wicked.

Connor looks behind towards the fireplace. Above the mantle is a portrait of Darla. Willow's eyes bug out.

WILLOW: Whoa! They're all her sons? That's creepy. Does this mean their father is - ?

Angel walks in through the front door. His left arm is around Buffy. They are smiling and gazing into each other's eyes and obviously taken with one another.

WILLOW: Oh God. Even Xander? Is Buffy their stepmom?

XANDER: Did the tavern close early tonight?

ANGEL: Wasn't at the tavern. I was strolling through the park with Agrafena. She'll make a decent man of me, yet. Go wait in the garden. I'll be out in a second.

Buffy smiles and kisses Angel before leaving. Angel walks towards Xander and puts his hands on the front end of the table. He stares at his oldest son from across the table.

ANGEL: You know I'd never miss our family dinners. [bangs the tables. the plates and silverware jump up and crash back down.] How dare you start without me! Where are your manners?

XANDER: Where are yours?

ANGEL: Dmitri. Son. This is my house. Inside these walls, my word is law. [leans across the table, stares angrily at Xander] You don't like it, you can leave. Funny how you're man enough to talk back to your father but not man enough get married and take some responsibility for your life. I had a house of my own by the time of was your age.

Xander stands up. Angel walks over to him.

XANDER: Wasn't your house. It was mom's house. She just made the mistake of marrying you.

Angel punches Xander in the face with his right fist. Xander goes down, but quickly gets up.

ANGEL: Don't you EVER say a bad word about your mother.

XANDER: I don't believe this. Acting like mom's protector, after how you treated her! You don't have the right.

ANGEL: I have every right.

Xander pushes him away. Angel steps forward and cocks his right fist. Xander grabs his steak knife in his left hand and puts it to Angel's heart. Angel drops his fist and laughs.

ANGEL: You don't have the guts.

Standing on the wall, next to the mantle, on the other side of the room is Spike. He's been watching the whole time. No one noticed. Even Willow didn't notice him until now. He's staring intently at Xander and Angel, his eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched, his cheeks sucked in.

XANDER: Got more than you ever had, old man.

Xander throws the knife back on the table.

ANGEL: Must be why you've made such a success of yourself. What have you done since you left the army?

XANDER: You never really worked a day in your life.

ANGEL: Who paid for that food you just ate? For that bed you sleep on? I should throw you out on the street right now for your ingratitude. But I won't. Cause I know you're too dim to know any better. 

Angel smirks wickedly. Xander storms off to his room. Spike comes and clears the dishes from the table. Connor and Wes don't even notice him. He carries the dishes into the kitchen and puts them in the sink. Angel walks into the kitchen and pats Spike on the back.

ANGEL: Hey Smerdyakov. Make anything for me and Alexandrovna?

SPIKE: It's on the stove.

Angel sticks his finger into the pot and then sticks it in his mouth.

ANGEL: This is good. This is very good. You've really made something of yourself. [Spike doesn't seem to acknowledge the praise] Can you go get a bottle from the cellar and take it out to us in the garden?

Spike walks partway down the stairs, but them tumbles down to the cellar floor. He's grabbing his head and shaking. Angel goes down to check on him. After few seconds, the shaking stops.

ANGEL: You okay? Is your epilepsy acting up again?

SPIKE: Just another fit. I'm fine.

ANGEL: You've been having a lot of those lately. If you need to take a day off, go right ahead.

SPIKE: I'm fine.

WES: Think he'll marry her?

CONNOR: Agrafena Alexandrovna? Don't see why he'd need to. Never needed to marry any of his other women.

WES: But she needs to. She's a proper young woman. Emphasis on young. She's younger me, barely older than you. Doesn't that bother you?

CONNOR: Which? That she's young, or that she wants to marry father?

WES: Either. Both. They both bother Mitya.

CONNOR: Mitya's easily bothered.

WES: While you, of course, are above passion. How do you do it? How do you shut out everything around you?

CONNOR: I focus on loftier things.

Connor walks off into his bedroom. In the back corner is a shrine with some candles below a small photograph of his mother. Higher up on the wall is a large wooden cross. Connor kneels before the shrine, lights the candle and starts praying. The stage goes black and a few seconds later a new scene begins. To Willow's left, Connor talks to Giles, who has a long beard and is dressed like a monk. To her right, Xander and Wesley are dressed up and at some sort of ball.

GILES: Tell me, Alyosha, how have you stayed so pure? In your family sensuality is like a disease. Your brother Mitya inherited it from your father. Ivan has lately been afflicted. I fear you will become the fourth.

CONNOR: My heart belongs to two women.

GILES: Of course: your mother, and the Holy Virgin. Why is there not yet a third?

CONNOR: Why should there be? Look at my brothers.

A string quartet plays as an elegantly-attired Cordelia walks over to Xander and Wesley. Wes smiles and looks a little flush. Xander appears less taken with her. However, she appears far more interested in him than in Wesley.

CORDY: Good evening, Mitya. Would you like to ask me to dance?

XANDER: Not much for dancing.

WES: If I may, Katarina –

Cordy barely acknowledges his presence.

CORDY: You're a fine dancer.

She takes his hand. Xander still appears uninterested. He's looking past her, as if trying to spot someone else.

XANDER: Maybe later on. The night is still young, Katarina.

CORDY: Yes. Later. [nervous smile] Thank you. So long Mitya. Ivan.

Cordy walks away. Wesley is glad she finally noticed him. Cordy feels wounded by the rejection.

WES: You should be shot.

XANDER: For what?

WES: For your mistreatment of Katarina. She loves you, Mitya. She wants to marry you. She's beautiful. Elegant. Charming. And rich. You're deeply in debt. Her father is willing to give you a dowry of 60,000.

XANDER: I won't marry for money. I won't be like my father.

WES: Even without the money, Katarina is irresistible. The money only proves that she is perfect in every possible way.

XANDER: Maybe she's too perfect.

WES: You think you don't deserve her. You're right. That's all the more reason to seize the opportunity.

XANDER: I don't love her.

GILES: He's humiliated this woman. The daughter of a colonel. His former commanding officer, no less. And yet he gets away with it. Mitya truly is his father's son.

CONNOR: He hates himself for that.

GILES: They are both ruled by their passions. Who is his passion?

Xander looks across the room and spots Anya.

XANDER: You should talk to Katarina.

WES: I fear she would laugh at me.

XANDER: Nonsense. You're a genius! Once she sees that brilliant mind of yours in action, she won't be able to resist you.

WES: Somehow I doubt that's what she's looking for.

Xander leaves Wes and walks towards Anya.

CONNOR: Grushenka. That's Mitya's passion.

Wesley summons up the courage to walk up to Cordy. She's watching Anya flirt with Xander.

CORDY: Can you believe that skank? Who does she think she is?

WES: A unabashed, unashamed scandalous divorcee.

CORDY: Her husband was such a boorish oaf.

WES: No reputation, no money, yet look how Mitya fawns over her. It can only be love.

CORDY: He really should no better.

WES: Any man who spurns you clearly has taken leave of his sanity.

CORDY: You're damn right he has. So when do you think this insanity thing's gonna wear off?

WES: [sighs] What I meant to say was, any man who rejects you doesn't deserve you. You deserve a man who can love and adore you with all his heart. A man who appreciates your radiant beauty, your abundant charm.

XANDER: Good evening, Grushenka. You look lovely.

ANYA: Where's Alyosha? I thought he was coming.

XANDER: He was. Until he found out there would be fun involved.

ANYA: He's so innocent and pure and naive. I could devour him. But, seeing how he's a no-show, I'll have to content myself with nibbling on you. Honestly, I much prefer the nibbling. Don't you?

CORDY: And you know she's just using him. Stringing him along. It's all a game to her.

WES: When a man's in love, the smallest gesture of affection is all he needs to make his heart burst.

CORDY: I'll show him. Ivan, shall we?

WES: [shocked smile] Of course. Absolutely. It would be my honor, Katarina.

He takes her arm. They go dance.

Kelly carries Connor upstairs. Lindsey carries Faith. Lorne carries Fred. Gunn and Wesley move the desk couch and easy chair out of Angel's office and into the lobby. The others put Faith down on the desk, Fred in the chair and Connor on the couch. They focus on Connor, who is in the most trouble.

KELLY: Pressure's sixty over thirty. He lost a lot of blood. What's his type?

Fred, Gunn and Lorne appear stumped.

WES: AB positive.

The others look at him, wondering how he knew this.

WES: I took Connor to his first checkup. Last year. With Angel.

KELLY: Universal receiver.

LORNE: Makes sense, considering how mommy fed him.

LINDSEY: You and Angel took baby Connor to the hospital? Just the two of you?

WES: Yes.

LINDSEY: Two men and a baby. Wonder what the mothers in the waiting room thought. Probably made the wrong assumption about you two.

Faith manages a painful laugh at the imagery of Wes and Angel taking "their" baby to the doctor. Kelly ties Connor's right arm and has some trouble finding a vein. She eventually finds one and hooks Connor up. Then she walks over to Faith.

KELLY: How ya doin'?

FAITH: Five by five, except for the wooden stake stuck in me.

KELLY: I'm sure it hurts a lot. I'm also sure it's gonna hurt even more coming out. Here goes.

Lindsey's holding Faith's right hand. Kelly's on the other side of her. She pulls the stake out. Faith grunts a little. Lindsey yelps. Faith lets go of his left hand. She looks worried.

FAITH: I'm sorry. I didn't break anything, right?

Lindsey grabs his hand and manages a smile amidst the pain.

LINDSEY: It's fine. I just feel a little ashamed, that's all. I mean, you're the one who's badly wounded, and you're feeling sorry for me.

Kelly finishes disinfecting and bandaging the wound. Faith smarts a little from the sting of the disinfectants, but otherwise seems okay. Squeezing Lindsey's hand, and worrying if she hurt him, distracted her. Lorne and Lindsey go downstairs. Lorne carries up Willow and Lindsey carries up Cordy. Then both of them carry up Angel. They lie each of them down on a bed in adjacent rooms on the first floor, then come back into the lobby. Fred's hooked up and getting blood. Gunn and Wes are patched up. Their bloody shirts are off. Wesley has a bandage around his abdomen. Gunn has one around his upper chest and right shoulder.

GUNN: How they doin'?

LORNE: Willow and Cordy are alive. Angel, or Angelus, is, well, still undead.

WES: Willow knocked Cordelia unconscious. We saw how. [Gunn, Wes, Fred and Lorne shudder] But who knocked out her and Angelus?

GUNN: Maybe Willow did that, too.

WES: A spell can take a lot out of the person performing it. She was having trouble, even after the amulet was removed. Faith, how was Angelus behaving before he passed out?

Faith sits up, though doing so is painful.

FAITH: Say, could I get a couch? Or at least a comfy chair? Right. Angelus. He was talking to himself. Said he wasn't going back. Like some nut job arguing with the voices in his head. Then a couple seconds later he's down for the count.

After getting two pints in him, Connor wakes up. He sits up on the couch and notices the needle in his arm connected to a bag of blood. Connor is horrified. He rips the needle out of his arm. Kelly and Lindsey run over.

KELLY: Connor, relax. It's okay.

CONNOR: What are you doing to me?

KELLY: You lost a lot of blood.

CONNOR: You're putting someone else's blood in me!!

KELLY: Well, yeah. Otherwise you would've died.

CONNOR: Who are you? [He was in Sunnydale when she was in LA. He was in LA when she was in Sunnydale. They had not crossed paths during the fight. Faith comes over to comfort the confused and terrified Connor. She rubs the top of his head with her right hand. He looks up.]

FAITH: It's okay. That's what they do when you lose blood. It doesn't change you. Kelly's trying to help you out. So just chill for a bit, then you'll be fine. Trust me. Can you do that, kiddo?

Faith has a calming effect on Connor. He's always thought well of her, and she did just save his life. If Faith says a blood transfusion isn't some form of vampirism, he'll take her word on that.

CONNOR: Thanks for saving my life. Sorry bout almost getting you killed.

HOLTZ: Your friends love you. They give you their lives. You give them ceaseless toil, an endless battle against an unvanquishable enemy. They suffer for you. And why? Because you believe it is your destiny to make the world a better place. The world needs you to save it. [laughs] Funny how it got along fine without you all this time. But none of that matters because you are a man of destiny. That is something you and I are in agreement about. The question is, what is that destiny? It seems to me the only way we can answer that question is by looking at your record since you began your attempt to make the world a better place. I must admit, it is a record of boundless heroism and self-sacrifice on an epic scale. But more to the point, it's a record of helping people.

And that's part of the problem. You show people there's a better way. You give them a chance to do what they thought was impossible. In the end, you are just setting them up for disappointment. You can endure the disappointment. But humans are weaker. You inspire your friends to rise to your level. But in trying to do so, most will only destroy themselves. There may be the rare individual who can succeed, but how many will have to fail before you find that one? And is the success of that one individual worth the pain, the agony, the soul-crushing disappointment, of those who weren't up to the task you inspired them to take on?

Human beings were not created to be Champions. They don't desire danger, or pain. They want comfort. They want their designer clothes and their expensive shoes and their comfy slippers and someone to curl up with at the end of the day. But to be content, they need to feel safe. Maybe that's where you come in. You fight to make the world a safer place. But have you succeeded? Are the people of Los Angeles any safer because you've been looking out for them?

XANDER: She really said that?

CONNOR: I was right there in Madame Hohlakhov's parlor. I saw the whole thing. Katarina was furious. I don't think anyone's ever disrespected her like that.

XANDER: Grushenka is just amazing. She's so unlike any other woman I have ever known.

CONNOR: She has a rough, natural charm. Granted, her bluntness makes her quite unpopular with the other ladies.

XANDER: Because she sees right through them. She's a real person, not some phony aristocrat who only knows how to put on airs.

CONNOR: Are you talking about anyone in particular?

XANDER: I don't mean Katarina. She's genuine.

CONNOR: Genuinely vicious.

XANDER: [grins] That's what I liked about her.

CONNOR: She loves you. You know that.

XANDER: She thinks she loves me. But Katya only loves herself.

Gunn, Fred and Wes are bandaged up and in the office, looking through books, trying to figure out what's wrong with Angel and Willow. Wesley looks at Angelus's medallion under a magnifying glass.

GUNN: First two times Angelus got souled, it was a surprise. He never saw it coming. This time, he knew. Maybe that makes a difference.

WES: This charm, it, well, it doesn't make sense. It appears to be of classical origin. Possibly Roman. But certainly not Roma.

FRED: You think it's some sort of evil bulla?

WES: That's what it appears to be. But why would an ancient Roman talisman be able to ward off a Gypsy spell?

FRED: Maybe it's not a Gypsy spell.

WES: Of course!

FRED: Wait a minute. What do you mean of course? It was a group of Gypsies who cursed Angel. And they're the ones Willow indirectly got the text from.

WES: But the text is in Latin. Why would the Roma write a spell in a language that had been dead for nearly 1000 years by the time they arrived in Europe? Because they didn't write it. An ancient Roman talisman would protect against an ancient Roman spell.

FRED: Then how did the Gypsies get it?

WES: That's the question. [eyes light up] Simple. More than 100,000 Italian colonists moved to Transylvania in the second century after the Romans conquered Dacia. They take the spell with them. It becomes part of indigenous folk magics in the area, and that's how the Gypsies picked it up when they arrived 14 centuries later. We've been going about this all wrong.

Kate enters the house. She wears a police uniform. Willow's rather confused.

WILLOW: Hold on. Who are you?

Willow gets up and walks into the scene, since the players can't see her.

KATE: There's been a murder.

Wes and Connor stand up.

CONNOR: Who?

KATE: Fyodor Karamazov.

They both look surprised, but neither looks especially grief-stricken.

KATE: Fyodor was found on the street, bludgeoned. He died shortly after arriving at the hospital. Before losing consciousness, Fyodor said he was attacked by his son.

Connor and Wes look at each other. The scene goes dark. When the lights come back on, Xander is sitting in an interrogation room. Standing over him is Principal Snyder.

XANDER: I didn't kill him. I swear to God!

SNYDER: But you threatened to kill on several occasions.

XANDER: Yes, but –

SNYDER: And you had struck him before.

XANDER: Yes, but –

SNYDER: And when the police found you on the night you father died, you had blood on your hands!

XANDER: It wasn't his blood. It was Grigory's. We had an argument. I am guilty of attacking him, not my father.

SNYDER: Grigory believes you are guilty of both. He told me you attacked him because he defended your father. And that during the argument which followed, you threatened to kill your father. Is that not true?

XANDER: It's true. I won't deny it.

SNYDER: And when you went to Madame Hohlakov's house that evening, begging for money, you threatened to kill you kill your father, did you not?

XANDER: I won't lie. All this is true. But I swear I didn't kill him.

SNYDER: You planned to kill him. You had motive. You have a history of violent behavior. No one wanted Fyodor Karamazov dead more than you did. Tell me Dmitri, given these unassailable facts, what am I supposed to think?

Snyder leaves the room and walks up to Kate. Willow moves so that she is in front of Kate and can get a good look at her.

WILLOW: You're not bad. But who are you?

SNYDER: He's guilty as sin.

KATE: He doesn't act like a guilty man.

SNYDER: That's because he's a lousy criminal.

KATE: I have serious doubts about this.

SNYDER: You're the one who brought him in.

KATE: For questioning.

SNYDER: As a suspect. His brothers have alibis. He had blood on his hands and no alibi.

KATE: He said he went to visit that Grushenka woman.

SNYDER: His girlfriend? She's obviously covering for him. And what about the 3,000 you found in that envelope under his mattress? He had threatened to kill Fyodor if his father did not give him that money.

KATE: You believe this was premeditated?

SNYDER: We know he had given considerable thought to murdering his father.

KATE: Then why was he so sloppy? Why didn't he wash the blood off his hands?

SNYDER: Because he's an idiot. An idiot with a temper.

KATE: What about Smerdyakov?

SNYDER: The bastard half-brother? He had no motive. Besides, he had been in bed recovering from a seizure. You saw him that night. Did he look like a person who could have just murdered a man with his bare hands? And Fyodor was Smerdyakov's employer. Now that he's dead, Smerdyakov is out of job. He had every reason to want that man to stay alive. Dmitri had every reason to want his father dead.

KATE: I still think you have the wrong man.

SNYDER: I'm the prosecutor. I don't have to care what you think.

WES: I believe I've found the specific Curse this particular talisman is meant to ward off. And Charles, it appears you were onto something. Turns out that the target can fight off the soul, but only for a few seconds. That must be what Faith witnessed. "However, ensoulment can only take place with the target's consent." What? That doesn't make sense. [Wesley reads on for 10 more seconds] Okay, there's a choice, but it's a Hobson's choice. Angelus could either accept the soul, or kill himself.

GUNN: Angelus gets a soul because he hates being good less than he hates being dust.

FRED: The two earlier times, yes. But Faith said he was pretty clear about not wantin' to go back. I think he's a different Angelus this time around. He sought out his enemies. He was bolder than we expected. The old Angelus was evil, but he was also, you know, cowardly. This Angelus wasn't a coward. What if he WAS willing to die rather than get his soul back?

WES: But he didn't.

GUNN: Maybe he hadn't made up his mind.

FRED: So he could stay Angelus as long as he kept pullin' a Hamlet?

WES: No. The answer is immediate and instinctual. It's a reflex. Dithering's not an option.

GUNN: How was he gonna kill himself? Grab someone's stake? Run outside? Those things take a few seconds. Enough with the hypotheticals. That book say anything 'bout gettin' knocked into a coma?

WES: Not a word.

FRED: Back to what Charles just said. From what I've seen, Willow, when she's doin' her magic thing, REALLY doesn't like to lose. Angelus kills himself, she loses.

WES: At the end, just before she went under, Willow's chanting wasn't from the spell. She sounded she was improvising.

GUNN: Angelus didn't want a soul. Willow's forces it into him before he can kill himself.

WES: The theory makes sense. But how does it help us revive them?

The three of them look at each other. They're stumped.

HOLTZ: Let's first glance at Sunnydale. You saved quite a few lives in that town. But you took even more lives during the months when you were Angelus. And, as you know, you would never have become Angelus if you had not decided to fight evil and help make the world a better place. Clearly, in Sunnydale, you did more harm than good. Your presence made that community less safe. I'm sure that's not the opinion of the people in Sunnydale who cared about you. But it is your opinion. You know how many you killed, how many you saved. But we're not here because of what happened there. I'm only using it as an example of how evil things can come from the best of intentions.

Furthermore, I am not saying you deserve to die because there is a chance you could turn into Angelus again. I'll leave that argument to made by your more feeble-minded adversaries. You deserve to die because of what you do as Angel. Because of the events Angel can't help but cause to happen. This is why I am here. You do good. You are good. But you're cursed. No, not that one. You know better. Your curse is not that you can't be happy. It is that you must suffer. In fact, you know that if you could be happy, that would only make your suffering more agonizing. Whether you mean to or not, you bring pain upon yourself, and upon those who are close to you. After all, it is inevitable that those who love you will share in your suffering.

Let's talk about the them. Doyle died only months after joining up with you. Granted, the death was heroic, and of his own free will. But did you become a Champion so that your friends could die heroically? Who's next? Oh yes. [grin] Cordelia Chase. Is there is any one person who has changed more because of you? Look at what she once was. Who would have known that the Cordelia Chase who left Sunnydale was capable of such immense self-sacrifice. You inspired her to greatness. You made her feel it was worth suffering for the Greater Good. She looked at you, she looked at what you were achieving, and she wanted to be a Champion. She loved you, and she wanted to be with you, no matter the cost.

Did you do anything wrong? No. Except, perhaps, allowing her to believe there was a chance you could love her the way she loved you. Then again, Buffy's doing the same thing with that Spike fellow. Nothing wrong with using love to make someone become a better person. But Spike won't turn out the way Cordy did. Buffy's record is not like yours. Things tend to turn out all right for the people she inspires. Buffy suffers for her friends. Your friends suffer with you. That's not your fault. You would gladly endure eternal torments on their behalf. You would do anything to protect them. But, somehow, you're never quite in the right place at the right time. Buffy can save Dawn from a god. You can't save Connor from ME. [smiles] Some people just aren't meant to win.

I don't need to tell you what became of Cordy. And I don't need to tell you that she wouldn't have turned out that way if it wasn't for you. If she lives, her life can never be the same. Not after what she's done. How long did it take you to get over the guilt of slaughtering thousands and become a functioning member of society? Cordy doesn't have 99 years to get her act together. Oh well. Another victim of your curse. As for the others, they haven't known you as long. Gunn and Fred are doing well, but so was Cordy after two or three years with you. Give them time. Wesley, well, he was nothing before he joined you, so he had very, very little to lose. Still, he should be dead because of you by now. The only reason he's alive is that part of Justine liked him. That's why the cut was so shallow. That's why she didn't bother to finish him off. As for his subsequent renaissance, we both know you had absolutely nothing to do with that.

Who's left? Did I forget someone? No. I could never forget Steven. I'm sorry. That was his name when he knew the difference between right and wrong. Steven never would have imprisoned you in the bottom of the ocean and then lived with your friends, watching with delight as they desperately tried to find you. My son Steven would have gone for the kill and then struck out on his own. But Connor – Connor is your son. And look what became of Connor. It would be unfair to blame you. Or credit you, for that matter. Still, all his suffering was due to the fact that you were his father. Maybe that's why he left. But leaving wasn't enough. He was still the same confused, violent, gullible boy willing to do someone else's bidding. Here or there, he was going to self-destruct. Only reason he didn't was, well, let's just say it's a good thing miracles come in pairs.

Wes walks into a hospital room. Spike sits on the bed. He doesn't look well. He's wearing his "crazy hair."

SPIKE: I've been following the trial in the papers. Looks like Dmitri's done for.

WES: That's because he's guilty.

Spike laughs.

SPIKE: From what I read, that's what everybody thinks.

WES: Everybody but Alyosha. He thinks you did it.

SPIKE: [smiles] Really. And why do you think he's wrong?

WES: Because it's nonsense.

SPIKE: Do you want Dmitri to be guilty?

WES: No. Of course not. But I know he is.

SPIKE: All the evidence does point to him. And don't tell me you don't realize how the death of your father benefits you.

WES: I didn't want him dead.

SPIKE: Yes you did. You just didn't want to be the one who killed him. Fyodor was going to marry Agrafena. And once that happened, when Fyodor died, she would get everything and you would get nothing. However, if he died before the wedding, you and your two brothers would each get 40,000. But, [smiles] if Mitya killed him, he would get nothing, and you would get 60,000. Also, you would get Katarina. The money. The girl. Isn't this perfect for you?

WES: That is entirely irrelevant.

SPIKE: You never liked Dmitri. I can't blame you. First, because the two of you are complete opposites. And second, because he had the heart of the woman you loved. You couldn't stand stand that Katarina loved Mitya instead of you.

WES: Now I know why you seldom opened you mouth. You had nothing sensible to say.

SPIKE: Why does Alyosha think I killed father?

WES: [pause] Because he thinks you have no soul.

SPIKE: You don't think souls exist. Why should it matter if Alyosha thinks I lack something which doesn't exist? Why else does he believe I'm the murderer?

WES: Because you believe in nothing.

SPIKE: Whenever you argued with Alyosha, I always took your side. Until now.

WES: [long pause] That's impossible. [Wes looks exasperated] Why would you kill him? He liked you. You and Alyosha were the only ones he liked.

SPIKE: I killed him because of you. I turned your thought into action. I killed father. But never would have done it without you.

WES: You're lying.

SPIKE: You don't think I'm smart enough to frame Mitya for murder? Wasn't that hard. Stole the 3000 quid, stuck it under his mattress. As for an alibi, remember when you wondered if I could fake seizures? Everyone thought I was in bed all night. And if I snuck out for a spell, who would notice? No one ever noticed me.

WES: I admit, it's possible. But you didn't want him dead.

SPIKE: I know. You did. It was your will I was following. Like I said, whenever you argued with Alyosha, I always agreed with you. You convinced me, brother. [Wes cringes. They may share a father, but he doesn't see Spike as a brother] Why aren't you happy, Ivan? I am. Look at what I've accomplished. The perfect murder. That's something to be proud of. Plus, in addition to Fyodor, how many lives have I destroyed? Agrafena. Dmitri. Possibly Grushenka's and Katarina's. And, oddly enough, yours. I can see it in your face. You're ashamed. You've gained far more than me, but enjoy it far less. Why is that?

WES: Because you're mad.

SPIKE: No. It's because you feel guilty. I don't. Maybe you do have a soul after all. Pity.

Xander reaches his hands out from behind the bars. Anya holds them.

ANYA: What's going to happen to you?

XANDER: Siberia.

ANYA: But you're innocent. I know that for a fact.

XANDER: I'm guilty of a lot of other things that I've never been punished for. Somehow, this feels right.

ANYA: But you're innocent!

XANDER: I was wasting my life. Never took anything seriously. Now I do. Grushenka, I love you. You're the one thing that matters to me in this world.

ANYA: And I love you, Mitya.

XANDER: You're not just saying that because I'm about to be led away and you'll never have to see me again?

Angel had passed out with his mouth open.

FRED: What's that on his tongue?

Wesley pulls it out a little.

WES: A cross. How did that get there?

KELLY: Um, I would be how that got there. [holds up her bandaged left hand] Had to do something to get him away from Willow.

Wesley smiles. He's not glad that Kelly hurt Angelus. But he does admire her resourcefulness. Tough, brave, smart, beautiful, extraordinarily clever – Kelly has a lot for him to admire. Faith enters.

FAITH: He's still out?

GUNN: Yep.

FAITH: Any idea how to bring him back?

LORNE: How do you revive a dead man?

HOLTZ: Look at the last three years. You've spent most of your time cleaning up your own messes. Darla, Connor, Cordy. Between keeping yourself alive, and keeping your friends alive, there hasn't been much time left for helping the general population. Isn't that why you do this? You have helped a lot of people. Hundreds. Thousands, perhaps. But how many did the Beast kill? How many died because the sun wasn't rising? Those things happened because of you. Once again, your presence seems to be doing more harm than good. However, these things happen in spurts. For a long time, you were doing great good and causing very little harm. Your accomplishments are undeniable. Emancipating Winifred. Bringing Connor into this world. They owe you their lives. And right now, Fred, Connor, Gunn and Wesley seem to be doing quite well. Perhaps they would continue doing well if you weren't around. As you know, trouble has a way of finding you. It can't help but find the people who are close to you. This is why I want you to burn. Not out of vengeance. Vengeance would be allowing you to live. I just want to make sure you can't do any more damage. That is, after all, why I went after you in the first place [Holtz stands up] Do you have anything to say in your defense?

Angel goes bumpy. He rips his hands free, overturns the table and stands up. Holtz looks frightened, as if he fully expects Angel to take advantage of this opportunity to kill him. Angel grabs his head as if he is about to snap Holtz's neck. Instead, after pausing for a couple seconds, he shoves Holtz into the door. Angel looks at Holtz and shakes his head. Then he opens his eyes and wakes up. He looks around and sees his friends.

ANGEL: It's me. It's me, Angel.

LORNE: We know.

FAITH: Good to have you back.

In the next room, Willow shoots up out of bed.

WILLOW: Okay. That was new. [she takes a deep breath and looks around] Hey Lindsey. Kelly. Where's everyone else?

Willow walks out into the hallway, as does Angel.

WILLOW: Oh. Angel. You are Angel, right?

ANGEL: Thanks to you.

WILLOW: Well, that sure was a lot harder than last time. By the way, if I ever have to do this again, you will come back a eunuch. I think you know I'm not bluffing.

Angel winces and nods.

ANGEL: They said you were also unconscious.

WILLOW: Apparently we went down together.

ANGEL: Do you have a dream?

For obvious reasons, Willow doesn't want to tell Angel about her dream.

WILLOW: Uh, yeah. It was, well, um, um –

ANGEL: Dostoyevskyan?

WILLOW: Dostoyevsky? I'm not sure. I've read "Crime and Punishment" and "Demons" – which, by the way, has a very deceptive title. It wasn't like either of them. Actually, I hardly remember the dream at all, now that I'm awake. So, I really couldn't tell you what it was about.

ANGEL: Okay. [looks around at everybody] Where's Cordy?

NEXT: Angel calls Buffy.


	11. Tough Love

Angel walks towards the room Cordy is in. The others follow. Except for Willow. She stands for a second, thinking about what Angel just said.

WILLOW: Dostoyevsky. Karamazov. Is that what I dreamed?

Willow follows everyone else into Cordy's room. They stand at the foot of the bed while Angel walks up to her. Like before, Cordy's eyes are open, but she's non-responsive. Angel touches her face. He leans down and kisses her softly on the lips. After five seconds, her eyes start moving. She pushes Angel away. Then she puts her head on his shoulder and starts crying. He holds her. Everyone else leaves the room and walks into the demolished lobby. Willow enter Angel's office and picks up his phone.

It's noon. Buffy and Giles knew that the spell didn't take this long. They were beginning to worry. When the phone rang, Giles picked it up before it had the first ring had been completed.

WILLOW: So how was your morning?

GILES: [smiling] Willow. It's wonderful to hear from you. [Xander and Buffy run up to the phone] How did it go?

WILLOW: Angel has his soul back. Cordy's been un-demoned. Drusilla's dead. All the good guys are alive. It was pretty desperate there for a while, but everything turned out okay.

GILES: I'm very pleased to hear that.

Willow falls to the ground. She leans her back against the front of the desk and picks the dangling phone up.

GILES: Hello? Hello? Willow?

WILLOW: I'm still here. Could you put Xander on?

GILES: Sure. [he isn't sure why she needs to talk to him right now] Xander, it's Willow for you.

Xander takes the phone, and Buffy turns to Giles.

BUFFY: What did she say? How is she? How is - ?

GILES: A complete success.

Buffy looks relieved.

XANDER: How are you, Will?

WILLOW: Drained. Curing Cordelia and fixing Angel took a lot out of me. I don't think I'm up to driving back.

XANDER: Are you hurt bad?

WILLOW: Just tired. So if you and Anya came up, one of you could drive my car back.

XANDER: Sure. Whatever you need, I'm there.

Willow looks out through the open door into the lobby.

WILLOW: Speaking of needs, me and Cordy, when we were fighting, we really went at it, and we sort of wrecked the place. Wrecked as in, worse than what I did to the Magic Box. Of course, this place is a lot bigger and stronger. But, seeing how people are going to keep living here, I thought it might be good if you took a look around, made sure nothing was on the verge of collapse.

XANDER: Well, if I'm gonna be there anyway – how much damage are we talking about?

WILLOW: Let me just say that in Sunnydale we never had this much building to destroy.

XANDER: That bad, huh?

WILLOW: You can see for yourself when you get here.

XANDER: Be there soon.

Xander hands the phone to Buffy.

XANDER: Willow's a little pooped from all the magicking she did. I'm gonna go with Anya and pick her up.

ANYA: What about me?

XANDER: We're going to LA.

ANYA: To Angel's place? The giant money-making machine he has yet to properly exploit? Let's go. [they walk out the back door] Plus, we get to meet Angel's friends, and see if this sexy Wesley thing is for real.

BUFFY: Hey Willow. How's Angel doing?

WILLOW: He's fine. Rather uncooperative during the whole process, though. But I forgive him. Long as he doesn't do it again.

BUFFY: Was Cordelia as tough as you expected?

WILLOW: Tougher. There were moments when she made me miss Glory.

BUFFY: You really mean that?

WILLOW: She didn't have a demon inside of her. She had a god. A god who was a lot more powerful than Glory. As long as the god was inside her, I couldn't defeat it. But it wasn't ready to live in this dimension on its own. Once I took it out of her, it was helpless. And Cordy went back to being Cordy.

BUFFY: You can never go back.

CORDY: I was up there, looking down, watching you in Las Vegas. You were lost. Didn't even know who you were. I couldn't stand by and let that happen to you. What was the point of having all that power if I couldn't use it to help the people I love?

ANGEL: The jackpot. That was you?

CORDY: And then the next thing I knew, I was back here.

ANGEL: Was that your punishment?

CORDY: I don't know. I don't know why I became a Higher Being. Or why I became what I became when I stopped being a Higher Being. After I got my memory back, it started slowly. Every now and then I wouldn't be able to remember what happened for the last few minutes. Then it became hours. I was me, then I wasn't, then when I was me again, and I couldn't remember what I had done. Except for that with Connor, because he was there in the morning to remind me. Then one day, I could remember everything, but I wasn't the one in control. I did so many horrible things. I killed so many people. I hurt everyone I care about.

ANGEL: It wasn't you.

CORDY: Angel, you know it's never that simple. A part of me wanted to do those things. There's a reason they picked me, whoever they are.

ANGEL: I know what you're trying to get at, but it's not true. If you keep thinking like this, those bastards that hurt you are gonna win.

CORDY: Angel, I appreciate what you're trying to do. I know that, because of what you've done, you can forgive anything. But I look at you, and all I can think of are all the horrible way I hurt you. How do you think I'll feel around the rest of my friends?

ANGEL: I know who you really are. I know that the thing you were these past few months wasn't the real Cordy. Your friends know that, too.

CORDY: Well, Wes and Gunn and Fred do. They knew me before I went all glowy-Higher Being-amnesiac-bitch monster of death. But Connor doesn't. Oh God. I really messed him up. [pauses, shakes her head] I'm actually glad he met Dawn. Okay, I'm not at all glad it's her, I'm just glad he found someone else. Him loving her IS weird, but it's less weird than him loving me. Damn, I really did lower the bar. Least I've never met her.

ANGEL: Yes you have.

CORDY: Angel, she didn't exist when we lived in Sunnydale.

ANGEL: Not technically. But we all have memories of her.

CORDY: I don't. Maybe it's one of the after-effects of being a Higher Being, but I only remember things that actually happened.

ANGEL: You have no memory of Dawn?

CORDY: Because she wasn't there. And by the time she was there, I wasn't.

ANGEL: That's amazing.

CORDY: You're a vampire with a soul who's been to Hell and back. You're talking to an ex-Higher Being who a few hours ago was pregnant with your son's baby. And THIS is what you find amazing?

ANGEL: Point taken. So when I became Angelus, and I grabbed Dawn in the hallway at the high school, who did I really attack?

CORDY: Willow.

ANGEL: Oh. When I got my soul back, I always felt uncomfortable around Dawn because of that. [thinks for a few seconds] Now I have a completely different reason to feel uncomfortable around her.

CORDY: If I were you, I'd be more worried about how you'll feel around Fred and Charles and Wesley. You've been trying to kill them for the last week. 'Specially Fred. Considering all the things you threatened – and God forbid, maybe even tried – to do to her.

ANGEL: Things'll be awkward for a little while, but they know that wasn't me. They know who I really am. And they know who you really are.

CORDY: Look at it this way: what if, after you became Angelus, you pretended to be Angel for a few months? You stayed by their side, acted like their friend, but behind their backs you made their lives a living Hell?

ANGEL: They know it wasn't your fault.

CORDY: That doesn't mean they'll trust me. We can't rewrite the past. Maybe a few Russian monks can rewrite it a little. But we can't go back. We can't pretend the last year didn't happen. Things will never be the same.

ANGEL: Some things will. We still love you. We're here for you. I'm here for you. Whatever you need.

CORDY: Right now, I think I need to sleep. Willow taking it out of me took a lot out of me. But first, can you send Connor in? I think I at least owe him an explanation.

ANGEL: I'll get him. You just rest up for now. I think that's what we'll all be doing for a while. I missed you, Cordy.

He kisses her on the forehead and goes out into the hallway. Right before he gets to the lobby, he runs into Kelly.

KELLY: Oh. Sorry. Great to finally meet you, Angel.

ANGEL: Yeah. Same here, Kelly. [this is understandably awkward for him]

KELLY: Guess a friendly handshake would be a little ridiculous by now.

ANGEL: Right.

KELLY: Right. [nervous silence]

ANGEL: Thanks for, you know, helping my friends.

KELLY: My pleasure. [Angel is more nervous than Kelly] I don't mean all of it was pleasurable. I guess what I mean to say is, I don't know you, but I know you must be a really good guy, otherwise your friends wouldn't have been willing to put up with so much. I mean, they never even thought of killing you, even to save their own lives. Anyone who inspires that much loyalty must really be special. Otherwise, you'd be dust by now.

ANGEL: That's very nice of you to say. I think. Excuse me.

Angel walks into the lobby. This is the first time he's gotten a good look at the full extent of the damage Willow and Cordy wreaked. He's rather overwhelmed. Fred, Gunn, Wes, Lorne, Faith and Lindsey move towards him. Angel's uncomfortable with all the sudden attention. He's especially skittish around Fred, who wears a bandage on her neck where he bit her earlier that morning. All of them are bruised and cut from the desperate fight Angelus waged to stay alive. Their wounds are unwelcome reminders of what he was and what he did.

ANGEL: Hi guys. Cordy's resting. Where's Connor?

KELLY: Think he went somewhere to lie down.

ANGEL: Oh. Thanks.

Kelly is behind him. Angelus turns around and has to walk past her to get to the hallway. He still doesn't know who she is or how she got involved with his friends. He's also unaware of her feelings for Wesley. For the moment, Angel worries she might like him. Kelly was very convincing while "pretending" to be extremely attracted to Angelus. Besides, just about every woman he met wanted him. He thinks he'll have to let Kelly down easy before she gets her hopes up. Angel hears Connor's voice at the end of the hallway.

After Buffy got off the phone with Willow, Dawn asked how Connor was. Buffy said Willow didn't say anything about him. Willow did say everyone was okay, which meant Connor was fine. But such generalities aren't enough for Dawn. She goes up to her room, anxiously waiting for him to call. Within a few minutes, her cell phone rings.

CONNOR: Hello lover.

DAWN: You're okay!?

CONNOR: Yeah. It was rough for a while. Faith saved my life. I know she hasn't been nice to you before, but –

DAWN: I'll try my best.

CONNOR: She's nice to me. I think Faith's different than when you knew her. After talking to me, she knows better than to mess with you.

DAWN: Nice of you to put in a good word. So you two spent a lot of time together? [she's still not comfortable with this]

CONNOR: And LIndsey. We hung out.

DAWN: The three of you? [this is much more agreeable to Dawn]

CONNOR: Yeah. He's real nice to me, too.

DAWN: This is the same Lindsey everyone saw at the Bronze?

CONNOR: Except for us. We didn't really notice him. I was too busy noticing you.

DAWN: Don't do that.

CONNOR: Do what?

DAWN: Make me miss you even more. It's tough enough without you pouring on the sweetness. Anyway, the Potentials are totally hot for that Lindsey guy. It's not just them. Between you and me, I think Buffy's a little jealous of Faith.

CONNOR: But you're not.

DAWN: Connor! Of course I'm not. Are YOU jealous of Lindsey?

CONNOR: Well, just a little. [Dawn does not like the sound of this] When I'm with them, and they're together, makes me miss you even more. Makes me wish I could be with the woman I love.

DAWN: Wow you're good.

CONNOR: What!? I'm not great? I think you're great.

DAWN: [laughs] Why are you always laying it on so thick? I already love you, so there's no need to keep trying to woo or wow me anymore.

CONNOR: I say what I feel. That's all. You changed my life.

DAWN: I know the feeling. This morning, I was really worried about you, Connor. I just never wanna lose you. That's why I'm glad you have Angel back. I know he'll look after you. Okay, yeah, I know, you do a really good job of looking after yourself. But it's always nice to have someone watching your back. So try to be nice to him. For me?

CONNOR: For you? Okay.

DAWN: And also for you, cause I know he really loves you and wants to help you. Maybe he'll be completely wigged-out about us, but he wants what's best for you, so one of these days he'll hafta realize that's me.

Angel opens the door.

ANGEL: Connor. Can we talk?

CONNOR: It's my dad.

DAWN: Oh. Well then, go.

CONNOR: Maybe I'll tell him what you just told me. Love you.

DAWN: Love you too. Good luck.

They hang up. Dawn smiles and goes downstairs. She sees Buffy in the kitchen.

DAWN: Connor's alright. In case you cared. He promised me he'd be nice to Angel. [scowls] I'm sure you care about that.

BUFFY: So me caring about Angel's a bad thing?

DAWN: No. I care about them both. It would be nice if you could. I'm sorry. I know it's been less than a week since he tried to kill you. But he feels really bad about that. And you've forgiven everyone else who tried to kill you but apologized after. I know you wish he never was conceived in the first place, but –

BUFFY: He's your honey. I'm all too well aware of that. Connor respects you. He knows how great you are. As long as that's the case, I'm okay with him. But if he ever hurts you . . . Let's just say, if that ever happens, I hope Angel's smart enough not to get in my way.

DAWN: So you're not just my sister, you're also my very own personal Vengeance Demon? Speaking of which – [Dawn looks into the living room and the dining room] where is everybody?

BUFFY: They're here.

DAWN: Did Xander and Anya go somewhere?

BUFFY: Oh. I forgot. Willow's a little drained after taking down Cordy. So they went to pick her up.

DAWN: What!!! They were going to LA, and you didn't tell me? I could've gone along with them.

BUFFY: I thought you wanted Connor to spend time bonding with Angel?

ANGEL: Cordy would like to speak with you.

CONNOR: Okay. Sure.

Connor stands up and walks towards the door.

ANGEL: I love you, Connor. And I'm glad you're home. Unless you still want to live at your own place. I can pay to have the window repaired. You know, the one you threw me through. By the way, that was a nice move.

CONNOR: I'm living here. I only lived there cause you kicked me out.

ANGEL: But I only kicked you out because you – let's just put all that behind us, okay?

CONNOR: Okay.

Angel noticed the bandage on his neck.

ANGEL: Were you bitten?

CONNOR: Dru got me. Then Faith got her. Kelly said I lost half my blood.

ANGEL: Do you need to go to the hospital?

CONNOR: No. She gave me some. From other people. That doesn't change you, right?

ANGEL: No. It doesn't. So Kelly fixed you up?

CONNOR: Yeah. Who is she, anyway?

ANGEL: Beats me.

Connor leaves and goes down the hall towards Cordy's room. Angel smiles. He thinks it's possible Connor no longer hates him.

Connor enters Cordy's room. She had taken off her bloody blouse and her white pants and put on gray sweatpants and a gray sweatshirt. She's sitting up on the bed. Connor looks at her for a few seconds.

CONNOR: So I'm not gonna become a daddy? [smiles at his icebreaker]

CORDY: And I'm not gonna become a mommy. Thank God for small miracles. Or, actually, for Willow. You look hurt.

CONNOR: So do you. You're wearing what you wore when I took you slaying. When we first kissed.

CORDY: [looks down at her clothes] You're right. I didn't notice. [this makes her even more nervous] Connor, the things you said to me the other day –

CONNOR: I was mad.

CORDY: You had every right to be mad after how I treated you. I deserved it. Every word.

CONNOR: Some of it wasn't true. I lied to you cause you lied to me. Your love wasn't real.

CORDY: Yes it was. And it is. It just wasn't that kind of love. When I spent the night with you, I wasn't myself.

CONNOR: When were you yourself? What was real?

CORDY: When I had amnesia. That was real. I cared about you and I knew what a great guy you were, but I didn't want you. Not the way you wanted me.

CONNOR: What about when you were gonna sleep with me if I killed Angel?

CORDY: [scoffs] That's what you expected? Boy, were you in for a disappointment. Sixteen year-old me would probably let you round second, but you had NO chance of going all the way. I may have been friendly, but I wasn't loose.

CONNOR: So you were only really you when you didn't remember who you were?

CORDY: That time we met. I mean, the first time you remember meeting me.

CONNOR: When I tried to kill you.

CORDY: The way I was then – that was the real me. Except for the glowing. But how I wanted to help you. And loved you. That was real. All I wanted was for you and Angel to be happy and together. Instead I made both of you miserable and pulled you apart.

CONNOR: Don't worry. I don't want you anymore. I still think you're pretty. You're the third prettiest woman I've know.

Cordy likes the compliment. Then her old competitive streak kicks in.

CORDY: Third!? Who's ahead of me?

CONNOR: Dawn.

CORDY: Of course.

CONNOR: And my mom.

CORDY: How do you know what Darla looked like? Never mind. [she can't resist] So where's Buffy?

CONNOR: Behind you. Way behind. Behind Faith and Anya and Fred and Willow and – lemme think – no, just them.

CORDY: [smiling] I was wrong. You really aren't like your father.

CONNOR: Glad you finally noticed that.

Wesley puts on a black button-down shirt.

WES: Feels odd wearing something of Angel's.

KELLY: Looks better on you.

Wes goes to button it. Kelly touches his hands. Wesley's knuckles are bruised from the fight.

KELLY: Let me get that for you.

There are a few seconds of awkward silence. Then they kiss. About ten seconds later they stop, and both of them are breathing kind of heavy. Wes grabs his ribcage.

KELLY: Looks like you need to rest.

WES: I should be heading home.

KELLY: [a bit embarrassed] I understand.

WES: You're welcome to come by – if you don't have other plans.

They both smile and kiss again.

KELLY: It would really suck to be beat up AND alone.

Wes and Kelly leave. She doesn't know about his solitary recovery after getting his throat slit. Cordelia's really tired and wants to be someplace quiet and out of the way. Connor helps her to the elevator. She worries about seeing everyone. But LIndsey and Faith had already left, Kelly and Wes just ducked out, Angel's sitting in another room, Willow's in the office and Fred, Gunn and Wes are busy assessing the damage to their once and future home. After taking Cordy to her old room on the fourth floor, Connor comes back downstairs. He passes Fred, Gunn and Lorne near the lobby.

CONNOR: I took Cordy upstairs. She's resting. Said fighting Willow took a lot out of her.

LORNE: Ain't that the truth. [Gunn, Fred and Lorne look a little queasy]

CONNOR: I'm gonna go talk to dad. Good to be home. Am I right?

Connor smiles and walks down the hall.

LORNE: Is he planning on moving back in?

GUNN: That's good, ain't it?

FRED: Maybe he's ready to give Angel a chance.

The three of them are hopeful. Connor walks into the room Angel's in. Angel sits on the floor, his back leaning against a coffee table, his arms resting on top of it. Angel looks up at Connor.

CONNOR: I took Cordy upstairs. She needed to rest.

ANGEL: You're not mad at her?

CONNOR: I can forgive. She wasn't herself.

Connor flips Angel's right hand so his palm faces upwards. Then Connor takes a small hammer and a metal spike out of his pockets. He drives the spike through Angel's palm and through the wood underneath. Angel screams, partly in pain but mostly in shock. At the other end of the hall, Fred, Gunn and Lorne can hear him.

FRED: Is Angel in trouble?

GUNN: Probably just workin' things out with Connor.

Connor drives another spike through Angel's left palm. He yells out again in pain.

LORNE: I had a lotta arguments with my father, but they never sounded like that.

Connor finishes pounding both spikes down. Angel is a little terrified.

ANGEL: What the hell are you doing? Connor, it's me. I love you. I'd never hurt you. You know that. Son, why are you doing this to me?

CONNOR: You hurt Dawn.

ANGEL: I did what?

CONNOR: You sent her friends after her.

ANGEL: That wasn't me.

CONNOR: I know.

ANGEL: Then why are you doing this?

Gunn, Fred and Lorne burst into the room. They can't believe what they're seeing. All of them knew Connor could be vicious, but they never expected to find Angel with his hands nailed to the furniture. Connor looks at them. The hammer's still in his right hand.

CONNOR: Go away. This doesn't involve you.

The three of them stand there, speechless and trembling.

ANGEL: He's right. You guys should leave. Go on. It's a family thing.

They stand there a little while longer, staring at Angel. They can see that he doesn't want their help. They slowly back out of the room and close the door. Connor locks it behind them.

GUNN: Did I just see Connor crucifyin' Angel?

FRED: Least he hasn't gone for the feet. Yet.

LORNE: Have we been a wee bit too optimistic about the new, kinder gentler Connor?

FRED: Why would he do that to Angel?

GUNN: [sarcastically] Not like he's never hurt daddy before.

FRED: But by now he should know better. And I thought that Dawn girl changed him.

LORNE: I think it would be best if I ran and hid. Maybe behind Willow. She only kills the bad guys. Sure, she gives me the Willy Wonkas. But who better to protect you from an occasionally psychotic destroyer than another, far more powerful, occasionally psychotic destroyer?

CONNOR: This is a lesson. For next time.

ANGEL: Next time? There won't be a next time!

CONNOR: Twice in five years? It's part of who you are.

ANGEL: No it's not.

CONNOR: Angelus doesn't feel guilt. But he does feel pain. If he comes back, he'll remember what you're feeling right now. He'll know he won't be able to get away with hurting her. This isn't vengeance. It's a warning.

Angel looks at his hands.

ANGEL: Did Spike give you this idea?

CONNOR: Spike is Buffy's dog. He only does what she wants. And Buffy would never want you to get hurt.

ANGEL: I'm sorry about siring Dawn's friend. I'm sorry about a lot of things I did. At least Dawn's okay. That's what matters.

CONNOR: What if she wasn't? What if I was in the shower, or downstairs, when they attacked her? I think of what could have happened, and I get scared. If I lost Dawn, I don't know what I'd do.

ANGEL: I know the feeling.

CONNOR: Let me guess. Buffy.

He spits her name out the way a six year-old would say "brussel sprouts."

ANGEL: What do you have against her?

CONNOR: Nothing. I just know you can do better. Maybe Spike can't, but that just proves my point.

ANGEL: Thought you liked Spike. You wore his shirt.

CONNOR: Spike's cooler than you. And he's very brave. Spike's a warrior. But he's not a Champion. He's not a leader, like you. You go bad, everyone wants to get you better. Spike lost his soul, only Buffy would care.

ANGEL: So Buffy loves him?

CONNOR: No. When you love someone, and they're in the room, all you notice is them. Buffy isn't that way around Spike. So you don't have to worry. Or get jealous.

ANGEL: I'm not jealous of Spike.

CONNOR: If she loved him, you would be.

Angel's trying to figure out why discussing his relationship with Buffy makes Connor almost physically ill. He thinks that's grossly hypocritical, considering how Angel's not getting on Connor's case about Dawn. But he thinks maybe there's more to it than that.

ANGEL: Is Buffy the "Other Woman" to you? Is that why you hate her?

CONNOR: I don't hate her.

ANGEL: You're mad at her because of Darla.

CONNOR: No. I'm mad at you. You loved Buffy instead of mom.

ANGEL: That's not true. Connor, I loved your mother.

CONNOR: Then why didn't you lose your soul when you . . . when you made me?

ANGEL: Because she was a vampire. I loved your mother when she was a person. I would have done anything for her. I would have given my life to save hers. I tried to. I tried everything I could to save her life. I just wanted her to have a chance. The first time she lived, before she became a vampire, she only got to see the rotten, evil side of people. Then she was brought back by some very bad people who weren't going to let her live as a human with a soul. They were just using her, remaking her as a human only so that could remake her as a vampire. [Angel pauses] When your mother was pregnant with you, when it was time for you to be born, she realized she couldn't give birth, that you couldn't come out of her. She knew you were dying, and she staked herself so you could live, so you could have the chance she never had. Your mother loved you, Connor. She knew that giving you life was her only chance to give the world something good. And whatever else anyone ever tells you about her, I always want you to remember that.

Connor stands there for a few seconds. Before now, Angel had never said a word about Darla. He didn't expect a speech. And he certainly didn't expect Angel to praise her.

CONNOR: You're crying.

Connor kneels down and wipes the tears off Angel's face. Angel finds Connor's concern to be bizarre, if not surreal.

ANGEL: While you're caring about me, could you -? [he motions his head towards his left arm]

CONNOR: Oh. Yeah. I forgot about that.

Connor pulls both spikes out. Angel looks at his wounded hands. Connor rips up the bed sheet and wraps the strips around Angel's hands, carefully tying them so they don't fall off, but also making sure they're not too tight. He helps Angel to his feet and makes sure Angel's wounds aren't bleeding through the makeshift bandages Connor has wrapped around them. Angel is stunned and disturbed by his son's sudden concern.

CONNOR: That should do it. Are they comfortable?

Angel meekly nods. Connor hugs him.

CONNOR: I love you, dad.

Angel just stands there, absolutely perplexed.

ANGEL: Have you been having problems with mood swings?

CONNOR: No. [Connor lets go] Why?

Angel holds up his hands.

CONNOR: Nobody messes with my lover and gets away with it. You'll heal.

ANGEL: So you're not mad at me?

CONNOR: Not anymore. Life doesn't have to be hard and painful. Being with Dawn taught me that. She's the reason I'm nice to you.

ANGEL: I thought she was the reason you drove nails through my hands.

CONNOR: She's really powerful. You're nice to her, good things happen. You're not, you suffer.

ANGEL: She sounds a lot like her older sister.

Connor scowls and walks towards the door. Angel reaches out his right hand and touches Connor's arm.

ANGEL: Wait. Hold on. You don't have to nail me to the furniture to get me to sit down and talk to you. Don't you have anything else you want to ask me?

CONNOR: Okay.

Connor sits on the bed. Angel sits in a chair about six feet away.

CONNOR: Why did you hate your father?

ANGEL: How do you know I hated my father?

CONNOR: That night when we fought in the kitchen and you didn't know who I was, you complained about him.

ANGEL: You remember what I said?

CONNOR: Something about him being a hypocrite.

ANGEL: That's why we didn't get along.

CONNOR: You don't hate someone cause you think he's a hypocrite. You think someone's a hypocrite cause you hate him. Trust me. I should know.

Angel's a bit taken aback by Connor's reference to his (hopefully) past antipathy for him. But that really was why Angel disliked his father.

ANGEL: I don't know. He was strict. And unfair. But to be fair, I wasn't the greatest son.

CONNOR: And I was?

ANGEL: You had it a lot rougher than I did. I never had to work for my food. You had to kill yours. I always had a roof over my head.

CONNOR: So your father provided for you?

ANGEL: Pretty much.

CONNOR: Then why did you hate him?

ANGEL: Because I was an ungrateful spoiled brat, I suppose.

CONNOR: You mean you were bad, your father was good, and that's why you hated him?

ANGEL: No! He wasn't good. He was a – [Angel is about to say hypocrite, but then remembers what the root cause was.] When I was growing up, the English ruled Ireland, and if you were an Irishman who owned a lot of land, you either had to convert and help the English, or you lost most of your property. My father kept his estate by collaborating with the enemy. I suppose he was doing the practical thing, making sure he could provide a decent life for his wife and children. But I saw him as a traitor. Who was he to tell me about morality and righteousness when he was betraying his own people? Still, it wasn't like there was anything I could do to change the situation. Couldn't be a rebel. Didn't want to be a gentleman traitor like my father. There was no honorable path for me to choose. So I decided to party and have fun and not care about life because caring didn't do any good.

CONNOR: You thought he was a coward.

ANGEL: You could say that.

CONNOR: I don't think you're a coward.

ANGEL: Thanks. Unless you're trying to damn me with faint praise. Because, as praise goes, that pretty damn faint.

CONNOR: I'm tired. Okay if I go upstairs and lie down?

ANGEL: Sure. When do you want to bring your stuff over?

CONNOR: Maybe tonight. Or tomorrow.

Connor gets up and walks to the door. Angel does the same to stop him from leaving right away.

ANGEL: One more thing. You fought really well. When you took us all on, one-on-five, that was, that was unbelievable. I'm proud of you, Connor. You just keep getting better and better. Who knows? Maybe in five years you'll be able to take me.

CONNOR: I'll be able to take you a lot sooner than that, old man.

Connor give Angel one of his cocky smiles. Angel hugs him. Connor's a little overwhelmed by all the affection. Getting along with Angel still seems vaguely unnatural to Connor.

ANGEL: You don't know how long I've been waiting for this moment. Or how many times I've dreamed about it. Course, in the dreams, I don't have holes through my hands. Guess that's how I know I'm not dreaming. It's great to have you home.

CONNOR: The two of us. Not trying to kill each other. It's a new feeling.

ANGEL: I'm sure it'll take some getting used to.

Connor unlocks the door and leaves the room. He's smiling and happy and gentle-looking. Gunn, Fred and Lorne stare him down. Fred holds a pistol with a tranquilizer dart. Lorne holds a crossbow. Both weapons are pointed at Connor. He laughs.

CONNOR: This your way of saying "welcome home"?

FRED: You're lucky I couldn't find the taser.

CONNOR: I gave that to Dawn. What's going on?

LORNE: We saw what you did to Angel.

CONNOR: Oh. That. It's in the past.

GUNN: That's all you gotta say?

CONNOR: It was none of your business.

GUNN: You hurt Angel, you better believe that's my business. Care to explain?

FRED: What could possible make you torture your own father?

CONNOR: He tried to hurt Dawn. Angelus sired three of her friends. They attacked us when we were in bed. While we where making love.

Fred and Lorne stop pointing their weapons at Connor. All three of them seem to be pondering what Connor has just said.

FRED: Oh.

GUNN: Damn.

LORNE: Poor thing.

FRED: That is low. But Angel didn't do it.

CONNOR: I know. But nobody hurts her and gets away with it.

Connor walks past them and heads for the stairs.

GUNN: He's got a right to be mad. But that's takin' things too far.

LORNE: I suppose in his mind this counts as chivalry. Remember when I said there was something violent and dangerous about Connor's love for that girl?

FRED: We better go check on Angel.

They walk to the door. Fred tries to open it, but it's locked.

FRED: Why would Angel lock us out?

Now that things with Connor seemed to be going on the right track, Angel decides to give Buffy a call.


	12. Hello Buffy Hello Angel

Angel and Buffy have their first conversation in 18 months. Anya and Xander meet Fred and Gunn. And Xander sees Cordy and Angel, annoying one and charming the other.

Molly, Amanda, Rona, Madari and Rose mill around in the small sitting room between the kitchen and the living room.

MOLLY: Have you called him yet?

MADARI: I almost did, last night. But I didn't want to come on too strong, scare him away. What's the rule on girls calling boys in this country?

ROSE: If they like you they like it. If they don't, it creeps them out.

MOLLY: You know pretty quick if you're wasting your toim.

AMANDA: Then why haven't you called?

MOLLY: What would we talk about?

RONA: Not ourselves.

ROSE: "How was your week?" "Not bad. I staked a vampire on Tuesday, beheaded a Bringer on Wednesday, and fought sword-wielding super-demons on Thursday. How was your week?"

The girls all laugh.

RONA: We could call to ask 'em out. It is Saturday.

MOLLY: Maybe they'll call us.

MADARI: They don't have Buffy's number.

RONA: Clarence does.

AMANDA: So does Preston. He just thinks I spend a lot of time here. I wouldn't know how to explain to him why I left my parent's house and moved two miles away to live with my guidance counselor.

The phone rings. The five girls rush into the kitchen. Buffy picks it up. They anxiously wait to see which one of their men is calling.

BUFFY: Hello?

ANGEL: I know it's been a while, but I was hoping we could talk.

BUFFY: Angel . . . of course. So – you're back.

The girls realize the "boy" was calling for Buffy. They walk into the living room.

ROSE: Angel. Is that Buffy's boyfriend's name?

RONA: You mean the one who went evil and killed all those people?

MOLLY: I thought Spike did that.

AMANDA: He did. Before we came. Angel did it when Connor was here.

MADARI: Now I remember. He's the vampire with a child.

RONA: Does this mean he got his soul back?

ROSE: Isn't Spike the vampire who got his soul back?

AMANDA: They both are. The difference is Spike doesn't have any children.

MOLLY: Are we sure about that?

ROSE: Which one is Buffy's boyfriend?

RONA: They both are. Or, they both were.

MADARI: This is so confusing.

AMANDA: But Connor is Dawn's boyfriend. So she had sex with her older sister's ex-lover's son.

MADARI: This is when we need Andrew to draw us one of his charts.

ANGEL: I've missed you. Sorry I went so long without calling.

BUFFY: I understand. A lot of things happened to you that you didn't wanna tell me about. Then again, you didn't tell me about those things even when we WERE talking.

Angel pauses for a few seconds. He doesn't know what Buffy's getting at.

ANGEL: I think I'm missing something here.

BUFFY: We could have talked for hours without you saying a word about your life. We've done it plenty of times before.

ANGEL: I know you have every right to be mad at me. If you had known about Connor before you met him, maybe he wouldn't have been able to wreak so much havoc.

BUFFY: You don't get it. I'm not mad about Connor. No, I am. But I'm also mad about you. Wait. That came out all wrong. I'm mad about how you treat me. This isn't about the times you didn't talk to me. It's about the times you did. The only time you told me anything about your life in Los Angeles was when you were soulless. You were only willing to share when you were evil. What does that say about you? What does that say about us?

Buffy's apparent hostility takes Angel by surprise.

ANGEL: It says I don't want to burden you with my problems.

BUFFY: Exactly. You still treat me like a child.

ANGEL: Buffy, what are you talking about?

BUFFY: You love me, don't you?

ANGEL: Of course.

BUFFY: And I love you. Which is why, when we talk, I always tell you how I'm feeling. I never hold anything back from you. You hold everything back. Do you think I don't care about you, that I wouldn't be interested, that all I ever want to talk about is myself?

ANGEL: Let me try to understand this: When I came to see you after your mother just died, or after you had been resurrected and ripped out of Heaven, you wanted be to whine on about MY petty problems?

BUFFY: I want you to share. I want you to stop pretending you're the same person you were when I was in high school. Because, if you don't tell me about your life, then I'm not really a part of it. I'm only a part of some fantasy. Do you know how painful it is to love someone but feel you hardly know them?

ANGEL: I think I do. A lot's happened – to both of us. We've both changed. 

He's on the cusp of mentioning Spike. It's not like Angel's the only one who's slept with a soulless vampire in a moment of weakness. But he doesn't want this conversation to degenerate into an exchange of petty and predictable accusations.

BUFFY: If Connor never came here, and you, after becoming your heroic good guy self again, decided to pay me a visit, would you mention that he existed? Would you tell me anything about your life since we last talked? No. That's unfair. Let me try say this another way: when you're talking to me, and I tell you I no longer feel motivated and my heart's no longer with my mission, it might be nice if you told me about the time you had a major crisis of confidence and actually gave up and abandoned your mission for a few months. Sometimes hearing about your problems can help me deal with my problems.

ANGEL: I guess I just, I guess I just didn't want you to worry about me. You already had enough to worry about. You've always had it tough. All I've ever wanted to do is to help make your life better any way I could.

BUFFY: I know. And that's what you did. Until I took away your soul and sent you to Hell. After that, after we'd caused each other that much pain, it seems sorta silly to hold something back cause one of us is worried about hurting the other one's feelings.

ANGEL: That's true. I could always say I've put you through worse. [they share a few nervous chuckles over the dark joke] Besides, after last week, I really have nothing left to hide.

BUFFY: God, you're right. Things were so much simpler back then – when I had to avert an apocalypse, keep one eye on an uber-vamp released by the First and keep the other eye on an obnoxious mystery super-boy who liked to take my sister slaying. Okay, I guess my life was never simple.

ANGEL: Connor took Dawn slaying! That is so reckless and dangerous and, well, so much like him. I'm surprised you didn't kill him right then and there for risking your sister's life.

BUFFY: Giles held me back.

ANGEL: So Connor was driving you crazy even before he . . . I'm sorry someone I love caused you so much pain. Connor just has a way of doing that.

BUFFY: Yeah. I heard about your underwater summer vacation. If you don't mind, I'd rather not talk about him.

ANGEL: That's understandable. So how are things? How are you doing?

BUFFY: Same old, same old I suppose. Fighting the big evil. Except, it's not the same.

ANGEL: Because of the Potentials?

BUFFY: Ten more people whose lives depend on me. You know how it is – the more people around you, the lonelier you feel.

ANGEL: Actually, I don't.

BUFFY: Right. Your group is still small and manageable. But it doesn't matter how many there are. When you're the leader, when you're the one everyone turns to, the one who has to make the big decisions, you can't just be one of the group. You feel separate.

ANGEL: Oh. You mean the proverbial loneliness of power. The more powerful you become, the more isolated you are.

BUFFY: So you do know what it feels like.

ANGEL: No. And neither should you.

BUFFY: If this is your idea of trying to be helpful, I'd hate to talk to you when you were being dismissive.

ANGEL: Powerful people feel lonely because everyone is afraid to criticize or question them. Unless Rupert and your friends have turned into doormats, this shouldn't be a problem for you. They do still argue with you when they think you're wrong, don't they? Or, sometimes, even when they think you're right?

BUFFY: Blind obedience is definitely something I don't have to fear.

ANGEL: Good. Then why do you feel lonely?

BUFFY: I'm the Slayer. I love my friends, but none of them can understand what I've gone through, or what it feels like to have everybody counting on me every day of my life.

ANGEL: So the problem is no one else knows what it feels like to be you. That's true for everybody, Buffy. That's the human condition. Your case is, well, extreme. But it's only a difference of degree. Look. None of my friends can possibly know what it feels like to experience the things I've experienced. But I don't fixate on what separates us. I feel lonely when they're NOT around. When did you start feeling so alienated?

BUFFY: Why are you belittling me? I know you just got you soul back. Does it take a few more hours for the empathy to kick in?

ANGEL: You're the Slayer. So what? That's not what makes you special. How many Slayers have there been? Thousands? Tens of thousands? Doesn't sound very unique to me. Faith's a Slayer. Kendra was a Slayer. They're nothing like you. Being a Slayer does not define who you are. You used to know that. THAT'S what made you special. That's why you've won against enemies who would've killed any other Slayer. The day you make being a Slayer your defining characteristic is the day you'll lose.

BUFFY: You mean like how you define yourself as a vampire with a soul?

ANGEL: You mean THE vampire with a . . . [Angel pauses. Buffy laughs. Angel gets her point] Touche. You got me. Guess we've both been a little guilty of wallowing in our supposed speciality. But that only proves my point. You know who you remind me of? Connor.

BUFFY: Gee Angel. You really know how to charm a girl to the point of nausea.

ANGEL: I'm serious. Connor used to pull this "Nobody understands me, you don't know what I've been through" crap all the time. Clearly he had a point. Didn't mean wasn't being a knucklehead You know what I told him? Get over it. And he has. My point is, if Connor's mature enough to stop wallowing, then you sure as hell are.

BUFFY: You're telling me I'm acting like Connor. I don't think I've ever felt more insulted in my entire life. Is this you way of trying to use reverse psychology to slap some sense into me?

ANGEL: It's my way of reminding you what you taught me – that just because you're unlike anybody else on the planet doesn't mean you have to go through life alone.

BUFFY: Oh. That's sweet, the way you brought it all full circle like that. This thing where you tell people what you feel? You're not so bad at it. Don't know why you didn't try it earlier.

ANGEL: Does this mean you're not mad at me?

BUFFY: You know how it goes. Can't help forgiving the people you love.

After Angel and Buffy finish talking, he walks out into the hall. Lorne, Fred and Gunn are there to meet him.

LORNE: How ya doin', chief?

ANGEL: Not bad. Considering –

LORNE: Need something to drink? Place is awful low on animal blood. I could go get some.

ANGEL: No, no. I'm fine.

FRED: He already drank. About a quart.

Lorne looks at Fred's neck. He had forgotten Angelus was the one who gave her the wound. Lorne looks chagrined. So does Angel. Fred and him avoid eye contact for the moment. Lorne decides to change the subject. Somehow, Connor actually seems like a safer topic.

LORNE: So how are things with junior? Are we still at Orange Alert, or should we bump it up to red?

Angel looks a bit confused.

ANGEL: Why are you worried about Connor? We've never been closer. He told me he loved me. He's never done that before. He actually looked me in the eyes and said "I love you, dad."

Fred, Lorne and Gunn are utterly perplexed.

GUNN: Was this before or after he nailed your hands to the table?

ANGEL: After.

FRED: Of course.

LORNE: Otherwise Connor's actions would seem completely irrational. No, they still do.

ANGEL: Connor just had to let off some steam. Then he was ready to open up to me. We really bonded. It's like Connor was finally proud to be my son. Do you know how great that is?

Angel smiles and walks away. Gunn, Fred and Lorne stand there, dumbfounded.

GUNN: They do things different in that family.

FRED: That's putting it mildly.

LORNE: You know the saying "You always hurt the ones you love"? Maybe Connor's taking that a bit too literally.

A little later, Xander parks on the street and Anya and he walk towards the Hyperion. They look at the building from the sidewalk.

XANDER: Angel owns all this?

ANYA: There must be what – 50 to 100,000 square feet in there? You look at a place like this, and you ask yourself two questions: Why does he need this much real estate? And who did Angel have to kill to get this place?

XANDER: Or how many. Then you realize, it's best if you don't know.

ANYA: I wonder if it's haunted. Ghosts have a way of driving off prospective buyers and making a place more affordable.

They walk into the front courtyard. While Anya looks at the flora, Xander checks out the walls.

XANDER: This place hardly looks like it's in danger of collapse.

ANYA: Remember when I told you I wanted a fountain like this in the back yard of the house we planned to buy after we got married? Sorry to dredge that up. I only brought it up to make the point that just because something looks strong and solid on the outside can doesn't mean it's not in danger of collapsing and crushing all who dwell within.

XANDER: I thought I was the one who made construction metaphors.

ANYA: Actually, it's a destruction metaphor.

They both enter the lobby. One look at the wreckage, and their jaws drop to the floor.

ANYA: So much for metaphors.

Xander looks at the shattered glass, twisted metal and pulverized concrete which litter the atrium.

XANDER: It's like someone exploded a bomb before swinging a wrecking ball. I've seen what Willow can do, but this is just –

ANYA: Beyond even her evil abilities? She did say evil Cordy was very, very powerful.

The two of them slowly walk down the steps into the center of the lobby. From there, they get a good look at the holes in the walls. They also notice a large amount of blood on the floor. Willow limps out of the office.

WILLOW: Hey guys.

She has a black right eye and bruised left cheek from when Angelus hit her, as well as two small cuts on her neck where he bit her. But these injuries are greatly outnumbered by the cuts and bruises Cordy gave her, especially the dozens of nicks from the barbed wire Cordy briefly wrapped her in. Xander runs over and hugs her.

XANDER: Willow. Are you alright?

WILLOW: I was until you started crushing me.

Xander lets go.

XANDER: Sorry. You just look so, so – whose blood is on the floor?

WILLOW: Most of it's Cordelia's. Some of it's mine.

ANYA: I caused my share of damage in my demon days. But my God! How powerful was she? How powerful were YOU? 

WILLOW: It was close. She came closer to doin' me in than, well, anybody. But it all worked out in the end.

XANDER: From a witch's standpoint, perhaps. From a construction worker's standpoint, this is a disaster area.

WILLOW: That's why you're here. I use my skills to fix Angel and Cordy. You use yours to fix their home.

XANDER: You want me to do Angel a favor?

WILLOW: I know the two of you aren't exactly old friends, but I just did Cordelia a favor, and you know how not-well we got along.

ANYA: It would put Angel in your debt. He'd owe you big time. Think of how emasculated that would make him feel.

WILLOW: It's not just Angel you'd be helping. There's also Cordy. And Connor. And a bunch of much nicer people you haven't met. [the elevator door opens] People who are right behind you. [Xander and Anya turn around] Xander, Anya, meet Fred and Gunn. You already know Lorne.

LORNE: Hello Anya. Nice to see you again. I guess you could say this is our idea of Spring cleaning.

Lorne's trying a bit too hard because he kind of has a thing for Anya. Fred walks up to Xander, shakes his hand and smiles at him.

FRED: Willow's told me so much about you.

XANDER: Good things, I hope.

FRED: Jus' how you saved her, and the world, when Willow went on her vengeance kick. She's real lucky to have a friend like you.

ANYA: Hey there Freddy.

GUNN: I'm Gunn.

ANYA: She's the one with the masculine name?

LORNE: He's Charles Gunn. She's Winifred Burkle.

ANYA: Silly me. Of course you'd be the one with the virile, vaguely phallic nickname. And with name like Charles Gunn, you pretty much have no choice but to become a tough guy. What happened to your shoulder? [he's wearing a tank top]

GUNN: Vampire stabbed me. It's nothin'.

It takes a few seconds before Anya realizes Gunn is done talking.

ANYA: Sorry. I'm not used to the strong, silent type.

XANDER: You and Angel are living together?

FRED: Not together. In the same building. It's a big building.

XANDER: And I'm going to fix it up for you.

FRED: Really? You don't have to go to all that trouble.

XANDER: No trouble at all. I do this for a living.

FRED: Willow did say you were in construction.

XANDER: And reconstruction. Which is important in this line of work. Demons knock something down, I put it back together. I like to think of it as the circle of life.

Fred laughs. Xander examines some of the debris. Willow worries Xander might be falling for Fred. Anya's walking around the place with Charles.

ANYA: So you pay the bills, and Angel's the eye candy?

GUNN: We all do our thing.

ANYA: What's the overhead on a place like this?

GUNN: That's Fred's thing.

ANYA: The holes in the walls – you should go with that. Knock them all down. Turn this first-floor wing into a store. Most of the magic shops in LA are grimy, out-of-the-way affairs. There's nothing that caters to both the serious practitioners AND the dilettantes. You know, the college kids and new agers who buy crystals and scented candles. You make the big bucks by fleecing those suckers.

GUNN: We ain't in that business.

ANYA: You're already in the business of providing para-normal services. You should diversify. Horizontal integration. Monopolize the market. Your lobby looks a lot nicer when it's not in pieces, doesn't it?

GUNN: Of course.

ANYA: Perfect. People come in. They need you to save their cat from a tree demon, or whatever. While they're here, they notice something shiny and expensive in the magic shop, and decide to buy it. Or, you have a magic shop customer with a bunch of demon eggs in their basement. They come to you for help. Each business feeds off the other. Then you can turn the other first-floor wing into a training room. Or, perhaps, a night club. Lorne could run the magic shop during the day and sing at night. You guys and gals can help out when you're not busy getting paid to save lives. It's clear you have the resources to insure your financial security. You're just not exploiting them.

GUNN: You really like money.

ANYA: You noticed that.

GUNN: Were you this way a a Vengeance Demon?

ANYA: Hardly. Love of money is a decidedly human trait. That's why Angel hasn't worked to grow the business. Demons don't care about money. But his business has to support four human employees, not to mention his son. Cordelia has expensive tastes. Connor's food budget alone must be staggering. And you and Fred and Wesley have needs and wants. Just because you're the good guys doesn't mean you have to be poor. Have you considered providing lodging for benign traveling demons? The idea of only five or six people living in this palace strikes me as almost criminal. Right now, I'm living with 17 other people in a 3 bedroom house. 14 women, sharing one bathroom! And here you are with more space that you know what to do with. Sometimes I think the gods have become addicted to irony.

XANDER: This is interesting.

FRED: What is?

XANDER: The balcony is reinforced. But the supporting columns are just poured concrete. If they were reinforced, they might have held.

FRED: You're saying they weren't structurally sound?

XANDER: I'm sure they were strong enough to support the weight of the balcony during the course of a hotel's normal business.

FRED: But they weren't strong enough to handle the sheering force of a super-natural throwdown.

XANDER: Exactly. Considering the stresses a building experiences in your line of work, I'd recommend the new columns be reinforced.

Xander goes off to inspect the damage in the wings adjacent to the lobby.

WILLOW: So is the building safe?

XANDER: To live in? Definitely. The damage is confined to one part of the structure. Honestly, it's a nice change-of-pace to see a home with this much concrete. If Buffy's place took this amount of damage, nothing would be left but splinters. Is there any damage in other parts of the building?

FRED: Well, there's some in the basement. Plus there's a lot wreckage from before today. Earthquakes. Fires. Wesley falling through the floor when he was trying to kill me.

XANDER: Wesley did what? Why?

FRED: He was possessed.

XANDER: Oh. I had that once. Very embarrassing. I'm sure that afterwards he pretended he didn't remember any of the things he did.

FRED: No. [the thought had never occurred to Fred. Or Wesley.]

XANDER: And he's supposed to be smart one.

A few minutes later, Fred, Willow and Xander return to the lobby and meet up with Anya and Gunn.

ANYA: Now the only snag I can foresee is a lack of startup capital. But you can always get a loan. What is your cash flow situation?

FRED: What were you two talking about?

GUNN: Anya here thinks we should branch out.

ANYA: Are you satisfied with the amount of money this company's pulling in?

Fred laughs.

FRED: Money? We're barely keepin' one step ahead of the bill collectors.

Anya thinks she's found someone who will be receptive. She walks up to Fred.

ANYA: Interesting how it's always the women who care about the finances. Men seem to think money grows on trees.

FRED: Tell me about it. I'm always the one who hasta follow up on invoices and make sure our clients' checks don't bounce.

ANYA: I was proposing to Charles that you start up a magic shop in that wing over there. As someone who used to be in the business, I can tell you this is a very underexploited market. And with my contacts on the wholesale level, you could get up and running in no time.

FRED: You're in the business?

ANYA: I ran a magic shop of my own until Willow went evil and destroyed it.

FRED: Oh. She didn't mention that part. That must have been devastating, having your livelihood taken away like that. [Willow looks upset] Of course, there were circumstances. It ain't like Willow can be held responsible for everything she did when she was overcome by grief.

ANYA: And vengeance. Going overboard on vengeance I can understand. Here's what I think: you have all this space, so use it. Angel's clients come to you when they want magical supplies, and your clients go to him when they need muscle. Plus, you could throw in a night club to capitalize on Lorne's talents.

Lorne enters the lobby, wearing a silk bathrobe and carrying a martini.

LORNE: Not all my talents are for sale.

ANYA: I was only talking about the ones you flaunt in public.

WILLOW: I really should be heading home now. Ready to go, Anya?

LORNE: But you just got here.

WILLOW: Thanks for everything, guys. Couldn't have done it without you.

GUNN: Took the words right outta my mouth.

Willow hugs Fred, hugs Lorne, then shakes hands with Gunn.

WILLOW: Angel's lucky to have you guys.

ANYA: It was nice meeting you two. Think about what I said.

LORNE: Certainly all of you don't have to leave.

WILLOW: Don't worry. Not all of us are leaving right now.

Willow and Anya walk out. Lorne looks at Xander. He appears disappointed.

LORNE: Well isn't that peachy.

Xander's the one Lorne is indifferent about. Anya and Willow walk to her car.

WILLOW: I think Xander's got a crush on Fred.

ANYA: As if Fred doesn't already have enough brave, ruggedly handsome, decent yet morally complex men coming on to her. It's like there's two boys for every girl in this town.

WILLOW: Definitely not my kinda place.

An hour later, Xander has finished making his assessment. Angel couldn't help but here Xander rummaging around his home. Lorne told Angel that Xander was there to help, but of course Angel doesn't see how that's possible. Angel, Lorne, Fred and Gunn are with Xander in the back of the lobby, near Angel's office.

XANDER: There's a construction slump in Sunnydale. Not much demand for new buildings. So there's a lotta guys looking for work. I could put four teams on this starting Monday. Have the job finished by the end of the week.

ANGEL: You sure your boss will go along with this?

Xander laughs.

XANDER: I am the boss. Of my particular team. Them I can guarantee. And I'm sure I can find three others who, while they won't welcome the commute, could use the money.

ANGEL: You're in charge of other people?

XANDER: Yeah. I know. It's hard to believe, considering how I was in high school. Then again, back then, you weren't much of a leader either. And yet, here we are, both running our own businesses.

It galls Angel to be compared with Xander. But Xander does have a point, if you look at their respective accomplishments from a purely financial point of view.

GUNN: How much are we talkin' about?

XANDER: Parts and labor combined, $20,000.

Angel gasps at this ridiculously astronomical sum.

ANGEL: That's highway robbery. I'll fix it myself before I fork over that much to anyone.

Xander laughs.

XANDER: And while you're doing that, I'll run around town fighting demons. Then we can both make fools of ourselves. You're not going to find anyone who'll do it faster, or for less money. I'm sorry.

LORNE: Angel, he's telling the truth. But on the other hand, Xander, where the hell do you think we'll get that kinda money?

CORDY: From me.

They turn around and see Cordelia. Angel rushes over to her.

ANGEL: Cordy! I thought you were in bed.

CORDY: Went downstairs for some soup.

XANDER: Hey Cordy. It's been a while. How are you adjusting to no longer being the most powerful person on the planet?

CORDY: Still with the sarcastic insults. How mature.

XANDER: No. I was serious. That's what Willow called you.

CORDY: She did? [Cordy seems slightly proud] That was nice of her. Let's just say that's a part of my life I'm trying to put behind me.

XANDER: Kind of like how you feel about the period when we were dating.

Cordy laughs. She likes Xander's typically goofy and irreverent attempt at making light of calamity.

ANGEL: Where did you get that kind of money?

CORDY: Demon tribute. Whatever's left over I'll give to you guys. Certainly couldn't feel right about spending it on myself.

XANDER: I would need $5,000 up front to entice the other crews to come up here.

CORDY: I'll be right down. Cash okay?

Xander's a little stunned. Though not as stunned as Angel.

XANDER: Oh. Sure. When isn't it okay?

Angel and Cordy walk to the elevators. He has quite a few questions for her. The elevator door opens, and they get in.

XANDER: I guess this means I'll be seeing you on Monday.

Angel winces as the elevator door closes. He'd rather have spikes driven into his body than have Xander in his home for a week.

NEXT: Spike and Angel meet up. In another dimension.


	13. Spike and Anya go wild

Willow walks through the front door of Buffy's house, followed by Anya. Everyone is glad to see her. She gives Kennedy a hug.

WILLOW: Never been happier to be back in the Hellmouth. Now I can finally get some rest.

BUFFY: Looks like you need it. It looks like Cordelia, well, it look like I don't want to know what Cordelia did to you.

WILLOW: Dirty job. No one else to do it. Anything evil happen while I was gone?

KENNEDY: There was Gwen. But she wasn't exactly evil.

BUFFY: I'm still not completely convinced of that.

WILLOW: Long black hair, white highlights, dressed in form-fitting red?

KENNEDY: So you guys did meet! She kinda hinted at that.

WILLOW: I gotta hear this story.

Giles walks into the room. He doesn't looks somewhat glum.

GILES: I just got off the phone with Wesley. He told me some interesting particulars about your battle with Cordelia.

Giles is in scold mode, but Willow's still glib.

WILLOW: I thought Wesley would be too busy with Kelly to chat for you.

GILES: I talked to her as well. She was far more positive about your performance. Then again, she did miss the crucial First Act.

WILLOW: I suppose there are too banged up for, you know –

ANYA: Banging?

BUFFY: What was Kelly doing in LA?

WILLOW: Besides Wesley? Buffy cringes. Saving my life. Tormenting Angelus. Busy girl. turns to Giles Did Wes tell you about his theory that the Curse Spell isn't Gypsy?

GILES: Yes. It's a novel claim, though I'm not quite convinced of its validity. Can we go upstairs to talk? In private?

BUFFY: Wait. Where's Faith?

WILLOW: Badly injured. She wouldn't do us any good tonight. She promised to drop by tomorrow afternoon.

ANYA: Which conveniently allows her to spend one more night with Lindsey.

GILES: Willow, shall we?

WILLOW: Be right back, sweetie.

Willow gives Kennedy a quick kiss and goes up to her room for one of Giles's stern lectures. But she's in no mood for his admonitions about the dangers of being reckless with magic.

GILES: I don't think I have to tell you why I'm upset.

WILLOW: Is it the baby flaying?

GILES: I can't understand how you can joke about a thing like this after all you've been through.

WILLOW: It wasn't a real baby. The only babies in that room were Wesley and his friends.

GILES: Have you forgotten everything I taught you last summer? I went to great lengths to give you a second chance. There won't be a third.

WILLOW: I did what I had to do.

GILES: You inflicted horrible suffering, and you enjoyed it! You derived visceral pleasure from taking a life.

WILLOW: I saved Cordelia the only way I knew how.

GILES: By turning into a killer? By resorting to the most vicious and sadistic methods?

WILLOW: I had to break her. I had to destroy her will. That was the only way to drive out the evil that was inside of her. If it wasn't for me, Wesley and all his friends would be dead.

GILES: The ends don't always justify the means. Do you think you can control the powers you summoned?

WILLOW: Yes. Because I did.

GILES: This time. You can't turn that kind of dark power on and off whenever it suits you. Sooner or later, the darkness takes you over. You've been down this path before, and it horrifies me that you want to trod heedlessly down it again.

WILLOW: This isn't like before. I learned my lesson. I destroyed myself because I was selfish. I used magic to help myself. There was nothing selfish about what I did this morning. I put my life on the line. I suffered to help other people. And I didn't do it out of vengeance, or blood lust, or a desire to show off. I did it out of love. I wasn't fighting Cordelia. I was helping her. Maybe Wesley doesn't get that. Maybe you don't. But I know she does. And if Cordy isn't mad at me, you have no right to get on my case.

GILES: Please don't tell me you can't even see the danger in what your doing.

WILLOW: When I went bad, you attacked me in order to save me. I did the same thing for Cordy.

GILES: No. I wasn't the same. The things you did, the tricks you pulled, were beyond the pale of any white magics the coven would have given me.

WILLOW: COULD have given you. Those women are amazing, but Cordelia would have wiped the floor with them. If they don't want to get their hands dirty helping people, that's their right. But somebody has to.

GILES: Are you telling me that you believe you can just harness dark powers without consequences?

WILLOW: Look at me, Giles. These are the consequences. she points to her wounds You wanna get on my case, fine. But first, I want you, and Wesley, and whoever else has a problem with my methods to tell me another way I could have gotten the job done. You do that, and I'll admit I was wrong. But until then, don't play armchair warlock.

Willow storms out of her room. Giles takes of his glasses with his right hand and puts his left hand to his forehead, looking stressed as he thinks about the situation. He couldn't bear allowing her to fall off the wagon a second time. Willow sees Kennedy waiting for her in the upstairs hallway.

KENNEDY: Everything okay?

WILLOW: Sure. Why?

Giles walks out into the hallway.

GILES: I just realized, since that is your room, I should have been the one to storm out.

He walks by them and goes downstairs.

WILLOW: Wanna go somewhere?

KENNEDY: I thought you wanted to rest.

WILLOW: Rest and relax. Hard to do either in this cramped little house. I'll go change.

Giles is on the phone in the kitchen.

GILES: Angel. It's Rupert. Delighted to have you back to your old self. Is Cordelia there?

While he's on the phone, Willow and Kennedy head out. Kennedy tells her about Gwen's visit as they walk down the street.

WILLOW: Lucky you? That's Gwen said?

KENNEDY: She asked if I was your girlfriend. When I said said yes, she said "Lucky you." Spike seemed sufficiently freaked.

WILLOW: Why?

KENNEDY: Didn't you know? The two of them had a fling way back when. She dropped by to see him.

WILLOW: Spike! And her? That's just, well . . . Spike?

KENNEDY: She has that whole problem where humans can't touch her.

WILLOW: I know. smirks But Spike?

KENNEDY: She also said she made out with Angel. That's how she got into in the whole evil-fighting scene.

Willow's absorbing this information. Gwen going for Angel is something Willow could see. Willow has always had a higher estimation of Angel vis-a-vis Spike. But Gwen being involved with both of them? That was just, well, eerie.

WILLOW: I'm sure Buffy wasn't too hunky dory with this news.

KENNEDY: Especially after she tried to kill her and Gwen melted her sword. So why was Gwen so into you? She basically said she isn't, but if she was, she would – with you.

WILLOW: She said that? smiles. Savors the compliment You know how good I am at making a great first impression. there's a kernel of truth here. Oz, Tara and Kennedy all fell for Willow the moment they first laid eyes on her.

KENNEDY: You didn't use magic on her?

WILLOW: I save that kinda magic for you, sweetie.

KENNEDY: By the way, what's Faith look like? Gwen said she went out patrolling with Faith, and Xander practically foamed at the mouth.

Willow thinks about Gwen and Faith for a few seconds.

WILLOW: They would make a hot couple. Faith's your classic predatory uber-vixen. She used to be an evil homicidal bitch, back when I was too weak to do anything but run, hide and scream. Now they I'm strong enough to make her fear me nearly as much as I fear her, I find out she's reformed. And dating that musician-slash-lawyer-slash-demon fighter all the girls were drooling over the other night.

KENNEDY: Including you.

WILLOW: There was no drooling on my part. Maybe a slight swoon. I do remember you getting a little weak-kneed. By the way, have you ridden a horse?

KENNEDY: Have I ridden? My parent's summer place in the Hamptons has a stable. Our estate in Croton has an even large one. I did equestrian for six years when I was younger. I thought I mentioned that?

WILLOW: Good. Good. Just making sure.

KENNEDY: Making sure for, why?

WILLOW: Reveal.

A piece of paper materializes in midair and flutters down into Willow's right hand. She chants what is written on the paper, and a portal appears before them. Kennedy is naturally terrified. Willow takes Kennedy's hand, drops the paper to the sidewalk, and walks through the portal. It quickly closes behind her.

KENNEDY: What the hell did you just do?

WILLOW: smiling Look around.

The two of them stand in a lush meadow. Birds are singing as they fly overhead.

KENNEDY: Willow, where are we?

WILLOW: Look at me.

All her wounds are gone. Kennedy is even more astounded than she already was. Willow pulls up Kennedy's shirt and looks at her belly. The scar from the wound Dru gave her has disappeared. Kennedy takes a few seconds to catch her breath.

KENNEDY: Please let me in on what's going up.

WILLOW: Everyone who goes to LA ends up stumbling into another dimension. They got portals a'plenty in that city. My dimension was a lot nicer than the one Buffy fell into. Cordelia was about to immolate me, so Fred – Angel's brainy chick friend I told you about – sent me here for a few seconds. She didn't know where she send me. But she knew it was a place where I wouldn't get hurt. Anyway, it took me like 20 minutes to find my way back. But when I return, they said I'd only been gone for a few seconds.

KENNEDY: So this is where you want to rest and relax.

WILLOW: You know how time works different in other dimensions?

KENNEDY: Like how a day on earth equaled a year where Connor went?

WILLOW: Bingo. I figure a second in Sunnydale is about a minute here. That would mean an hour here is a minute back home. A day is 24 minutes. A week is less than three hours. They'd hardly know we were gone!

KENNEDY: You're crazy.

WILLOW: Wouldn't you like to spend a week with me? A week away from that crowded house? It's a like a free vacation.

KENNEDY: This is cheating. It has to be wrong. It's, it's, it's too perfect to be right. Besides, what would we do here? We're in the middle of nowhere.

WILLOW: It gets a whole lot better. Hecate, goddess, I beseech you, bring us to those who brought me to you.

They disappear and reappear among the Amazons Willow met. Kennedy looks around and laughs, a "you gotta kidding me" expression on her face. The women dismount and walk towards Willow and Kennedy.

ANTIOPE: Willow! You've returned.

WILLOW: Good to see you ladies again. How long has it been?

CALLIOPE: Nearly a fortnight.

ASTERIA: Twelve days. Hi Willow. Glad to have you back.

WILLOW: This is Kennedy. Asteria looks a little disappointed

ASTERIA: So this is your girlfriend. The one you told me about?

WILLOW: Yep.

KENNEDY: What did you tell them about me?

MELANIPPE: She said you were a warrior. Like us.

Kennedy takes in the sight of ten women in decidedly pre-modern clothing with a bows and quivers holstered to their right hips. They seem very friendly. However, Kennedy suspects their idea of warriorhood drastically differs from her own. She smiles in bashful shock.

KENNEDY: Hi there. Nice to meet all of you. Willow, what's going on?

WILLOW: Wouldn't you like a vacation? You heard what she said. It's been 12 days since this morning.

KENNEDY: You want to join their little gang?

WILLOW: Just for a few days. We'll be home before dinner.

Kennedy takes Willow off to the side, away from the women. She glances over at them.

KENNEDY: So what's the deal with that one who gave me dirty looks?

WILLOW: She has a crush on me. I saved her life.

KENNEDY: Didn't hafta do that to get my attention. Kennedy strokes Willow's hair. Then she decides to stop flirting and get serious. I can believe I'm even considering this. Remember when I said magic was a lot like fairy tales? It looks like you're taking that concept a little too literally. glances back at the women This whole thing, it just, it just doesn't seem real. There has to be a downside. It's way too –

WILLOW: Good to be true? Maybe. But look at you life. You've had a lot of bad luck lately. Demons trying to kill you everywhere you turned. Being forced to fight, not just to save yourself, but to save the whole world. Always living in fear, never sure you're gonna make it to next week. After all that bad luck, don't you think it's about time you got a little good luck? Willow rubs Kennedy's left arm with right hand Come on, sweetie. Carpe diem.

Kennedy thinks for a few seconds. Willow did have a point. There was something subversively Karmic about this little escapade.

KENNEDY: Or, as you seem to be thinking, carpe week-um.

Willow is very relieved. They both smile and walk back to the other women.

WILLOW: Would you lovely ladies mind if we tag along for a few days?

ASTERIA: We'd be honored.

Kennedy notices how Asteria is still staring at her, sizing her up.

ASTERIA: to Marpe She's pretty.

MARPE: You're a lot prettier.

EURYBIA: We have ten extra horses. You can use whichever one you like as your mount.

Kennedy takes a large black mare by the bridle. It seems to like her. She prepares to climb on. But when she raises her right foot, she realizes there are no stirrups to step into. Even worse, there is no saddle. She laughs.

KENNEDY: Where are the uh . . . she notices none of the horses have saddles or stirrups This is some kinda joke, right?

The other women don't know what she's talking about. They leap on their horses. Kennedy decides to try it out. She leaps up and barely keeps from falling down the other side of the horse. Then she looks down at Willow.

KENNEDY: You wanna get on?

WILLOW: Um, okay. Maybe now's the time to tell you I'm kind of scared of horses. Of their teeth, actually. But, I suppose, once I'm on its back, it won't be able to bite me.

Kennedy reaches her right hand down. Willow grabs on with both hands and jumps up. Kennedy helps pull her on. She puts her arms around Kennedy's waist. The other women take off, and Kennedy's horse instinctively follows the pack, going straight into a gallop. This takes Kennedy a little by surprise.

WILLOW: How you doing?

KENNEDY: Okay. For now. Just hang on tight.

WILLOW: No problem.

GILES: Have you seen Willow?

ANYA: She went out for coffee with Kennedy. Is there a problem? Is she in trouble? You did seem rather cross when she came home.

GILES: Yes. I suppose I was.

ANYA: Should I go get her?

GILES: No need. When she returns, tell her I talked to Cordelia and everything is all right between us.

ANYA: Between you and Cordelia?

GILES: No. Between me and Willow.

ANYA: Why can't you tell her?

GILES: I'm taking the girls over to the UC-Sunnydale campus for their International Festival.

ANYA: Don't we have an international festival everyday in this house?

GILES: Yes. chuckle I suppose we do. I just wanted to get the girls outdoors for something other than training and slaying.

ANYA: So you're assuming the First has qualms about attacking in broad daylight?

GILES: Buffy will be with us. I put weapons in the van. Just in case.

The doorbell rings.

ANYA: Do these reaper things have to be invited in?

GILES: Anya, please.

He opens the door. Kit and Carlos are there. Giles has never seen them. For a second, he thinks Kit might be a Potential. This is natural, because nearly every young woman he's met over the past six months has been a Potential.

GILES: Can I help you?

KIT: Is Dawn here?

GILES: I'm sorry. Who are you?

Buffy comes down the hallway from the kitchen.

BUFFY: Hey guys. Dawn! Your friends are here.

CARLOS: Hey Buff. Who's this?

BUFFY: Oh. This is Giles. He's my –

GILES: Former high school librarian.

Kit and Carlos appear very confused.

BUFFY: Watcher.

KIT: Oh.

CARLOS: So this is the guy. Hey man. Nice to meet you.

Giles is speechless for a few seconds. People he's never even met know Buffy's the Slayer. Buffy can tell he's stunned.

BUFFY: First day of school, they were attacked by zombies.

GILES: Oh. So you're aware of all this town has to offer, so to speak.

CARLOS: Which reminds me, she'll be back before sundown.

KIT: We uncoupled for the afternoon so we could hang out with Dawn without making her feel bad.

CARLOS: Any word on how Connor's doin' in LA?

BUFFY: Pretty good, from what I've heard.

Dawn comes downstairs.

DAWN: Hey guys. Come on in. Want something to drink?

They walk into the foyer and see the Potentials in the living room.

MOLLY: Ready to roll, Mister Giles?

RONA: It's nice when we get to go out and not kill anyone. she notices there are visitors, and is a bit nervous about her comments being taken out of context.

CARLOS: Hey Rona. Say, Preston's wondering if you're free tonight.

RONA: I dunno. Giles?

GILES: I think we should be leaving now. It was nice meeting you two.

The Potentials go out the front door. Giles turns to Buffy.

GILES: Have we abandoned all semblance of secrecy?

After everyone leaves, Anya decides to go track down Willow. It feels odd being the only one stuck in the house. When she's two blocks from the Espresso Pump, Anya sees a piece of parchment on the ground.

When she returns home, Anya picks up the phone and grabs Angel's number off the bulletin board. With Andrew at the supermarket and Xander on his way back from Los Angeles, she's still alone.

ANYA: Hello. Fred? It's Anya.

FRED: Ya called to talk some more about the hotel?

ANYA: No, this isn't about my visionary plans for your business. Did you send Willow to an Amazon dimension?

FRED: Excuse me. A what?

ANYA: A place with attractive warrior women in form-fitting clothing.

FRED: You were attracted to the women?

ANYA: No. Certainly not in that sense. I was merely making an aesthetic judgement. Look, I know it sounds crazy, but Willow's gone, and I happened to find a teleportation spell lying around which took me to a place called Scyra. Now Willow, for all her power, has never been known to dimension-hop. But from what I hear, that's the sort of thing you people in Los Angeles do all the time.

FRED: Actually, I did kinda send Willow to a benign dimension for a few seconds, to spring her out of a trap before Cordy could kill her.

ANYA: A "benign dimension." Isn't that rich. Apparently you had so idea how "benign." So she stole it from you?

FRED: I don't think so. Lemme check. Here's the book. Nope. She didn't take it. I'm lookin' at the page right here.

ANYA: It's there, and it's in my hand? Of course! A conjuring spell.

FRED: Is Willow in any kinda danger?

ANYA: No, she shouldn't be. The place looked demon-free. This is just what Willow needs. Another trick up her sleeve. Thanks to you.

FRED: I saved her life! How was I to know she'd like the place so much she'd magically Bogart her way back there?

ANYA: Fred, I'm not blaming you. I'm not even saying it's your fault. Though you are directly responsible.

FRED: Why would she choose to go to another dimension? Why would anyone take that sorta risk?

ANYA: I know the concept may sound perverse to you, for obvious reasons. But this isn't a hell dimension. Or even a run-of-the-mill demon dimension. It's an Amazon dimension. Willow took her girlfriend to an Amazon dimension. For the two of them, it's like lesbian summer camp. This sort of thing isn't that unusual. Back in my demon days, I knew a lot of creatures who engaged in recreational time-theft.

FRED: Theft? Willow's stealing time?

ANYA: I was in Scyra for three hours. When I got home, I noticed my watch was about three hours fast.

FRED: So she can have her fun but nobody misses her. You know something? When Willow came back, she asked how long she'd been gone. When I told her a few seconds, she seemed surprised.

ANYA: That must be when she figured it out.

FRED: Is there anything you want me to do to help?

ANYA: No. There's really nothing you can do. Don't worry. Everything should be okay. Then again, if something does go wrong and Willow and Kennedy get killed and never make it back, Buffy and Giles and Xander might blame you for their deaths. Have a nice day. hangs up

SPIKE: So how did you fancy it?

Anya jumps. She didn't know Spike was in the kitchen.

ANYA: What was that?

SPIKE: The laughs Amazon dimension that Red and Ken have sodded off to.

ANYA: Oh. That. giggles I was just joking. Willow in a "Amazon Dimension." Ha-ha-ha. You fell for it? You thought I was serious?

Spike grabs her right wrist.

SPIKE: Your watch is still fast.

ANYA: No it's not. I had it set for Eastern time. So it's in sync with the New York Stock Exchange. You know how much I love money.

SPIKE: Don't worry. I won't tell. No. I will tell. If I'm still here. If, on the other hand, I'm gone by the time Rupert and Buffy get back, I can't tell. Am I right?

Anya sighs.

ANYA: What do you want?

SPIKE: I hear that in these other dimensions, vampires can go out in the daytime.

ANYA: Oh no. You wanna go.

SPIKE: I'll be back by tonight. Like you said, they won't even know I'm gone.

ANYA: All so you can get some Amazon action? I know that's what you want.

SPIKE: Anya, please. You know I would never –

ANYA: You want to fight them. Can't pass up the chance to tangle with a few new women warriors. Spike, they have arrows. And just cause Angel could walk in the sun on Pylea doesn't mean you won't get burned to a crisp in Scyra.

SPIKE: Both good points. But I'll take my chances. Always have. Now what's Buffy's cell phone on the speed dial? picks up receiver, looks at the list That's right. 3.

ANYA: Okay. You win. Spike hangs the phone up. Anya shakes her head I know I'm going to regret this. sighs The portal's outside. So you may have some trouble getting to it.

SPIKE: I'll put on my coat.

ANYA: It's at the corner of Main and Phillips. Meet me there in ten minutes. Wait. One more thing.

SPIKE: What?

ANYA: Gimme your car keys.

SPIKE: You wanna drive through the portal?

ANYA: Don't be ridiculous. The portal's on the sidewalk. Letting you travel to another dimension is bad enough without me pulling a Lizzie Grubman getting you there. I want the keys because, in the event of you not making it back, I'll need to skip town before Buffy kills me.

Spike puts on his coat and tosses his keys to Anya.

SPIKE: Main and Phillips? Ten minutes?

Ten minutes later Anya stands on the sidewalk, looking around for Spike. He should be pretty easy to spot. Soon enough, a hunched figure with smoke rising off his back comes racing towards her at very high speed, forcing pedestrians to duck out of the way. Anya reads the incantation, and the portal opens when Spike is ten feet away. He races through it and disappears. Anya steps through as well. Spike looks up at the blue sky and laughs.

SPIKE: Bloody brilliant. Do you know how long it's been since I've seen the sun?

ANYA: More than a century?

SPIKE: Three-and-a-half years, actually. But it feels that long.

ANYA: Don't do anything stupid. No. You will. I know that. Try not get in trouble. No. You will. Try not to get killed, okay?

SPIKE: I wonder if the people here have ever seen a vampire. They might not even know how to kill me.

ANYA: Or they'll just keep filling you with arrows until one hits your heart. Be careful. I'm going to go find Willow and Kennedy. Shouldn't be too hard to find a massively powerful witch in strikingly anachronistic clothing.

SPIKE: You're staying?

ANYA: Only to make sure they're okay. And to let them know that if they don't come back right away I'll tell Buffy and Giles.

SPIKE: Bollocks. You're looking for a spot of fun just like the rest of us. Gone for days, and nobody would notice? Don't tell me you'd pass that up.

ANYA: Bye Spike. You have the text I wrote down for you?

Spike reaches into his jacket pockets. Then the back pockets of his jeans. Finally, he finds a crumpled-up ball of paper in his left front jeans pocket. He flattens it out.

SPIKE: Yep. Got my ticket back. Cheers. Have fun, love.

Anya heads west while Spike heads east. The locals told her about warrior women on horseback grazing to the west. She's already regretting bringing Spike along.

ANYA: What's the worst thing that can happen? I'm sure that's what the Donner Party said.

After walking through the hills and valleys for more than an hour, Spike is getting hungry. He's seen quite a few sheep. But there's all that fur to bite through. Plus they're being closely tended by shepherds with wooden staffs. He could fight off one shepherd, but that man would go back to his village, tell everyone, and soon enough he'd have an angry mob on his heels. Eventually, Spike comes upon a baby calf standing all alone. He's always been a veal sort of guy. There aren't any people around. So he decides to go for it. Spike runs over and picks up the calf, who squeals and kicks her little legs in terror. Spike digs into the animal's jugular. Within ten seconds, he's full. Spike drops the carcass. It had been a while since he'd drunk fresh blood. It tasted good.

As usual, Spike hadn't completely thought things through. There were no humans around. But there were three other cattle. The calf's mother moos loudly and charges toward her baby's murderer. Spike hears the heffer's hooves and turns to face her. He sees a 2000 pound animal rushing straight for him at 20 miles-an hour.

SPIKE: Oh. Bloody –

The cows head hits his chest. Spike flies through the air and lands on his back. The cow stands right over him. He still has on his vampire face. Spike growls. This startles the animal. Spike grabs her head and snaps her neck. He stands up, grabbing his chest and wincing from the pain caused by the blow.

SPIKE: Good thing that wasn't a bull. Hate to get gored.

The other two cattle run away from the predator and find another pasture to graze in. Spike wipes the blood from his chin and starts to walk towards a nearby stream. He hears the galloping of horse's hooves behind him. Spike turns around and sees two riders on horseback wearing brightly-colored pants, long-sleeved shirts and conical hats. One of them dismounts and looks at the two carcasses. She's never seen anything like it. The woman on horseback sees Spike and races towards him. The other woman remounts and follows suit.

SPIKE: Uh oh.

Spike knows he can't outrace a horse. Part of him regrets getting into trouble. A much larger part of him relishes the chance to fight. As his attackers close, he realizes they're women. Spike smiles. He's found his Amazons. Spike is still bumpy, and there's still a little blood around his mouth. They realize this is the monster who killed their animals. Belatedly, Spike feels his fangs and decides its best to go back to back to his human face.

SPIKE: Hello girls.

The women get within ten feet of Spike, then wheel around on their horses, hoping he'll charge after them. Spike stands still. They look at each other. They've never seen anything remotely like Spike. The face. The eyes. The fangs. But even with his human face, Spike was an oddity. His hair was very unusual. Not to mention his black jeans, black boots, black t-shirt and black leather jacket. Spike wasn't just a monster. He was a very foreign monster. A very foreign changeling monster. After riding 50 yards away from Spike, the women wheeled around and attacked, circling towards him on his left and right. They drew back their bowstrings.

SPIKE: Maybe Anya had a point.

Spike rushes at the woman on his left. Her arrow hits his left shoulder. As she reloads, the woman is surprised at how fast Spike moves. She's about to get even more surprised. Spike leaps in the air as she lets her second arrow fly. The arrow misses and Spike grabs her in mid-air, pulling her off her horse. Her back slams into the ground, and Spike lands on top of her. The impact knocks the wind out her. The other fighter wheels around and shoots Spike in the back, the arrow entering a few inches below his neck. He turns around. She dismounts and pulls out an ax.

SPIKE: You'll kill me. I won't kill you. No fair for me.

She swings the ax downward for his skull. Spike moves to the right, avoids the blow, kicks her in the stomach with his left foot and punches her in the face with a right cross. She goes down.

SPIKE: You're only double-teaming me. No fair for you.

The other fighter gets to her feet. Spike knocks her back down with a left jab and a right roundhouse kick.

SPIKE: You ladies don't know what you're up against.

He hears more hoofs rumbling towards him. Spike looks to his right and sees eight more riders galloping towards him. They appear to be dressed like the two women he is fighting. This is a bit much, even for his tastes.

SPIKE: Perfect. Just bloody perfect.

Spike picks one of the women up and uses her as a shield. The warriors lower their bows. The other Amazon on the ground swings her ax for the back of Spike's skull. He knocks her down with a right back kick. Then he whispers in the ear of the woman he's holding.

SPIKE: Relax love. Things go my way, everyone lives.

When the attackers are within ten yards, Spike throws down his human shield. The lead attacker raises her spear, preparing to stab Spike as she races by him. Spike steps towards her and clobbers her horse in the head with a right hook. The horse immediately goes down and its rider falls to the ground. Another rider charges and prepares to fire an arrow. Spike grabs the horse's bridle and pulls it upwards so the animal stands on its hind legs. The arrow sails off into the distance and the rider falls off. The other attackers dismount and rush at Spike from all sides. He kicks one woman in the face. She falls on her back and Spike rips the ax out of her right hand. Holding the ax in his left hand, Spike clubs two women on the head with the blunt back end. A third woman swings for him. Spike blocks her ax with his own. While the two weapons are entangled, Spike drops her with a right jab. He let's go of the ax, ducks a spear thrust for his neck, knocks that attacker down with a left cross, then throws another attacker to the ground. One woman remains standing. She takes her spear in her left hand and thrusts for Spike's chest. He grabs the shaft with both hands before the point can connect. After he does this, she kicks him in the stomach with her right foot and punches him in the face with a left hook. Spike backpedals and she continues her attack. Holding her spear with both hands like a staff, she tries to sweep Spike's legs out. He jumps up to avoid the attempt. The warrior spins around and throws a left roundhouse kick. Spike blocks it, but nearly gets stabbed in the chest right afterwards. He grabs the spear blade with his left hand and rips it away from the shaft with his right. Spike knocks his shocked opponent down with a left jab and a right cross.

Just then, the woman Spike dismounted before she could let loose her arrow stabs him in the back with her sword. The blade goes straight through his heart and the point comes out the front of his chest. Spike spins and knocks the attacker down with the back of his right hand. The woman whose horse Spike punched runs at him, her spear in hand. Spike turns and prepares to hit her with a left cross. She backs away in horror when she notices there's a sword sticking out of Spike's chest and this doesn't seem to bother him. Spike reaches back with his right hand, grabs the handle and pulls the sword out of his chest. He winces and groans. Though the wound is not fatal, it is still quite painful. The Amazon who punched and kicked him, and who seems to be the leader, comes at him with a sword. She swings for his neck. Spike blocks her with his own sword – the one covered in his own blood. He blocks a second slash, then swings his sword and severs his opponent's blade. Spike grabs the woman and holds her from behind, putting his sword against her neck. He looks around at the other attackers.

SPIKE: You leave. I let her go. Sod off now, okay? several of the women remount their horses and start trotting away from Spike Now you're getting it.

When all of them are on their horses and have started to slowly retreat, Spike throws his captive to the ground. He walks over to the woman who stabbed him.

SPIKE: I believe this is yours.

He holds the sword out. As if she wasn't stunned enough. The woman looks at the grinning Spike, grabs her sword, puts it in its scabbard, and gallops away from him as fast as she can. He then goes over to the group's apparent leader, who has just risen to her feet and is slowly walking back to her horse.

SPIKE: No hard feelings, love? Good fight. You have some nice moves. Wouldn't mind another go at it, long as you promise to keep your cohorts on the sidelines. Maybe I could teach you a thing or two.

The Amazon can't figure out why the oddly dressed, disturbingly invincible bandit, who only a few seconds ago was ready to cut her throat, is now flirting with her. Like her fellow warriors, she pretty much can't make sense of anything Spike has done. She slowly backs away from him, leaps on her horse and gallops off to the west with her fellow warriors. Spike realizes that there are several arrows in him, most of which he doesn't remember getting hit with. In addition to the one in his shoulder and the one in the back of his neck, there are two in his stomach and one in the back of his head. He pulls them all out one-by-one, and is most concerned with the head wound, since it might damage his hair. Spike walks over the the stream on the eastern edge of the pasture to clean up. Fifty yards to the east, on the other side of the stream, stand several dozen men, women and children, gawking at him. He tries to ignore them, assuming they're probably mad at him for killing cattle and causing trouble. They whisper to each other.

SPIKE: Defender of the people? Spike chuckles at the absurdity. The people are astounded that he could hear them Why the bloody hell do you think I'm you're bloody champion?

The people are afraid to approach him. Finally, a skinny kid who looks barely twenty years old runs out and crosses the stream to meet Spike face-to-face.

KREON: Because you saved us.

SPIKE: I did what?


	14. The vampire who would be king

Not satisfied with being a champion, Spike decides to become a statesman. You can only imagine the consequences. Meanwhile, Anya returns to vengeance.

KREON: You saved our village from those bandits.

SPIKE: Oh. So those were the bad guys. Which makes me the good guy. Funny how things work out.

KREON: They kill our sheep, steal our horses, ravage our pastures. We drive off their raids at great cost. My father died fighting them. They are the deadliest of warriors, yet they couldn't kill you. Kreon's talking very formally cause he assumes Spike is someone very important.

SPIKE: Trust me kid. I've fought deadlier women.

KREON: You're not human.

SPIKE: What was it that gave me away?

KREON: I'm Kreon. What's your name?

SPIKE: Spike.

KREON: That's an unusual name.

SPIKE: I could say the same about yours.

KREON: Come to our village, so we can offer you thanks. It's the least we could do to repay you.

SPIKE: Not like I have anything better to do. they start to walk I take it I'm going to be welcomed as some sort of hero?

KREON: No.

SPIKE: No! Why the bloody hell not?

KREON: You're more than a hero. At least I think so.

Spike worries about the exact nature of Kreon's hero worship.

SPIKE: So tell me, kid. You got a girl?

KREON: I have my mother and my sisters to support.

SPIKE: Right. Cause your dad's dead.

KREON: I'm too young and too poor to take a wife. Couldn't even afford the dowry my sister Penelope. Now she's too old to marry.

SPIKE: So you're not the oldest?

KREON: No. She's 18.

SPIKE: You have got to be bloody kidding.

KREON: Men won't marry a girl her age. Andrea has better prospects, since she's only 14.

SPIKE: Fourteen! What the hell kind of a sick society . . . those Amazons are the least of your problems. Hell, if I were a teenage girl about to be sold to some dirty old man, I'd run off an join them. pause Is that what happens?

KREON: They kidnap children to sell as slaves. Sometimes they initiate a few of the girls into the tribe.

SPIKE: So they don't take volunteers?

After several hours of searching, Anya is led to the extremely powerful witch who wants to attach herself to the Amazons.

ANYA: Finally. she gets off the horse and puts her hand to her lower back I miss teleporting. And cars. So where is she?

PROTHOE: Right here.

ANYA: That's not Willow.

HIPPOLYTA: I told you before, you can't join.

MALENA: I can help you in so many ways. You what I can do.

HIPPOLYTA: We can't accept anyone who has children.

MALENA: I'm going to kill them. Even if you don't accept me.

ANYA: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Why would you ever do that?

Malena and Hippolyta glare at the oddly-dressed stranger who is budding into their conversation.

MALENA: Who are you?

ANYA: I asked first. Why would you kill your own children?

HIPPOLYTA: Who ARE you?

ANYA: She's about to commit murder, and I'M the one being given the third degree? My name is Anya. Now tell me why you plan to murder your own offspring.

MALENA: My husband's taking them away from me.

Anya smiles.

ANYA: I'm sorry. That's horrible. So the bastard's leaving you?

MALENA: For a load-bearing Masistian.

ANYA: Is there any other kind?

Malena laughs. Anya's mind starts to race. To be around this much vengeance is absolutely exhilarating. Her old instincts come flooding back.

MALENA: He would be nowhere without me. I saved his live time and again. I devoted myself to him. Left my homeland. Left my people. And how does he repay me? By running off with some teenage princess and robbing me of my two sons.

ANYA: You want vengeance. You want to make him suffer like he's never suffered before.

MALENA: That's why I'm killing his children. And his wife. And his wife's father. He left me with nobody. I'll do the same to him.

Malena is a tall, slim woman in her late twenties curly with black hair and dark, intense eyes. She is quite beautiful, but in a rough, ferocious and rather intimidating way. Anya can tell she means business.

ANYA: You have an excellent instinct for vengeance. What is your name?

MALENA: Malena.

ANYA: But Malena, you're making several beginner's mistakes. Let's talk. she puts her right arm around Malena's shoulder and starts walking away from Hippolyta You want to cause your evil ex-husband excruciating physical and psychological pain. But your plan will only cause him psychological pain. He'll suffer too little, and everyone else will suffer too much. Don't you think there's a more direct way to hurt the bastard?

MALENA: I suppose.

ANYA: You're a witch. A very powerful witch.

MALENA: The most powerful in the kingdom.

ANYA: Did you use magic to help your husband?

MALENA: Many times. He owes his life and his wealth to my magic.

ANYA: Then why not use magic to hurt him as well?

MALENA: I plan to us magic to kill his wife and her father.

ANYA: Isn't there an easier way? Malena, couldn't you just do a spell to, say, but boils on his penis?

Malena laughs.

MALENA: I don't know that one.

ANYA: I see. So you just skipped straight to the killing spells. How, by the way, were you going to kill them?

MALENA: By giving them poisoned clothing.

ANYA: Haven't heard of anyone trying that one since, well, since people stopped being gullible enough to fall for it. Why not just, oh, I don't know, flay them alive?

MALENA: You can do that? With magic?

ANYA: Well, I can't.

MALENA: But you know someone who can. Could you introduce me?

ANYA: under her breath Wouldn't that be one helluva get together. Now Malena, there's something you should know about me. Vengeance is my job. I have helped thousands upon thousands of scorned women. And I'm going to help you. If you follow my advice, your husband will suffer horribly, that stupid girl he's married will be humiliated, and you will get your children back.

MALENA: What about her father?

ANYA: He'll also be humiliated. And possibly covered in festering sores. We'll have to see where the vengeance takes us. But first of all, take me to your home.

Anya and Malena disappear and reappear in a home in a bustling provincial city. Anya looks around, a little stunned.

ANYA: Did you just teleport?

MALENA: That's how I travel.

Her two sons run up and hug her.

ANYA: You'll have to teach me how you do that.

Spike receives a hero's welcome from the grateful villagers. He has no problem basking in the undeserved adulation and being rewarded for his predatory behavior.

KREON: Would you like something to drink?

SPIKE: Had my fill of blood for now. Got any beer? Ale? Mead? Stuff you drink to feel tipsy?

KREON: We have wine.

SPIKE: That'll do.

Kreon pours him a mug. Spike downs it.

SPIKE: Not bad. A little weak, maybe.

He puts back another glass, then meets Kreon's family: his mother Doris, Penelope, Andrea and 11 year-old Atalanta. Like everyone else (except Kreon) they are simultaneously awed and unsettled by Spike.

SPIKE: I'm sorry to hear about your husband. How long ago was that?

DORIS: Eight years. My son was only twelve.

SPIKE: Pretty young to become the man of the house.

DORIS: My husband's brother, helped out. Until he was also killed. Thank you, for what you did.

SPIKE: You're welcome Doris. But it was nothing, really.

KREON: You're right. That's just the beginning. I should take you to Zalpa.

SPIKE: Wait. What's Zalpa?

ATALANTA: You have funny hair. Can I touch it?

Spike looks down at the 11 year-old.

SPIKE: No.

ATALANTA: Why does it look like wool? And why doesn't it move when you move? Do you use oil? Glue?

SPIKE: Curious little tyke. What's Zalpa?

KREON: Our people's leading city. They need to hear the news. Tens of thousands will celebrate your arrival.

SPIKE: That many? I suppose it would be wrong for me to let the people down.

Kreon gets the two best horses from the wealthiest man in town and they take off. Kreon's somewhat surprised by how awkward Spike is on horseback. Spike has begun to realize that Kreon is using him. But he can't help but be seduced by Kreon's promises that he'll be given the rock star treatment. So he decides to play along and see where this adventure leads. He does worry about being brought into a war where Willow and Kennedy may be on the other side. However, he knows the two of them would never attack other humans, which means he would risk nothing by fighting a purely defensive war.

KREON: Why didn't you kill them?

SPIKE: I don't do that anymore. Not to people.

KREON: Not even in self-defense?

SPIKE: Defended myself quite well without killing.

KREON: I forgot. Why kill when you're invincible.

SPIKE: I'm not invincible. Nearly invincible, perhaps.

Zalpa is 20 miles to the east of Kreon's home town. When they are about halfway there, the two of them notice an armored rider galloping at top speed towards them from the north. The rider cuts right in front of them, forcing their horses to stop. Then it wheels behind them. Kreon and Spike turn their horses around.

PANTHESILEA: So you're the new champion.

Spike can hardly see her face from beneath the Corinthian helmet, which only exposes her eyes and mouth. He laughs at her choice of words.

SPIKE: I'm neither. But I am the bloke who taught your sisters a lesson. That why you're here?

PANTHESILEA: I am Queen Panthesilea. I have come to challenge you.

SPIKE: Sorry love. Don't do fight ladies to the death anymore.

Panthesilea dismounts, as does Kreon. He pulls on Spike's arm and convinces him to dismount as well. Kreon takes Spike off into the distance.

KREON: This is perfect!

SPIKE: Explain to me how fighting people I can't kill is perfect.

KREON: She's the queen. That means she's the head of the tribe. You defeat her, she becomes your slave.

SPIKE: What would I do with a slave? Besides the obvious, which I'm not at all interested in doing.

KREON: In exchange for her freedom, you make her pledge that her tribe won't attack this country.

SPIKE: I could do that? And she wouldn't renege?

KREON: Absolutely. She has honor. Otherwise she would have ambushed us instead of insisting on a fair fight. Plus, she'll be afraid to break her word cause she'll know you can kill her. And there are plenty of other lands her tribe can raid.

SPIKE: You're saying I could solve all your problems by shooting down this one bird? If that's all it takes, why hasn't anyone tried before?

KREON: They have. She's never lost. That's why she's the queen.

SPIKE: Never lost.

Spike smiles. His competitive instinct has been fired up. He walks up to Panthesilea. She's covered head to toe in armour, except her thighs. She's as tall as Spike, maybe a fraction of an inch taller. Her crested helmet makes her look appear to tower over him. He likes her long legs, but wonders why she chooses to hide her face behind her helmet.

SPIKE: Got yourself a deal. Let's dance.

PANTHESILEA: First let's see what weapons you're hiding under that cape.

SPIKE: What cape? I'm not wearing a bloody cape. Oh. You mean the coat? The only weapon under this coat is me. I don't need any other weapons.

Panthesilea takes off her helmet and lets down her long brown hair. Her face is quite striking. Brave, beautiful, and she came to challenge him. Spike's more a little smitten. Even with Slayers, he always had to make the first move.

SPIKE: If that's the way you wanna play, fine with me. I'll show ya mine if you show me yours.

He takes off his coat and tosses it to the ground. Kreon quickly picks it up. Panthesilea removes her bronze corselet and bronze greaves. She's wearing a short, sleeveless chiton dress with a belt around her waist. The dress, which is ruffled just above the hem, comes down to the middle of her thighs. In her right hand, she holds her spear. On her left hip, a sword hangs from her belt. Panthesilea looks at Spike, twirling the spear between her fingers. (She has attitude! Spike would be in love, if only he wasn't already.)

SPIKE: Name's Spike, Penny. I take it you've done this sort of thing before.

PANTHESILEA: No man has ever defeated me.

SPIKE: Good thing I'm not a man. Tell me Penny: do all the blokes like it as much as I do when you come on this strong?

PANTHESILEA: Only the dumb ones who think they can take me.

SPIKE: Careful Penny.

PANTHESILEA: Stop calling me that, Spike. she spits his name out contemptuously, with emphasis on the P and the K.

SPIKE: Careful love. Keep up the sweet talk, and I might decide to take my time with you.

The two fighters stand thirty feet apart. People have started gathering on the hills 150 to 200 yards to the east. Kreon's ridden over the hills to alert to locals and draw the largest possible crowd.

PANTHESILEA: Honestly, I'm a little disappointed. I thought you'd have, you know, muscles.

SPIKE: Like to see if your sword is as sharp as your tongue.

PANTHESILEA: Sure you don't need a weapon?

SPIKE: Yeah.

PANTHESILEA: I'm not.

She throws her spear at Spike, hitting him in the left pectoral, two inches from his heart. It wouldn't have mattered, since Spike grabbed the shaft to make sue the wood didn't enter his body. He rips the spear point out of his chest and thrusts it into the ground. Panthesilea charges Spike, reaching across her body to grab her sword's handle with her right hand, as if about to pull it out of the scabbard. While he watches for the sword, she kicks Spike in the chin with her right foot and hits his face with a left jab and a right hook. Spike staggers back a few steps.

SPIKE: That's the way I like it. Hand-to-hand. Weapons are so cold and impersonal.

Panthesilea throws a right roundhouse kick. Spike blocks it, but before her right foot reaches the ground, she hits his nose with a right elbow. Spike wasn't expecting the elbow. No one had ever done that combination against him before. Penny takes advantage of Spike's surprise by landing a left punch to his stomach and a right uppercut to his chin. The blows nearly knock him down. Kreon and the other observers are worried, while Panthesilea's already robust confidence is growing. She continues her attack by launching a right hook kick for Spike's head. He blocks it. He also blocks her left jab and right cross, then lands a right jab to her nose. She hits his ribs with a left hook, but Spike blocks her right hook to his head, grabs Panthesilea and tosses her to the ground. She quickly gets up and wipes away the blood coming out of her nose. Spike tries as best he can not to notice the blood. He doesn't want to become TOO predatory.

Panthesilea takes her sword in her right hand. She comes at Spike, her sword raised high, ready to swing it downward into his skull. While he's focused on the blade, she hits his mouth with a left cross, then swings her sword for his neck. Spike backs out of the way. She steps forward, raises her right arm above her head and swings downwards. He moves his head to the left and the blade misses his right ear by two inches. Spike grabs Penny's right arm and throws her forward. She falls on her face. When Spike moves in, she rolls over and swings for his legs just below the knees. Spike jumps in the air to avoid the blade. But when his feet hit the ground again, she sweeps them with her left foot and stands up. While Spike is on his back, Panthesilea tries to stab him in the chest. Spike reaches up and grabs her right wrist with both hands when the point of the two foot-long blade is less than three inches from his skin. She bends down and punches him in the jaw with her left fist. Spike puts his feet against her chest and pushes Penny away. She does a forward somersault and gets to her feet, switching her sword to her left hand. Spike stands up and turns to face her as she throws a straight right kick for his chin. Spike moves his head back out of the way. She tries a right jab. He grabs her fist with his left hand. The instant he blocks the punch, she thrusts her left arm forwards and drives her sword into his stomach, right through his diaphragm. Many of the onlookers gasp as they see the blade emerge out of Spike's back. Spike lets go of her right fist and puts his left hand on her neck, stroking her right cheek with his thumb. After she lunged forward to stab him, their bodies are practically touching.

SPIKE: So this is what a guy has to do to get close to you.

After staring into her eyes for a few seconds, and using his left hand to push her head back about a foot and hold it in place, Spike nails her in the chin with a right uppercut. Panthesilea sails 15 feet before landing on her back. The crowd lets out a great sigh relief. The sword is still in Spike, which Penny notices, to her dismay. As she stands up, he pulls it out of his body with his left hand and takes the spear out of the ground with his right.

SPIKE: Thanks giving me a weapon, Penny. It's time I returned the favor.

To the astonishment of Panthesilea and the crowd alike, Spike tosses her the sword. She snags it out of the air with her right hand. By now, she's figured out body wounds won't get the job done. She has to go for the face and possibly the neck. Spike holds the spear with both hands, wielding it like a staff. She thinks maybe this guy doesn't like weapons because he doesn't know how to use them. That could work to her advantage. The two adversaries circle round one another. Spike calmy waits for her to make the first move. She stabs for his neck. When Spike moves his spear point to parry the blow, she quickly changes course and swings for the shaft, hoping to cut his spear in two. But because of his vampire reflexes, Spike spins the spear clockwise, and its iron point clangs against the steel blade. Almost immediately, he sticks his right leg forwards and sweeps her legs out. Panthesilea falls on her back. Spike puts the spear point to her throat. When she swings her sword to cut the wooden shaft, he kicks the sword away with his left foot. He presses the point against her flesh, though not hard enough to break the skin. Weaponless and in danger of receiving a mortal wound, Panthesilea puts her hands up, conceding defeat. The crowd cheers. Spike waits for them to settle down. He knows their antics will only humiliate the Queen and make her less like to agree to his deal.

SPIKE: Get up.

Spike pulls the spear back a foot. As she stands up, he puts the flat side of the point under her chin to ensure compliance and prevent any funny business.

SPIKE: Tell me Penny, what have I won?

She grabs the spear where the point meets the shaft, pushes the spear away and downwards, then pulls it towards her so its point is against her heart.

PANTHESILEA: My life. Make it quick.

SPIKE: You're not the begging type. I like that. Tell you what. I'm going to let you go. Grab your knick-knacks, ride off into the sunset, rejoin your tribe and continue doing whatever it is you gals usually do. On one condition.

PANTHESILEA: What?

She asks this warily, expecting Spike to demand sex. He pulls the spear away from her heart.

SPIKE: Promise me you'll never bother these nice people again. turns to Kreon What's the name of this country?

KREON: Thermadonia.

SPIKE: looks back at Panthesilea As you might have gathered by now, I'm new around here. You give me your word that no member of your tribe will ever again menace or disturb the lands and the people of Thermadonia.

PANTHESILEA: That's it?

Spike realizes he could have tried to negotiate a bigger concession. He looks at her gold rings, gold earrings, gold necklace, and the gold snake bracelet on her upper arm.

SPIKE: Come back and meet me tomorrow at Zalpa. We'll formalize the agreement then. I would appreciate it if you brought tribute to seal the alliance between our nations. And to show how grateful your people are that I spared your life. You're a remarkable woman. I'm sure you would have been dearly missed. Spike's styling himself as the king of a country he's only spent a few hours in. Clearly he's let the people's adulation and Kreon's ambition go to his head.

PANTHESILEA: You have my word.

Spike tosses the spear back to her. Kreon throws Spike his coat. He grabs it and puts it on.

SPIKE: Looking forward to it, love.

Spike smiles. Panthesilea backs up, picks up her sword and puts on her equipment, all the time watching Spike to make sure he doesn't try anything tricky. She doesn't know what to make of him. He acts belligerent, but doesn't kill her, even when she wounds him. He acts randy, but doesn't try to take advantage of her. His personality is an uncanny combination of obnoxiousness and nobility. After she leaves, Spike walks over the the crowd. They are stunned he didn't kill her. But after Kreon explains why, they cheer. When Spike gets near them, he grabs his stomach, grimaces and bends forward. Kreon runs over to him.

KREON: Something wrong?

Spike stands up straight again.

SPIKE: Just a bit peckish. What with getting stabbed and all, I think I need some more blood.

NICIAS: A sacrifice?

KREON: Yes. He needs a sacrifice.

SPIKE: Sacrifice?

He begins to get worried. Nicias comes back with a lamb, cuts the animal's throat and drains the blood into an urn. Spike's relieved they didn't mean human sacrifice. Then again, why did they call it a sacrifice? What do they think he is? Spike lets it pass for now. He drinks two quarts of the blood, feels better, and continues towards his destination. Some of the spectators gallop off to tell people in the neighboring towns what they have seen. Others follow Spike. More and more people join the group as they travel on. The people keep about 100 yards back from Spike and Kreon, chatting amongst themselves. Since everyone's talking at once, Spike couldn't make out what they're saying even if he were trying to listen. He's busy talking with Kreon, trying to learn what he can about the world he's stumbled into and begun meddling with. When he gets within sight of the city walls, Spike dismounts. He's much more comfortable with his feet on the ground. A delegation meets him outside the gates: ten old and middle-age men, must of whom don't look happy. Spike glances up and sees dozens of people peering down from the parapets.

XENO: What do you think you're doing?

SPIKE: What the bloody hell does it look like I'm trying to do?

EMPEDOCLES: It looks like you're leading a mob into our city.

Spike looks over his shoulder.

SPIKE: Can I help it if I'm popular? he looks up at the people peering down from the parapets and smiles at them Just came to tell you I've taken care of your Amazon problem. Made a deal with looks at Kreon, who's on his horse 15 feet behind Spike what's Penny's name?

KREON: Panthesilea.

SPIKE: Right. Queen Panthesilea. Spared her life in exchange for peace. Thought you'd be happy I did such a great service for your people.

PHOCION: There are three tribes. Two of them can still attack us with impunity. And they probably will, after your provocations.

SPIKE: Three tribes. Took care of one today. Give me two days to finish the rest off.

CLEOMBROTUS: And then what will you do?

SPIKE: I dunno. Throw a party. You blokes don't look like the partying types. pauses. smiles Are you gents afraid I'm gonna move in on your territory, take you power? Guess you have a right to be afraid, on account of me making myself so popular so quickly. Those people behind me – hell, I've probably done more for them in one day than any of you have in your entire bloody lives. Good thing I don't want your power. chuckles You know you can't keep me out of your little town. I could kill all of you myself. Or, I could tell the people behind me, and the people behind you – the ones inside your walls – to do it for me. But instead, I'm gonna leave. You don't want me around – fine. Thanks for the hospitality.

Spike turns around and walks away. Kreon gets off his horse and runs after him.

KREON: What do you think your doing?

SPIKE: Leaving them wanting more. Tomorrow, they'll roll out the red carpet. both of them walk towards the crowd of supporters, who are puzzled Tell these people to fan out, spread the word. You and me, we're going to recruit ourselves an army. Kreon smiles

ARISTIDES: Does he think he can intimidate us?

ADEAS: I know I do.

HERACLEIDES: Soon. he'll come back to carry out that threat.

TELAMON: Unless we make him our leader.

DEMOTELES: I think I speak for everyone when I say I would rather die than allow that to happen.

PHOCIAN: He'll be the one to die.

EPHIALTES: The people will trust our judgement regarding this foreigner. They know us. He's a stranger. They'll believe anything we tell them about him.

XENO: Then it's agreed. We stand together and defend our city.

After acquiring two fresh horses from among Spike's supporters, Kreon and Spike return to Kreon's home. They arrive just before sunset. By then, Spike has explained his plan. Kreon can't believe Spike's serious.

KREON: An army of girls?

SPIKE: The Amazons are predators. Predators strike where they see weakness. Spike would know Ten of them raid some field and see twenty armed men waiting for them, they'll leave and find an easier target. Put out an army of men, and they'll stay away until those men have to go back to work. If you're weak, they beat you. If you're strong, they run away. Either way, you can't beat them. What you need to do is lull them into a trap.

KREON: An ambush. I get that. But why only girls?

SPIKE: Because they've never fought before. The Amazons will never see it coming. Not to mention the brilliant irony. But Spike's not sure Kreon, or anyone else in this dimension, knows what irony is.

KREON: Girls can't fight. Spike laughs

SPIKE: Ever tell that to your sisters?

KREON: You're including them?

SPIKE: All girls 14 to 18 who live in the danger zone.

KREON: What about the ones who are married?

SPIKE: They're husbands might mind. Does that bother you?

KREON: Not really.

The poor, single Kreon smiles. He begins to see appealing method behind Spike's anarchic madness.

SPIKE: Plus, we colour the whole thing with patriotism. Daughters defending the sacred motherland and so on. Any bloke resists and won't let us take his wife or daughter, we call him a traitor.

Kreon is easily seduced by Spike's demagoguery.

KREON: Marriage can be treason? smiles Brilliant.

The next afternoon, Panthesilea travels to Zalpa with ten other Amazons. Following them is an ever-increasing horde of jubilant teenage girls.

ANDROMEDA: How are these girls?

PHILIPPIS: sarcastically Recruits?

KLYMENE: They do seem friendly.

PANTHESILEA: Maybe they're his followers.

PHILIPPIS: Whose?

PANTHESILEA: Spike's. A man that powerful must have followers.

ANDROMEDA: I don't believe this. You like him!

PANTHESILEA: No I don't. I'm just curious.

KLYMENE: We know. He's not like other men. You've said that like a dozen times.

PANTHESILEA: Because it's true.

Late in the afternoon, Spike stands outside the gates of Zalpa, waiting for Panthesilea to show up. Thousands of people have come by from the countryside, and thousands more have come out from the city to see the show. The hundreds of rowdy teenage girls disturb the local leaders' sense of propriety.

ARISTIDES: Will you look at what you've caused. You're a menace!

SPIKE: If I wanted to be menacing, you'd be dead by now.

ARISTIDES: Are you threatening me?

SPIKE: No. Just putting things in perspective.

ARISTIDES: Look what you've done! Look at those girls.

SPIKE: Aren't you a little long in the tooth to be checking out those nibblets?

ARISTIDES: Those girls are drunk!

SPIKE: Some of them, yes. Long as men like yourself don't try to take advantage of them, I don't see the problem.

Aristides, aghast at Spike's rudeness, walks back inside the town. Spike doesn't see the harm in alienating someone who'll never like him anyway. A little later, Panthesilea arrives. She gets off her horse and walks towards Spike, as do the ten other women.

SPIKE: You brought company.

PANTHESILEA: So did you.

SPIKE: Not very often they get to lay eyes on a woman of your caliber. Or, in this case, women. Care to introduce me to your friends?

PANTHESILEA: These are the princesses of my tribe.

SPIKE: Brought the whole royal family. Pleasure to meet you all. they look at him with a mixture of contempt and confusion Guess the feeling isn't mutual. I noticed the bags on your horses. Don't mean to get crass, but is that my tribute?

Each of the princesses walks back to her horse, takes two bags and brings them over to Spike and their Queen.

PANTHESILEA: Ten gold talents. As a token of friendship.

The women drop the bags to the ground. He reaches into one of them and takes dozens of gold coins in his hand.

SPIKE: Usually I hate it when a woman says she just wants to be friends.

Spike doesn't know what a talent weighs, so he doesn't realize that he's just been handed 600 pounds of gold. Kreon does. He reaches two hands into one of the bags and tosses the coins in the air for all the people to see. They "ooh" and "ahh" and cheer as the gold glistens in the sunlight. Spike looks at the number of bags and begins to wonder how much more loot these ladies have back at their camp if they're willing to part with this much treasure so easily.

SPIKE: Thanks for the heavy metal. It's an honor to have you on my side. tries to think of something else dignified and diplomatic to say, which is difficult, since Spike is neither of those things. I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Panthesilea goes down on one knee. The other women follow suit. Spike struggles mightily to keep from gloating. After the women ride off into the setting sun, thousands cheer Spike. He leaps atop the city wall.

SPIKE: A give this wealth to the people of Zalpa. He doesn't know this, but his ten gold talents are worth 100 silver talents, which is about equal to one year's worth of government revenues in the city. The town and its people are now literally bought and paid for.

Spike leaps down, lands outside the wall and walks over to Kreon.

SPIKE: Time to go.

Kreon is even more confused than he was the day before.

KREON: You said we were going in today.

SPIKE: I said they'd throw out the red carpet. But it's not bloody time to walk on it. We still have work to do. Things go well, it'll be worth the wait.

Once again, Spike heads west. He has an army to run, an army which by now has swelled to several thousand teenage girls. Spike's standing is such that no man dares try to resist him, and the girls love the freedom and power he appears to be offering. Most of them appear to think this is some roving party. Spike tries vainly to remind them of the seriousness of the endeavor. (he's alternate universe Giles on acid) The next morning, Kleon helps him spread them out around the meadows the Amazons would likely attack. Then Spike goes out on his own to find the enemy. As a vampire, he's about as fast as a horse, but much stealthier. He spots 100 fighters. They split up to look for places to attack. He hears the name of an area Kreon mentioned to him, and figures that's where they'll strike. Spike rushes back to that spot and makes sure the young women are in place. In the meadow itself, four men watch over several dozen sheep, not quite understanding what's going on around them. Spike also hides and waits. The Amazons know not to attack the white-haired man in black. But no Spike and no soldiers means they have the green light to ravage with impunity, especially since Spike's provocative actions have created a de facto state of war between the tribes and the Thermadonians – exactly what the archons in Zalpa had feared.

Twenty Amazons gallop into the meadow, filling two men with arrows. The sheep and the other two shepherds flee. The women give chase, ready to ride them down. A few of them pull back their bowstrings and prepare to fire. Then they hear a terrifying, high-pitch roar. Three hundred girls leap to their feet and charge the Amazons, rushing out from behind hills and beneath trees. the two men and the livestock run the other way and squeeze between the onrushing groups The Amazons turn and try to flee, only to realize they are completely surrounded by hundreds of young women armed with small hatchets. The din of their yelling is thunderous. The horses cry out in terror. There's nowhere to go. Never in their worst nightmares did any Amazon ever dream of this day. Within seconds, the young women converge on their targets. After about a minute of loud and obviously fierce fighting, there is a moment of silence. Then the girls let out a great cheer and disperse, delighted with their success. Andrea runs up to Spike. Her arms and her dress are splattered with blood. Now Spike is horrified.

ANDREA: We did it! We did it!

SPIKE: Can't argue with that.

An already dazed Spike walks by her and gets a look at the carnage. The bodies of the horses and the women have been chopped and ripped apart. All that's left are hundreds of pieces strewn across a literal pond of blood. The site turns Spike's stomach. At the same time, the stench of all that blood instinctively tempts him, so he turns and walks away.

SPIKE: That didn't quite go off as planned. he finds the two shepherds who escaped. They're happy the attackers are dead We should take the the bodies – I mean, the parts, back to the tribe, so they can be given a proper, whatever.

The local farmers load the human body parts onto several wagons. Spike gets 200 yards ahead of and upwind from them, and tracks the women back to their camp, where – with sincere solemnity – he presents the remains to the other 80 Amazons in their squadron. The grotesquely butchered bodies have a crushing psychological effect. When the rest of the tribe finds out, they decide Thermadonia is no longer worth raiding. As Spike travels back, he consoles himself with the knowledge that this one massacre brought the fighting to an end. He soon finds out no one else needs consoling. The country is euphoric. Spike's smashing success leads to men to (for the time being) overlook his grievous violations of so many of their cultural norms. Everyone loves a winner. Around midnight, Kreon meets up with Spike outside Zalpa. All around them is riotous celebration.

KREON: This is unbelievable!

SPIKE: That would be my word for it.

KREON: What a beautiful night.

150 miles to the northwest of Spike, Kennedy and Willow lie on top of their blanket, gazing up at the stars. They know nothing of Spike's activity, since they belong to the tribe that has yet to encounter him.

WILLOW: Still can't get over how different they look.

KENNEDY: Is it just me, or is the moon orange?

WILLOW: A yellowish orange. points up at some stars Have you named that one?

KENNEDY: Looks like a kidney. But that's a lousy name for a constellation.

WILLOW: How bout that one? I think it looks like a hand.

KENNEDY: It does. A left hand. But with only four fingers.

WILLOW: You don't see the pinky?

KENNEDY: I do. I just don't see the ring finger. No that one over there's a crossbow.

WILLOW: Huh. I guess it could be that. If you really use your imagination.

KENNEDY: Oh come on! I let you get away with planet Dagon Sphere.

WILLOW: It's clearly a planet, and it looks like a Dagon Sphere.

KENNEDY: Looks to me like a tennis ball. Does a Dagon Sphere look like a tennis ball? Willow yawns, rolls over and puts her arms around Kennedy

WILLOW: I'm too tired to argue.

KENNEDY: It has been a busy day.

WILLOW: And a fun day. Just like the last two.

KENNEDY: Can't argue with that. I still feel a little guilty.

WILLOW: Why? It's not like we're hurting anyone.

Willow kisses her. Kennedy smiles and gets on top.

KENNEDY: That might not be the case after Marpe tries to get her tongue pierced. Willow and Kennedy laugh

WILLOW: You may have started a painful little trend round here.

KENNEDY: Who finds it painful? Kennedy licks Willow's neck. Willow smiles ear-to-ear as her eyes start to roll back.

Meanwhile, 200 miles to the southwest, Anya talks with Malena.

ANYA: The boys are sleeping soundly. They're so adorable. Good thing you didn't kill them. pauses What's wrong?

MALENA: Hecate has another.

ANYA: You mean the goddess. She's worshipped in these parts?

MALENA: Someone new has gained her favor.

ANYA: Someone new. A new witch. Anya figures it out and looks very nervous I wouldn't worry about the competition.

MALENA: Hecate thinks she's stronger than me. It's because I've been holding back. I must find this witch and show the goddess what I'm capable of.

ANYA: Oh boy. Ya know something? I wouldn't worry about the newcomer. She'll probably leave in a couple days. I'd give her, oh, I dunno, five days to recognize your vastly superior powers and flee this dimension in fear. Besides, using up all your powers fighting this new witch – that's just what your dirtbag ex-husband would want. Save your strength for hurting him.

Malena slowly smiles. Anya realizes she may have a future in public relations.

MALENA: You're right. Speaking of which, I've figured out how to flay him alive. The problems are learning how to do the spell from a long distance away, and how to make sure he keeps on living for years afterwards.

Even Dark Willow never thought of this. Anya realizes she still has a lot of work to do before she can shift Malena's mindset from vicious gore to ironic cruelty.

The next morning, Telamon unilaterally and unconstitutionally declares Spike strategos, making him the general of Zalpa. The people are ecstatic. Adeas, Demoteles and Ephialtes go along with this development. The other six archons silently object to this unforeseen betrayal, but they know it's pointless to resist. After that, Spike becomes de facto ruler over all of Thermadonia. Over the next few days, the mercenaries who fought but could never defeat the Amazons flock to Spike. He uses them to defend the frontiers of the expanding kingdom. (Spike is a hero to feminists and misogynists alike.) Three days after being made ruler, Spike stands in Zalpa's council chambers, looking down at a map. Four middle-aged men stand on the other side of the table.

TELAMON: I've been getting reports of a swamp monster in Loris.

SPIKE: That's 80 miles south of here. 20 miles beyond our borders.

ADEAS: That's the point.

SPIKE: I kill it, I get Loris. What about everything in between?

DEMOTELES: They'll welcome you.

EPHIALTES: Or they'll be afraid of you. Either way, they'll join us.

SPIKE: A swamp monster. Do we have anything more specific?

TELAMON: The other day, it killed a child at the water's edge.

SPIKE: Probably just a bloody crocodile. What the hell – I'll kill it.

KREON: I'll prepare the chariot.

Spike walks out of the room into a lobby. A soldier comes up to him and walks with Spike as he heads outside.

SPIKE: What's wrong, Memnon? Problems in the north?

MEMNON: Just some minor raiding. The garrisons are in no danger. Your strategy's working brilliantly.

SPIKE: And what strategy would that be?

MEMNON: The alliance with the Amazon. She ravages Amastria along its western flank. You use the money she gave you to hire mercenaries to seize and hold their southern borderlands. The Amastrians are too busy fighting off the Amazons to launch a counter-attack against you.

SPIKE: Yes. That would have been a brilliant strategy. Spike's actions have had some unintended consequences But we didn't seize anything. I liberated those people. Your soldiers are protecting them against their former oppressors.

MEMNON: Whatever. Rhetoric's not my thing. But the attack will come. And right now, this kingdom isn't prepared for it.

SPIKE: What are we up against?

MEMNON: Ten thousand foot. Three thousand horse. All heavily armored. And Thermadonia has never beaten them.

SPIKE: Because it's never been united. I can muster twice those numbers.

MEMNON: But you have no armor. Only light troops. They hold the hills, but get crushed on the plains. When you took over those borderlands, you moved onto the plains. Now you have to fight on your enemy's terms, and you don't have the equipment to win.

SPIKE You do.

MEMNON: I only have 3,000 men.

SPIKE: So the locals hafta do the job. What if we gave them longer spears than the enemy has? Then they could hit the enemy first. Of course! Here's what your men train them to do. Get me something to write on.

KREON: Your chariot is ready.

SPIKE: Thank you. I'll be there in a moment.

Anya materializes right in front of Spike. Kreon, Memnon and the four advisors jump back in petrified disbelief. Spike's also a little flustered.

ANYA: We have to go home.

SPIKE: How did you – did you just - ?

ANYA: I need to talk to you.

SPIKE: I have a few questions of my own.

He walks off with her so they can be alone.

ANYA: This is even worse than I thought. It's been a week. You've abused your powers enough. Vacation's over.

SPIKE: I abused MY powers? You're teleporting! Have you become a Vengeance Demon again?

ANYA: No. I befriended a very powerful witch. She taught me a few tricks.

SPIKE: Looks like I'm not the only one who's been having an adventure.

ANYA: True, but at least I haven't set myself up as a tyrant.

SPIKE: A tyrant? The people chose me. They want me to help them.

ANYA: Help? You're spearheading wars of imperialist aggression.

SPIKE: Bollocks! I'm building a nation. If a town asks to join, who am I to stop them? I rule by consent.

ANYA: Spike, I know it's been fun, but it's time to go back to our reality.

SPIKE: Only been a week. Probably isn't even dark yet in Sunnyhell. I still have some time.

ANYA: True. You could stay another week. Or you could do the remotely sane thing and leave before all the enemies you've made cut your head off.

SPIKE: What enemies? My people love me.

ANYA: YOUR people? Will you listen to yourself? This isn't your world. I have to take you home before you go completely native.

SPIKE: I can't leave them in the lurch. It would be wrong. Just let me tie up some loose ends. When I return, it'll still be Saturday night.

ANYA: You're going mad with power. You know that, right? I can imagine what a thrill it is having thousands of adoring admirers willing to do whatever you command. To possess such immense power, to be treated like a living god –

SPIKE: Jealous? he can tell Anya is swooning to her own speech

ANYA: Yes. At one time or another, we're all tempted by the siren song of omnipotence. And that's why you must leave now. If you stay, it's only a matter of time before you go mad with power and end up bald and fat like Marlon Brando in that "Heart of Darkness" movie Xander likes so much.

SPIKE: laughs Me? Bald and fat?

ANYA: I know. The horror.

SPIKE: Anya, I'm not going power mad. I'm just doing what I can to help people.

ANYA: And developing a rather robust cult of personality while you're at it. You're teaching these people to idolize you.

SPIKE: So it's wrong for them to like me?

ANYA: From what I hear, they're worshipping you. Pretty soon, this is going to get completely out of control. These are simple, backward people, and you're taking advantage of their primitive nature. Besides, if you don't come home with me, I'm telling.

SPIKE: How very mature.

ANYA: Hey! That's how you got me to take you hear in the first place.

SPIKE: True. But that means, if you tell, you'll also be getting yourself into trouble.

ANYA: I didn't say who I was going to tell. Have fun. Try really hard not to get decapitated. I know I've said some things you might find to be cruel, but it's only because I care about you. And also because I believe polite subtlety's for cowards. Anya disappears. Kreon, Memnon and the advisors run over

KREON: Was that a friend from your world?

Anya returns to Sunnydale just after sunset. She makes a call from a pay phone on Main Street.

LORNE: Angel Investigations, back in business. How may I help you?

ANYA: Lorne! You're just the guy I want to talk to.

Lorne gets excited.

LORNE: Well then. What is it you want to talk about?

ANYA: It's Spike.

Lorne gets disappointed.

LORNE: Oh. Why?

ANYA: Do you know anything about a dimension called Scyra?

LORNE: Doesn't ring a bell.

ANYA: Doesn't matter. It's the place Fred sent Willow during her fight with Cordelia. It also happens to be an Amazon dimension. Or, more accurately, a dimension containing some Amazons. After coming home, Willow found her way back there and took off with her girlfriend.

Lorne laughs.

LORNE: That, that just takes the cake. more laughter Are you serious? Two lesbians, jetting off to an Amazon dimension? more laughter

ANYA: Do I sound like I'm joking? The good news is they're back. Malena could sense when Willow left the previous day, a half-hour earlier in Sunnydale time. The bad news is, Spike managed to find his way in. Apparently your story of Angel's adventures in Pylea led him to think that he could walk in the sunshine in another dimension.

LORNE: gasps And he burned up. Great golly Miss Molly.

ANYA: No. He's set himself up as a despot ruling over the non-Amazon population of Scyra. Not the whole planet. Just a country in Scyra named Thermadonia.

LORNE: How did he do that?

ANYA: By defending them against the Amazons. They noticed he had superpowers and couldn't be killed by a sword through the heart, so they assumed he was some sort of superior being. In Scyra, they don't have vampires. They have a few demons, but they're just non-verbal animals. They've never seen anything like Spike.

LORNE: And I assume he's taken full advantage of their ignorance. What exactly has he done?

ANYA: He's embarked on a program of territorial expansion and initiated some sort of cultural revolution. He's only been there a week. He can stay for a couple more weeks still return here before sunrise. Given what's he's accomplished in a week, I'd hate to give him a month.

LORNE: What do you want me to do about it?

ANYA: I want you to tell Angel. He shows up, they no longer think Spike's so special. Angel ruins Spike's fun, Spike goes home.

LORNE: Interesting plan. Let me ask you a question. Do you really care about the people in this dimension?

ANYA: Lorne, please. Could you get any cattier?

LORNE: Actually, I can get a lot cattier. But that's beside the point. You're afraid Spike won't come back alive.

ANYA: I won't deny that's a factor.

LORNE: Now me, I want Angel to come back alive. And I can achieve this goal simply by not sending him.

ANYA: I know it's a risk. But that's what Angel does every day. Plus, I think Angel and Spike have this intensely competitive big brother-little brother rivalry, and if Angel finds out Spike's being worshipped in another dimension, he'll get jealous and want to put a stop to it. Just tell him. You have the spell. He can decide whether he wants to go. A day there is a half-hour here. And I don't think any of you have plans tonight.

LORNE: Okay. I'll give him the 411, see if he wants to accept the charges.

ANYA: You mixed your metaphors, but I'll give you points for effort. Thanks, Lorne. You're a dear. they hang up

LORNE: A dear what? shrugs and goes into Angel's room, looking worried.

ANGEL: Is there a problem?

LORNE: No. Not a problem. More of a situation.

NEXT: Not to be outdone, Angel becomes King of Amastria. If the people of Scyra worship Spike and Angel, imagine what they'll think of Buffy. Plus, Anya comes up with the most poetic act of vengeance in her 11 century career.


	15. A nation of Buffy worshippers

Angel pays Spike a visit, discovers the disturbing changes Spike has caused, and decides that the people of Scyra need his help. Soon enough, he meets a brooding, Spike-hating young man who's eager to lend a hand.

Anya walks through the front door.

ANYA: Evening, Giles. How was your afternoon? Mine was, as usual, completely and entirely uneventful.

GILES: It went well. I talked to Willow a few minutes ago.

ANYA: You did. What did she say?

GILES: Nothing much. She seemed very relaxed. And she's done a remarkable job of healing herself over the past few hours.

ANYA: Healing's a good thing. It certainly shouldn't give rise to suspicion or paranoia. Have I mentioned how nice you look tonight?

GILES: Well. smiles bashfully Thank you for noticing.

BUFFY: He's going out on a date.

Anya had no idea her feeble attempt to change the subject would lead to this.

GILES: It's not a date.

ROSE: "Giles has a girlfriend, Giles has a girlfriend."

GILES: I do not. the Potentials giggle because he fell for the bait Stop that.

ANYA: Yes. It's very immature. So who is this new orgasm friend?

BUFFY: The mayor. Don't worry. She's not evil.

ANYA: Otherwise she'd be dating Xander.

XANDER: Only if she were also a demon.

ANYA: Giles, I take it you'll be spending the night at her place? Obviously, bringing her back here would be extremely unromantic. Plus, it could alert her to our numerous health code violations.

GILES: groans For God's sakes, we met yesterday. Estella's family has been fighting demons on the Hellmouth since before Sunnydale even existed. This is a friendly business meeting. We're going to be discussing work.

AMANDA: He won't call it a date because then he'd have to let us go out.

GILES: I'm not going to let you go out alone and become easy pickings for any Reapers or Bringers who happen to cross your path.

ROSE: You're going out alone.

GILES: That's different.

RONA: What if they came here?

BUFFY: What? Oh no you don't.

RONA: Why not? We'll all be inside. Buffy will be here to protect us. It's perfect.

Molly, Rose, Amanda and Madari all like this idea.

XANDER: We're not throwing a party. In this house, that's just begging for trouble.

MOLLY: It's naught fair. Kennedy gets to have her girlfriend over.

BUFFY: Kennedy's girlfriend lives here!

ANDREW: That didn't make it any less risky. Have you forgotten how Kennedy's kiss turned Willow into Warren and he nearly killed her. Plus, he/she brought that gun into the house which I nearly killed these lovely girls with.

BUFFY: Your point?

ANDREW: And then there was the time Xander went out with a demon that nearly killed him and almost raised another uber-vamp.

XANDER: Your point?

ANDREW: Well, my point is, given your own high-risk lifestyles, I think you're being unfair to the girls.

GILES: As much as it deeply pains me to say this, Buffy, I think you're wrong and Andrew's right. the girls look happy. Buffy is mortified Now let's pray that I never have to say that again.

XANDER: This is most un-Gilesy of you.

ANYA: No it's not. He's being his usual astute, sensitive self.

GILES: Why thank you.

ANYA: It's sadistic not to let them have some fun before they die.

GILES: As usual, I can always count on you to present a sensible idea in the most offensive manner possible.

ANYA: Why thank you.

Anya heads up the stairs. The Potentials rush to the phone so they can call their honeys. As Anya stands in the upstairs hallway, she thinks about the present situation. Spike is a god-king. Giles is going on a date. The Potentials are having boys over. And Willow and Kennedy just returned from a week in an Amazon dimension. This is what happens when the First takes a day off and leaves the Scoobies to their own devices. Anya pays a visit to Willow's room.

ANYA: Hey.

WILLOW: Hello.

KENNEDY: Ever hear of knocking?

ANYA: Why? You both have your clothes on. Your nice, modern clothes.

Willow and Kennedy laugh.

KENNEDY: What do you expect us to wear? Corsets?

ANYA: Nope. I was thinking more along the lines of tight, multi-colored wool pants and shirts. The sort of outfit which is perfect for fighting on horseback.

KENNEDY: I'll be sure to mention when Giles decides to send out the cavalry.

Willow's too nervous to give glib responses. Anya stares at her, trying to make Willow confess. It's not working.

ANYA: You two look tanned and rested.

KENNEDY: Southern Cal's a sunny place.

Anya groans.

ANYA: So much for trying subtlety. How was the Amazon dimension?

Kennedy laughs. Willow joins in, but meekly. She's not as good at artifice. Kennedy, on the other hand, is a brat who's used to getting her way. This gives her the confidence to act like Anya's completely off her rocker.

KENNEDY: Is that some sort of code? Your little euphemism for our choice of lifestyle?

ANYA: Oh, give it up! I know you went to Scyra.

WILLOW: What?

ANYA: You spend a week there, and you even don't know the dimension's name. For crying out loud, it was in the spell. Which you happened to leave on the sidewalk.

KENNEDY: Okay. We're busted. You not gonna tell?

WILLOW: How long did you spend there?

ANYA: About a week.

KENNEDY: So you kicked back just like we did.

ANYA: No. I was there on business.

WILLOW: What business?

ANYA: Vengeance. Willow looks extremely worried It's not what you think. I'm using vengeance to save lives.

WILLOW: Did you do the spell wrong and end up in an upside-down world?

ANYA: I'm serious. I met this woman named Malena. Her husband left her for a younger woman. Now he's going to take her two sons away. So Malena planned to kill the children with her own hands before he could get them. Then she was going to use magic to kill his new bride and her father. She's an incredibly powerful witch. That's the thing. She used her powers to make her husband rich and successful. And then he leaves her for some pert young princess.

WILLOW: This sounds very familiar.

ANYA: I know. I had a case just like it 600 years ago in Silesia.

WILLOW: I meant something a little further back in time. And mythical.

ANYA: Luckily, I met her before she did anything and convinced her there were better ways to wreak vengeance. We haven't come up with anything definite yet. But she's agreed not to hurt the children or anyone else other than her ex. Because of me, four people are alive. I used my knowledge of vengeance to save two innocent children. This is vengeance at its noblest.

WILLOW: Are you putting us on? If you are, it's a very clever joke.

ANYA: Why would I make this up? By the way Willow, she could sense you. And she was jealous. Hecate seems to like you better.

WILLOW: I suppose that's an honor of some sort. Where was she?

ANYA: In the city of Ramis. About 150 miles from you. Assuming the two of you were frolicking on the Nemean plateau. I know the Amazons control the eastern third of the pasture.

KENNEDY: You sure learned a lot while you were there.

ANYA: Malena helped. She can teleport. Pretty much at will. And she taught me how. But it only works in that dimension.

WILLOW: She does sound powerful.

ANYA: Malena was absolutely shocked to learn there was a witch in Scyra who was more powerful that herself. That had never happened before.

WILLOW: Tell her thanks. That's very flattering. It's always nice to get praised by your peers.

ANYA: The amazing this was, she had never even thought of using magic to directly injure her husband. Until I mentioned it. But I'm insisting on non-lethal vengeance.

WILLOW: So you're now a kinder, gentler Vengeance Demon.

ANYA: Except without the demon aspect. Although I am teleporting again. Which is great. It allows me to explore, find out what's going on. Speaking of which, did you here anything about events involving Amazons in Thermadonia?

WILLOW: Quite of bit. But it was all really sketchy. Something about the arrival of a god, maenads ripping people apart, everyone acting really crazy. It sounded like some sort of pagan religious festival.

KENNEDY: Women kept saying the golden god had arrived, and the people were worshipping him.

WILLOW: Probably some sort of idol they trot out every year for the ritual. The Amazons sounded like they were scared of it. Probably a magical or religious superstition.

ANYA: Oh boy. Oh boy. I don't know how to tell you this. And you probably won't believe me. deep breath Spike snuck into Scyra. He's made himself king of Thermadonia.

WILLOW: What? laughs Wait – you're saying it's Spike they're afraid of?

KENNEDY: Spike's a Golden God? Kennedy bursts out laughing

WILLOW: Who do they this he is? Dionysus?

Willow also laughs. After 15 seconds, both Willow and Kennedy stop laughing and get serious.

KENNEDY: Spike's killing women?

WILLOW: No, they said the god – I mean Spike – refused to kill. The maenads were the ones who killed. Spike has maenads? That's disturbing so very many levels.

KENNEDY: Antiope said he had declared war on them. Why is he attacking these women? They never hurt anyone.

Anya laughs.

ANYA: I'm sorry. So young. So naive. Didn't you wonder why the women were so heavily armed?

KENNEDY: For hunting. And self defense. Because the men hate them. They can't stand the fact that they're independent.

ANYA: The Amazons live by plunder. They're predatory nomads. How do you think they got all their pretty clothes and golden jewelry and silver cups?

WILLOW: From trade.

ANYA: They trade with the strong and raid the weak. If someone tries to protect his property, they kill him. And from what I heard, Amazons aren't exactly averse to dabbling in the slave trade. Sorry to spoil your silly little feminist fantasy, but female bonding and sisterhood don't pay the bills. Pillaging does. Frankly, I'm shocked by your sexist attitudes. You don't think female nomads can be just as aggressive and opportunistic as their male counterparts?

KENNEDY: The women we were with didn't pillage.

ANYA: It's a cyclical, seasonal way of life. I assume you were in the tribe of Queen Thalestris?

WILLOW: Yeah. Antiope introduced us to her at the festival for the Great Mother.

ANYA: Sometimes your tribe grazes while another one pillages. Then you pillage while they graze. While you were there, it was Panthesilea's turn to pillage.

KENNEDY: Didn't we hear something about her?

WILLOW: Melanippe said she wanted to bear the god's child. Spike's child! When I heard that, it didn't make any sense, but now that we know it's Spike – it makes even less sense.

KENNEDY: An Amazon queen wanted to have Spike's baby? Willow and Kennedy curdle at the thought

ANYA: Boy was she barking up the wrong tree. I only heard that she liked him. Nothing about her wanting to receive his seed. Anya also winces

WILLOW: You think that's twisted? Princess Antiope's jealous of him. Of Spike! Apparently Panthesilea is quite the knockout. And also, ironically enough, very picky.

KENNEDY: Especially when it comes to men. Marpe and Asteria didn't even think she liked guys.

ANYA: Technically, she still doesn't.

KENNEDY: Why would anyone mistake Spike for a God?

ANYA: Super powers. Very hard to kill. Obviously not human.

WILLOW: The sick thing is that he's going along with it and exploiting those people.

ANYA: That's why I called LA and asked Angel to intervene. He shows up, knocks Spike down a peg, the people won't worship him.

KENNEDY: They'll worship Angel.

WILLOW: Angel would never take advantage of that. He'd tell them the truth and leave.

Spike stands with Kreon on the colonnaded porch outside the bouleterion.

SPIKE: The next time you invade a foreign country in my name, how bout telling me first?

KREON: There wasn't time. It was the day they made you leader. I went back home, and I heard about the troubles up north in Diron. From out west, I could get there in a day. If I came back east to Zalpa, it would have taken me three days. And by then the opportunity might have passed.

SPIKE: But what if you had failed? Then I would have looked pretty bloody stupid.

KREON: I didn't lose. I couldn't have. Diron's afraid of Amastria. Diron's also afraid of the Amazons, who are using the country as a base for raiding Amastria. But those Amazons are afraid of you. All I had to do was raise 500 cavalry, ride into Diron, and tell Panthesilea Diron was now allied with you. She agreed not to ravage their lands and to pay for all provisions she took. The Dironians were grateful that you have protected them – from the Amazons AND from the Amastrians. Plus, with the Amazons paying for supplies, it was actually a boost to their economy. And even better from your point of view, Amastria finds itself facing us on its western flank.

SPIKE: I'm not denying it worked out. The problem is, my prestige is based on victory.

KREON: And your victories are based on boldness. That's why I did it. It seemed like something you would do.

SPIKE: I can do my own thinking. I don't need you to think for me.

KREON: I'm sorry. You know I'd never want to make you mad. I'm sorry if I disappointed you. But, and be honest, if you were in my position, wouldn't you have done the exact same thing?

SPIKE: Yes. And that's why I worry about you, Kreon. You keep trying to act like me, and pretty soon you'll end up in the bloody ground.

Kreon smiles. He's glad that Spike cares about him. They share a second or two of awkward silence.

KREON: Your should go in there.

SPIKE: I get it. You two want to be alone.

Spike smirks and enters the building. At the bottom and to the left of the building's steps stands Myrina, a 21 year-old former slave who works as a painter in a pottery factory in Zalpa. She smiles bashfully at Kreon. He walks down the steps towards her. He's nearly as awkward as she is. He's a small town boy who just moved to the big city, and she's one of the few friends he's made in town.

KREON: Hey.

MYRINA: Hi.

KREON: Nice weather we're having.

MYRINA: Yeah. It's nice out today.

KREON: You just get off work?

MYRINA: Yeah. I saw you yesterday, during the equestrian exercises. I thought you looked good out there.

KREON: Thanks. The thing you showed me yesterday that you were working on. It was really nice.

MYRINA: Thanks. they stand there fidgeting in silence, too nervous to think of something to talk about. Neither of them has much social experience with the opposite sex.

SPIKE: Everything set for tomorrow?

TELAMON: The coastal plain is firmly on your side. As usual, we can thank Amastria. Everyone who lives next to them runs to you for protection.

SPIKE: How many towns?

EPHIALTES: Six cities. It should take you three days to settle affairs and secure their submission.

SPIKE: Sounds like my kind of tour. They don't have a problem with my program?

DEMOTELES: Naturally, the oligarchs are deeply troubled by certain aspects. But at the same time they believe this alliance will greatly enhance their commercial opportunities.

ADEAS: Plus, someone started a rumor that if they didn't voluntarily submit to Spike, their workers would rise up and murder them in their sleep.

TELAMON: That someone would have been me.

SPIKE: sighs One of these days, someone's gonna call your bluff. How will that make me look?

Angel leaps up onto the city wall. The people gasp. Some of them panic. Spike can hear this. He jumps off his throne and rushes outside. Angel looks up and sees Spike standing on the acropolis. He's wearing a purple robe with gold trim. Resting atop his head head is a golden laurel crown. Angel hasn't changed since he got his soul back that morning. He's wearing black leather pants and a black silk shirt. (the inter-dimensional journey did get rid of his injuries, which delighted Angel. Also, he would have felt uncomfortable about pretending to be a God while there were holes in each of his hands.) The site of Spike dressed like some great potentate makes Angel want to burst out laughing. Until he looks down and sees twenty men ready to hurl their spears at him. Spike chuckles as he walks over to the edge of the Acropolis, where Kreon stands, glaring down at Angel. Myrina stood fearfully behind Kreon for protection. Ever the good guy, Angel hated seeing a damsel get distressed by him.

SPIKE: Wasn't expecting you to show up. It's okay. We're old mates. He's harmless.

Angel finds something disparaging in that characterization. Kreon signals the spearmen to stand down. Angel leaps down into the town. The people gasp again. He wants them to know that while he is not dangerous, he certainly isn't harmless.

SPIKE: to Kreon Bring him up to my place.

As Spike walks towards his house, he remembers what Anya said about how she was going to tell someone who wouldn't get her in trouble. It all makes sense now. Kreon rushes down the stairs to the town. The people back away from Angel and gawk. Another man with superhuman powers who dresses in funny black clothes. They knew what he was. Kreon walks up to Angel and looks at him suspiciously.

KREON: Follow me. I'll take you to him.

Angel looks down at Kreon. He has cut his hair short and parted it in the middle, as Spike wore his hair around 1900. Kreon doesn't know this. He tried to get his hair pulled back, but it wouldn't stay, so he went with this look instead. It was different than what everyone else had, which is what Kreon wanted. Like Spike, he wants to stand out from the herd. Angel correctly senses that Kreon is a Spike wannabe. That anyone would use Spike as their role model is deeply disturbing to Angel. He can sense the kid's suspicion. This isn't hard, since Kreon never takes his eyes off Angel, and just keeps glaring at him as they walk up the stairs to the acropolis. In the back corner of the acropolis is a mansion that traditionally belonged to the high priest. The moment Spike entered Zalpa, the high priest gave it to him, and became his personal servant. Spike gets a kick out of the fact that this powerful holy man voluntarily turned himself into Spike's butler. He appreciates the absurdity of the situation he has created. Spike greets Angel outside the front door. Kreon leaves them and walks over to Myrina.

SPIKE: Looks like you couldn't stand me being the only vampire with a soul in any dimension. Could you tell me what it feels like to get a soul without earning it? I wouldn't know.

Angel looks at Spike in all his imperial regalia and starts laughing.

ANGEL: In your wildest, most feverish megalomaniacal dreams, did you EVER imagine you'd end up like this?

SPIKE: No. I thought I'd be tanned. We can't tan. Did you know that? Or even get sunburned. No matter how much time I spend in the sun, I'm still pale. It's a great disappointment.

ANGEL: Everything's a joke to you.

SPIKE: Not everything. Just you. I'd invite you in, except you don't need an invite in this world. the high priest-turned-butler opens the door. Kreon and Myrina watch from 90 feet away.

KREON: Just a friend from back home. Like that Anya woman.

MYRINA: He's too young to be Giles. But he's not at all what I thought Xander would look like.

KREON: Spike called him Angel. But he's never mentioned that name before.

MYRINA: I don't like him. He's too shiny.

Spike takes off his crown and his robe. He's wearing his black jeans and black t-shirt.

SPIKE: The wardrobe's for the people. They like that kind of thing. I play along.

ANGEL: That's what I've heard. I spent the day talking to people, finding out what you've been up to.

SPIKE: So you know about my horrible deeds. Outlawing slavery. Abolishing serfdom. Equal rights for women. Clearly I've been a very bad boy.

ANGEL: You have maenads.

SPIKE: Don't slander them. Those girls aren't maenads. They're a civil defense force. A militia.

ANGEL: You've taught girls how to kill.

SPIKE: I've taught young women how to defend their homes. I've also given them the right to divorce their 30 year-old husbands. I'll admit, I'm not terribly popular with the cradle-robbers. Never have been.

Spike gives Angel a smartass smile and stares him down. Angel knows better than to take the bait. He walks through the front hall into the megaron, and notices a partly finished mural on the wall to his left. The design is drawn in, but less than half of it has been painted.

ANGEL: Is that you? What are you doing?

SPIKE: That's me killing a chimera six days ago. Won me the allegiance of five towns.

ANGEL: So that's how you expand the kingdom? By offering protection?

SPIKE: People like to be safe. They're funny that way. Come sit down.

Spike reclines on a couch in back. After looking over the opulent room, with paintings on the four walls, mosaics on the floor, and geometric designs on the ceiling, Angel sits next to Spike.

SPIKE: Would you like some blood? It's fresh. Xanthippus?

The butler/high priest brings out gold and silver cups, handing both to Spike. Spike gives the silver cup to Angel.

SPIKE: It's quite good. You like pig's blood, don't you? I can have lamb's or cow's blood brought out if you want.

Angel can't bear being around Spike when he's so annoyingly faux-regal. But he is hungry. Unlike Spike, he wouldn't kill someone else's animal out in the fields. He drinks the pig's blood.

ANGEL: You were right about this being fresh. That reminds me of something. Thermadonia produces livestock. Dorin, which you also rule, produces wine. Amastria grows grain. You want them to brew beer. You seem to want your subjects to produce things you can drink.

SPIKE: Bollocks. I think they'll make more money selling beer than they will selling grain.

ANGEL: And what will they eat?

SPIKE: They can buy their bread. The point is to shake up their society.

ANGEL: You mean destroy their society. Turning order into chaos. That's the point. That's why they hate you. And because they don't want to be misruled by you, you take their land away.

SPIKE: The Amastrian landlords are pissed at me. Their serfs, on the other hand, seem to feel different. Given all your experience fighting for justice, I thought you'd recognize a raw deal when you saw it. The serfs revolted just north of our borders. We moved in to protect them.

ANGEL: Don't give me this Royal We crap. The reason you're in power, the reason your conquering, is because people are scared of you. And of your mercenaries. And your maenads. And your marauding cavalry.

SPIKE: I've haven't killed a single person. And yet you think hundreds of thousands of people live in mortal fear of me. Angel, I had no idea you found me so intimidating.

ANGEL: You're saying you became an absolute monarch because you want to help these people?

SPIKE: Bloody well yes. You think I like it here? No tele, no stereo, no car. Having to ride a horse everywhere.

ANGEL: I heard you have a chariot.

SPIKE: But the suspension's no good. You feel every rock. I'll be honest: I came here for a little fun in the sun. Then I stumbled upon people who begged me to help them. So I helped, and I discovered all their other problems. I had a choice: lie for a few more hours on my cot in the basement, or help these people. It would have been immoral for me to leave them in the lurch. I thought a compulsive do-gooder like yourself would understand that.

ANGEL: And the fact that you get to bask in their worship and adoration has nothing to do with it?

SPIKE: You know who this reminds me of? Lindsey. Evil lawyer turned filthy rich good guy. Don't you think he's having his cake and eating it too?

ANGEL: What? Did Willow tell you about him?

SPIKE: No. He told me about him. Lindsey performed at the Bronze a couple nights back.

Angel practically jumps out of his seat.

ANGEL: He was in Sunnydale?

SPIKE: He was the bloody toast of Sunnydale. Girls went ga-ga for him. chuckles Even Willow. And her girlfriend Ken.

ANGEL: Even Buffy?

SPIKE: She denied it, though she didn't try very hard to hide it.

ANGEL: B-b-Buffy l-liked Lindsey?

SPIKE: The shine on him didn't wear off even after she found out he was your mortal enemy. I think that was the moment Xander fell in love with him. He talked to us after the show. Then he took us in his limo to the airport, where he flew off in his private jet.

ANGEL: Lindsey has a jet?

SPIKE: He says he's worth almost 100 million.

It takes a few seconds for this to sink in. Angel had no idea Lindsey was independently wealthy.

ANGEL: How? Where did he get that much money?

SPIKE: Class action lawsuits. Or so he claims. So much for sacrifice.

ANGEL: I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. Did he tell Buffy everything he had tried to do to me?

SPIKE: Can't be sure. But it was a pretty long list. Guess when you become good, all your bad deeds are forgiven. Like with you and me.

ANGEL: But, but Lindsey's different. He had a soul.

SPIKE: We didn't know any better. He did. And yet he still gets the whitewash treatment. And the money. I know you somehow manage to live in style. But this guy's got a whole bloody endowment.

ANGEL: It does seem cruelly un-Karmic.

SPIKE: Especially considering your streak of bad luck. He can spend his summers on the Riveria. You spend yours under the water. And to think, once upon a time, his entire goal in life was to destroy you and help evil triumph over good. This is why I never believed in that Zen Karma crap. On the plus side, he is mortal. And when he dies, his soul will burn for eternity.

ANGEL: Why? pause Did he sell his soul to Wolfram & Hart?

SPIKE: Sometimes, you're not as dumb as you look. But get this: that only adds to his allure. Buffy and Willow felt sorry for him. Suddenly, he's this brooding, romantic, Promethean tragic hero to them.

Angel looks crushed.

ANGEL: I thought I was Buffy's brooding, romantic, Promethean tragic hero.

SPIKE: And, to top it all off, she sounded a little jealous when Lindsey said he was shagging Faith.

For Angel, that was the last straw. At this moment, Angel thought he knew how Buffy felt when Faith switched bodies with her. Then he looked at who the messenger was. Obviously Spike was playing mind games with him.

ANGEL: Cute story, Spike. The part where he sells his soul – that was especially clever.

SPIKE: You think I'm making this up?

ANGEL: Only the last few parts. The ones that were meant to get under my skin.

SPIKE: I thought Lindsey got under your skin already when he tenderized your face with those brass knuckles.

ANGEL: He told told you about that? He told BUFFY about that?

SPIKE: No. Didn't even mention it. But Kelly did. Now she was fun. I see why you went for her.

ANGEL: That's it. I'm not here to catch up on recent times.

SPIKE: You're here to bring me home because you think I am abusing my power. Well, I'm not.

Above the frescoes to the left and right of Spike and Angel, there are several small windows which let in light. Through the windows, Angel can hear someone down in the main part of town talking in a very loud voice:

TYNDARES: "An ode and paean to Buffy."

Angel leaps up and runs out of the house. Spike follows. Down below the acropolis, at one end of the agora, Tyndares reads his verse before a rapt audience of hundreds. It sounds suspiciously like a love poem.

ANGEL: You're making them read your poetry! So much for not abusing your power.

SPIKE: You stupid git. I haven't written a line since Dru sired me.

ANGEL: Then why is that man reading those purple and overwrought lines about Buffy's golden locks and undying courage and alabaster –

Angel hits Spike's face with a right cross.

SPIKE: Allow me to explain.

ANGEL: I'm pretty sure I don't want to hear it.

SPIKE: After the people chose me as their ruler, some of the more prominent men in town offered me their daughters. I politely refused the offer. So they offered me their sons. I very impolitely refused that offer. They couldn't understand why I would choose to be alone. So, I explained that I was in love with someone in my world. They're very curious about my world. So they begged me again and again to describe my love.

Angel takes another swing at Spike, who backs up out of the way.

SPIKE: Oh come on! Touchy, touchy. So I told them about Buffy. I hardly think you can blame them for becoming smitten with her.

ANGEL: So they're also worshipping Buffy? They worship the two of you, TOGETHER?

SPIKE: Just for the bloody record, I never told them to worship either of us. Never even hinted at it. They asked a few questions, I told a few stories, the thing took on a life of its own.

ANGEL: You're right about that. I take you home, these people are still going to attack their neighbors. You've infected them.

SPIKE: You are the pettiest old sod I have ever had the bloody misfortune of knowing. You can't stand that people think of me and her together, even if they're in another dimension and you'll never have to see them again. You just can't stand to see me win anything.

ANGEL: I'm the petty one? Oh, that's rich. These are real people, real lives you're toying with. And all you can think about is winning and losing.

Spike starts walking down the stairs towards the agora. Angel follows.

SPIKE: I came here to help these people. You came here to make it a personal competition.

ANGEL: What about the political opponents you jailed?

SPIKE: I didn't jail the six archons. The priests did. And they were going to execute them. I freed the men, forbade anyone to attack their property and gave them a pension. I know you're trying to make me out to be a military strongman. But the shoe doesn't bloody well fit, now does it?

When Angel gets to the agora, he jumps back and stops in his tracks. Slowly, he points his right finger at a statue 30 feet in front of them.

ANGEL: How . . . how did . . . h-h-h-her . . . it's her.

Standing atop a six foot-high pedestal is a somewhat larger-than-life (six-and-a-half feet-tall) statue of Buffy, wearing a sleeveless goddess gown.

ANGEL: It looks just like her. How the HELL do you explain this? Obviously they couldn't have done it on their own. Did you bring a picture? It's so real it's surreal. And scary.

SPIKE: I thought so too, first time I saw it. They wanted me to draw a few pictures of her. So I did. Next thing I know, I catch a few sculptors working on this.

ANGEL: This is based on you're drawings? he takes another good look The nose is wrong, the bone structure is distorted, the chin – that's not her chin. The dimple on the left knee is misplaced. And her feet are not at all shaped like that. You never were an artist. gets mad And these people can see the outline of her right nipple coming through the dress. This is disgraceful. It's downright pornographic. You should be ashamed.

SPIKE: There wanted to have her topless.

ANGEL: You drew them pictures of her –

SPIKE: No! They were going to use their imaginations. You might have noticed my people do a lot of that. I insisted she be displayed in a respectful manner.

ANGEL: Why didn't you keep her from being displayed at all?

SPIKE: These are very visual people. They need images. It would have been crushing to their spirits for me to deny them that. And they only did it because they admire her.

ANGEL: Never thought you were the sort of guy who puts women up on pedestals.

SPIKE: This is a pun-free dimension. Since they worship Buffy, it's obviously not an irony-free dimension.

ANGEL: It's a surreal dimension. You've made sure of that.

SPIKE: Starring at only makes it more disturbing. Trust me.

Both of them turn around and walk through the marketplace. People stare at them and talk. Angel's visit is obviously a huge deal to the people of Zalpa. When Angel is 100 feet from the statue, he turns around for a moment, just to make sure it's real. Then he notices a statue 300 feet ahead of him, at the other end of the agora.

ANGEL: What's that?

SPIKE: They said there needed to be symmetry.

Angel runs towards it. The closer he gets, the more it looks like Spike. When he gets within 60 feet, he stops and throws up his hands.

ANGEL: Why am I surprised? I shouldn't be. This is you we're talking about, and you have never missed an opportunity to be vainglorious. At least they kept your pants on. Wait a second. Angel walks closer This is a highly idealized version of you. You were never this muscular. And you certainly don't have a six-pack. It's is a cartoon! They even airbrushed your face.

SPIKE: Bollocks. They even kept the scar. And since when did you look at or imagine what my body look like?

ANGEL: Spike, grow up. You've had 120 years. It's about time.

SPIKE: turns to talk to a nearby man Nicias. A cup for my mate? turns back to Angel Thought you might like a hot cup of lamb's blood before your journey.

ANGEL: Journey? laughs You're going to try to kick me out?

SPIKE: You want to stay in a town where everyone loves and admires me?

ANGEL: Good point.

Nicias brings back a large cup, which Spike hands to Angel.

SPIKE: Thank you. Nicias runs along See. They're a friendly, giving people. Kreon! he rushes over Bring Angel one of the best horses from the garrison stables. Then escort him to the Amastrian border. Kreon runs along

ANGEL: What are you doing?

SPIKE: Let's take a walk outside. they head out the city gates Since you hate being around my friends, I'm sending you to my enemies. You should be happy there. Besides, it's what you were already planning to do: defend the innocent against mean old me.

ANGEL: They're the only ones around here who have the guts to stand up to your hollow threats. There must be something good about them.

Angel looks around at the fields outside the city wall. Young women are playing an especially chaotic and violent brand of rugby, yelling as they rush forward and bash into one another.

ANGEL: Would these be the maenads?

SPIKE: So if a girl's tough, if she's physical, you call her a freak? I had no idea you were so bloody sexist.

ANGEL: Recklessness is not toughness.

SPIKE: They seem to find it fun. Rugby's always been a woman's sport, anyway. As you can see, football's more of a man's game.

ANGEL: laughs Spike. Those men aren't playing football. That's soccer.

Spike groans mightily and rolls his eyes.

SPIKE: You are such a bloody American.

Kreon comes riding up with a black stallion at his side.

ANGEL: You know I'm not going to let you get away with this.

SPIKE: And you call ME the cartoon? You're right out of a bloody comic book. Godspeed, Captain America.

Spike goes back into the town. His advisors come up to him.

TELAMON: Is this interloper a problem?

SPIKE: No. More of a foil.

EPHIALTES: So no change in plans?

SPIKE: No change. Tomorrow I hit the coast. Tonight I head south to celebrate the dedication of my new metropolis. I trust you blokes can keep this city in good order while I'm gone.

Kreon doesn't say a word to Angel. He just rides at top speed, forcing Angel's horse to gallop along and tire itself out so it won't have any energy left when it crosses into enemy territory. Three hours later, they arrive at the border, 30 miles north of Zalpa. Kreon just turns his horse around and trots back south, leaving Angel all alone. His horse walks forward and heads to a pond for a much-needed drink. Angel dismounts and walks around as the horse gulps down gallons of water. He's sure someone is stalking him, but he can see or hear anyone. When the horse has slaked his thirst, Angel remounts and continues on his journey, looking at the land around him. It's flat and fertile, filled with farmlands and pastures. He sees a horse grazing, and assumes that's what he heard nearby. When Angel is 50 feet to the horse's left, a large rock hits his right ear and knocks him off his horse. A young man rushes out from behind a large pile of hay. He leaps onto the grazing horse, and it gallops towards Angel. The man grabs Angel's horse's reins and takes it 100 yards in front of Angel. Then he turns around and charges straight for Angel, who has stood up. The young man cocks his right arm and throws a smaller stone, hitting Angel in the forehead and knocking him down again. He dismounts and puts his sword to Angel's throat.

ANGEL: What the hell did I do to you?

HIERO: You came from his land. You were escorted by one his soldiers. That means you're one of Spike's agents.

Angel starts laughing, but notices that this causes his adam's apple to graze the sword's point.

ANGEL: Could you put the pointy metal thing away and let me explain? First off, I'm unarmed.

Hiero looks at him. He doesn't appear to have a sword.

HIERO: Get up.

Angel stands up. Hiero still brandishes his sword. He's three inches shorter than Angel, with brown eyes, long wavy black hair, a muscular body and a no-nonsense scowl on his face.

ANGEL: You hate Spike.

HIERO: He stole our land. My uncle had a farm over there. Spike's marauders drove his family out of their home.

ANGEL: Look at me. Do I dress like other people around here?

HIERO: No. You dress like Spike.

ANGEL: That better be the last time you ever compare me to Captain Peroxide. I'm here to help you. I'm here to undo what he's done.

Hiero stabs Angel through the heart. Angel grimaces in pain.

HIERO: Just making sure you could help.

ANGEL: Right. I get it. That was a test.

HIERO: I'll take you to Lampedos.

ANGEL: Is that your capital?

HIERO: Have you been to Zalpa?

ANGEL: Unfortunately.

HIERO: Zalpa's a dump compared to Lampedos. I should get you a new horse. I'm Hiero.

ANGEL: Angel.

HIERO: Are you from Spike's world?

ANGEL: No. He's from my world.

HIERO: So you know of the vicious, blood-thirsty Buffy?

Angel is aghast. But before castigating Hiero, he realizes that Hiero must associate Buffy with Spike, and therefore doesn't have a high opinion of her. He can't allow that to continue.

ANGEL: I happen to know Buffy a lot better than Spike ever will. She's wonderful. Let me tell you about her on our way to Lampedos.

NEXT: A society of Spike worshippers at war with a society of Angel worshippers. Things are about to get very ugly.


	16. Pandora's box

Anya performs the perfect career-ending act of vengeance. Angel shows the people of Amastria why he's the Champion of Champions. Giles goes on his date. And Buffy learns where Willow and Kennedy have been. Giles won't be happy when he comes home and learns the truth.

Giles and Estella are dining at the restaurant where Wood took Buffy.

ESTELLA: I don't want to sound cliched, but the pattern I'm hearing is every time you think you're out, they always pull you back in.

GILES: It's certainly not the oppressively happy weather or the tacky, unedifying culture that brings me back. But it would be wrong for you to assume that I view Buffy and her friends as a burden. To a certain extent, I need them as much as they need me. As much as I enjoy being around other adults, living my own life, and not thinking of myself as a glorified babysitter, I miss them when I'm back home. And while I'm certainly not bored or lonely when I'm in England, but I do feel like a part of me is missing.

ESTELLA: Like you left your heart in Sunnydale? they both laugh

GILES: Except that in this town, people might take that literally.

ESTELLA: True. Unfortunately.

GILES: I should have expected to feel that way. I didn't, but I should have. I've been closer to Buffy, Willow, and even Xander and Anya, than I have to any other group of people in my entire life. They know me better than just about anyone else alive.

ESTELLA: I suppose that can happen when you're working with the same small group of people for five years. Especially when the work involves risking your lives and fighting deadly enemies on a regular basis.

GILES: Working together to avert an apocalypse, or six – or however many it's been – has a way of forging lasting bonds.

ESTELLA: That probably has something to do with why my family's so close-knit. Not that we've ever prevented an apocalypse. But knowing you live in such a dangerous place does encourage a circle the wagons mentality.

GILES: When did your parents tell you what kind of place Sunnydale was?

ESTELLA: Earlier than your father told you about being a Watcher. I was six – old enough to be out playing with my friends when it was getting dark at night. It was a basic safety lesson: never run into the road after a ball, never invite anyone in after dark, look both ways before crossing the street, stay away from pale-looking strangers. Wasn't until I was maybe nine or ten that I began to understand the big picture about what it meant to be a Santos living on the Hellmouth.

GILES: Was that when you realized you had to remain in Sunnydale?

ESTELLA: No. That was when I went into denial for a decade. I didn't accept my fate until after my sophomore year at Stanford. That's when Vince got his JD from Yale and started a firm right here in Sunnydale. If my brother couldn't make it out, I knew I didn't have any hope. Anyhow, I think you know how the story ends, so I won't bore you with the details.

GILES: You wouldn't be trying to skip over an embarrassing rebellious phase?

ESTELLA: I did get a little wild my first two years at school, on account of it being the first time in my life I could stay out all night without risking a demon attack. The embarrassing thing is, like you, I didn't have a rebellious phase.

GILES: I beg your pardon.

ESTELLA: Don't try to defend yourself. It was the sixties. Back then, dropping out and getting wasted was the height of conformity.

GILES: You think I was a hippie? I hated those bloody fools. Beat a bunch of them up when they booed the Velvets.

ESTELLA: Ah! So you're claiming you were actually punk ahead of your time?

GILES: I like to think I had too many brain cells to qualify as a punk.

SPIKE: Now that I've come to town, there's going to be a lot less fear around here, and a whole lot more fun! the people in the largest of the coastal cities cheer Right now, this is history. he's unintentionally quoting Noel Gallagher at Knebworth in 1996. You know what I've done in a few days in Thermadonia. I've brought them more wealth and security than they ever dreamed possible. And I will do the same for you. For your fair city, today is the beginning of a brave new world. A world of peace, power and prosperity for all at the expense of none.

The people cheer again. This shows why Spike doesn't give speeches. Fortunately, in this world no one is familiar with any of Aldous Huxley's writings. The last sentence was meant as a pledge to help the poor without hurting the rich. Spike didn't mean for it to come out so Panglossian.

Amastria is a flat, fertile plain 40 miles wide and 50 miles long. Now that Spike has seized a ten mile-wide southern strip of the plain, the country is a 40 mile-wide square. In the center of the plain, 15 miles north of Spike's newly-established frontier, is the capital city of Lampedos. It is larger in area and less congested than Zalpa, and has nicer, more expensive temples and public buildings. However, it is less urban in character. Lampedos is home to many Amastrian absentee landlords who maintain spacious mansions in town. More than a third of the enclosed city is parkland or orchards. In addition, Many residents have gardens on their property, producing flowers and fruits which they sell to the city's merchants and craftsmen. Upon entering, Angel notices both the aesthetic beauty and the fact that this city could hold large numbers of refugees if the rural population was driven from the countryside by invaders. After being greeted with fawning gratitude from rich and poor alike (he found this embarrassing), Angel gets right down to business. He talks to the 100 oligarchs in the bouleterion. They don't like what he tells them.

DEMETRIUS: I can't quite believe what I'm hearing. You want to destroy our nation.

ANGEL: I want to save your nation.

DEMETRIUS: You have to destroy are nation in order to save it?

ANGEL: You have to give all your people a reason to support you instead of your enemy. Spike's promises are very tempting to a lot of people who wish their lot in life could be better. He'll lead his followers to ruin. But they won't realize that until it's too late.

ARATUS: Why should we believe you're any different than him?

Angel tries to contain his outrage at this insinuation. He remembers that these people don't know any better. Not yet, anyway.

ANGEL: Because I didn't lead an army to the gates of your city. Because I haven't tried to make you fear me. Instead, I've tried to make you trust me. You gentlemen claim to be the best men in your land. I believe that to be the truth. And if it is the truth, you have nothing to fear from me. The people will recognize your worth and willingly follow you. Everything will be like it is now, except for one big difference: your people will feel a connection to you. They will feel a connection, a loyalty, to this nation. And they will fight and resist Spike when he attempts to destroy their nation. When the people of Thermadonia see the people of Amastria standing together and defeating Spike, they will turn on him. But before that joyous day can arrive, you gentlemen must take the first step. The survival of your nation is in your hands.

Angel's done a masterful job of convincing the absentee landlords that freeing their serfs is in their own self-interest. But first, they're going to make Angel prove his worth.

MALENA: Physical agony isn't enough. I want him to be humiliated. I want his new wife and her father to be disgraced. Especially the father. He's the one who convinced my husband to leave me, telling Jason that if he married Calista he would be made king.

ANYA: An altered consciousness spell could do the trick.

MALENA: Make him believe he's someone else?

ANYA: No. Same guy. Different desires. Like the time I made an adulterous farmer fall in love with one of his pigs. Let's just say his standing in the community never quite recovered. Although I did feel sorry for the pig. Sure, it didn't get slaughtered like all its friends, but after a few months it must have started praying for death.

MALENA: What if I made Jason fall in love with his father-in-law?

ANYA: There's no way to make a human-on-human love spell permanent. After a day or two of getting spurned, you either kill the object of your affection or get over it.

MALENA: There are mutual love spells.

ANYA: Drug both of them? It lacks flair. We have to think of something creative. A punishment which perfectly fits the crime. her face lights up with inspiration That's it! What a brilliant idea!

MALENA: Which one of my ideas is brilliant?

ANYA: None of them. It's my idea that's brilliant. We make your husband fall in love with a troll.

MALENA: What's a troll?

ANYA: A big, dumb ugly monster. The only snag is summoning the troll. But I think we can find a way to do it.

MALENA: Will the monster love him back? Or will it kill him? If he's killed by a monster, the people might say he was a hero who died trying to protect them.

ANYA: Is your husband a big guy? Does he know how to fight?

MALENA: He's huge. And a great warrior. That's what got me to notice him in the first place.

ANYA: Good. Then he'll be able to do what we need.

MALENA: What are you talking about? Anya, is there something you're keeping from me?

ANYA: Don't ask questions, help me out with the magic, and tomorrow you will be praising me from the rooftops. Just remember, I'm the genius, you're the client. starts laughing Sometimes I even amaze myself.

MALENA: I still don't see what's so great about your idea. It's okay. Although, since I don't know what a troll is –

ANYA: You let me worry about that. Prepare the love spell and the summoning spell. I'll handle the troll aspect. hugs the confused Malena This is so exciting!

For the first hour, the Potentials and their boyfriends hung out in the basement, leaving the first floor to Buffy, Xander, Andrew and the other four Potentials. Dawn is in her room doing homework and Willow and Kennedy are alone in their bedroom. However, when the Potentials and their dates start colonizing the first floor, Buffy, Xander and Andrew are forced to move upstairs. Buffy walks into Willow's and Kennedy's room.

BUFFY: Have you guys seen Spike?

WILLOW: No.

KENNEDY: Of course I've seen him. Just not in the past couple hours.

WILLOW: Do you need him for something?

BUFFY: No. It's just, he's not here but I don't remember him leaving. And I've been here all night.

WILLOW: You know Spike. He hates crowds. And with all the visitors colonizing downstairs and the basement, where else was he gonna go?

BUFFY: I know. That's why before the boy parade arrived I went downstairs to tell Spike. But he was already gone.

WILLOW: Don't know what to tell ya, Buff. You're not worried about him getting into any trouble, are you?

BUFFY: No. It's just, I dunno, unusual.

WILLOW: For Spike to go all lone wolf? That's what he is. He likes to be alone.

KENNEDY: Like Greta Garbo. Except that they're completely different in every other way.

BUFFY: You're right.

WILLOW: About the Garbo comparison? I found that disturbing.

KENNEDY: I said only in that one way.

WILLOW: Cause one of them's an iconic sex symbol of, well, ambiguous orientation –

BUFFY: I meant you both are right about it probably being nothing to worry about.

Xander enters.

XANDER: So this is where the everyone's hanging out. Hey Will! You look different. Buffy, doesn't she look different?

BUFFY: Sure. I guess she's a little bashed-up from this morning.

XANDER: I don't think I've seen you this tanned and sunburned since we were in fourth grade and your family spent Christmas in Hawaii.

WILLOW: Cordy did try to burn me alive. Plus she threw a couple energy balls at me. That's probably the cause of my redness.

XANDER: So why is Kennedy so tanned?

KENNEDY: I'm usually this color in the summer.

XANDER: It's still spring.

KENNEDY: True. But a California spring is like a Long Island summer.

BUFFY: What's with the third degree?

XANDER: My sixth sense is telling me my best friend has something to hide. The corners of Willow's mouth always do that when she's trying to keep a secret.

KENNEDY: Do what?

XANDER: Crinkle. Fidget. I don't know the word for it. But she's doing it. It's not a bad secret. Otherwise Willow wouldn't look so happy. She's definitely giving me the smug "I know something you don't know" look.

BUFFY: I think the boredom may be getting to you.

XANDER: You do look well-rested. When I saw you in LA, you were too tired to even drive. I imagine you spent the whole afternoon sleeping.

BUFFY: No. She went out for coffee with Kennedy. They came home after we did. starts to think Xander's suspicions might not be baseless Four hours for coffee?

WILLOW: We went for a walk in the park. You know what? I am feeling pretty tired. So, if you wouldn't mind, I'd to get some shut-eye.

BUFFY: Okay.

XANDER: I guess you'll tell me tomorrow morning. When it comes to keeping secrets, you're nearly as bad as me.

When they open the door, Dawn's outside. She heard the noise and decided to join in.

DAWN: Hey there. You guys leaving?

BUFFY: Willow's going to sleep.

DAWN: Before she does that, can I ask her about the alternate dimension she went to today.

BUFFY: What alternate dimension?

XANDER: Maybe that's the secret.

Dawn goes inside. Buffy and Xander decide to stick around. Willow and Kennedy look nervous. They don't know how Dawn could have learned about that.

DAWN: When I was on the phone with Connor this afternoon, he said that when Willow was in trouble, Fred sent her to another dimension for a couple seconds.

Willow and Kennedy breathe huge sighs of relief.

WILLOW: Oh. That. Cordelia was burning me alive, and I couldn't use magics to escape, so Fred teleported me outta there. A few seconds later I came back about ten feet away from the fire. Some real nifty thinking on her part.

BUFFY: You didn't mention this.

WILLOW: It was only a few seconds.

BUFFY: What was it like?

WILLOW: I don't know. Like I said, it was only a few seconds. I was in a forest. Didn't see any humans or demons or animals. Then poof! I was back.

DAWN: Connor was curious, cause his own experiences. Fred told him it wasn't a dangerous place. She said the dimension was called Scyra. Other than that, she didn't know anything about it.

XANDER: So that's what you were keeping secret.

WILLOW: Yep. My very, very brief adventures in another world. My first time outta this dimension.

DAWN: Anyway, I checked my books – I mean, Giles's books – and I couldn't find anything about a dimension named Scyra.

WILLOW: I thought you were catching up on all that homework you didn't do when Connor was in town.

DAWN: It was just for a few minutes. That's when it occurred to me. Pylea – the place where Fred was a slave and Cordy was a princess – was like Sparta. A warrior elite lived off the labor of slaves. Pylea sounds like Pylos, the place in the southwestern Peloponnese that was on the edge of Spartan territory. So then I thought, what does Scyra sound like? Willow assumes Dawn is going nowhere with this And then I remembered Themiscrya, the mythical capital of the Amazons. Pylos-Pylea. Themiscrya-Scyra. Dawn laughs And I thought, wouldn't it have been funny if Willow had been sent to an Amazon dimension? laughs some more. Buffy and Xander don't get it. Willow and Kennedy look at each other and laugh nervously See. You two get the joke. Willow in an Amazon dimension.

Dawn, Willow and Kennedy laugh a little more. Then Xander starts laughing.

XANDER: Now I get it. At first I thought you meant the river, so it didn't make any sense. But Willow among a tribe of warrior women . . . so the whole dimension would be populated by Amazons? Sounds like a fun place to visit.

BUFFY: Would these women have superpowers?

DAWN: If they didn't, they'd probably make you their Queen.

BUFFY: It would be nice to spend a few days in a society where I would be a leader instead of an outcaste. Too bad it's not real.

DAWN: It could be. It's not like Willow spent enough time in Scyra to find out.

WILLOW: Good joke, Dawny. Very funny. Now, if you don't mind, I've had a really tough day, and I'd like to get some sleep.

Xander, Buffy and Dawn leave. Xander and Buffy go into Buffy's bedroom. Dawn goes to her own room and calls the Hyperion.

LORNE: Angel Investigations.

DAWN: Ugh, hi. Is Connor there? I'm Dawn. His girlfriend.

LORNE: Dawn! Of course. Nice to finally talk to you. I'm Lorne, the singing green demon who performed at the Bronze.

DAWN: I know who you are. Is Connor there?

LORNE: Actually, he's sleeping. Recovering from a very hard fight.

DAWN: Okay. Then just tell him I called to tell him something about Scyra.

LORNE: What about it?

DAWN: You guys didn't know what it was, and Willow doesn't seem to know, but I came up with this crazy etymological theory that it could be an Amazon Dimension. We all got a good laugh out of that joke. Willow being sent to an Amazon Dimension - wouldn't that be a hoot.

LORNE: That's not funny.

DAWN: Well, sorry. Guess it's the kinda joke where you had to be there.

LORNE: Willow was there.

DAWN: I know.

LORNE: Does Buffy know?

DAWN: That Willow went there? Yeah. We all know.

LORNE: Jeepers creepers. None of you know?

DAWN: What don't we know that we should know?

LORNE: Is Buffy there?

DAWN: Yeah.

LORNE: Put her on.

If Giles had not allowed the Potentials to have boys over, Xander and Buffy would have stayed downstairs watching television until Willow and Kennedy went to sleep for the night. Dawn would not have thought of telling her esoteric philological joke if she had not heard Buffy and Xander talking in Willow's room. She would have forgotten the joke and never called Lorne. Anya and Spike would have made it back later in the evening and no one would have been the wiser about their whereabouts. Therefore, if the boys had not come over, Willow could have kept her secret safe. Of course, the boys only came over because Giles had a date. Thus, it could be said that Willow would have gotten away with it if Giles had not chosen to reignite his long dormant social life on this particular night. Clearly, the Fates was against her getting away with an Amazon vacation.

Angel rides in a chariot to the mountains which form the northern border of Amastria. It's larger and plusher than Spike's, with a cushioned bench for two in back. Angel sits to the right of Lysander, his military advisor.

LYSANDER: We cannot let Spike isolate us. As he extends his power south, we must extend ours north. There are three passes through these mountains. The westernmost pass is the highest and narrowest, only wide enough for one man to go through at a time. The easternmost pass is the lowest and widest, but it is controlled by the Uxili, a mountain tribe who make us pay tribute in exchange for safe passage. The middle pass is the most convenient since it is closest to Lampedos. It is wide enough for two carts to pass through side-by-side. However, for more than a decade it has been too dangerous for commercial use. For a long time, their was a magic door through the rocks into a cave along the pass. Few knew about the door, and those who did feared to enter. But one day, three bandits and three wizards from the north country decided to explore. They suspected the powerful magics protected a great treasure. Two-by-two, the bandits and wizards attempted to find it. The first two groups were killed fighting their way to the treasure. The final group succeeded in capturing a fortune in gold and precious gems, and then fought their way out. But upon leaving the cave, the bandit slew the wizard and left his body in the pass. The bandit died in a storm while sailing with his riches to an island in the east. The wizard turned into a beast who lives in the cave and attacks all who enter the pass.

ANGEL: And you want me to kill the monster. Lucky for you, that's what I'm good at.

LYSANDER: And then, having opened the middle pass, I was thinking we could swing east and attack the Uxili in the rear. They'll never see it coming.

ANGEL: I think we can solve that problem peacefully. What is the land like to the north of these mountains?

LYSANDER: Very hilly and rocky. The valleys are fertile but narrow. The coastal plain has few good harbors.

ANGEL: So it's poorer than the land on this side of the mountains?

LYSANDER: Yes. Amastrians are grateful to the Gods for blessing us with the richest lands.

ANGEL: Sounds like up north there's not enough land to go round.

LYSANDER: I suppose. But what does this have to do with the Uxili?

ANGEL: Everything. I doubt they chose to live in the mountains. They extort you because that's the only way for them to make a living. However, if they were given land, they might leave the mountains. Then you could control the eastern pass.

LYSANDER: You're not thinking of giving them our land, are you?

ANGEL: No. I'm just wondering if there's vacant land north of the mountains where they could settle. Someplace that right now is too dangerous. But if we took care of the danger, the Uxili could go there. When I was in Thermadonia, I heard they were always attacked from the west by Amazons. Now that they don't have to worry about that, the people were saying they could graze bigger flocks. If there's a similar opportunity for us up north, that would help your people.

LYSANDER: Our neighbors would be grateful vassals, and our lines of communication would be greatly improved.

ANGEL: Allies. Not vassals. You conquer people, you create enemies. I won't make the same mistake Spike has.

LYSANDER: You like to bring people together. You seek concord while Spike causes discord. My people are fortunate that the Gods sent us you, and not him.

ANGEL: I don't think your Gods deserve the credit. Or the blame.

Three hundred miles to the west, peaceful Masistia is disturbed by a most unwelcome visitor.

OLAF: I am Olaf, ravager of cities and destroyer of women! he's a bit rusty, having spent the last two years in a boring troll dimension Bring me virgins and babies. Defy me and you will feel my horrible wrath!

The people have never seen a troll, or any other kind of non-human monster who can talk. They run away screaming, mothers carrying their crying children. Olaf destroys their huts and rips their olive trees out of the ground. The few brave men who seek to defend their property are easily knocked unconscious by Olaf. He bats away the javelins they throw at him as if these were toy weapons. Hundreds huddle at a nearby temple to seek the Gods' protection. Olaf slows down to drink what wine he can find, then attacks the temple. The people flee. Olaf pulls down the columns supporting the edifice, destroying it before resuming his pillaging. He stomps on sheep and tackles horses, breaking their spines with his fists. As he rampages from village to village, the people flee to the safety of nearby hills and mountains. Some of the more clever Masistians notice that the monster likes wine. They leave large quantities of it in his path, hoping to get him drunk so he passes out and they can cut off his head. The news of the disturbance soon reaches the king in his capital city of Pherae.

JASON: I'm going out there.

CALLIOPE: Darling, you heard the reports. No man or beast can stand up to this monster.

COENUS: Then we send an army.

JASON: I'm going alone.

COENUS: That's absolute madness.

JASON: I am afraid of no beast.

COENUS: You don't know what you're walking into.

JASON: I have seen and fought things that you cannot imagine. I will show your people what their king is made of.

Jason gallops on his horse past the fleeing citizens of his country, urging them to remain calm. When he nears Olaf, Jason dismounts. He wears no armor or helmet, and carries only a dagger on his belt Jason is tall and bulky, like a pro wrestler. He is only an inch shorter than Olaf.

OLAF: Bring me babies! Bring me babies or I shall burn your farms and slaughter every last one of your animals. I have had my fill of mead. Bring me babies!

Olaf knocks down a few more houses and uproots a few more trees.

OLAF: I am bored of destroying your pitiful possessions. How many of your women will I have to ravage before any of you small and toylike men stand up to me so I can grind your bones into dust?

JASON: Want someone to grind? Start with me, ugly man.

Olaf looks at Jason from 30 feet away and laughs.

OLAF: You shall do for now, foolishly brave one.

Olaf roars and charges at Jason. Jason charges Olaf. At the last instant, he falls to the ground and trips Olaf up. The troll does a forward somersault, creating a cloud of dust. He stands up and turns to face Jason.

OLAF: You are clever, but weak.

Olaf throws a right hook. Jason blocks the punch and grabs Olaf's right arm with both hands. He wants to throw Olaf over his shoulder, but Olaf is too heavy, and he hits Jason in the stomach with a left uppercut. Jason grabs Olaf's chest with both hands, puts his left foot behind Olaf's right foot, and pushes Olaf. He trips over Jason's leg and falls on his back. While the troll is down, Jason hits him in the stomach with his right fist. Then he grabs Olaf's horns and moves behind him, hoping to snap the beast's neck. Olaf reaches both arms back, grabs Jason's legs and hurls him upwards. Jason flips through the air and lands with a mighty thud. Olaf kicks him and Jason rolls along the ground. He stands up and charges Olaf before the troll can throw another blow. He tries to drive Olaf backwards, but Olaf only backs up one step before steadying himself and stopping Jason in his tracks.

OLAF: Perhaps you are not as clever as I thought.

Jason head butts Olaf in the nose. Olaf gets mad and drives his left fist down onto the top of Jason's head. Jason's legs wobble, but he stays on his feet. The next time he looks into Olaf's eyes, a white glow moves across Jason's eyes.

JASON: Why are we fighting?

Olaf tosses Jason backwards and to the ground. Jason lands in a cloud of dust but stands up before Olaf can reach him.

JASON: Is it because I called you ugly? I'm sorry. You're not at all ugly.

Olaf sends a right hook for Jason's face. He backs up out of the way.

OLAF: Your mental tricks have no effect on Olaf. Silly man. Thinking you can charm your way out of a beating.

Olaf lunges at Jason, who grabs the troll and tries to throw him. Jason isn't strong enough, and Olaf ends up throwing Jason over his shoulder. His back crashes into the earth, knocking the wind out of him. Olaf lies on top of Jason, ready to deliver a fatal blow. Jason reaches his arms up, grabs Olaf's head, pulls the troll towards him and kisses him on the lips. Olaf stands up and wipes his lips in disgust. Then things start to feel very different inside him. Olaf grimaces in pain.

OLAF: You have poisoned me. You wicked, cowardly, womanish man.

Olaf cries out as the pain intensifies. He looks down at the awful man who did him in. Jason is wide-eyed and smiling.

JASON: You're a man. I knew that all along. You're a man.

Olaf feels the top of his head. No horns. He feels his face. He looks at his hands. The urge to destroy has disappeared. Jason stands up. Olaf stands there in complete and utter shock.

OLAF: It's been so long. I never thought I'd return. But you. You brought me back.

Jason and Olaf stand there smiling and gazing into each other's eyes – two big, burly macho men in love. Larry would have approved Anya stands on a nearby hill, laughing so hard that she starts crying. When she regains her composure, Anya teleports back to Malena's house to tell her the good news. Malena looks terrified. Someone else is in the room. He turns around.

DEHOFREN: Hello Anyaka. Back in business?

Anya looks terrified and backs away from him. She stands against the side wall. Malena is against the back wall, in front of Anya and to her right.

ANYA: DeHofren, she has nothing to do with this.

DEHOFREN: She has everything to do with this. You made sure of that, Anyaka.

ANYA: What do you want?

DEHOFREN: The question at hand is What do YOU need? You need to be punished. This will cost you more than your last infraction. Malena, would you tell Anyaka what she's won?

MALENA: I won't let you kill my children, whatever you are.

DEHOFREN: I forgot. There are some things only a mother should do. Tell you what. Since you're not the one being punished, I'll make sure you won't have to live to see your sons die. It's Anya who deserves to watch.

Now Anya really is crying. She knows there's nothing she can do to stop DeHofren or convince him to change his mind. DeHofren puts his right hand against Malena's chest and starts extracting her soul. She cries out in agony, then pleads for help. She's already tried all the magics she knows. Her only hope is to seek outside assistance.

MALENA: Goddess Hecate . . . I beg you in my hour of need . . . save your most faithful, most humble servant . . .

DEHOFREN: Unlike me, the gods don't make house calls.

A few seconds later, DeHofren looks confused. She should be vaporized by now. Instead, Malena appears to be recovering. Her breathing slows back down to normal. She looks at DeHofren and smiles wickedly. By now he's very worried.

MALENA: That's because she doesn't need to.

DeHofren tries to teleport out of Scyra. But for the first time in his long, long career, he can't leave when he wants to. DeHofren screams in terror as he is sucked out of Malena's house. He feet leave first and his head leaves last. A few seconds later and a few hundred miles away, the three priestesses who sent Willow back to the Hyperion watch as DeHofren is sucked into an urn, which they seal. Back at Malena's house, Anya is speechless. Malena gives Anya one of her trademark intense stares.

MALENA: He picked the wrong women to mess with.

ANYA: How . . . how did you - ?

MALENA: Wasn't me.

Buffy, Dawn and Xander walk back into Willow's room. The lights are off. Willow actually is asleep. Buffy flips them on. Kennedy sits up and looks at the three of them. She can see they are quite mad.

BUFFY: Wake Willow up.

KENNEDY: Willow, honey . . .

A groggy Willow opens her eyes and sees her friends.

WILLOW: What's going on?

BUFFY: Dawn called LA and told Lorne her funny joke about Scyra being an Amazon dimension. He didn't find it so funny. And with Spike over there, neither do I.

ANGEL: Any idea how big this thing is, or what it looks like?

LYSANDER: All I know is that when people walk by, it sticks its neck out of the cave and devours them whole.

ANGEL: Big, but immobile. I can handle that.

Lysander and the other men hang back 50 yards from the cave. Angel slowly approaches, listening for the monster. When he is 30 feet in front of the cave, the creature's head shoots out, makes a lightning-fast right turn and goes for its prey. Surprised by quickness of its neck, Angel doesn't have time to swing his sword. All he can do is leap up the sheer rock face and climb to safety 20 feet up. At least now he knows the creature's range. Since it knew where he was before it could see him, he assumes its hearing is even better than his own. (Or perhaps it felt the vibrations of someone approaching. Either way, it will be hard to sneak up on.) Angel realizes his only hope is to be quicker than the great beast. He scurries along the rock face until his is 30 feet right above the cave opening. The demon shoots its neck up. Angel leaps to the rock face on the other side of the pass, twenty feet away. The beast's head quickly lunges for Angel. He climbs out of reach just in time. He felt the demon's nose rub against his left ankle. Angel looks over his shoulder at the animal's open jaws only a few feet below him. Its roar is deafening, and its stinking, bloody breath pours over Angel. He climbs up to the top of the rock face 50 feet above the ground. The animal's head slips out of sight and back into the cave.

Angel now knew the dragon's neck was both fast and flexible. When he was directly above the cave, the dragon twisted its neck 180 degrees around to face him. It didn't appear to have any readily exploitable weakness. So Angel decided to exploit one of the dragon's strengths. He picks up a boulder and hurls it down to the ground 50 feet below. The instant the boulder crashes into the gravel, Angel leaps down. By the time the dragon's head has emerged, Angel is already in mid-air. The dragon shoots its head 20 feet straight out, going for the object which it sensed landing. When it reaches that object, it realizes it has been tricked. By then Angel is on the ground and has already sliced through the left side of the dragon's neck with his sword. The dragon screeches and shoots its head back towards Angel. Holding the sword in his left hand, Angel stabs through the creature's skull and into its brain an instant before its gaping jaws would have swallowed him. When it stops moving, Angel makes sure to sever the head just in case. He then goes inside the cave to get a look at the rest of the creature. He cuts through the neck where it meets the body, once again just to be sure. The body itself is gigantic and bulbous. There are no legs and no tail. The body just lay there, and the dragon hibernated until the noise of approaching prey roused it from its sleep. Angel thought it looked like a tailless, legless, carnivorous brontosaurus. Confident the beast was dead, Angel emerges from the cave. The onlookers have walked up to get a look at his kill. They are enormously impressed, and were awed by Angel's agility and leaping ability. This proved to them that he truly was superhuman, not to mention brave and heroic.

ANGEL: Guess that's taken care of. What's next?

LYSANDER: We head through the pass. See what's on the other side.

ANGEL: Makes sense.

SILENUS: How many other beasts have you slain?

ANGEL: Depends on your definition of beast.

SILENUS: Are you a professional champion?

ANGEL: If you mean "Do I do this a lot," the answer's yes. If you mean "Do I get paid for it," the answer's only rarely.

SILENUS: Tell me about your victories.

The group heads north and Angel tells his war stories.

Estella is driving Giles home.

ESTELLA: I know you've had more than your share of existential crises, but I get the sense that this one is different, and somehow worse.

GILES: They're all different. However, this one is unique in that our enemy seems to be intent on obliterating the Slayer institution itself. It behaves as if its goal is not to destroy the world, but rather to render it defenseless.

ESTELLA: So this one's no ordinary apocalypse. laughs As if such a thing is possible.

GILES: Only on the Hellmouth.

ESTELLA: If there's anything you need, in terms of resources or infrastructure, just ask. I have access to a few million in discretionary funds.

GILES: That's very generous of you Stella, but honestly I don't even see how we could use that much money. Buffy and the rest of us are accustomed to saving the world on the cheap. thinks for a few seconds I did max-out all my credit cards bringing the Potentials here, but I'd feel wrong using public moneys to cover personal debts. Besides, the Council is supposed to reimburse me, once it comes back into existence.

ESTELLA: You're basically an academic. Think of it as a research grant. Just wanted you to know I'm here to help.

She pulls into Buffy's driveway and the two of them walk to the porch. The porch light is off. This strikes Giles as unusual.

GILES: I had a wonderful time tonight.

ESTELLA: Maybe we could do it again sometime?

GILES: I'd like that. Good night, for now.

Giles hears noises, so he turns on the light. On the right side of the porch, Amanda and Preston sit on a bench, making out. They stop when the light goes on and notice they have company.

AMANDA: Mister Giles! Hi. You're back already.

PRESTON: Hey aren't you the Mayor?

ESTELLA: I'll give you a call. Take care, Rupert.

Estella walks back to her car. Amanda and Preston ruined any chance for a good night kiss.

GILES: Wouldn't the two of you feel safer inside the house?

AMANDA: I guess that would protect us from – We'll be right in.

Giles enters the house. It's nine o'clock – two hours after he left with Estella, ninety minutes after the boys arrived and a half hour after Lorne told Buffy about Spike's adventures. The lights in the living room are dimmed. Sade is playing on the stereo. Giles cringes. He thinks maybe Buffy was right when she opposed letting the boys come over. Giles doesn't bother to look into the room. He walks down the hall, through the kitchen and looks out the window. Prashant and Madari sit on the back porch, talking with the outside light on. Giles decides not to interfere since unlike Amanda, Madari could see approaching danger in time to duck back inside. Chao-Ahn, Fadila, Izora and Ariella are playing mah-jong in the dining room. Giles doesn't try to find the other girls. Rona and Clarence are on the living room couch. Rose and Eric are in the sitting room between the living room and the kitchen. Molly and Keith are in the basement. Giles heads upstairs. Dawn's not in her room. Buffy's not in hers. Giles knocks on Willow's door, then enters.

GILES: So this is where everyone's hiding out.

WILLOW: How was your date?

GILES: It went well.

KENNEDY: What did the two of you talk about?

GILES: Buffy, is something wrong?

He can tell from the look on her face that she's worried. The room goes silent.

BUFFY: It's about Spike.

GILES: Is it the First? Have they triggered him?

BUFFY: No. It's definitely not the First. Spike's gone.

GILES: You mean he left town?

DAWN: That would be an understatement.

GILES: What's going on? What happened?

XANDER: Trust me when I say you are not going to believe this.

Angel and the men walk ten miles north from the pass. All they see is wasteland: rotting abandoned settlements, weed-choked fields, animal carcasses and bleached human bones.

SILENUS: Looks like the work of one of the savage forest tribes from the west.

ANGEL: Humans didn't do this. Quiet.

Angel listens for five seconds. Then he turns to the men and points to a hill 200 yards to the east.

ANGEL: Get away, now! Go to the top of that hill and barricade yourselves behind the animals.

LYSANDER: Why?

Angel turns around again. This time he is bumpy.

ANGEL: Get out!

The men run up the hill. The people in Scyra think Spike's and Angel's vampire faces represent their ability (as Gods) to morph into animals. Angel looks west, bends his knees and gets ready to fight.

ANGEL: (playfully) I can hear you. he makes a low growl Step on up and we'll find out how tough you really are. more growling

The animal comes out from behind a tree and approaches Angel. It walks on four legs, like a dog or cat. A really, really big dog or cat. The animal is twelve feet long from nose to tail, and four feet tall. It's skin is thick, bumpy and dark green with black stripes. Along its spine are a series of three inch-tall red triangular spikes. Its tail and feet are a bluish green. Its eyes are black with red irises. The back of the animal's head is rounded, though its face is flattened, except for its massive jaws which jut out as it grits its teeth and growls under its breath. Angel can't help but be intimidated.

ANGEL: Here kitty kitty. he smiles nervously

Two inch-long spikes shoot out of its tail, and the animal roars as it leaps for Angel's head. He leaps ten feet into the air, and the beast only succeeds in slashing the outside of his left calf. Angel lands. The animal turns around to face him.

ANGEL: You weren't expecting that, were you?

The animal charges Angel and goes up on its hind legs. Before it gets close enough to bite him, Angel hits the beast in the nose with a quick combination of left and right jabs. The animal falls down. Angel notices ten slash marks across his chest. The kitty swiped him with both paws. Angel doesn't know how it got within range. He soon figures it out. While watching the animal charge towards him, he sees the silver claws on its front paws go from two inches-long to six inches-long. When the monster slashes for his face and neck, Angel ducks down and puts his arms around its belly, pushing it onto its back. The animal rolls around, but Angel hangs on, his head a foot below the monster's chin so that it is unable to bite him. Angel bites its neck, going for the jugular. The monster retracts its claws, pins Angel on his back with its paws, and tries to bite his face off. Angel puts his left hand against the animal's chin, hoping to hold it off long enough for Angel to grab his sword in his right hand and stab the beast through the heart. He succeeds and forces the sword in one end of the beast and out the other. He pushes the animal's one-ton body off of him and stands up. Angel walks away, smarting from his wounds.

When he bit the animal, he didn't drink. But of course some blood got into his mouth. He notices the blood tastes funny. It isn't animal blood. Angel turns around. Thirty feet in front of him, the beast slowly gets back on its feet.

ANGEL: Shoulda known you were a demon kitty.

Angel brandishes his sword as the giant demon kitty approaches. When it leaps for his chest, Angel jumps to his right and rolls along the ground. He gets up, and the animal charges in an arc for his flanks, circling Angel and pinning him in place. Angel waits for an opening. When the kitty sticks its head too close, Angel swings for it with his sword. The demon quickly backs up. When it circles round and tries to lunge in and bite his legs from behind, and Angel kicks the demon kitty in the head. From a dead stop, it leaps for Angel's neck. He does not have time to jump out of the way, but he does have time to jump thirty feet backwards. The animal keeps coming at him. Angel raises his sword and prepares to slash its head if it tries to bite him. Instead, the monster doesn't leap up. It just runs straight through Angel, knocking him to the ground. Angel gets to his feet. The demon kitty spins around and hits him in the legs with its spiked tail, wounding Angel and putting him on his back. When it tries to get on top of him, Angel strains to push the demon back with his feet. Not able to remain balanced on only its hind legs, the beast backs up and lets Angel stand. It tries to bite him in the knees. Angel swings his sword and slashes the demon's face. It spins around and tries once again to sweep Angel's legs with its spiked tail. Angel groans as he struggles to jump a mere three feet into the air to avoid the attack.

Angel crouches and stares down his adversary. He even circles around the demon while growling, hoping to make it feel intimidated. Both of them are badly wounded and know they are one mistake away from perishing. The giant tiger demon swings for Angel's chest with the six inch-long claws on its right paw. (The claws can only elongated when they are off the ground.) Angel swings the sword in his right hand and cuts off the claws. But by doing this, he left the right side of his chest unprotected. The demon kitty stabs the right side of Angel's ribcage with the claws on his left paw, driving them six inches into Angel's chest. The demon takes the claws out and goes back on all fours, staying within four feet of Angel. He swings his sword to keep the demon from biting him as it darts its head forward and back. Finally, demon kitty lunges for Angel's right hand. Angel backs up, but the kitty grabs his sword in its teeth, rips it out of his hand and flings it to the ground. Smart kitty. Looks like Angel made the mistake.

Angel darts backwards and side-to-side, trying to keep the demon from biting him. He manages to get fifteen feet away from his adversary. But Angel knows he can't win by playing defense. So he leaps forward and upward. The monster does the same thing. They meet six feet above the ground. Angel twists his body so the big kitty can't bite his head off. Instead, it bites him in the right shoulder. Angel grabs its clawless right paw with his left hand. The two of them fall back down and roll along the ground. By the time they stop, Angel is on his back, the giant kitty is on top, but Angel has broken several small bones in its right paw. It lets go of Angel's shoulder and drives the claws on its left paw through Angel's stomach. He reaches up, grabs the beast's head when its teeth are a foot from his nose and snaps the creature's neck. Its carcass falls on top of Angel, the belly facing down but the head facing up. Angel uses his left arm to push it to the side. He slowly gets up, slashed in the neck, chest, back and leg, spiked in the leg, bitten in the shoulder and stabbed ten times in the chest. The men come down from the hill, astonished by what they just witnessed. Angel stumbles towards them.

ANGEL: So that's what made this such a rough neighborhood. Maybe now the Uxili can move here. he sits down, weakened by his injuries and in mild shock Could I have something to drink?

Aratus takes a leather gourd containing about a half-gallon of pig's blood from off the back of a pack horse and hands it to Angel. The horse's body heat helped keep it warm. When sacrificing to their gods, they had always drained the blood and left it on the altar while they themselves cooked and ate the flesh of the sacrificed animals. Therefore it seems natural to these people that Spike and Angel, being gods, drink the blood that has been offered to them. After all, the sacrifices are meant to please the gods and convince them to help their worshippers, and giving Angel and Spike blood pleases them and gives them the strength to help their worshippers.

Giles oscillates between incomprehension and outrage.

GILES: Spike's a king. There's a dodgy notion if I ever heard one. Over what – Lilliputians? This is beyond unbelievable. Willow, you can imagine how disappointed I am in you. I thought you knew better than to abuse magics for petty personal gain.

WILLOW: Buffy, let's remember I had nothing to do with Spike going over. And Giles, what I did was a victimless crime. No one got hurt.

GILES: Don't give me that. You recklessly risked not only your own life, but Kennedy's life as well.

WILLOW: I took her to a demonless, Bringerless dimension. Scyra is actually safer than Sunnydale.

GILES: Demons or not, a thousand things could have gone wrong. You could have fallen off a horse, or come down with a deadly virus foreign to this dimension, or been attacked by hostile humans.

WILLOW: You're forgetting that this afternoon I was drained. It would have taken me three, four days to get my powers back and been of any use to you and Buffy. Now that I've had time to rest, if you need me to perform a spell tomorrow, I can do it. Without that trip, I couldn't.

KENNEDY: And I've become real good with the bow, which could be useful to a Slayer, since the bow has a shorter reload time than the crossbow. Also, I could chase and shoot down vamps on horseback, though I doubt I'd ever get the chance. My point is, nothing went wrong, and I think we're better off than if we hadn't gone. Not that that's an excuse.

GILES: Then why did it sound like one? I'll talk to you later, Kennedy. Obviously Willow can't be held entirely responsible for the decision to stay in Scyra.

BUFFY: Nothing went wrong! What about Spike?

KENNEDY: We can't be held directly responsible for that.

BUFFY: Then who can?

KENNEDY: Spike, obviously. And Anya.

BUFFY: Plus you started the whole thing. When you opened the portal, you opened, I don't know, a big can of chaos or something.

GILES: Pandora's Box. You opened Pandora's Box.

XANDER: How long has Anya been gone?

WILLOW: About three hours.

XANDER: How long is that over there?

WILLOW: About a week.

BUFFY: So Angel's been there for one week, and Spike hasn't returned? What has he been doing?

ANDREW: This is just like that movie with Sean Connery and Michael Caine.

XANDER: You mean "The Man Who Would Be King?"

ANDREW: How did that end? I forget.

GILES: With the beheading of the imposter god-king.

DAWN: Okay. Bad parallel. I'm sure there's an explanation for why they haven't returned. One which doesn't involve beheading.

GILES: Who are these Thermadonians whom Spike has dominion over? Are they a tribe, perhaps a few hundred strong?

WILLOW: More like a few hundred thousand.

GILES: Did I hear you correctly? Are you telling me that Spike is directing the day-to-day activities of an actual nation-state? Good heavens. Their Earth is doomed.

XANDER: He's never led anything more than a vampire gang. I mean, come on! This is Spike we're talking about. How pathetic do these people have to be to worship Spike?

Buffy doesn't like the gratuitous Spike bashing. On the other hand, she's in no mood to defend him. At ten o'clock, Anya bounds into the room. She's euphoric.

ANYA: DeHofren is dead!

BUFFY: What about Angel and Spike?

ANYA: They're alive. And safe. But busy.

WILLOW: Which one of them killed DeHofren?

ANYA: Neither. Malena did. Actually, the priestesses of Hecate imprisoned him in a Sacred Urn and buried the urn deep in the ground. So he'll be trapped for a long, long time.

GILES: Medea – I'm sorry, Malena killed your former boss? What was he doing there?

ANYA: Coming after me. He found out I was doing freelance vengeance, and planned to kill Malena and her children to punish me. Malena called for help, and apparently Hecate really likes her. It was so cool, watching him scream as he got sucked out of the house.

WILLOW: What happens to all of his Vengeance Demons?

ANYA: I'm not sure. Either they go solo or revert to human form. But the best part was my brilliant plan. I came up with the vengeance to end all vengeance. At least all my vengeance. I made her ex-husband fall in love with a troll.

BUFFY: Sounds funny. But not exactly brilliant.

XANDER: Wasn't your boyfriend a troll?

ANYA: Yes. I summoned Olaf and made Jason fall in love with him.

GILES: Excuse me. His name's Jason?

ANYA: Jason of Pherae, King of Masistia.

XANDER: So how long did it take Olaf to break every bone in Jason's body?

ANYA: He didn't break any of them. Jason's big and strong and a very experienced fighter. He kept Olaf from killing or maiming him until he had the chance to kiss the troll. Then Olaf became human again. THAT was my stroke of sheer brilliance.

WILLOW: Interesting use of closure. What happened next?

ANYA: Olaf fell in love with Jason.

XANDER: Hold on. Are you saying your boyfriend was gay?

ANYA: No. But a millennium of hating women can have its effect. You have to remember, he think Jason made him human. He can't help but love the guy. And they're SO adorable together!

WILLOW: What about Jason's new wife?

ANYA: Obviously there are a few loose ends. Malena wants to find a new husband. She very interested in meeting Xander. Thinks he's the one decent guy in any dimension.

XANDER: smiles Really. A super-powerful, potentially evil witch wants to hook up with the Xand-man. What does she look like?

GILES: I can't believe this. Listen to yourselves. You're being sucked in.

ANYA: She's very beautiful. And she likes that you're brave, but not a warrior, and that you're very good at fixing and building things. Right now, that's what she's looking for in a man. However, she does have two sons. I trust that's a deal-breaker for you.

BUFFY: Forget about her. What's about about Spike and Angel?

GILES: I'm sorry. You conveniently avoided telling anyone how Spike managed to enter Scyra in the first place.

ANYA: I found found a piece of paper with the spell. It was lying on the sidewalk. Then I called Fred and asked her if she knew how Willow could get hold of this. I also told her it was an Amazon dimension, which she didn't know. Spike overheard the conversation. He said if I didn't take him he would tell you and Buffy where Willow and Kennedy had gone. So I only let him go to protect you guys. How did you find out, anyway?

DAWN: I had a really good hunch. A brilliant hunch, actually.

BUFFY: Back to Spike and Angel.

ANYA: They're both safe. But also very busy. Angel made himself god-king of a neighboring kingdom.

ANDREW: They're living as gods?

BUFFY: Omigod.

GILES: I thought Angel had more sense than that.

ANYA: So did I. Apparently we were both wrong.

ANDREW: They get to live as gods?

ANYA: And I haven't even gotten to the scary part.


	17. Through the looking glass

GILES: It gets worse?

ANYA: The people are worshipping Buffy as some sort of supreme deity. The Thermadonians, the Amastrians, the Amazons. You've become quite the cult figure.

BUFFY: Why would they worship me?

XANDER: Why wouldn't they worship you? They already worship Angel and Spike. You've kicked the crap out of both of them. That makes you the god to beat.

ANYA: That about sums it up. The people asked Spike and Angel about their world, they told a few stories, and soon enough the people idolized you.

GILES: You mean in the literal sense?

ANYA: Statues, paintings, coins – you name it. Apparently Spike and Angel drew them a few pictures. I don't think either of them had any idea what they were starting.

ANDREW: You say that like it's a bad thing.

BUFFY: Wait a sec. They think I'm God?

ANYA: They think you're a god. But not in our use of the word. They know you can't help or hurt them. You're basically an inspirational figure with superhuman abilities and a – how shall I put it? – colorful biography.

BUFFY: "Colorful?" looks worried How much did Spike and Angel tell them?

ANYA: Not much. Just a few dozen action-packed anecdotes about some of the many monsters you killed. But they left out most of the personal stuff, including all of the X-rated material, if that's what you're worried about. It's quite alarming how devoted these people are to you. They both marvel at your super-human achievements and sympathize with your very human problems. They've even developed the delusion that they know you.

GILES: All this from a few stories told to them by Spike and Angel?

ANYA: And me. Plus Willow told the Amazons some stuff.

WILLOW: But I never said Buffy was a god. Do do they think I'm a god?

ANYA: Yep. They assume you were just being modest.

WILLOW: Why? They've seen me. They know I'm just a person.

ANYA: They also know you've raised the dead, restored souls and once had the power to destroy an entire planet. I think we can forgive them for jumping to the wrong conclusion. Besides, it's not just you. They think we're all gods. gasps all around

ANDREW: Even me? asked with a hopeful smile

ANYA: No Andrew. I'm not even sure they know about you. And Kennedy seems to be some sort of hero, super-human but not quite a deity.

KENNEDY: A god-in-training?

ANYA: Kind of. But you're way above the other Potentials on account of sleeping with a goddess. Plus the Amazons made you their patron heroine.

KENNEDY: smiles Wow. I'm a hero. I'm a, a –

WILLOW: Uber-Amazon?

KENNEDY: I guess. laughs

DAWN: Do they know about the rest of us?

ANYA: Yes Dawny, even you're in the Pantheon. Anya rolls her eyes Though they have trouble figuring out where you fit in. It doesn't quite make sense for the supreme deity to have a sibling. But GIles and Xander are firmly entrenched in their, um –

GILES: Theology? Now this is just silly. People worshipping us? It's madness.

ANYA: You have to understand, their religion was silly to begin with. A bunch of patriarchal gods running around, raping women and engaging in bestiality. They simply replaced one silly religion with another. The people of Scyra are primitive. Eventually their society will mature and they can get a real religion, like the ones Fadila and Ariella and Madari believe in.

BUFFY: But until then, i-it's me? Whoa. That is scary.

ANYA: I haven't gotten to the scary part yet.

XANDER: How could anyone mistake us for gods? Now there's a question I never thought I'd have to ask.

GILES: It does make sense.

XANDER: What! How? You just said it was madness.

GILES: Try looking at it from their point of view. Two strange-looking men with super-powers and apparent invincibility come to your country. They tell stories about a small group of individuals in another realm who wage a constant battle against evil, killing great monsters and repeatedly staving off the destruction of their world. Once these incidents are taken completely out of the context of our day-to-day lives, it's perfectly understandable that they would come to such a ridiculous and absurd conclusion. pauses I'm afraid to ask this, but how exactly do they worship us?

ANYA: They don't. Not in the sense of temples or altars or sacred rites. They've simply made us the center of their entire culture. A few of them perform songs, plays and epic poems celebrating Buffy's deeds. But mostly they talk about us: our personalities, our motivations, our sex lives. Especially our sex lives. They're obsessed with who we do or don't have sex with. Especially Buffy. The people spend an alarming amount of their free time arguing over whether you belong with Spike or Angel. Then there's a tiny minority who think you should hook up with Xander.

BUFFY: That's disgusting!

XANDER: Gee. Thanks a lot.

BUFFY: I didn't mean it like that.

XANDER: to Anya Just out of curiosity, does that tiny minority give any reasons why they feel that way?

BUFFY: It's like I've been violated. How would these people feel if thousands of strangers talked about their private lives? It doesn't make sense. If they like me –

ANYA: Love you.

BUFFY: – then why can't they respect my privacy and treat me with some dignity?

ANYA: They do. Occasionally some miscreant will call you a slut, then everyone else shouts him down and – if he doesn't apologize – beats him to a bloody pulp. No one can speak ill of Buffy. They can criticize the rest of us with impunity, but your mistakes are always easily explained away.

XANDER: If Angel and Spike are the ones telling the stories, then I'm probably getting the shaft. They've never say one good word about me.

ANYA: Fortunately, Willow and I have. You're very popular among the Amazons. Sort of a paragon of the decent, humble man who knows his place. The kind of guy who risks his life to save a woman yet has no problem taking orders from her. More or less their dream guy.

XANDER: Dream guy? his face lights up How many of these wonderful woman are there?

ANYA: Dream friend. Except for a few hundred who want to make you their house husband-slash-sex slave.

XANDER: H-h-hundreds?

ANYA: That's only about one-in-ten Amazons. You also have thousands of admirers among the general population. As does Giles. You've become quite the sex symbol, Rupert.

Giles takes off his glasses and looks pleasantly shocked.

GILES: I have?

ANYA: See what I mean? Everyone gets sucked in. A few minutes ago, you were outraged and indignant. Now you're ready to head on over to Scyra yourself to bask in the worshipful groupie glow.

GILES: Is that what you did?

ANYA: I only basked a little. They had a lot of questions. I gave a few answers, watched quite a few men swoon, and went on my way. Friendly, but aloof. It helps that over there I can teleport at will. People get a little too obsessive, poof!

ANDREW: Would you say they're desperate for information about what Buffy's like, even if that information came from someone they didn't already worship?

ANYA: groans Yes Andrew, you'd be very popular over there. Far more popular than you could ever hope to be on this planet. Although they may hold it against you that you tried to kill Buffy in the past.

ANDREW: So did Spike! What about redemption? They must believe in redemption.

ANYA: Believe? They're like obsessed with it. The path to redemption, the corrosive evil of vengeance, the need for forgiveness, the nobility of suffering. That's your problem: since Angel and Spike are their benchmarks, they may not think you've suffered enough to earn redemption. It's not all sex talk. We're taken seriously. The Scyreans actually look to us for morality lessons.

DAWN: Now that's scary.

ANYA: No, I haven't gotten to the scary part yet.

GILES: You've gotten to several.

BUFFY: Like the one about Giles being a sex symbol.

WILLOW: I thought that was one of the few unscary parts.

ANDREW: Maybe I'm not redeemed, but I'm on the PATH to redemption.

XANDER: Anya, quit stalling and get to it already.

ANYA: Careful what you wish for. Here goes. The Scyreans have very active imaginations. Since they don't have movies or television or even the printing press, they have no choice but to entertain each other by telling stories. And they've started making up stories about us.

BUFFY: They say we did things that we didn't do? That's libel!

DAWN: Actually, it's blasphemy.

ANYA: Which is exactly the High Priests say. They're the ones who keep the Official Record based on what Spike, Angel, Willow, Kennedy and I have said. The Priests decreed that adding or changing the Record is sacrilege. But the practice is so widespread that all they can do is ban the storytellers from theaters, agoras, gyms and other public gathering places. They can't stop people from telling stories in their homes, their workshops, their fields. And it's spreading like kudzu or, I dunno, some other kind of weed.

BUFFY: What sort of lies do they tell about us? No. I take that back. Maybe I don't wanna know how "active" their imaginations are.

ANYA: From what I've heard, it's mostly stuff they wish would happen or things they think would be funny if they really happened. The weirdest part is they desperately want us to be happy. Especially you, Buffy. They think you've suffered enough. So there are lots of "Buffy and Angel Live Happily Ever After" and "Buffy and Spike Live Happily Ever After" stories. Then there are the more bizarre couplings. Like me marrying Giles.

XANDER: What kind of sick freak – do they know he's old enough to be your almost-husband's father?

GILES: Clearly these people haven't a bloody clue what we're like. How could they, after hearing a couple stories?

DAWN: Maybe Spike told them about the time we all had amnesia and they misunderstood it. I mean, you two did think you were –

ANYA: By the way Dawny, speaking of sick freaks, there are a few people who'd like to see you and Xander get married.

XANDER: What!

DAWN: That's disgusting! How could they even think that I would want to . . . you know, with Xander? she looks sick

XANDER: How could they think I would? You're the one who had the crush on me.

DAWN: Oh please. I was thirteen! That doesn't count.

XANDER: Fourteen.

BUFFY: Xander, why are you arguing over how recently my sister had a crush on you?

XANDER: Uh-ah-I was, I was just setting the record straight. What kind of cradle-robber do these people think I am?

ANYA: It's only a few people, and they don't. Not since Spike outlawed all marriages where the girl's under 18. It's set a few years in the future. You're both in your twenties, you're both devoid of superpowers, you've always gotten along great, somehow they think that makes you compatible. Like Giles said, they've never met us, so they have no idea what they're talking about. They think two of us have something in common, they slap us together to see what would happen. Like Spike and Faith. Or Faith and Connor.

DAWN: Excuse me? They did WHAT?

ANYA: Or, he-he-heh, Faith and Wesley. Now, I know I haven't seen either of them in a long time, but, unless he's REALLY turned over a new leaf –

WILLOW: He has. But that's still ridiculous.

BUFFY: Not to mention icky.

GILES: Icky? Try stomach-turning and revolting.

ANDREW: A rogue agent needs both a good girl and a bad girl. From what I've heard about Faith, she could be both.

DAWN: Why would they put Connor with Faith? Don't they know he's with me?

ANYA: Yes, but they like to try new things. Although, often there's an ulterior motive. The people who put Spike and Faith together want him conveniently out of the way so Buffy can be with Angel. It always goes back to you three. And it's not about love; it's about politics. The closer your king is to the Goddess, the more legitimate he seems. So the Thermadonians imagine Buffy with Spike, while the Amastrians imagine her with Angel. And the Amazons, he-he-heh-he-heh, they imagine Buffy with Willow. bursts out laughing

XANDER: Why would women imagine you two together? pauses, get nervously self-conscious Um, what I meant was, why would ANYONE imagine that?

WILLOW: They know me! They know I would never, ever, ever –

ANYA: You were in Thalestris' tribe. It's the women in Hippolyta's tribe who tell the story.

WILLOW: They must know I'm with Kennedy. And what about Tara?

ANYA: The story is, after Angel breaks up with Buffy, the two of you start experimenting. A few months later Willow dumps Buffy when she meets Tara.

BUFFY: Hold on. I'M the one getting dumped? I'm the supreme god. How can I be the one getting dumped?

KENNEDY: That's what bothers you about that story?

BUFFY: They know it isn't true, right?

ANYA: Of course. scoffs at the ridiculous suggestion They're smart enough to know the difference between fact from fiction. The stories are just something they come up with to pass the time.

BUFFY: Why don't Angel and Spike put a stop to this? I'm sure they don't like their people making up lies about them.

ANYA: Spike and Angel are too busy running their countries and starting social and political revolutions. They're altering these societies beyond recognition. Spike's writing constitutions. Angel's putting together a legal code. And they're both raising massive armies. Tens of thousands of men and women. But I'm sure they'll figure a way out before the inevitable mass slaughter begins.

After killing the tiger demon, Angel met the Uxili and resettled them on the lands the demon had been laying waste to. Now Amastria controlled all three mountain passes. The next morning, three other northern tribes came to meet Angelus and sign alliance treaties with him. It was an auspicious start. But during the night that Angel was gone, Hiero raided the Amastrian borderlands occupied by the Thermadonian mercenaries. Their presence prevented any large-scale counter-attack, or even daytime raiding. But at night, when they kept watch over the towns, Hieron found that he could get away with ravaging the undefended countryside. He had done this four nights in a row, each time penetrating deeper. The previous night, he boldly rode past the occupied zone and raided Thermadonia proper. Tonight, he led his band of 50 cavalry on another sortie. They traveled through the ten mile-wide occupied zone and penetrated another ten miles into enemy territory. Along the way, they stole horses, burned hay and destroyed whatever farm buildings they found unoccupied. After watering and resting their horses, Hiero's men, now 20 miles behind enemy lines, headed north for home. They continued ravaging while still in Thermadonia, but refrained from doing any more damage to the occupied Amastrian lands. By then, they were too busy trying to race home before sunrise. As dawn approaches, Hiero is two miles from the border, a mere five or ten minutes from safety, when his squadron is ambushed.

Kreon had heard of the nightly raids. Wanting to protect his country and make a name for himself, he tracked the raiders with 50 of his own cavalrymen. They were lighter and swifter than Hiero's, but not as well-armed for hand-to-hand fighting. The men let their javelins fly from the east and charge down on Hiero's right flank. He continues a galloping retreat. Kreon's men yell as they give chase. But right as they get within range to throw a second round of javelins, Hiero raises his lance. His men turn around, and Hiero leads them in a charge. Kreon's men throw their javelins, most of which bounce of the shields of their enemies. Their spears are shorter than the Amastrian's lances, and Kreon's forces flee in disorder, with the enemy in hot pursuit, their lances only a few feet from their backs. Kreon fears his men are about to panic. He turns around and spits in the face of his pursuer, as a sign of contempt and confidence. He knows the enemy's horses are more tired than his own. Soon enough, about 30 seconds after the chase began, Kreon's cavalry starts to pull away. Hiero stops and makes his men do the same. He knows what's next.

After riding off into the distance, Kreon turns around. His men race up a hill and come into Hiero's view. They charge down the hill. Hiero has used the respite to get his cavalry organized. He wants this fight as much as Kreon. When Kreon gets within fifty yards, Hiero charges. When Kreon's men are within twenty yards, they hurl their javelins. Kreon's javelin goes straight through the throat of one of Hiero's men. The missiles do their damage, but when the two forces meet, Hiero's side has the best of it. Hiero himself drives his lance through an enemy horse's face. The dead animal and his rider fall to the ground. Hiero looks down and stabs the fallen soldier through the heart. He sees an enemy to the west who's riding all alone. Hiero charges him. When the two men meet, Hiero's lance breaks in two and his opponent falls, stunned but only lightly wounded. At the other end of the battlefield, Kreon drives his spear into an enemy's shield, unhorsing the man but not wounding him. As the fighting rages on, Hiero and Kreon see each other. They pull out their swords and charge past friend and foe alike, focused only on one another. Kreon sees Hiero pull back his sword, ready to strike the fatal blow as he rides by.

His adrenaline surging, Kreon decides to make Hiero play by his rules. He leaps off his horse. Hiero's sword hits Kreon's shield, and Kreon pushes Hiero off his horse. Hiero lands on his back. He kicks Kreon off of him. The two men stand up. Kreon hits Hiero in the face with his shield. As Hiero stumbles backwards, Kreon tries to stab him in the neck. Hiero blocks Kreon's sword with his shield and swings his sword for Kreon's left thigh. The blow goes below Kreon's shield, but he is quick enough to back up and avoid a devastating injury. Hiero charges. The two men (young men, boys in Spike's and Angel's eyes) lock shields. Their swords clash. Hiero, who is as tall as Kreon but more muscular, pushes his opponent back. He tries to stab Kreon in the face. Kreon ducks and goes for Hiero's groin. Hiero blocks this blow with his shield. Kreon swings his own shield for Hiero's face, forcing his opponent to back up and avoid the blow. They stand six feet apart, exhausted, staring each other down. Kreon looks to his right at the enemy line and smiles. They are all either dead, wounded or retreating.

KREON: Looks like your boys are leaving you.

Hiero looks forward and to his left.

HIERO: So are yours.

They both look east. The rising sun shows them the toll their actions have taken.

KREON: You make a truce. I'll let you collect your dead and wounded.

HIERO: You make the truce.

They're not merely being childish. Asking for your dead is the way you admit defeat. Neither one of them wants to dishonor their country by doing that.

KREON: We do it together. Then you leave.

HIERO: Fine. That's what I was trying to do when you attacked me.

Kreon puts his sword away. Hiero follows suit. They walk over to their men. On Kreon's side, two are dead and six wounded. On Hiero's side, one is dead and nine are wounded. The two of them eye each other warily. Neither turns his back on the other until they've gotten on their horses. Later that day, after Angel crosses the mountains and was making his way to Lampedos, he hears an army coming at him from behind. It was Thalestris and her tribe of Amazons. They had come from the north, and seen the monster Angel slayed in the mountain pass. They knew they had found a man who could stand up to their arch-enemy Spike. Thalestris and her ten princesses, including Antiope, who's heard a little bit about Angel from Willow, go out ahead of their forces to meet him. Angel's finally getting a chance to meet some of the women he's heard so much about. He walks towards them as they dismount and walk towards him.

THALESTRIS: We come in peace and supplication.

That last word throws Angel for a loop.

ANGEL: Peace I appreciate. Supplication I don't. he's contrasting himself with Spike

THALESTRIS: I am Queen Thalestris. You are the Angel?

ANGEL: smiles bashfully Just Angel.

THALESTRIS: We hear that you have come to rid our world of the white-haired devil.

Angel laughs at this grandiose description of Spike.

ANGEL: You don't have to worry about Captain Peroxide anymore.

The 11 women go down on one knee. Angel is embarrassed. Antiope stares up at him and smiles. Her eyes light up. Finally, she had met a man worth admiring.

Lindsey and Faith are eating dinner in a private dining room at a fancy restaurant. (They want to lay low since they're still pretty bashed-up.) He has on a jacket and tie. Faith has her hair pulled back and wears the black dress she wore to the Homecoming Dance.

LINDSEY: You okay?

FAITH: Not quite five by five. On the plus side, it no longer hurts to breathe.

LINDSEY: What I meant was, you seem a little bored.

FAITH: You know this ain't exactly my scene. It's nice and all. But we'll do something fun after, right?

LINDSEY: chagrined smile Sure. I just figured you'd like a little peace and quiet after this morning. You don't like the food?

FAITH: Hell no. Do you have any freakin' idea how wicked great this stuff tastes after three years of prison food? It's everything else. Playing dress-up's just not my thing.

LINDSEY: Isn't there a guy with a bull whip somewhere who'd disagree?

FAITH: chuckles Is that a request?

LINDSEY: I don't go for the Catholic school girls. (He doesn't know that's what Darla dressed as when she lived in Sunnydale.)

FAITH: You play dress-up a little different.

LINDSEY: What? laughs I don't –

FAITH: Whadya call this? Everyone's got their own little fantasy.

LINDSEY: grins So what's yours?

FAITH: For you? takes five seconds to think about it, looks excited for a moment It's not important. I mean, you know, with you, I don't need to, you're already, you know – forget about it. It's lame and, besides, I'm sure you don't happen to own a pair of chaps.

Now both of them want to change the subject.

LINDSEY: So – you wanna go clubbing after?

FAITH: Sure. Someplace nice – no vamps. I'd like to take tonight off.

Angel brought the Amazons to Lampedos and found lodging for them in the spacious city and stables for their horses in the nearby countryside. The people assumed Angel had made them his slaves. He furiously disabused them of this notion, and described them as friends, allies and equals. (He's the universe's first politically correct god-king.) Then Angel heard about Hiero's exploits. They had made the young man very popular among his countrymen. They were glad to see someone fighting back and killing the hated, degenerate, Spike-worshipping Thermadonians. Angel wasn't as pleased. He took Hiero into his palace for a stern scolding.

ANGEL: Did I give you permission to fight a battle?

HIERO: They started this war. I'm fighting back in self-defense.

ANGEL: You went across the border. That's not self-defense.

HIERO: It is when they've been doing the same thing. the freed serfs in Spike-occupied southern Amastria had been raiding north of the front line. We can't just let them get away with that.

ANGEL: So you sink to their level?

HIERO: I don't believe this. I brought you here to help. You're just getting in the way.

ANGEL: You killed people.

HIERO: Wasn't the first time. That's what happens in a battle.

ANGEL: You got one of your friends killed.

HIERO: He knew the risks.

ANGEL: You led him to his death. For nothing.

HIERO: You're acting like this is a big deal. We raid them all the time. They raid us all the time. Even when we're not at war. How else are you going to prove your bravery?

ANGEL: It's all a game. Is that what saying? Look at me. This isn't a game.

HIERO: You think I don't know that? They took my house! Those urchins are living in MY house.

ANGEL: With you, it's always personal. This is bigger than you. We're going to fight back when we're ready. Never provoke an enemy before you're strong enough to beat him.

HIERO: When will that be?

ANGEL: A week, maybe. Until then, don't waste your time raiding. We have an army to train. No more games. It's time for you to grow up.

Hiero looks at the floor for a few seconds and tenses up his body. Then he relaxes and looks up at Angel.

HIERO: You're not gonna punish me?

ANGEL: No time for that. Get to work teaching the volunteers to fight.

These are the liberated serfs Angel is enlisting to make up for Spike's numerical superiority. Angel walks away. Hiero doesn't move. Angel turns around.

ANGEL: I said get to work. What's the problem?

HIERO: You didn't hit me.

ANGEL: Why would I hit you?

HIERO: I defied you. I questioned your authority. Are you saving it for later?

Angel realizes that in this culture it's okay to hit your kids even when they're not trying to kill you. This is true, but what he's missing is that Hiero has been insubordinate to his military superior. Angel's not looking at it from that angle.

ANGEL: I don't work that way. pauses, decides to change tactics I can't blame you for taking this war personally. But I can blame you for losing you head. Acting on passion and emotion without thinking things through, that's what Spike does.

HIERO: But being brave, fighting evil no matter what the odds, that's what you do, right?

ANGEL: It is. But I'm careful. I look before I leap. Most of the time.


	18. A more violent love than Spike

Willow's computer beeps.

GILES: I thought those infernal boxes were silent.

WILLOW: I have mail. takes a deep breath It's from Fred. Angel's not back. She wants to know if we know anything.

ANYA: I'd tell her everything. She has a right to know. Since Angel went there on his own free will, fully aware of the risks involved, she can't blame me.

BUFFY: Maybe you should call.

XANDER: Yeah. Yelling "Are you crazy? What the hell are you talking about?" at a computer screen just isn't the same.

ANDREW: How do you tell someone their boss is a god?

DAWN: Is Fred a god? You said Angel told them about his friends. And Connor.

ANYA: She's in there somewhere. I was more interested in finding out what they thought of us.

GILES: How would they fit into the – ahem – system? Buffy's at the center, but at least two of Angel's friends have never even met Buffy.

ANDREW: Is there a dual hierarchy?

ANYA: Depends who you ask. Angel's high priests haven't sorted that one out yet. As for the people, most think only Buffy's world matters. Some think both matter. And a few actually believe only Angel's world matters. I'm not sure why. Theology's never been my thing.

The problem with building an empire based on personality is that people have to see you. When Spike arrived, Thermadonia was 60 miles long and 50 miles wide. Zalpa, the capital city which was 20 miles in from the eastern border and 20 miles down from the northern border, exercised direct control over at most a third of the tiny kingdom. In one week, through inspiration, intimidation and monster-killing, Spike both unified the kingdom and doubled its size, extending it 60 miles further south, all the way to the natural barrier of the mile-wide Araxes river. After spending three days making alliances with the half-dozen coastal cities and tinkering with their governments, he stopped back into Zalpa for a few hours, where he heard about Angel's successes. Knowing Angel's aversion to shedding human blood, he told his advisors not to worry about an attack. Spike then raced southward and westward to visit his new dominions and show himself to his new subjects. Given the distances and the means of transport, Spike spent almost all of the next three days and nights either traveling, addressing his subjects or hearing and redressing their grievances. (This was the part Spike liked least and Angel liked best. Spike preferred to think big.) On the last day, he made alliances with the tribes who lived along his western border. Then he sprinted north, received a hero's welcome in the northwest district where Kreon came from and where Spike first made an impact, and visited Dorin, his wine-growing vassal nation on the western border of Amastria.

Ten miles wide and forty miles long, Dorin is easy for Amastria to attack and hard for Thermadonia to defend. It's capital is 25 miles from Lampedos but more than twice that distance from Zalpa. It didn't even border Thermadonia until Spike seized the southern fifth of Amastria. Spike reassured his nervous ally that Angel would never attack them. Hippolyta had put herself under Angel's protection, and the people of Dorin were worried about the 2000 Amazons in Amastria. He decided to settle this matter with Angel. After spending a day in Dorin, he headed home. The most direct route between Dorin and Zalpa went through Amastria. Never one to avoid a chance to piss people off, Spike traveled through enemy territory, sending a messenger to Lampedos to tell Angel he wanted to meet with him. They got together in Eribo, 15 miles south of Lampedos. After settling affairs north of the border, Angel spent the rest of the week traveling around his kingdom, solving his people's problems, dispensing justice, reforming the government, giving power to the powerless, and basically doing whatever he could to make this world a better place. He also journeyed east to meet with representatives from the coastal cities who wanted to break their alliance with Spike. Angel believed all he had to do was show people that he was the better man/vampire/god. But just in case Spike's violent and unstable followers attacked before Angel's charm offensive bore fruit, he spent the rest of his time arming and training the populace, including the women. Back home, all of Angel's friends occasionally had to fight in order to defend themselves. Amastria was basically Angel Investigations multiplied by ten thousand, which is potentially very frightening. However, Angel kept the militia dispersed in their communities, so they could defend their property without being able to form a massive army. Angel thought that might send the wrong message.

Kreon came up to meet with Spike. Hiero came down with Angel. Both young men were shocked to see each other. Neither had any idea how well-connected their nemesis was. They glared at each other from a distance as Spike and Angel came together to talk.

SPIKE: I came from Dorin. They're scared your people will invade them. I know that's not your style. Care to give me your word?

ANGEL: I'm not going to invade anybody. None of my soldiers will go into Dorin. Too bad I can't say the same thing about your soldiers.

SPIKE: They pulled out after two bloody days. Bloodless days. You know what I mean. It's a voluntary alliance.

ANGEL: They have nothing to fear from me.

SPIKE: No, they don't. Not since you started doing in your country what I've already done in my country. Having fun imitating me?

ANGEL: Imitating YOU? No chance of that ever happening. Unless I suffer severe brain damage.

SPIKE: And you call me immature. Can't we just settle this whole mess so you can get back to that son who barely knows you? It would be a real bloody shame if he went through life hating you for all the wrong reasons.

ANGEL: I do want to get home. Unlike you, I have people who miss me.

SPIKE: This is not about the two of us. It's about these people and the future of their bloody society. chuckles You see why I have to leave this place. All this responsibility is changing me. Another fortnight and I'll be as dull as you.

ANGEL: Give back the lands you've seized. Then we can go home.

SPIKE: You ever hear of a little thing called self-determination? The people on that land want to be a part of my nation.

ANGEL: Because you drove off all the people who didn't.

SPIKE: Tell you what. We compromise and split it fifty-fifty.

ANGEL: You can't expect me to take that seriously.

SPIKE: I expect you to do what's best for your subjects. I think they'd like some of their country back. Would your page or squire or Best Boy or whoever that is like to get more than 100,000 acres of his country back? Go ask him.

Hiero's house happens to be on the land Spike is willing to give back. But Hiero would never compromise with the enemy. He'd rather do the honorable thing and fight and defend his country, even if it cost thousands of lives. Angel doesn't have the stomach for such obscene loss of life. Spike's foreign policy is built upon using Angel's decency against him. But while Angel wants to avoid war, he sure and hell won't allow Spike to bully him. He hopes to win the conflict through diplomacy. But that will take time.

ANGEL: You know what he wants? He wants to cut out your heart, chop your head off, and feed your corpse to his dogs. But just like everyone else, he thinks you're invincible. Imagine what would happen if I let everyone know how to kill you. Angel's bullying him right back

SPIKE: Then my people would know how to kill you. What would happen then?

ANGEL: You would leave the dimension with your tail between your legs.

SPIKE: So would you. And then my people would clobber your people.

ANGEL: Because you've turned them into a nation drunken, belligerent, foaming-at-the-mouth soccer hooligans.

SPIKE: It's call defending their freedom. You allow people to be happy, they get a little pissed off when someone tries to take that happiness away. Can't blame you and your happiness-challenged soul for not understanding that.

ANGEL: So what's your excuse? Seems kinda strange. You can have all the happiness you want, and yet you're always so miserable. Is that how unrequited love works? Cause I wouldn't know.

SPIKE: Are you trying to goad me into a fight so I can beat the undead snot out of you, humiliate you right in front of your own people? That would be the quickest way out of this mess.

The two of them stare each other down, their eyes less than a foot apart.

ANGEL: Grow up schoolboy.

Spike takes a step back and starts laughing. After fifteen seconds, he regains his composure.

SPIKE: I'm sorry. I wus just imagining your face at Connor's wedding, when you and Buffy become in-laws. Won't that be a sight. more laughing

ANGEL: Are we having the same conversation, or is there an imaginary friend I can't see? Talk about going mad with power.

SPIKE: Oh, come on. Don't play dumber. I'm sure he told you about Dawn. Your boy's in love. Maybe you've convinced yourself that it'll pass and he'll move on. That's only because you don't know him as well as I do. Connor's loyal, constant. Like his mum.

ANGEL: Did you come here just to waste my time?

SPIKE: I came here to compromise. Apparently you're not in much of a peacemaking mood. See you round, mate.

While Spike and Angel converse, Kreon and Hiero approach each other.

HIERO: So you're with Captain Peroxide. Guess that means you're the best they got down south. Lucky for us.

KREON: Haven't seen you out the last couple nights. Did I scared you away?

HIERO: I had better things to do with my time.

KREON: Like tagging along after the Almighty Forehead?

HIERO: I have to give you credit. You fight good for a commoner. But not so good for a champion.

KREON: That's the problem with you rich boys. You're always giving yourselves stupid titles.

HIERO: When do I get to finish what you started?

KREON: How about right now?

The two young men reach for their swords. But Angel and Spike break off their conversation. Hiero and Kreon have no choice but to break off theirs. Spike and Kreon head south. Angel and Hiero head north.

HIERO: Why didn't you pound him? Spike's evil. I thought you were supposed to fight evil.

ANGEL: It's not enough to prove I'm stronger than him. I have to prove I'm better.

HIERO: You have.

ANGEL: Not just to your people. To everyone.

HIERO: I don't get what they see in him. The way he looks, the way he talks – Spike's a walking joke. How can anyone take him seriously?

SPIKE: Heard about your jousting the other night.

KREON: Can't let those morons get away with violating our territory.

SPIKE: You tried to kill them.

KREON: I took one of them out myself.

SPIKE: That was wrong.

KREON: What! Since when was it wrong to defend my own country?

SPIKE: Only one of them died. The rest got away. That's what was wrong.

KREON: There weren't enough of us to kill all of them. We did the best we could.

SPIKE: I'm not talking about killing. You should have captured them. Then we'd have a bargaining chip.

KREON: Amastria would never surrender to save a few of their men. They're too proud.

SPIKE: Angel would do it. He'll give up anything to save a few human lives. We kill them in battle, he fights back. We make them our prisoners, he gives in.

KREON: Okay. I follow. We go after his weakness. But to capture them, I need more men.

SPIKE: What about more women?

Kreon thinks about it and laughs. He knows Hiero would be humiliated if he were captured by a bunch of girls.

Eric and Rose are in the small sitting room between the kitchen and the living room. He sits in an easy chair. The petite Rose sits on his lap, her legs dangling over the chair's left arm. They've been chatting and flirting for over an hour, getting to know each other as much as is possible without Rose giving away any substantive information about why she's in town.

ERIC: So Counselor Summers lets you come over to her house to party?

ROSE: Private party. Invitation only. smiles at him. he swoons slightly

ERIC: Still. It's kinda weird. Party at the teacher's house.

ROSE: No parents around.

ERIC: True. It's just, you know, weird.

ROSE: Throwing a party where they're aren't any parents to ruin it?

ERIC: No. The whole thing. You girls are like, always together, and you go to school, but you're not taking any classes. And then there are all those weapons.

ROSE: So what?

ERIC: So . . . she nibbles on his right earlobe and kisses his neck. He smiles, lets out a small sigh of contentment and completely forgets what he was talking about. Rose looks at him and runs her left hand through his hair.

ROSE: Does it matter?

ERIC: No. Not really.

Rose grins. Eric smiles and leans in to kiss her.

FRED: It's been almost four hours. That's like a week over there. What's takin' him so long?

GUNN: Ain't got no car. Probably takes a long time to travel over there. He coulda come in a couple hundred miles away from where that Spike guy is.

LORNE: That's a good point. Willow was there for a week, and she never even got close to him.

FRED: Anyone else worried about, you know?

GUNN: Angel can take care of himself.

LORNE: Anya said this place was demon-free. People wouldn't know how to kill him even if they wanted to.

FRED: You're telling me Angel couldn't find an immortal imposter god-king in seven days? How many of them can there be in that dimension? Fred notices she has mail and opens the document. She's silent for fifteen seconds

GUNN: What's wrong? Somethin' happen to Angel?

FRED: You remember what I just asked myself?

LORNE: How many god kings can there be in that dimension?

FRED: According to Willow, at least two.

After talking with Angel, Spike returned to Zalpa just after sunset. He made an obligatory appearance at the start of that night's revelries. The adoring throngs had missed him while he was gone for most of the past week. The screaming girls and adoring women made Spike conclude that there was a fine line between absolute monarch and teen idol, at least in his case. Then he tried out a batch of beer that a few people had spent the last week brewing. It also happens to be the first batch of beer ever brewed in that country. (Spike's trying to introduce a new beverage) He found it way too flat and a little to bitter, but considered it a good start. After that, he spent several tedious hours catching up on government business with his ministers. His overnight emancipation of slaves and serfs has created the need for sweeping economic reforms, lest the kingdom's economy collapse into utter chaos. Not one to think things through in advance, Spike never expected that being a radical revolutionary god-king would entail so much hard work. Finally, shortly before midnight, Spike heads to his palace for some well-deserved rest. He finds Memnon pacing back-and-forth in his megaron.

SPIKE: Is there problem? Have the Amazons attacked the frontier?

MEMNON: No. They're not the problem. I mean, one of them is. For me, anyway. I'm sorry to come into your palace uninvited like this, but I think you're the only one who could understand.

SPIKE: Then this has nothing to do with national security?

MEMNON: No. It's personal.

SPIKE: Maybe tomorrow. I haven't had a decent night's sleep all week.

Spike walks towards his bedroom.

MEMNON: Wait! Please, just listen. Give me a moment to explain.

SPIKE: puts his hand to his tired head and sighs This better be good.

MEMNON: I'm in love with Princess Antiope from the tribe of Thalestris. I love her, and I hate her, and I used to want to kill her. Life was once so simple. Now I don't even have the guts to kill a sworn enemy.

SPIKE: grins Have a seat. Tell me more about you and this princess.

They sit down on adjacent couches and drink wine as Memnon spins his tale.

MEMNON: I'm from Vanoch, way up north, beyond the peninsula. Back home, I was Evich. My father had a small plot of land. Small enough that if he split it up between me and my older brother, we'd both starve. So, when I was twenty, he got the land and I had to go make it on my own. Fighting was the one thing I knew how to do that I could get paid for doing. Headed south where the money was better, changed my name, did real well. Became an officer. When I was 26, the company I led got a job defending a city in the Nemean plateau. That's when I first saw the Amazons.

SPIKE: And then you became obsessed with them? Spike's already trying to relate

MEMNON: Not right away. I'd fought horse archers before. I handled them like I handled the men who fought like they did. Set traps, lured them into ambushes. But they were different. Fiercer. Men try to kill you, but when the odds are against them they ride away on their horses. With an Amazon, when the going gets tough, they get off their horses and fight you to the death. It's like they always have something to prove, on account of being so unnatural.

SPIKE: You think it's not natural for women to fight?

MEMNON: It's unnatural for them to do nothing but fight. My mom was a better shot than I was with the bow or the sling. She could defend her home if someone came looking for a fight. But she didn't travel to other places looking for trouble.

SPIKE: How long have you been away from home?

MEMNON: Twelve years.

SPIKE: That's long enough to learn that not every woman in the world is like dear old mum.

MEMNON: Course not. Otherwise no one would have kids. Who could get it up if every girl made him think of his mother?

SPIKE: So much for Freud.

MEMNON: Huh? Who?

SPIKE: Sorry. Go on.

Here's one big difference between the two of them: Spike's raging Oedipal Complex would be utterly incomprehensible to Memnon.

MEMNON: My men and I killed about ten of them. Then their princess came out with the full levy: my company against hers.

SPIKE: This was Antiope?

MEMNON: No. Diana. I heard from some of the people in town that Amazon royals like to engage in single combat. The men see their commander get slain by a woman, they become instantly demoralized. They give up before the battle's even begun. So I go out and challenge her. She laughs. Apparently she's done this before. She's beaten champions, and I'm just a nobody. It was tough. I got wounded twice. But I did it. Rest of the Amazon's attacked me to reclaim her body. My men rushed to my defense. Girls got routed. They'd never seen their princess lose before. smiles I cut off her head, put it on my spear, and led my men to their camp. They grabbed what they could and escaped. They'll die one-by-one, but they won't let the whole group get slaughtered. Amazons are brave, but they're not fools. We took some of their treasure. Never seen so much gold. That's when I became an Amazon hunter.

SPIKE: You did it for the money.

MEMNON: Why work for a king when you can become as rich as one? Sure, it's dangerous. Within a year, most of the hundred men who were with me that day were in the ground. But with the money I made, I could hire a hundred more. Then a thousand. No shortage of men who'll risk their lives to make a fortune.

SPIKE: So if they were rich men, and not powerfully athletic, strikingly beautiful women, the blokes would still line up to chase them down? Spike's thinking in particular of Panthesilea

MEMNON: Okay, that makes it more exciting. But we wouldn't hunt them if they were poor. I know I wouldn't have. And I was the best. I had a reputation. My men respected me. The Amazons respected me. Some of them even FEARED me. There's not many guys who can say that.

SPIKE: But you didn't fear them. You must have felt bloody invincible.

MEMNON: No. Then I'd be dead. I knew how to pick my fights. A good warrior never gets into anything less than a fair fight. another way he's different from Spike I never got surrounded, never got outnumbered, and I never fought a queen. There just on another level. Maybe not your level. But way above mine.

SPIKE: What makes them so much better than the princesses you fight?

MEMNON: Amazons aren't all alike. Not even close. First off, there's the women who were born into it and the women who volunteer. Only women with Amazon mothers can be leaders of ten. Only daughters of princesses are supposed to be leaders of a hundred. And only daughters of queens are supposed to lead a tribe.

SPIKE: How bloody conservative. I thought their kind of organization would be open to advancement.

MEMNON: It is. Leaders die in battle all the time. They have to be replaced by the people under them. It's a wonderfully effective system. Built last. Always looking to the future. Memnon is beginning to reveal that his familiarity with the Amazons goes beyond trying to kill them. He's become something of a fan. You join up, and if you last five years you're a full member of the tribe. If you've hung around that long, you love what you do. You want your daughter to love it too. And you want her to be even better at it than you were. She's taught since she can walk how to handle weapons. That's why they're such good fighters. Maybe they're not as strong as the men, but they're more experienced, and they got this whole tradition, so they're smarter. Amazons can spot a weakness better than anyone. Then there are the royal daughters. These girls have to earn their keep. When she's six years-old, a princess has to kill a wolf all by herself with just sticks and stones. The queens got it far tougher. On her sixth birthday, the daughter of a queen is stripped naked and sent out into the forest with nothing but a spear. She can't return until she's killed a bear. Not a baby bear. A full-grown one. After she's killed it, she eats the meat, skins the bear, and wears its coat home. That's how she proves she's got what it takes to lead the tribe.

Makes Buffy's 18th birthday seem like a cakewalk. But Spike finds Memnon's story a little too picturesque to be entirely credible.

SPIKE: How do you know this?

MEMNON: We take prisoners and exchange them for men the Amazons are holding captive. Once the fighting's over, they're not so hostile, long as you show them respect and treat them like warriors. Some of the women talk. They're curious about our world and we're curious about theirs.

SPIKE: Funny thing is, no one is close to those birds that you blokes. You spend all your time around each other. You're both living outside normal society. It's only natural for Amazons and mercenaries to fall in love with one another. now Spike's projecting

MEMNON: No it's not. We're enemies. What happened to me, it nearly destroyed my career.

SPIKE: Don't tell me an Amazon has never fallen for a mercenary. People work together, feelings develop, things happen.

MEMNON: Of course there's sex. How could there not be? They have to mate with somebody to produce daughters. They pick the guys they like. smiles Some of them have the guys they like even when they're not mating. But it's just physical. There aren't supposed to be any feelings. Otherwise . . . well, otherwise –

SPIKE: They can't do their job and you can't do yours? Spike is naturally sympathetic to the idea of Amazon-mercenary love. But he also sees the military potential of them joining forces.

MEMNON: Yep. Anyway, my point was that there's talking before and after the mating. You learn stuff about their customs.

SPIKE: You've shagged some?

MEMNON: If you mean did I mate – yeah. They pick the best fighters. I'm pretty popular. I mean I was, until Antiope. Then I became a laughingstock.

Spike decides to skip over the brutal irony of Memnon's claim that the more Amazons you kill, the more eager other Amazons are to sleep with you. Amazons don't sleep with men who have killed women they know. But since there are 3,000 Amazons, it's easy to find some who knows of your reputation but have never seen you take a woman's life. Like in "Five by Five," when Faith – inside Buffy's body – seemed intrigued by the possibility of bedding Spike when she learns he's William the Bloody. She was turned on by his accomplishments and his "celebrity," but didn't know anyone he had killed. However, if Spike had been the one to kill her Watcher, I'm sure Faith wouldn't have been turned on by him.

SPIKE: So tell me what's so special about this Amazon.

MEMNON: I didn't kill her. Our first fight was in the middle of a battle, and we had to break it off to help out the rest of our troops. That was the problem. Something always got in the way before I could put her away. Not that she wasn't good. She had to be to not get killed by me. But that didn't make me like her. Everything changed when she was attacked by that Gorgon in the Tritonic Marshes. I had been tracking her. She was alone. It was my chance. And I saved her. We fought off the monster together. I saved her because I wanted to be the one to kill her. That was the only reason I did it. She didn't understand that. Antiope teased me, said I was obsessed with her. It was all a big joke to her – taking away the manhood of an Amazon killer.

SPIKE: Whadya mean by taking away your . . .

MEMNON: Love is the ultimate weakness. It destroys you as a fighter. If an Amazon fell in love with me, I would tease her the same way. I was furious. But I knew that if I tried to kill her now, she'd run away and make me chase her so I WOULD look obsessed. I went away. Took on another tribe. But I couldn't get that bitch out of my head. Every Amazon I saw reminded me of her. I had to get out of the game. By then I was pretty well-known, and the King of Sulan hired me to run his army. Great pay. Everyone treated me like a prince. I had made it. This was the sort of job guys fight forty years to get. But all I could think about was Antiope. So I left the island and came back to the mainland to find her and tell her how I felt. She laughed at me. Her women laughed at me. I knew she felt something. She just didn't have the courage to admit it. So you know what I did?

SPIKE: Try to prove how much you love her?

MEMNON: Sort of. I started killing the Amazons under her command. And I told her I'd keep killing them until she admitted that she had feelings for me.

Spike's rather shocked. Even when he was soulless, he never thought that taking out the Scoobies one-by-one would force Buffy to say that she liked him. Memnon's reclined on the couch. Spike lies on an adjacent couch. The top of their heads are two feet apart.

SPIKE: Why did you think that would help?

MEMNON: It would prove my manhood to her. And as the bodies piled up, sooner or later she'd have to give in. For the sake of her women.

It's as if Spike killed Xander, killed Willow, took Dawn hostage, and expected Buffy to sleep with him in exchange for saving Dawn's life. He realizes this guy has some serious problems communicating with women, not to mention controlling his bloodlust. Angel has also been learning the disturbing lesson that sometimes taking a life DOESN'T change people. Without the slippery slope, human life becomes much less precious. Faith's accidental killing of the mayor's aide would have been nothing more than collateral damage in this world. The other members of Willow's community would have helped her tie Warren up and publicly flayed him alive for his crimes. Gunn would have been celebrated for killing the man who had so grievously injured the woman he loved. Furthermore, someone in Buffy's position would have been offing evil humans left-and-right. From a moral stand-point, that would be a hell dimension, at least by Angel's or Giles's or Buffy's lofty standards.

SPIKE: Obviously your strategy didn't work.

MEMNON: It did. A little. She couldn't stop thinking about me.

SPIKE: Because she bloody well hated you.

MEMNON: Then why did she sleep with me?

Spike is extremely startled to hear this. Sure, he understands shagging someone because you hate them. But not sleeping with someone who kills people you care about is a whole different class of kinky.

SPIKE: She did what again?

MEMNON: First she retaliated and went after my men, hoping that this would make me quit. It did hold me back. But it held her back, too. Attacks were too costly on both sides. Now she was ready to fight me one-on-one. That's what I always wanted.

SPIKE: Back when you wanted to kill her. Now things were different.

MEMNON: She still wanted to kill me. Way I saw it, I fight her off, it'll prove I'm too much of a man for her to beat me. Then she'll respect me. The same thing you did with Queen Panthesilea.

SPIKE: I wusn't trying to make her want me. smirks That was an unintended consequence. But we didn't hate each other. It wasn't personal. That changes everything.

MEMNON: It worked just the same. I used her pride against her. Said she fought with weapons because she was too weak to kill a man with her bare hands. So that's what she tried to do. It was after dark. We were both away from our camps. She pounded me. I block most of them, but Asteria can hit. Got my left ear with a right kick – I couldn't hear good out of it for a month. smiles slyly. Spike realizes Memnon got off on the pain When I realized she actually could kill a man with her bare hands, I started hitting her back. She tried to strangle me. I ripped her hands off my neck. Then she started to get tired and realized I was too tough for her to kill without a weapon. That was when she changed her strategy.

SPIKE: You think there was a strategy behind her shagging you?

MEMNON: Of course. Even if she couldn't kill me, she could still prove her dominance. You do it with someone you love, you give yourself over completely. You become weak. If the other person doesn't love you back, they're still strong. She could see and feel how much being with her meant to me. But she knew how little it meant to her. When I was inside her, the only thing I wanted in the entire world was her love. She denied it me, again and again. That's power.

SPIKE: I suppose that would be one interpretation. But she had to feel something. She couldn't . . . all those times without feeling something. Spike's confused about which one of them Memnon's talking about.

MEMNON: It was even better than I dreamed it could be. We were incredible. She couldn't hide her delight. Afterwards she claimed it was all about power, that she enjoyed it so much because she enjoyed dominating me and turning me into her slave. I told her it was more than that. She said it could never be more than that. It's been eight months, and every night I go to sleep missing her, wanting to hold her one more time. It can't live like this. Either I make Antiope love me or I die trying.

SPIKE: Have you ever thought that violence might not be the answer to every problem? sits up. looks worried I can't believe believe I just said that. I really am going soft.

MEMNON: I've tried talking to her. It's no use. Asteria communicates with actions, not words. You know what she did to hurt me after that night? Started fooling around with the other women. Much more than she normal did. Made a real show out of it. Put out the word that her night with me had turned her off from all men forever. Asteria wants me to hate her. She wants me out of her life. That's how I know that deep down she loves me.

Spike takes a few seconds to try to make sense of this. He can't.

SPIKE: Now, I'm as big a believer in mixed signals as there is, but what the bloody hell are you talking about?

MEMNON: If I'm around, sooner or later she's going to give in to her feelings. That would ruin her life. Her friends would abandon her. The other Amazons wouldn't respect her.

SPIKE: She's choosing her career over love. That how you see it?

MEMNON: It's not a job. It's who she is. It's what she is. Asteria doesn't know that I would never ask her to change. I love who she is. I'm willing to change for her. I don't want to kill Amazons anymore. The more I think about, the stupider all this fighting seems. They die, and we die, but nobody ever wins. All that death, all that killing, for nothing.

Spike thinks maybe Memnon has seen the light.

SPIKE: You want to end the slaughter?

MEMNON: We should be working together. We have armor, they're fast and light and mobile. Tactically, we would complement each other perfectly. We join forces, we fight together, everyone would be better off. Male warriors control two-thirds of the plateau. They fight like the Amazons. But there's more of them. We join up with the women, they attack these men on their flanks, and we plow right through the middle. Their fire power, our brute strength – no one could stand up to that combination. The Amazons could subjugate the whole plateau. (Okay, so maybe Memnon hasn't seen the light) But their pride keeps them from working with one group of men to defeat another group of men. They don't understand that we're just like them. We won't make them settle down. We have no homes. All we know how to do is fight. Just like them! smiles as he gazes up at the ceiling It's crazy, but it's my dream.

SPIKE: You might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one. You hope someday they'll join you, and the world can live as one.

MEMNON: Yes! I knew you'd understand!

SPIKE: You know something? I never liked that song. Until now.

Spike laughs. He gets a thrill out of turning "Imagine" into a hymn about war and conquest.

MEMNON: The idea came to me three months ago. Right away, I knew I needed to make the Amazons understand. So I decided to go to war with them. My men against their women, fighting until one side was destroyed. When the casualties grew into the hundreds, both sides would see how pointless it was to fight each other.

SPIKE: Just once, could you try coming up with a plan to win her love you that doesn't involve killing people?

MEMNON: It wasn't practical. There was no money involved. My men live off what the Amazons plunder. And what they themselves plunder. No Amazons, less plunder. So I came up with a better plan.

SPIKE: One that didn't involve mass slaughter?

MEMNON: Not directly. We hire ourselves out to the cities the Amazons attack. We protect the people. And they don't just pay us normal mercenary wages. Instead, we get half of what the Amazons would have taken. We make our money AND we deny the Amazons their wealth. That would make them realize they'd be much richer if we were on their side.

SPIKE: It's definitely an improvement. But before resorting to large-scale troop movements, I think you should try talking to her. And in the meantime, don't kill her friends. Girls hate that sorta thing.

MEMNON: I'll have to kill them when they attack the kingdom.

SPIKE: They won't. Not while they're around Angel. Right now, he's probably trying to make them change their ways and reform them, turn them into boring, productive, non-lethal members of society. How is the training going?

MEMNON: Excellent. The second division is nearly mobilized. But my men are being stretched thin. We can't build an army and guard a border at the same time.

SPIKE: Then forget about the border. Angel won't attack. He'll let me make the first move. The sooner we make it, the easier it'll be to crush him. gets up and walks toward his bedroom Then I can finally go home.

NEXT: Angel shows the Amazons that not all men are weak and evil. Hiero falls in love. Strife between Angel's and Spike's supporters gets out of control. So Spike and Angel have no choice but to mobilize their forces for a climactic battle.


	19. Dead white men's burden

Angel does some Amazon fighting. Then Angel and Spike both have to do some Amazon fending-off. At the same time, they can't help wanting to understand these women and, especially in Angel's case, try to make them forsake their murderous ways.

It's late at night in Lampedos. Angel is making the rounds around town, talking to people and finding out if they have any problems he can solve. Enlightened despotism offers infinite outlets for his need to help people and make the world a better place. It's as if Cordy were given the opportunity to shop on Rodeo and get as many clothes as she wanted free of charge every day. He just can't stop, even after every damsel in his fair kingdom is safe and in no danger of becoming distressed. After ensuring that everything in his capital is quiet and peaceful, Angel decides to check in on some most un-damselish women. He visits the Amazon camp just outside the city walls.

HIPPOLYTA: Nice night.

ANGEL: Yeah.

HIPPOLYTA: When do we get to kill the enemy?

ANGEL: Hippolyta, you know where I stand on that.

HIPPOLYTA: Yeah. And I know that Buffy's against killing people. But honestly, what do you think she would do in a world where all the evil things are people?

ANGEL: She'd find another way.

HIPPOLYTA: What if she didn't have a choice?

ANGEL: You have a choice. The people you hate aren't evil. Their minds can be changed.

HIPPOLYTA: What about Spike? He's evil.

ANGEL: No. He's just stupid. He fights because he doesn't know any better. Makes him a lot like you.

Hippolyta looks supremely offended. In her mind Spike's the devil incarnate.

HIPPOLYTA: How dare you. I'm your friend. I'm your equal! (She's a queen, he's a king.) And that's what you think of me?

ANGEL: He picked a fight with you, so you picked a fight with him. That's how twenty of your women got killed. You chose to attack someone else's land. How can you get outraged when they fight back?

HIPPOLYTA: I don't believe this. You're taking Wooly's side. (Wooly because his white hair looks like wool to them. Also, when Spike he goes bumpy his incisors stick out like a wolf's, but wooly's a more emasculating nicking that Wolfy.)

ANGEL: He put out the bait and you walked right into his trap.

HIPPOLYTA: It wasn't him. It was those girls, those demonic deadly girls he's raised. (Compare this to Dru calling Spike her "darling deadly boy.")

ANGEL: My point is, you sunk to his level. You think you're better than him.

HIPPOLYTA: Think? Try know.

ANGEL: Then prove it.

Just then, Thalestris comes from behind and hits Angel in the back of the head with a short wooden club she's holding in her right hand. When he turns around, she nails him in the forehead and then the left cheekbone. Angel is shaken, having been taken completely by surprise. His first instinct was that it was the Spike worshipper Panthesilea or one of her sympathizers. But he could see that it was Thalestris, someone he saw as both an ally and a friend. She swings again for his face. Angel grabs the club with his left hand. Thalestris delivers a left kick to his groin. As he doubles over in agony, Angel still manages to rip the club out of her right hand and toss it to the ground. Thalestris quickly lands a left jab to his nose and a right uppercut to his chin. Angel staggers backwards. She clobbers his head with a leaping straight right kick and follows this up with a left roundhouse kick. Angel grabs her left calf with both hands and blocks the kick. Thalestris hits him in the mouth with a left elbow. (Panthesilea used the exact same move on Spike. Must be something they teach in Amazon School.) She pulls back her left leg, spins back around and hits Angel's right eye with a left hook kick. Angel decides it might be time to fight back.

And not a moment too soon. Thalestris takes her dagger in her right hand and goes for his throat with a backhand stab. It's a big knife, with a blade eight inches long and two inches wide. With one good stab, she send it straight through the back of his neck, possibly sever his spinal cord and causing death by beheading. He grabs her right wrist with his left hand and hits her face with a right hook. She stays on her feet but staggers back six feet. Thalestris had never been hit that hard. Angel doesn't notice, but when he saw her come at him with the knife he went bumpy. This only makes her fight harder. She tries a right roundhouse kick. Angel steps back out of the way. She hits his stomach with a left punch, but he blocks her right hook and pulls his chin back just in time to avoid her left uppercut. Angel blocks a right hook kick, punches Thalestris in the stomach with a right uppercut, then hits her right cheek with a left hook. She is reeling, but she stays on her feet, to the surprise of Angel. After all, she's tough, and her technique may be flawless, but she's not a Slayer. Thalestris lands a straight left kick to his chin and tries to slit his throat with the knife in her right hand. Angel grabs her wrist, spins Thalestris around and forces the point of the knife against her throat. She smiles and struggles to catch her breath.

THALESTRIS: Not bad.

HIPPOLYTA: Did you expect him to hold back for so long?

THALESTRIS: Guess he really is a nice guy.

HIPPOLYTA: You hear that, Angel?

He goes back to his human face, pushes Thalestris away, puts his right hand to a bruise on his left temple, and looks confused.

ANGEL: That was a test?

HIPPOLYTA: We just wanted to make you prove something.

ANGEL: That I wouldn't kill you?

Thalestris and Hippolyta laugh.

THALESTRIS: That you couldn't GET killed by me.

HIPPOLYTA: She was supposed to do it before she submitted to you. It's a formality.

THALESTRIS: Can't submit to someone you can kill. Am I right?

ANGEL: I suppose. he's glad Buffy didn't make him fight to the death when they met

THALESTRIS: No hard feelings? she smiles at him

ANGEL: Just a few bruises.

She hugs Angel.

THALESTRIS: Hope I wasn't too rough on you.

ANGEL: It's okay. I'm sure I'll heal any moment now.

She runs her left hand through his hair and touches the spot on the back of his head where she bludgeoned him with enough force to knock a normal man unconscious. He flinches.

THALESTRIS: Sure you're okay? You act like you're in pain.

ANGEL: It's nothing.

She puts her right hand to his left cheek and caresses the skin around a bruise.

THALESTRIS: If there's anything I can do to ease the pain.

Her mouth is a couple inches from his. She is about to move in closer. But she hesitates and pulls back. She takes her hands off of him.

THALESTRIS: I should probably get a mirror and look at my face. I'm sure it's bruised and hideous.

ANGEL: Dont worry. It's hardly hideous. Angel wants to end this awkward moment. he looks at Hippolyta I don't have to go through this with you, do I?

HIPPOLYTA: No. But if you wanted to –

ANGEL: I don't. That's not something I'm into.

HIPPOLYTA: I'm the same way.

Unlike Spike, Angel doesn't get turned on by women trying to kill him. And Hippolyta, unlike Thalestris and Panthesilea, doesn't get turned on by men at all. However, Angel is the first man she's ever thought well of. She's in non-erotic thrall to him. All the Amazons are in some sort of thrall to him. They crowd around Thalestris, looking at her bruises as if they were medals.

HIPPOLYTA: Tonight, and also last night, and I think a couple nights before that, you said taking a life changes a person. It darkens their soul. And there's no going back. Does that mean there's no hope once you cross that line?

ANGEL: There's always hope.

HIPPOLYTA: I've taken a lot lives. And I liked it. Even when I didn't know them and they didn't mean me any harm. By your standards, I'm, well, I don't know what I am. But I know it's not something good.

ANTIOPE: What about Faith? Willow didn't say much about her. Only that she was evil and she changed. And that you were the one who changed her.

ANGEL: Willow said that? That's very nice of her.

HIPPOLYTA: Can you tell us how you changed her?

The Amazons gather round to listen to Angel's tale. Buffy sets an impossibly high standard, and makes any comparison demoralizing. Faith is someone they can identify with. And Angel is glad that for once they want to know about one of his a non-violent good deeds.

The next afternoon, Spike is hard at work devising a constitution for the city of Morea. He talks to Clito, who represents the town's wealthy interests, and Meno, who represents the people.

SPIKE: Your senate has 50 members.

CLITO: You mean the Gerousia?

SPIKE: Whatever you call it. Each year they choose ten archons by lot. The archons govern by majority, and the other members advise them. From now on, the people vote for the archons. But they can only choose from members of the, what's it called again?

MENO: Gerousia.

SPIKE: Right. Gerousia. You should think of a shorter name.

CLITO: Boule?

SPIKE: There you go. The people also elect a leader from that body to be the head guy. He's got five votes, so if he wants to pass something he only needs the support of three of the archons. But you have to be in the boule to become an archon, and you have to be elected archon twice before you can run for prime minister, president, whatever you wanna call the head guy. This should make both of you happy. The elites are still in charge, but they have to get the support of the people if they want power.

MENO: But the people can't choose the leaders they want.

SPIKE: I'm not finished. How often do one of these senate guys croak?

CLITO: Usually, we choose one new member each year.

SPIKE: From now on you choose two, croaking or no croaking. Get some fresh blood in the mix. If you're smart about it, you'll pick the blokes the people like. Absorb them into your little group. If you don't, the people get pissed, and things might get ugly. I'm sure you're smart enough not to let that happen. Everyone satisfied?

They both thank Spike and leave. He leans back in his chair and looks up, taking a few seconds to rest. That's when Anya materializes. Spike jumps out of his chair.

SPIKE: What the bloody hell! Why can't you walk into a room like a normal person?

ANYA: Then I wouldn't get to see you look so frazzled. You're so cute when your frazzled. But seriously, Spike. It's been two weeks. Now it's time to go home. I'm sure Angel will leave when you do.

SPIKE: Not yet. Have to finish what I started.

ANYA: And what exactly is that?

SPIKE: Helping these people. I leave now, it's bloody chaos.

ANYA: Because of what you've already done. Can't you understand that? The longer you stay here, the more screwed up it's gonna get. Make a deal with Angel and end this game.

SPIKE: This isn't a game.

ANYA: Fine. You wanna turn your petty personal rivalry into an international conflict, go ahead. I'm not the one with blood on my hands.

Anya walks outside. Throngs of women gather around her. Sleeping with Spike has made Anya a very celebrated figure in this country. Of course, Anya doesn't shy away from the attention. She enjoys being surrounded by adoring and deeply envious women. This has never happened to her before.

Up in Lampedos, Angel explains the details of his land reforms to two skeptical barons.

CINADON: You said we would be compensated.

ANGEL: You are. If a slave's worked for you for ten years, he's already paid back your investment. If he's only been with you one year, he still has a few more years to go before he earns his manumission. I'm being as fair as I can to you.

CINADON: But according to your laws, if one of my slaves escapes and leaves my land, I can't get him back.

ANGEL: That's correct.

CINADON: exasperated How can they be slaves if they're free to run away?

ANGEL: If you treat them well, they won't run away.

CINADON: What if they threaten to leave if I don't pay them?

ANGEL: Then you work something out.

CINADON: They're all going to run away. Every business in this country will be ruined.

ANGEL: No they won't. These people have families to support. They can't run off and find another job right away. You provide them with a guaranteed livelihood. They'll stay as long as you treat them with respect. You need them. But they also need you.

CRATERUS: You're appeasing the people so they don't turn to Spike.

ANGEL: I'm giving them a reason to oppose him.

CINADON: You're compromising with him. Maybe things would be worse if he was in charge. But they were a lot better before you came here.

ANGEL: You have nothing to worry about.

CINADON: What about my tenants? They'll either leave or take my land. Either way I lose.

ANGEL: They get to keep enough of the harvest for survive. They split the surplus with you. How many tenants do you have?

CINADON: Twelve.

ANGEL: That's the output of six families. Not bad. Plus, since they get half, they'll want to work harder. They make more money for themselves, they make more for you. If they leave the land, it reverts back to you. If they want to buy it, they work hard and save their money and pay you the asking price. Either way, you win. You guys think if it helps them, then it must hurt you. The world doesn't have to work that way.

In the hallway outside, Hiero talks to Lysander.

HIERO: It doesn't make sense not to use them.

LYSANDER: They can't be controlled. And they've caused plenty of trouble already. You've seen how they agitate our women. The ideas they've put into my daughter's head.

HIERO: That only proves my point. If the Amazons are going to cause trouble, isn't it best if they do it in Thermadonia? We send them south along the western border. Have them ravage the lands. At the same time, our army marches on Zalpa. They'll have no choice but to pull their mercenaries out of our lands. And they won't have time to bring up forces from the south. The western Thermadonians will be too busy fighting the Amazons to come to their capital's defense. And the forces they will be able to muster won't be strong enough to defeat us.

LYSANDER: They could retreat behind their walls, make us besiege them, and wait for a relief force to come and crush us.

HIERO: They see us destroying their farms, they'll know Spike can't protect them. Once he loses power, they fall apart and give us what we want.

LYSANDER: But Spike's the only reason the Amazons are on our side. Once he leaves, they'll turn on us. Or, if we're lucky, they'll only abandon us. Either way, the western Thermadonians will be free to attack OUR capital and cut of our supply lines.

HIERO: But who would lead them?

LYSANDER: Who do you think?

HIERO: scoffs Kreon? He's as big a joke as Spike.

Anya materializes, causing both Lysander and Hiero to jump back. Lysander nearly has a heart attack. Hiero recovers his breath and smiles when he takes a look at Anya.

ANYA: Is Angel here?

HIERO: Yeah. Are you Anya?

ANYA: It's nice to be famous.

Hiero walks up to her.

HIERO: I've heard a lot about you. I'm Hiero.

ANYA: Hero? Who did you earn that name?

HIERO: By killing any man who challenges me.

ANYA: Well aren't you a nice young boy. I need to speak to Angel.

HIERO: He's in a meeting. Land reform.

ANYA: Good. This shouldn't take long.

Anya walks past Hiero. He watches her and raises his right hand, as if he was about to say something when she leaves the room. He stands there with his mouth open, clearly smitten. Anya barges into Angel's office.

ANYA: He's right. Do what he says. It's designed to increase capital investment. You have to make the money move. If money sits still, it dies and rots and smells and draws vultures. But if money moves, if it gets invested in other businesses, it grows and prospers and gets bigger. Like fish. Except it's a lot more fun to fondle or roll around naked in. That's the beauty of capitalism. Now get out.

Cinadon and Craterus look at each, shrug and leave. Anya looks at Angel and smiles.

ANYA: Isn't this great! They're not even my subjects, and I still get to order them around. By the way, how did you come up with all those ideas, considering your obvious lack of interest in money and all other practical human matters?

ANGEL: I asked around and I took the best suggestions. What are you doing here? Angel thinks Anya was very rude to barge in like that, considering that they hardly know each other

ANYA: This isn't why I sent you here. You were supposed to beat up Spike and take him home. Why haven't you beaten him up yet?

ANGEL: That wouldn't solve the problem.

ANYA: You can't beat him up! That's why you won't do it. You're chicken. I asked you to come here because I thought you were stronger than Spike. Apparently I was wrong. Or, maybe you don't know if you can beat Spike up, but you're afraid to find out. You think he may be more of a man than you are. If you were the bigger, better man, I'm sure you would have pounded him into a bloody pulp by now.

ANGEL: That's not going to work.

ANYA: What's not going to work?

ANGEL: You're goading me.

ANYA: No I'm not. I was expressing my thoughts. Your cowardice has convinced me that Spike surpasses you in virility. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to Sunnydale to tell that to Buffy.

Angel looks startled and a bit frightened.

ANGEL: Does she know?

ANYA: That you've taught these people to worship her and told a hundred thousand strangers about her private life? I'm sure she'll just LUV hearing all about that.

ANGEL: What does she know?

ANYA: Nothing. But I could change that. If you don't put an end to this real fast.

ANGEL: It's not that simple. This is bigger than just me and Spike. The people need me.

Anya is flabbergasted. Now both of them have gone native.

ANYA: You know what? I just realized something. You're not a man. You're not even a vampire. You're a machine! With you, it's either "Must Kill. Must Kill" or "Must Save. Must Save." You have no free will. You can't help helping people. It's an addiction. Don't you understand that? Now I know I'm a lot older than you. And therefore wiser. But I think you've been around long enough to know that sometimes good intentions can lead to tragedy. Try to remember that while you lead your people's revolution. laughs ruefully You and Spike – as gods! You and Spike – as politicians. I don't know which one's more unbelievable.

Anya teleports herself back to Sunnydale, where she discovers that the secret's out. Hiero walks into Angel's office. Angel is still trying to figure out where Anya gets off talking to him like she knows him. They've been together for a combined total of less than ten minutes in their entire lives. And here she was trying to head shrink him.

ANGEL: I have free will.

HIERO: What?

Angel looks up. He didn't notice that Hiero had entered.

ANGEL: Nothing.

HIERO: Did Anya leave?

ANGEL: Yeah.

HIERO: She is something.

ANGEL: As opposed to nothing?

Angel smirks. Hiero smiles. They both lean back against a table. Hiero is a few feet to Angel's right.

HIERO: They don't have women like that around here.

ANGEL: Can't argue with that.

HIERO: She comes out of nowhere. Does what she wants. Doesn't let anyone get in her way. It's so refreshing. All the girls I meet, they're all so . . . meek. And nice.

ANGEL: You like your women mean?

HIERO: I just want to meet someone interesting. Exciting. A girl who can make me feel alive.

ANGEL: I know what that's like. thinks for a few seconds Wait. You ARE alive.

HIERO: You know what I meant.

ANGEL: In theory. But Hiero, when I see you out at night, you don't exactly look . . . disenchanted with the women around here.

HIERO: That's just to pass the time. I like a lot of women cause I can't find one to love. You know what I mean?

ANGEL: I think I do.

Back at Buffy's house.

ANYA: Spike I understand. He's English. It's in his nature to try to order foreigners around. Dead White Man's Burden. But Angel let me down. I had no idea he was such a bleeding heart. "The people need me." He hasn't even tried to beat up Spike and drag him home.

DAWN: But if he did that, wouldn't Spike's people try to protect him?

ANDREW: Maybe the only way to win is to beat Spike at his own game.

KENNEDY: In other words, it takes a nation of millions to drag Spike back? laughs. notices no one else gets the joke. So I take it that wacky new fad called rap music hasn't come to Sunnydale yet.

GILES: You make it sound like they've fostered dueling cults of personality.

ANYA: On one level, yes. The region is divided between Spike lovers and Angel lovers. But it's not about personally. Deep down, it's all about money.

ANDREW: They're using their power to amass great fortunes?

ANYA: I meant economics. Thermadonia, the country Spike runs, is populated by subsistence farmers and sheep herders. They are the natural enemies of the Amazons, who compete with them for grazing land. Amastria, the country Angel runs, has commercial farmers who grow large surpluses of grain which they sell on the open market. The Amazons purchase grain from the Amastrians. Therefore, in a fight, it's natural for the Amazons to side with the Amastrians.

WILLOW: The Amazons are with Angel?

ANYA: Two of the three tribes. Thalestris and Hippolyta have submitted to Angel. Panthesilea had already submitted to Spike.

BUFFY: What exactly do you mean by submit?

ANYA: They get down on one knee and pay homage. In a non-sexual way. Although Panthesilea did offer her body to Spike. I think she felt insulted when he refused. Now that I've met her, I understand why. I don't think she's ever heard the word no. From men or women.

WILLOW: That's pretty much what the Amazons said about her.

KENNEDY: What does she look like? Willow gives her a dirty look Oh, like you're not curious.

ANYA: Tall. Leggy. Very brick house. The song. Let me put it to you another way: Willow, if Penthesilea wanted to sleep with Kennedy, Kennedy would do it, and you would be very jealous. Of Kennedy. Or reverse it, she wants to sleep with Willow, same idea. My point is either Spike's impotent or he really loves you, Buffy. Though to be fair, I think Angel's also refused to have sex with his share of beautiful women.

XANDER: Can you get back to the armies? the last thing Xander wants to hear about how attractive Spike and Angel are to women

BUFFY: Yes. Please get back that part.

Hundreds of sexy warrior women throwing themselves at her hotties is something Buffy does not want to contemplate. Back in high school, she was nervous enough when Angel spent a few hours with Faith.

ANYA: Panthesilea's tribe is still allied with Spike. However, Amazons never fight each other, so she'll feel pressure from her rank-and-file to switch sides. And the fact that Spike hasn't given her any satisfaction isn't helping matters. However, even with all the Amazons on his side, Angel isn't powerful enough to defeat Spike in battle. Spike's aggressive territorial expansion has made his country and his army too large for Angel to defeat on his own.

GILES: Are you saying that Spike's been fighting wars of conquest?

ANYA: Bloodless wars of conquest. The people either love or fear him too much to put up a fight. Mostly love. Before all this started, Thermadonia was poor and weak and Amastria was rich and strong. Once the people of Thermadonia united behind Spike, all their weak and poor neighbors wanted to jump on the bandwagon. To keep from getting crushed, Angel needs to make an alliance with the coastal city-states. Right now, they're on Spike's side. Thermadonia supplies the wool for their textile industry. However, they get their food from Amastria. Spike has tried to do an end-run around this by suggesting that it would be cheaper for them to import their food by ship from overseas. I checked into it, and he's right. But to secure this new food supply, they would have to build a large navy, and that costs a lot of money. Furthermore, Spike is starting a textile industry in Thermadonia. He seems to be following a mercantilist strategy designed to produce the large gold reserves needed to fund his armies.

GILES: Spike understands macroeconomic policy?

ANYA: I'm not sure. He's making it up as he goes along. Once he freed all the slaves and serfs, there was a labor surplus. Previously, wives stayed inside all day and made clothes for their husbands free of charge. Now that Spike's introduced feminism, the women realize how they were being exploited. Spike's trying to solve both these problems by setting up textile factories where freed slaves and liberated housewives can get paid for making clothes. The coastal cities see this as a threat to their industry. If Angel's smart he can exploit this. Spike's completely destroyed the old social order. The only way he can keep his nation from spinning out of control is by making it more and more powerful. But sooner or later that will turn most of his neighbors against him and create a balance of power. At that point they'll either be a massive war or Angel and Spike will come to an understanding. Or there could be some fighting before the two of them work it out. Both of them have created passions they can't control. I know this sounds crazy, but thousands of people are willing to kill to prove the superiority of Spike or Angel.

XANDER: These people need help. How could ANYONE take those two guys so seriously?

In a semi-circular auditorium, two old men stand on stage in front of several hundred other men, who sit and watch them.

SILENUS: Buffy is perfect. She has always been perfect. Angel was her true love. There is no denying this. That which is ideal cannot change. Since Buffy is unchanging, Angel was, is, and always will be her true love.

SOPHANES: Are you denying that she can grow and mature? Are you saying she has never improved as a Slayer? Change is the only constant. Angel has changed. Spike has changed. Every one of them has changed.

SILENUS: Except Buffy. The others needed to change because they were incomplete. Buffy was always complete.

SOPHANES: If she cannot improve, if she cannot change, what is the point of her even existing? A constant Buffy would be a boring Buffy. She would not hold our interest. We could not care for her.

SILENUS: To the unenlightened believer, she appears to change. some heckles. he raises his hand to calm them down But she is only revealing facets of her perfection, characteristics were inside of her to begin with. That's why she exists: to show us every aspect of her perfection. looks at Sophanes What you call change I call revelation. Sophanes rolls his eyes. several people cheer Silenus

SOPHANES: That is, to use her true love's term, bollocks. other people cheer. A few of Angel's supporters jeer According to your theory, Buffy must have always been attracted to Spike. Even when she was still with Angel. If Buffy once lusted after Spike, then she always lusted after him. She must have therefore desired Spike while she was Angel's lover. How can it be true love when the woman lusts after another? Spike's supporters cheer

SILENUS: That's nonsense.

SOPHANES: True. But nonsense is what your theory demands.

SILENUS: Only if you misunderstand it. While Buffy is perfect, not all of her actions are perfect. Her mistakes do not change the essence of who and what she is. In fact, her ability to overcome these self-imposed obstacles only highlight her greatness. Spike was one of those mistakes which had to be overcome.

SOPHANES: Did Angel tell you that Buffy was unchanging and perfect?

SILENUS: He didn't need to.

SOPHANES: So you just made it up.

SILENUS: If she's perfect, she's unchanging. Are you arguing that Buffy isn't perfect?

SOPHANES: If she's perfect, then she can never learn. If she doesn't need to learn, she already knows everything. But if she already knows everything, why does she make mistakes? Because she's not perfect.

SILENUS: When did Buffy stop loving Angel?

SOPHANES: When did she stop knowing him?

SILENUS: If you can't answer that question, you can't seriously claim that her true love is Spike.

SOPHANES: The Angel she loves no longer exists. Their love is a fantasy, an eternal past which exists so long as they pretend nothing has changed. The less she knows about his life, the more she loves him. That is not love. It's deception.

Sophanes' supporters cheer his diss.

SILENUS: Buffy and Spike – their love is the fantasy. his supporters heartily cheer the comeback It has never existed.

SOPHANES: The question we are trying to answer is not "Who HAS she loved?" It is "Who WILL she love? Buffy no longer needs Angel. And he no longer needs her.

SILENUS: Love is based on more than need.

SOPHANES: True. You can need someone you don't love. But you can't love someone you don't need. It can't be love if you can live without them.

After a long and busy day, Spike retreats to his palace, plops down on his throne and looks up at the ceiling. The work is more tiring than ever, and the worshipful adulation is starting to wear thin. Expanding the kingdom was fun. Consolidating and governing it is tedious. Spike looks forward to getting Angel to capitulate so he can head home. He loves being adored. But he needs excitement.

PANTHESILEA: I was hoping I could get you alone.

A startled Spike looks out and sees the Amazon queen at the other end of the hall. He stands up and tries to look regal. He's wearing a purple toga with a golden belt around his waist. A golden clamp above his right shoulder holds the garment together. His left shoulder is bare. Panthesilea wears a sleeveless dress with ruffled hem that comes down to six inches above her knees. A short sword hangs from her belt, a golden snake bracelet wraps around her right upper arm, and her hair's pulled back in a pony tail.

SPIKE: Penny! Always good to see you.

She walks towards him.

PANTHESILEA: Our kind needs to stick together. My girls want to join their sisters on the other side. Eventually, I'll have to bend to their will. Anyway, it's not like there's anything keeping me here.

By now she's six feet away. Spike is no longer tired. In fact, he's quite alert.

SPIKE: That your way of letting me know you'll sod off I don't shag you?

Penny takes a few seconds to translate Spike's slang words based on their context.

PANTHESILEA: I'll leave whether or not you mate with me. I just wanted you to know that this was your last chance.

She keeps approaching Spike as she talks. He backs up a couple steps and soon finds his back against the wall. Penny puts her left foot against the wall, about two inches to the outside of his right hip. He looks at her leg, and his resistance starts to weaken.

SPIKE: Nice ankle ring.

PANTHESILEA: Did that fall down again? smiles

SPIKE: So, Penny, do all the boys fall for this ruse?

PANTHESILEA: Never had to use it before.

SPIKE: Oh. he's becoming severely tempted I can believe that.

PANTHESILEA: Well if you're not gonna help me.

Penny bends forward grabs her left ankle with both hands and puts her forehead against her left shin. Aside from advertising her flexibility, the bending allows Spike to see under her dress. He realizes refusing to touch her leg could be even more tempting than going along.

SPIKE: No problem. I got it.

Spike puts his right hand on her left ankle. She stands up again. He moves his hand up her left calf muscle, pushing the ring back in place just below her knee. He knows it was a setup, because her calf muscle's far too taut to allow the ring to slide down. He glances at her thigh, and realizes that if it's as firm as her calf, she could crack walnuts between them. This isn't a good thought for Spike to be having while he's trying to resist temptation. Penny can tell he's turned on. When the bracelet is back in place, she brings her foot back to the ground, just to see if she can make Spike feel disappointed for a second or two.

PANTHESILEA: Thanks for lending me a hand.

Before Spike can think of something witty but noncommittal to say in response, she grabs the clamp above his right shoulder with her left hand and rips it off the toga. The garment falls down to Spike's waist. She runs her right hand through his hair, pulls his head towards her and kisses him. It's been a great while since Spike's gotten any, so it's going to take him a few seconds to summon up the courage to resist. Anya was right: it's very hard to say no to Panthesilea. Caught up in the moment, Spike kisses her back. She puts her left hand on his chest, pushing his back into the wall, while she has her right hand she pulls Spike's head towards her. Spike's arms are still at his side. He can't bring himself to push her away or put his arms around her. After a very intense five seconds, Panthesilea pulls back, keeping her left hand on his heart. She appears quite shocked.

PANTHESILEA: It's not beating.

She leans in, putting her left cheek against his left cheek and slides her left hand down onto his stomach. After two seconds, she pulls her head away but keeps her hand on his stomach.

PANTHESILEA: You're cold. grins and looks at his stomach And very firm. But cold. And no heartbeat.

SPIKE: You knew I wasn't human. after having felt him up enough for now, Penny takes her left hand off Spike's stomach

PANTHESILEA: I didn't know you were – caresses his left cheek with her right hand, runs her right thumb over his lips – not alive. pulls her right hand back Of course you're alive. But you're, you're not, not alive like I am.

He puts his left hand on her neck, feeling her pulse. It's racing. She smiles and strokes his left forearm with her right hand.

SPIKE: Nope. Fraid not, Penny. he pulls his left hand back. she holds it with her right hand

PANTHESILEA: You have blood. I've seen it. But your heart doesn't pump it. So it doesn't flow. Is that why you can't mate with me? Cause you can't –

Spike pulls his left hand away. He's a little hurt by that insinuation.

SPIKE: I bloody well can.

Penny moves in, pins Spike against the wall, sticks her tongue in his right ear and runs her right hand down his stomach and below his belt.

SPIKE: Penny, please, we shouldn't, ohhh

Spike smiles and sighs. He likes what she's doing to his ear. But after three seconds he gets alarmed when he realizes where her hand is. She pulls her hand away, steps back and smiles slyly.

PANTHESILEA: Guess you can. looks confused Though I'm not sure how.

SPIKE: Penny, I'm sorry. You're a great girl, a real knockout, gorgeous beyond – and that twisty thing you did to my ear

PANTHESILEA: You mean the corkscrew?

SPIKE: Oh. You've named it.

Spike smiles and raises his eyebrows. He's imagining what else she can do with her tongue, which isn't the best way to get himself out of the mood. Actually, it would be if Spike knew that most of her experience was with women.

SPIKE: Wut ah mean is, no man in his right mind would turn you down.

Penny sidles up to him. The tips of their noses touch. Their lips are a few inches apart.

PANTHESILEA: But you are?

SPIKE: Because I'm not in my right mind. Isnt that obvious?

Penny laughs. She arches her back and pulls her head a foot away from his, but keeps grinding her pelvis into his.

PANTHESILEA: You are very strange man, god – whatever you are, you're strange. Though in certain ways you're still like other men.

Penny can see in Spike's face that she turns him on. She can also feel it. That was point of the rubbing – not to feel anything but to see the look in his face and to know that he wants her. She steps back, fully composed. Spike takes a little longer to regain his composure. She had to turn the tables for a few seconds in order to save face and regain her pride after the rejection. After all, at least now she knows she can make the Golden God weak in the knees.

SPIKE: That's the cool thing about you, Penny. You make a bloke feel like the greatest guy in the world.

PANTHESILEA: Is that how Buffy makes you feel?

SPIKE: Well, um, see, the thing is, well –

PANTHESILEA: So what does she make you feel like?

SPIKE: Like I matter. Like there's a bloody point to all this, like there's a reason I'm around.

PANTHESILEA: She inspires you.

SPIKE: That pretty much sums it up.

PANTHESILEA: Is she cold like you?

SPIKE: No! She's hot. Like you. Shorter, and blonde, but with a heartbeat. Like you. Angel's cold.

PANTHESILEA: Yeah. And from what I hear he's kinda dull.

They both laugh. Spike greatly appreciates the complement. Strong, beautiful, attracted to him, and probably NOT attracted to Angel. The petty part of Spike feels that Buffy should give him some for tossing back such a perfect catch.

SPIKE: There's something I heard about Amazon queens that I've been wondering about.

PANTHESILEA: Ask away.

SPIKE: The story about killing the bear. Is it true?

PANTHESILEA: As far as I know.

SPIKE: So you did it?

PANTHESILEA: After that, I wasn't afraid of anything.

SPIKE: I can see that. I've gone through a few trials in my time, but nothing that could hold a candle to your sink-or-swim moment. Have you had any daughters of your own yet?

PANTHESILEA: Two. The first one never made it back. My second, she returned, but died of blood loss from her injuries. She was so brave. You know what her last words were? "I'm sorry." She looked up at me, told me that, and died with her beautiful brown eyes still open. We're never supposed to cry. But while I watched her, I shed one tear. The only time I ever cried. Maybe that's why she thought I felt let down. But I wasn't disappointed. I was proud of her.

SPIKE: What was her name?

PANTHESILEA: She didn't have one. You don't get a name until you pass the trial.

SPIKE: Then what did you call her?

PANTHESILEA: My daughter.

SPIKE: What did everyone else call her?

PANTHESILEA: The Queen's daughter.

SPIKE: Guess that could work. It's a shame she had to go. From the way you tell it, she had the heart of a great warrior.

PANTHESILEA: It wasn't meant to be.

SPIKE: If you have one daughter at a time, you can only get four or five chances. You've already had two. What if none of your daughters make it?

PANTHESILEA: One is always chosen. I was my mom's third. I don't worry. You only fail to produce a successor when you have fear and doubt. That's when the gods take away their blessing.

SPIKE: So the gods made your brave little bundle of joy die a slow, horrible death? Nice gods.

PANTHESILEA: She died a glorious death. That earns her a glorious life in the afterworld.

SPIKE: I'm not a big fan of fate, or of girls having to die glorious deaths. Whole thing sounds like a bloody awful waste of talent to me. Why couldn't she have died gloriously twenty years down the road? Now don't get me wrong. I'm all for brave girls little fighting for their lives. But at least wait until after they've lost all their baby teeth.

PANTHESILEA: We're not like Buffy. One of us isn't born ten times stronger than all the others. But to keep the tribe together, one of us has to wield ten times the power of any other woman. One woman has to prove beyond doubt that she and she alone deserves that power. The other girls my age saw me, bloody and shivering, dragging that bear skin back into camp. From that day on they knew I was better than them.

SPIKE: As divine mandates go, it's not without its charms. I'll give you that. In fact I think all royalty should have to go through something along those lines prove their worth. smiles as he imagines Charles, William and Harry locked in bear cages at the zoo, fighting for their lives and the right of succession Except yours. Cuz I like your kind.

PANTHESILEA: I'm not quite sure if I like your kind. I'm not even sure what your kind even is. But I like you, Spike.

SPIKE: Well I, like you too, Penny.

PANTHESILEA: You're very strange.

SPIKE: So are you. That's why I like you.

PANTHESILEA: But you're the strangest guy I ever met. Am I the strangest woman you've ever met?

SPIKE: Can't say that you are. compared to Drusilla, Penny's the girl next door

PANTHESILEA: I can't make sense of you. You want to fight me, but you refuse to kill me. You're obviously attracted to me, but you don't want to mate with me. Instead, you want to stand around and talk about something even the women I've spent my whole life with don't ask me about.

Spike realizes she has a point. Men are supposed to be nice to a woman so she'll sleep with them, and afterwards they talk about personal stuff. Spike skipped the really fun part of that sequence. With all this chaste soul-searching, Spike begins to worry that he might be turning into Angel.

SPIKE: Would you like something to drink?

PANTHESILEA: Sure. Spike gets a pitcher and two silver cups

SPIKE: Most of the wine around here tastes like the feet they squash the grapes with. This is from the Malean islands. Picked it up when I was on the coast. Best stuff I've been able to find. It's a shame they don't have beer in these parts. Bottoms up. they clink cups and drink

PANTHESILEA: This is good. Sometimes we trade for this stuff and sell it off back home in the plateau. But I never drank much. It's too valuable. What's beer?

SPIKE: It's stuff you drink made out of grain instead of grapes.

PANTHESILEA: You mean yellow wine? They have that up in the northern lands.

SPIKE: Well, with a name like that I see why it hasn't caught on.

They finish their drinks and put their glasses down.

PANTHESILEA: Thanks for the drink.

SPIKE: Thanks for stopping by and lighting up an otherwise dull night. Take care, Penny.

PANTHESILEA: You too, Spike.

They stand there for a few seconds in awkward silence. Then Penny hugs Spike and he hugs her back. Nothing wrong with a hug, Spike thinks to himself. It's a friendly gesture, and he only has his arms around her for a few mildly tempting seconds.

PANTHESILEA: It was nice seeing you.

SPIKE: Always nice to see you. And, talk to you. Ah mean, Penny, you're a rare bird. Much more than just a pretty face to me.

PANTHESILEA: You're not so bad yourself below the neck.

Penny gives him a winking half-smile as she turns around. Spike realizes his shirt's still off. He watches her walk out. It's quite a walk. When she's gone, Spike sits down on his throne. However, he's about a foot too far to the right. He land on the right arm rest and tumbles to the floor.


	20. The guys never stand a chance

It's been ten days since Angel came to town, and Hiero is growing impatient.

HIERO: Spike's allies haven't deserted him.

ANGEL: But they're leaning our way. The coastal cities are close to demanding that he vacate our land.

HIERO: Who? Their people, or the shopkeepers who never liked Spike to begin with?

ANGEL: Those who know what he's been up to are upset. They'll spread the word. Soon enough the people will realize that if they don't stand up to Spike's invasion of Amastria, they're next.

HIERO: You're right about that. But I don't think they believe it.

ANGEL: How would you know? You haven't even been out there.

HIERO: Sixteen days have gone by since Spike invaded my country. In that time, not one of his "allies" has raised their voice in protest. They don't care! As long as he doesn't move on our capital, they think this just as an ordinary border dispute. We have to make them care. We have to make them see what Spike is capable of.

ANGEL: Spike will show them soon enough. He can't help overreaching.

HIERO: You don't get it. People don't automatically stand up for what's right. Someone unscrupulous like Captain Peroxide (he doesn't know what peroxide is, but he's adopting Angel's phrase) comes along and hurts a lot of innocent people, and no one tries to fight him, eventually people get used to it. The people on the coast already have. In a few years, even people in my own country will adapt and get used to it. We have to fight. If you don't fight evil, then evil wins. Isn't that what you live your life by?

ANGEL: To call Spike evil is to demean the word. He's merely obnoxious. And the people of Thermadonia aren't evil.

HIERO: They can be changed. I've heard you say it before. But how do we change them? How do we convince them not to be our enemy?

ANGEL: By showing them that we mean them no harm. By building a country they'd want to live in. This whole thing started as the masses versus the landlords. That's no longer the case. Now the people of Amastria are even freer than the people of Thermadonia.

HIERO: Look around. as they walk through the fields, the wealthier men are sharpening their spears and shining their armor. The poorer men are learning how to march and fight in formation. The Amazons are teaching the women how to shoot arrows and throw spears. This is freedom. You've made us stronger than ever before. Spike's made Thermadonia stronger. What do you think nations do with all this energy?

ANGEL: This is defensive. None of the new forces I've raised are designed or equipped for foreign campaigning.

HIERO: But Spike's forces are. And he's massing them on our border.

ANGEL: The moment he invades, all his allies will turn against him.

HIERO: He's one day's march from Lampedos. By the time his allies decide to help us, it'll be too late.

ANGEL: We're strong enough to hold off whatever he throws at us. And when he sees what we have, he'll get scared. Spike's no general. he laughs at this understatement Fighting one-on-one to the death – that's something he understands. But he's way out of his depth when it comes to leading an army. And remember, he has everything to lose.

HIERO: I thought you said Spike didn't use reason.

ANGEL: He does. But just enough to keep him from getting ripped to shreds.

HIERO: You're the one who knows him, so I'll have to take your word on that.

Memnon meets with Spike in the city of Dalgosh, forty miles due south of Lampedos and twenty miles south of the front lines. This is where Spike is currently collecting his forces.

MEMNON: The northern division's in place. My men are rounding up the southern division as we speak. They'll be here in two days at the latest.

SPIKE: Try to have them here in a day-and-a-half.

MEMNON: I'm sorry, but I don't understand the rush.

SPIKE: Weren't you the one who warned that Amastria, with its small size and interior lines of supply, can mobilize twice as fast as us?

MEMNON: Yes, but I don't think they're preparing an invasion. They have two thousand – make that three thousand – Amazons who right now could be ravaging our territory and making our life a living hell. But Angel's holding them back near the capital. They have no offensive deployments.

SPIKE: Just my point. We hit 'em when their guard's down.

MEMNON: We don't need to. Make a deal. Give back their land in exchange for a ten-year truce with us and Dorin. Maybe even pay them some money. We don't need to go north. Our interests are in the south. We need to build a fleet. I say we drop the three northern coastal cities. They're too far away for us to defend. Let them ally with Amastria. It'll help keep things quiet on that front. The southern three are more than willing to help us expand. We put together a combined land-sea force for next spring. Take the southern Araxes valley. Very rich land. Then the next year we move on Vashan. Richest port for one hundred miles. The fleet takes the bay while the army marches down from the northwest.

SPIKE: Take it up with the people, Memnon.

MEMNON: It's not a proposal. Just an example of what we could do if we settled things with our northern neighbors. Wait a week, and the Amazons will get bored and bolt. Attack now, and they'll fight.

SPIKE: Number one, they're scared of my girls. Number two, he has to use them to keep me from hooking up with the allies from Dorin to his west and to keep me from cutting him off from his Fifth Column in the coastal cities to his east. I know what he's been up to. Angel will be too busy playing it safe to stop me. Which reminds me of reason number three. He sicks the Amazons on us, there's going to be a bloodbath. That's why he can't use them. They're too bloody lethal.

MEMNON: As much as I admire you, I'm not comfortable with battle plans based entirely on the enemy refusing to fight.

SPIKE: That's because you don't know Angel.

That afternoon, Panthesilea's tribe rides up to the walls of Lampedos to join the other Amazons. Angel walks out to greet them. He is disappointed to discover that these women aren't as friendly as the other Amazons. Not only don't they kneel in submission. They don't even dismount. The bulk of the tribe files into the Amazon camp while the Queen and her ten Princesses trot past Angel, who stands below them. They look down at him and make eye contact. The Princesses smiles. Panthesilea, who leads the procession, scowls down at Angel. When she's thirty feet behind him, she sneers and mumbles her impression of the "Greatest, most Gorgeous God." This is what the Amastrians and the other two Amazon tribes call Angel in a direct slap at "Golden God" Spike. (Buffy is the Greatest Goddess, so Angel's honorary title doesn't impinge on her preeminence.)

PENTHESILEA: Don't know why any woman would chose THAT over Spike.

Penny glances back at Angel. She has no idea that he heard her. At first, he worries about the presence of a Spike-worshipping Queen in his kingdom. But he knows the vast majority of Amazons are firmly on his side, and that since Amazons never fight one another, the pro-Spike faction will have no choice but to acquiesce and serve his cause. It helps that Angel has no intention of ever letting any of the Amazons fight the Thermadonians. The Amazons mingle for a while in the camp. The rank-and-file of Panthesilea's tribe never even met Spike, and therefore have no personal attachment to him. They easily fall under the sway of the two thousand Angel-loving women from the other tribes. However, they don't turn into Spike-haters because they respect the honorable way he dealt with Panthesilea, especially the part where he refused to kill her or even turn her into his prisoner. Unlike the other Amazons, they believe Spike is a reasonable fellow, though more self-aggrandizing and less gracious than Angel. In short, while the other two tribes believe Angel is good and Spike is evil, Panthesilea's women believe Angel is the better of two goods.

The Amastrians are delighted at the arrival of the third tribe. Their leaders see it as a sign that Spike's coalition is weakening and Angel's strategy of moral suasion is paying dividends. The elders are familiar with the horrors of war, and abhor shedding the blood of their countrymen. They younger men feel differently. To them, Spike's occupation of their land is an affront to their honor and dignity. In their minds, refusal to fight equals weakness. Naturally, they are drawn to Hiero. Like Kreon, he is building a native power base independent from the foreign god-king he idolizes. Angel is very much aware of this. However, he saw how hurt Hiero was when Angel chewed him out for his last unauthorized raid. Angel believes Hiero's fear of disappointing his idol will keep his aggression in check. Besides, right now Hiero is mingling with the Amazons, discussing tactics. Though attracted to them, his is too intimidated by the reputation of these warrior women to even think of hitting on them. Angel believes interaction between Amazons and Amastrians will benefit both groups. The former will learn that men can be good and the latter will learn that women can be strong.

A half-hour after arriving, Panthesilea walks out of the camp and approaches Angel. He's pleased that the Spike-worshipper has chosen to make the first move and reach out to him. As she gets close, he realizes how tall Penny is. He can't deny that she's very attractive, with her long legs, pretty face and athletic swagger. However, Panthesilea isn't Angel's type. She lacks the emotional vulnerability that Angel likes in his strong, beautiful women. While she's not scowling, Penny isn't smiling either.

PANTHESILEA: I am Queen Panthesilea. My tribe has joined their sisters. Thalestris and I have chosen Hippolyta to be First Among Equals. She will hold supreme command of the Three Tribes, and I will obey all her orders.

ANGEL: It's an honor to have you in our kingdom. Let promise that I will do everything I can to find a peaceful solution to the current crisis. I have no intention of risking the lives of the women in your tribe.

PANTHESILEA: Thank you for your hospitality. If you are as good at keeping your word as Spike is at keeping his, my women have nothing to worry about.

Penny walks away. Her last comment both hurts and confuses Angel. Since when was Spike known for keeping his word? If nothing else, Angel believes Panthesilea is guilty of poor judgement.

As a Queen, Panthesilea believes herself to be Angel's equal. Technically, she has not submitted to him. Instead, she has joined up with the other tribes and elected Hippolyta leader. Hippolyta then chose take orders from Angel. He cannot personally order Panthesilea to do anything. This diplomatic sleight-of-hand allows Panthesilea to claim, at least according to custom, that she is not taking orders from Angel and has not submitted to him.

Shortly after Panthesilea returns to the camp and resumes her discourse with the other two Queens, Hiero approaches them.

HIERO: Now that your forces are united, when are you going to raid Thermadonia?

HIPPOLYTA: We plan to do nothing of the sort.

HIERO: Why not? Are you scared?

THALESTRIS: Angel doesn't want us to.

HIERO: Would you attack if he did?

HIPPOLYTA: He's made it very clear that would never happen.

HIERO: Remind me again you come here?

THALESTRIS: To help your people defeat Spike.

HIERO: Because you couldn't do that on your own?

PANTHESILEA: He outnumbers our combined forces by ten-to-one.

HIERO: I used to hear that one Amazon woman is equal to ten Thermadonian men?

HIPPOLYTA: One Amazon on horseback equals ten Thermadonian men on foot. But that refers to lightly-armed men. Not phalanx infantry.

HIERO: I see. But it's not the men you're scared of, is it?

THALESTRIS: We're scared of no one.

HIERO: Then why did Spike put his girls on our southern front the moment you entered Amastria? The very same girls who forced you to abandon ravaging Thermadonia?

HIPPOLYTA: We refrain from attacking on Angel's orders. It doesn't matter who is guarding the border.

HIERO: I know how tough you women are. If men kill twenty of your ranks, you kill sixty of theirs. Yet when these girls mutilated twenty of your sisters, you let them get away with it. Your army declared defeat and retreated before you had even sent out a squadron (100 women) in retaliation. I don't know why you're so scared of a few girls.

The women look offended. Panthesilea get in Hiero's face and looks down at him. Hiero gulps.

PANTHESILEA: You putting them down because they're girls?

HIERO: I'm putting them down because they're inexperienced. A few weeks ago, those girls didn't know the sharp end of a spear. You women have fought and trained your whole lives. Why are you so afraid of a bunch of amateurs?

HIPPOLYTA: sighs You don't understand the power of women.

HIERO: You think I think women can't fight? I know they can. My aunt's better than me with the bow or the slingshot. I'm not talking about men versus women. I'm talking about experience against inexperience.

THALESTRIS: One-on-one, you're right. But they're hunting in packs. Girls that age have an irrational, savage, primal power. Put enough of them together, whip them into a frenzy, focus them on a target, and you can release that power. Spike understands that.

PANTHESILEA: Spike understands women.

HIPPOLYTA: He understands the power of girls that age. But he doesn't understand how hard it is to control that power. Once they realize no one can stop them, the girls will start doing whatever they want. They'll fall in love with their own power. Pretty soon, they'll stop serving Spike or Thermadonia and start serving only themselves.

THALESTRIS: That's why we've never tried to exploit that power. It's too irresponsible.

HIERO: Too irresponsible. That about sums up Spike.

PANTHESILEA: Sure. Spike's irrational. But only in the short term. A lot of the stuff he does makes no sense when he does it, but later on you figure out what he was up to.

THALESTRIS: I'll admit there's a method to his madness.

HIERO: Emphasis on madness. I still don't get what makes these girls more ferocious than other warriors. Are they more blood thirsty?

HIPPOLYTA: Not blood. Power. Killing is just a way to express that power. They want to see what they can do, how much they can get away with. They've never known power. Suddenly, they can kill with impunity. They used to feel like slaves. Now they feel like gods.

THALESTRIS: They believe they're gods. Until the moment you kill them. And then there are ten more right behind her. You'd have to be crazy to start a fight with them.

PANTHESILEA: Especially when they're so easy to avoid.

Talking with the Amazons has only encouraged Hiero. He wants to see that primal power for himself. It sounds like nothing he's ever witnessed. Hiero is not one to back down from a challenge. And from Hiero's point of view, the girls have challenged him. After all, they're on his land. To allow them to remain there violates his sense of honor. They started the fight. Hiero can't help but try to end it. Later that afternoon, he gets together with 99 other young men who feel the same way. Like Hiero, they've also been deprived of their land.

HIERO: We split into two groups. Straton, your squadron goes right through the center around the time everyone goes to sleep. You then head east. Stay within a couple miles of the border. If you get into trouble, you can always jump back to our side, then head south again when you've outrun your attackers. Go all the way to the eastern border. While they're busy trying to catch you, I'll be leading my squadron to Kocho.

STRATON: That's thirty miles south of the border.

HIERO: Which is why my squadron leaves at sundown. Their forces are concentrated on the border. If we break through and keep going south, they can't catch us. All they can do is wait for us to come back. And they don't know where we'll come back. There's a hundred of us and three thousand of them. But they're spread out over forty miles. That's a very thin line we have to break through.

STRATON: Has Angel approved this?

HIERO: Does it matter? They took our homes. We have every right to strike back. smirks What's wrong, Strat? You're not afraid of a couple girls, are you?

Molly and Keith sit on Spike's cot in the basement. Keith is to Molly's left. Beth Orton's "Love Like Laughter" plays on the stereo.

KEITH: Where did you say you were from again?

MOLLY: Cwmbran.

KEITH: That doesn't sound very English to me.

MOLLY: That's coz it's in Wales.

KEITH: So you're not English?

MOLLY: I'm Welsh. And British.

KEITH: I thought British was the same as English?

MOLLY: It's all the same country. Except in sports. But there you only hear about England coz we're too small to win anything so our best players desert their country – sorry to go off on that tangent about Michael Owen. You probably haven't even heard of him.

KEITH: Is that your boyfriend back home?

Molly laughs at the ridiculous fantasy being spun by the awfully cute but extremely confused American boy. Then again, which statement would Keith find more unbelievable: Molly's dating the English national team's star striker, or Molly's a Potential Vampire Slayer who's in Sunnydale because someone's trying to kill her and destroy the world?

MOLLY: No. Heavens no. I don't have a boyfriend back home. Just one right here in the states.

KEITH: You mean there's - ? Molly smiles. She runs her left hand through his hair. Keith smiles, more than a little chagrined. Oh. Don't I look stupid.

MOLLY: No. Just adorable.

Molly pulls Keith's head towards hers. Keith swoons just a smidgen right before they kiss. Keith puts his right hand on her left cheek and his left hand on her right hip. They lie down sideways on the cot, so they still have their feet on the floor.

It's late afternoon. Spike is outside the walls of Zalpa, supervising the boys playing football and the girls playing rugby. Some of the boys are adjusting slowly to the game, and have to be reminded by Spike not to touch the ball with their hands. Other boys have adjusted to game quite quickly. No sooner had Spike explained the concept of fouls than a few of the boys discovered flopping. Spike reacts vociferously to this development, and ejects all boys he catches trying to fake a foul. If that doesn't do the trick, he's thinking of adding some sort of corporal punishment as an additional deterrent. Then boys who pretended to get hit actually would get hit.

SPIKE: Oh, come up! Give me a bleeding break. He barely touched you. Is this football or pro wrestling? Yes, I know you didn't understand that last part. Just get out. Your team plays down a man. When he's left the field, Spike walks up to the boy and points at the girls playing rugby Now THAT is contact. When you get hit like those girls over there are hitting each other, then you get your pk. In the meantime, trying showing those girls that a men can also be tough.

The young fellow gets the message. Spike walks away and checks on the other games. The girls get excited whenever Spike is nearby and try to impress him. This part of the job takes Spike's mind off more pressing matters, such as the looming war. Maybe when it's all over, Spike can plagiarize Wellington and say his battle against Angel was won on the fields of Zalpa. He laughs at this notion. But he stops laughing when he spots two young men running towards him. Both of them have dried blood on their faces and necks from cuts on their head. Spike rushes over to meet them and find out what's wrong.

SPIKE: Who hurt you?

SIMON: Angel's goons.

SPIKE: Where?

GELON: Belevi.

SPIKE: On the coast? They're our bloody allies.

SIMON: We went to the ecclesia, just like every other day. I listened for a while, then I stood up and said Buffy had matured and no longer needed Angel like she did when she was a little girl. Then all these people stood up and started screaming "Buffy and Angel Eternal! Buffy and Angel Eternal!"

GELON: I yelled out "What the hell does that mean?" They said it was obvious. I told them they were being immature, just like Buffy's love for Angel.

SIMON: Then they yelled "Buffy and Angel Eternal!" one last time and threw stones at us.

SPIKE: You've got to be bloody kidding me. The ecclesia is neutral territory. Angel knows that. We tolerate his partisans when they come to our towns. This is a bloody outrage. Angel better learn to keep his narrow-minded overzealous bigots in line.

GELON: His supporters have been stirring up trouble. They want to turn us against you.

SPIKE: He can't stand to see me succeed. He never could.

SIMON: The people are behind you. They won't let Angel enslave them.

Each side is vilifying their enemy in ways which encourage violence. Spike and Angel both know the situation is rapidly spiraling out of control. Spike begins to this Anya was right when she said the longer Spike stayed the greater the chance of disaster.

SPIKE: Go into town. Get yourselves cleaned up. You can stay at the palace.

Simon and Gelon are shocked by this offer. They look at each other, their jaws dropped, their mouths wide-open and smiling.

GELON: You mean that?

SPIKE: Of course. Place has a dozen rooms. I can only sleep in one.

SIMON: Is there a show tonight?

SPIKE: I think so.

GELON: This is so amazing! Thank you. Thank you.

SPIKE: It's the least I can do for a fan.

SIMON: Getting stoned was so worth it. Thank you. You really are the best.

The two of them talk excitedly as they run to the gates.

GELON: We're gonna see the big show everyone's been talking about. The real thing. Dozens of singers and musicians and dancers on that giant stage with all the scenery.

SIMON: We get to see what Spike's world really looks like.

GELON: And then we get to stay at the Palace of the Golden God.

SIMON: I can't wait to tell everyone back home. You think the girls will be impressed?

While Simon and Gelon enter through one gate, Kreon and Myrina exit through another.

KREON: Sorry I can't stay. You know I want to, but –

MYRINA: You have to patrol. I understand.

KREON: I wish we could spend more time together. I've just been so busy with everything.

MYRINA: Could I come with you?

KREON: The night patrol is dangerous. You could get killed.

MYRINA: I don't mean like that. You're scouting out west, near your village.

KREON: Ten, twenty miles north of Kocho.

MYRINA: But it's on the way. You said you were going home first to see your mom. I could stay with them.

KREON: You want to meet my mother? (He's very nervous about introducing his girlfriend to his mother.)

MYRINA: And to see where you're from. I've never been more than a few miles from these walls. I thought it would be fun to travel with you. You just said you wanted to more time with me.

KREON: You're right. Good point. No use arguing with someone as smart as you.

Kreon gets on his horse, then helps Myrina up. They ride off into the sunset. Myrina puts her arms around his waist and rests her chin on his left shoulder. Kreon wonders why he didn't think of this before.

ANYA: Angel is called the Protector of Women. Spike is the Liberator of Women. That doesn't mean Angel hasn't done his share of liberating, or that Spike hasn't gone out of his way to protect. It's more a reflection of their personalities, and the effects they've had on their countries. Spike makes people feel wild and uninhibited. It helps that he also inspires them to get drunk. On the other hand, Angel makes people feel secure and productive. And sober.

DAWN: So the people see them as complete opposites? Like Yin and Yang?

GILES: More like Apollo and Dionysus.

ANDREW: Would that make Buffy Athena?

WILLOW: Athena's subordinate to Zeus. So that's not accurate, since there's no Zeus.

GILES: Are we discussing which Greek gods each of us is most like?

ANYA: Well, duh. Haven't you been listening?

GILES: I was merely trying to highlight the absurdity. Apparently it doesn't need highlighting.

ANYA: Did the Greeks have a Goddess of Love and War?

GILES: No. But the Sumerians did.

WILLOW: So Buffy's Inanna?

BUFFY: Who am I again?

WILLOW: I told you about her last week. Inanna died then got resurrected by her best friend and sent her lover to hell.

GILES: Yes. There are a few mildly unsettling yet entirely meaningless parallels. But Angel strikes me as more Gilgamesh than Dumuzin.

WILLOW: Of course. And then Connor would be Enkidu. That's perfect!

DAWN: Who's Enkidu and what does he have in common with my boyfriend?

XANDER: I thought Angel was Apollo?

ANYA: He is. To the people in Scyra.

XANDER: Then who am I?

ANYA: Is there a god who's great at building things but has bad luck with women and a dysfunctional relationship with his parents?

GILES and WILLOW: Hephaestus!

ANDREW: Also known as Vulcan. Andrew looks excited

XANDER: They think I'm a Vulcan?

ANYA: No. They think you're the clumsy god who's great with tools.

XANDER: Who do they think you are?

ANYA: The Goddess of Commerce.

WILLOW, DAWN and GILES: Hermes?

ANYA: You mean the one who flies around? That makes sense, since I did travel everywhere by teleporting.

WILLOW: So Kennedy, you're probably like Diana, or Artemis, or Atalanta.

KENNEDY: Atalanta? Please! I would never let a boy bribe me into losing a race so he could force me to marry him.

BUFFY: Is it just me, or are the rest of you getting a little too comfortable with being worshipped?

DAWN: Spike and Angel seemed pretty comfortable with it.

Giles looks at his watch.

GILES: What's taking them so long?

ANYA: My guess? Large-scale warfare.

GILES: Angel would never lead thousands of people to their deaths.

BUFFY: And Spike would?

GILES: I didn't say that.

BUFFY: You implied it.

XANDER: I hate to say this, but if these people are stupid enough to want to die for Spike, maybe they don't deserve to –

BUFFY: Hey! Did you hear what I just said to Giles? I'm sick of the constant Spike-bashing.

XANDER: I wasn't Spike-bashing.

DAWN: He was Spike worshipper-bashing.

WILLOW: No. I believe he was Spike martyr-bashing.

XANDER: And Angel martyr-bashing. The same goes for them. Unlike Giles, I'm being objective and bashing both of them.


	21. Lovers in Arms

Faith tells Lindsey something she's never said to anyone ever before. Buffy and the Scoobies start to worry that they're not real and lack free will

At dusk Hiero leads his fifty horsemen on the attack. Some of the men want to wait until it's completely dark, but Hiero convinces them that an early start will catch the enemy off-guard. They cross the border without resistance. Two miles in, one hundred girls form up on the opposite side of a brook, pointing their spears at the approaching horsemen. It's still light out, so the fighters can clearly see one another. Hiero's men get a good look at the hedgehog of spear points they with have to charge into. Many of them want to hold back and find another place to ford the stream. But Hiero heads on, and they have no choice but to follow their commander. His horse gallops into the water. There's a pretty steep three foot-high incline at the edge of the stream bed that his horse will have to climb up in the face of the enemy. The girls yell and scream, adding to their menace. This only makes Hiero's will to fight even stronger. He still doesn't believe the hype about them. Now's his chance to prove the Amazons wrong.

His men race to catch up to him. When he meets the enemy spear-to-spear, they're still five yards behind him. He's out, all alone, front-and-center, which is just how Hiero wants it. Horses aren't known to charge into pointy objects. But Hiero's horse trusts him completely. When Hiero climbs up the stream bank, the girls in front of him run away before he can stab them with his lance. His men see this and are emboldened. They rush up at the rest of the girls, who also flee in terror. Once all of his men are safely across, Hiero holds them back, fearful of an ambush. His men now trust him completely. The girls had proved him right. After waiting a minute, Hiero bears left and continues on. All the men are as eager as Hiero is to confront and humble the toothless enemy.

After a three-hour ride, Kreon arrives in Kocho. He dismounts, takes Myrina's hand and helps her down.

MYRINA: That was fun. Aren't you glad I came along?

KREON: You have no idea. What did you think of the country?

MYRINA: It's nice. Not as flat as I thought it would be. But that only made it prettier. Though also bumpier. Good thing I had you to hold onto. Mighta fallen.

They smile at each other. Kreon takes her left hand in his right, and they walk into the village.

KREON: Was that your first time on a horse?

MYRINA: Uh-huh. You really like to go fast.

KREON: So do you.

MYRINA: It's exciting. A little scary.

KREON: You did hold me tighter every time she started galloping.

MYRINA: Is THAT why you did it?

The both laugh as they approach Kreon's family's hut/cottage. His mother Doris is outside, tending the fire and cooking dinner. His 11 year-old sister Atalanta was talking to other kids, but runs over when she sees her brother. Doris is surprised to see her son with this woman she's never met or even heard of.

KREON: Mom, this is Myrina.

DORIS: a little suspicious Hello.

MYRINA: Hi. You've raised a wonderful son.

The two women stand there, nervous and unsure of what to say to each other. Fortunately, Atalanta is there to break the ice.

ATALANTA: Is this your girlfriend? It's about time. aside to Myrina He's never had a girlfriend.

MYRINA: You must be Atalanta.

ATALANTA: to Kreon She's pretty. Don't blow it.

As usual, she can't help but embarrass her big brother. He tries to hide his chagrin.

DORIS: Where did you two meet?

KREON: In Zalpa.

DORIS: You live in the city?

MYRINA: My whole life.

DORIS: And you're not married. What do you do? (In the pre-Spike society, single women in their twenties were usually prostitutes.)

MYRINA: I paint pottery. In a factory.

DORIS: Oh. What color?

MYRINA: looking confused Lotsa colors. It depends on what the subject is.

KREON: She paints people and animals.

DORIS: On pots? I've heard about some with drawings on them. Never saw one. We don't have many luxuries around here.

MYRINA: Neither do I. I just paint them. Certainly couldn't afford them.

ATALANTA: Can you draw Spike?

MYRINA: Yeah. I've done a couple of him.

ATALANTA: Wow. Can you show me how?

MYRINA: I didn't bring my supplies. looks around I could make something out of clay. Maybe even a little statue of you.

ATALANTA: Really?

MYRINA: Sure.

The two of them run off. Doris now can talk to her son alone.

DORIS: I see you got yourself a fancy city girl.

KREON: She's not like that.

DORIS: Sounded pretty sophisticated to me.

KREON: Myrina's never been out to the country. But she doesn't look down us. She was a slave until Spike freed her. That's when we met.

DORIS: A freedwoman.

KREON: She worked in the factory. Still does. Except now she can do what she wants after work. Myrina's great. I really like her. You'll like her, too. Everyone likes her.

DORIS: Attie sure does.

Atalanta smiles and laughs as Myrina plays with her.

KREON: She wants to stay here while I patrol. If that's all right with you.

DORIS: Lotta space now that you and your sisters are gone. Why haven't you visited?

KREON: I've been busy. Haven't you heard?

DORIS: I heard you conquered Dorin and command our kingdom's cavalry.

KREON: So don't you think I've had a lot of responsibilities?

DORIS: Plus, I hear you've been spending a lot of time with Spike.

KREON: I'm the reason he's in power. He's the reason I HAVE power. We depend on each other.

DORIS: And yet, with all your new responsibilities, you've found time to find a girlfriend.

KREON: I thought you supported my decision to move. I thought you supported Spike.

DORIS: I do. And I do. Spike's wonderful. He's made everyone happier. I wish your father were still alive to see this. To see you. Things have been moving so fast. All of a sudden, you've become this big, important person. And you meet this girl. It's just a lot to absorb. A month ago, I wondered when you'd be able to afford your own cottage. Now you can have any mansion you want.

KREON: If I bought a mansion, it would be for you.

DORIS: Kreon, please.

KREON: I want to try to pay you back for all you've given me. I'm going to provide for you, and Atalanta, and Penelope and Andrea.

DORIS: And Myrina?

KREON: Well, she's my, ugh, what are you getting at?

DORIS: Look at her and Attie. She's great with kids. Means she'll probably make a good mother.

KREON: Mom!

Faith and Lindsey are back in his hotel room.

FAITH: You somethin'? Tonight wasn't so bad. pulls Lindsey towards her by his tie, kisses him. Kinda liked playing dress-up, looking all girly-girl.

LINDSEY: Thought you looked all womanly myself.

FAITH: Same difference.

LINDSEY: Not in my book.

FAITH: Enough talk.

Faith unbuttons his shirt as she kisses him. Her dress and his pants fall to the floor. Faith throws Lindsey on the bed and gets on top. A few seconds later, she arches her back and feels a sharp pain in her stomach. Her left hand grabs the bandage which is over the stab wound Dru gave her. Lindsey puts his right hand on her stomach.

LINDSEY: You okay?

FAITH: grimacing Five by five. I'll just hafta go gentle tonight. grins Guess there's a first time for everything.

She falls back down on top of Lindsey. He puts his arms around her, then slowly rolls over so he's on top. She puts her hands on is chest and starts to moan a little. He softly kisses her.

LINDSEY: I love you Faith.

FAITH: I love you too.

Twelve miles in, Hiero stops his horse and gets off. His men are confused. Kreon walks his horse over to a nearby pond.

TIMON: What's going on?

KREON: We'll need fresh horses for our dash back. I'm letting Nicanor rest. he takes off his helmet, fills it with water and pours the water on on his horse's back. Plenty of water. Lots of hay. He'll be fine.

TIMON: What are you gonna ride?

KREON: One of the horses we stole. he takes the bridle off his horse, who licks his hand No point wearing our own mounts out. Goodbye boy. Take care. I'll be back before dawn.

SILENUS: I still can't make sense of Cordelia's punishment. It seems entirely out of proportion to her offense. And unprecedented in its severity.

ANGEL: What are you talking about?

SILENUS: In your world, everything happens for a reason. What was the reason for Cordelia's radical transformation?

ANGEL: What gave you the idea that things happen for a reason? Haven't you been listening to me? Bad things happen to good people all the time. That's why I fight. That's why I can never completely win. My world is anything but fair.

SILENUS: It didn't say it was fair. I said it was rational.

ANGEL: Murder is not rational.

SILENUS: Good people suffer so you can save them. Evil exists so you can defeat it. Strangers may die for no reason. But it's different with your friends, and with the people you know. They are punished for their failings. Then they seek redemption and forgiveness, and you help them become reborn stronger than before. Cordelia had already been reborn.

ANGEL: I know. It makes no sense. Just like most other things in my world. And in your world. Life is never fair.

SILENUS: Was it hubris? She could have been guilty of hubris. But then she should have been allowed to abuse her powers, to consciously do wrong, before she would be punished. Her treatment was utterly without precedent. I feel just terrible about what happened to her.

ANGEL: And you think I don't?

SILENUS: I'm not sure how you feel about her. I know you care about her very deeply. But you couldn't have loved her.

ANGEL: Who are you to tell me what feel? You hear a few stories, and now you act like you know me! Don't pretend to understand my world. Because you can't.

SILENUS: But Buffy is your true love, and no one can love two people at the same time.

ANGEL: Love is never that simple.

SILENUS: Yes it is. If you're confused, then it can't be true love. Were you ever confused about how you felt about Buffy?

ANGEL: When did you turn against me?

SILENUS: I could never turn against you. I only want to understand you better. If Cordelia believed you were her true love, that is tragic enough. However, knowing how honest and honorable you are, I am sure that if you suspected that she loved you, you would have reminded her that Buffy was your one true love and that any ardor she felt for you would only lead to crushing disappointment. Since you never claim to have done that, I can only conclude that neither of you really knew how the other one felt. In fact, I imagine that neither of you even understood your own feelings about each other. Am I right?

ANGEL: Well, kind of. We were confused, and we never got the chance to sort things out. And now, after everything that's happened, we probably never will.

SILENUS: Maybe that was her sin: trying to answer a question that shouldn't be answered. As long as your bond was nebulous and undefined, it was mutually beneficial. By arranging that seaside meeting, Cordelia destroyed the mystery that was an essential aspect of your affections.

ANGEL: Anyone ever tell you that you think things through WAY too much?

SILENUS: But that's my job.

It's late at night. Myrina, Doris and Atalanta are about to lie down and go to sleep on straw mats in Doris's hut.

ATALANTA: I hear slaves have to sleep with their owner and his sons and his friends and his son's friends.

DORIS: Attie!

MYRINA: It's okay. I wasn't a house slave. The ladies at the workshop were too valuable to spend time having babies. In fact, our owner didn't even allow us to socialize with men.

ATALANTA: So you're a virgin. Just like Kreon.

DORIS: Attie, please!

ATALANTA: I'm just sayin' –

They hear screams outside. Hiero and his men are ravaging the lands around the village. People flee inside the circular palisade surrounding Kocho. The three women run out of the house. Doris and Atalanta quickly realize they are being attacked. Myrina's never been so close to fighting. Naturally, she's scared. She fears that the raiders will capture her and sell her back into slavery. So she stays next to Doris, who appears to know what to do. Doris runs to the shed where the village keeps its weapons and grabs three spears, handing one to Myrina. She's never even held a weapon before. They mount the ramparts with the other men and women in the village, waving their weapons and yelling at the invaders to intimidate them. Hiero rides to within fifty feet of the palisade. Myrina appears ready to hurl her spear, but Doris grabs her arm and tells her to hold her fire. Atalanta runs up onto the rampart and throws a stone, hitting Hiero's helmet. He hardly notices. Doris grabs her daughter and pulls her away from the palisade, scolding the young girl for risking her life. Hiero gallops along the wall. Several spears are thrown at him. All of the missing or bounce off his shield. After this show of bravado, Hiero rides off with his men, and they continue burning and trashing the nearby countryside. To Hiero's men, this is the cradle of Spike-ism, the epicenter of evil. A small number of villagers continue to man the walls throughout the night while everyone else goes back to bed. With their homes and their flocks inside the village, the enemy has not been able to destroy their most valuable possessions.

A few hours later, a horsemen rides up to Kreon and tells him the news.

KREON: They've hit Kocho! starts hyperventilating My mom, my sister, my, Myrina! starts to ride south. the other man puts his horse in the way

SYPHAX: Are you nuts? Go home now, and we'll never catch them.

KREON: They're gonna pay. I won't let them get home alive.

SYPHAX: I thought Spike's orders were to take prisoners?

Kreon tries to calm down. His breathing begins to return to normal.

KREON: You're right. Dragging them off in chains would be nice. smiles, then looks very serious But if they killed anyone, I slit their throats.

SYPHAX: Right now, just worry about tracking them. Word is they're heading north and west.

KREON: Hiero must be in charge.

SYPHAX: Who? Why does that matter?

KREON: Cause he'd do the smart thing. You'd expect him to take the shortest route home.

SYPHAX: Of course.

KREON: I expect him to go where we can mass the fewest troops. You head north, just in case he's not as smart I think he is. I'll head west. smiles Let's make sure those rich boys go home by way of Zalpa.

WILLOW: Buffy, look on the bright side.

BUFFY: Bright side? Angel and Spike are making thousands of mortal enemies. Mortal enemies with wooden arrows and spears. What bright side can there possibly be?

WILLOW: You always said that you wished more people could know about the great things you do, about how many times you've saved the world. And now they do. Sure, they're in another dimension, and if you went there to bask in their praise, they'd probably never let you leave, on account of you being their Supreme Deity. But they love you. Or at least worship you.

BUFFY: That's a good thing?

WILLOW: No. It's creepy. And scary. But my point is they think of you as the ultimate hero.

ANYA: They like you. They really, really like you.

WILLOW: And that's a good thing, right? Just to know that somewhere there are millions of people who celebrate your bravery.

BUFFY: And talk about my sex life.

WILLOW: Okay, that part's not good. But they don't judge you. Right, Anya?

ANYA: They're excessively understanding of your foibles. Like I said before, they think you can do know wrong. No mistake is every YOUR fault.

GILES: Wait a second. Are you saying they believe Buffy's life is effected by forces beyond her control?

BUFFY: Hello? Where have you been the last seven years?

GILES: My point exactly. How can a Supreme Deity not have control over his or her own destiny?

ANYA: Some of the philosophers have noticed that. In fact, there's one guy named Photius who's convinced that we have no free will whatsoever. He posits the existence of an Even More Supreme Being who created all of us. A Great Storyteller in the Sky, if you will. Which means we're not really people at all. Just facets of the Godhead. And since mortals can't directly know the Godhead, the only way they can understand its essence is by worshipping and trying to understand the Godhead's creations. Which would be us.

XANDER: What do you mean they don't think we're real? That's impossible!

DAWN: I don't think it's impossible. How can anyone be sure they're real?

ANYA: What's impossible is proving you exist. As I found out when I tried without success to prove my existence to Photius.

KENNEDY: But you were standing right in front of him. If you're not real, then he's not real.

ANYA: Which he was perfectly willing to concede.

BUFFY: I don't believe this! They gossip about my love life, talk about what's best for me like they actually know me, and to top it all off they don't even think I'm real!

ANDREW: I guess living as a god isn't as fun as it sounds.

GILES: Was this theory of theirs at all inspired by Buffy's delusion about being in a mental institution?

ANYA: Not really. They believe Angel's existence disproves that idea. After all, there's no reason for Buffy to create a parallel delusion in which she hardly ever appears.

BUFFY: Good point. But it's still super wig-worthy. The idea that someone else created me, and I'm not even real.

DAWN: Like that's never happened before.

BUFFY: I'm sorry Dawny. I didn't mean –

DAWN: I understand. It's always tough the first time someone tells you your life's a lie.

GILES: Why would anyone create Buffy?

XANDER: I think that's obvious enough. To me. Maybe not to you. Since you're much older, and hopefully not –

BUFFY: So you don't even think I'm worth imagining? Thanks a lot!

GILES: What I meant was, why would they make you suffer? No matter how hard you work, no matter how many stupendous feats of bravery you perform, your life is still filled with unimaginable pain and torment.

WILLOW: You're saying she was created by a sadist?

KENNEDY: A sexist sadist who likes to see women suffer and make young women die?

ANDREW: Sexist? Yes. Against men! Look around. Women have all the power. Men are either evil or obedient. Not that I'm complaining. I like it here very much.

DAWN: There are plenty of stories in which the hero has to fight for years, sometimes decades, before they get a happy ending.

BUFFY: We're real. We're not some sick story. You know that, right Dawn?

DAWN: Of course. In a story I'd probably have some super powers of my own by now.

GILES: In those stories, the hero is punished for past wrongs. But Buffy has been punished for no reason.

WILLOW: Like Job?

GILES: Not really. Job's punishment was more complete. And he wasn't given super powers. Plus, Buffy can't communicate with her tormentor. She doesn't even know who her tormentor is.

XANDER: Wouldn't that be her Creator – who doesn't exist, cause of I know we're real.

ANYA: Though if we weren't real, and if we had no will of our own, none of us could be held responsible for our actions. You couldn't be blamed for leaving me at the altar, or praised for saving the world with unsexy love. There'd be no need for guilt. Nothing would be anyone's fault anymore.

GILES: And then the First really would win.

BUFFY: I have to be real. I mean, what kind of sicko would get off by making my life so difficult?

Shortly after the sun comes up, Kreon arrives home. He sees his girl, his mom and his sister sleeping peacefully and breathes a huge sigh of relief. Kreon strokes Myrina's hair with his right hand. She's a light sleeper, and quickly rolls onto her back and opens her eyes. Fearful of intruders after last night's scare, she grabs Kreon's right wrist with her left hand and screams in terror. When she sees it's Kreon, she jumps to her feet and hugs him, screaming and laughing out of joy. This wakes up Doris and Atalanta.

KREON: Everyone okay?

ATALANTA: Not a scratch in the whole village. Angel's guys are cowards.

DORIS: Attie got a bit too eager to fight.

KREON: She wants to be like her sisters.

DORIS: She can be like them when she's as old as them.

ATALANTA: Bollocks.

DORIS: Attie! slaps her wrist

ATALANTA: That's what Spike would say.

KREON: Do you even know what that word means?

ATALANTA: Do you?

KREON: Not really.

MYRINA: I do. pauses, looks nervous But I probably shouldn't say. So Kreon, did you get 'em?

KREON: Penelope and Andrea will. No way Angel's boy gets past them. We probably should be heading back. Myrina's got work and all.

MYRINA: It was great meeting you two. Bye Doris. hugs her Bye Attie. leans down and hugs her

DORIS: Come back soon.

MYRINA: I'll try.

Kreon's shocked by how Myrina's being treated like, well, family. The two of them walk over to Kreon's horse. Myrina holds his hand, looks at Kreon and smiles. His heart races. He almost forgets what he meant to ask her.

KREON: Sorry to take you out here on such a bad night.

MYRINA: It wasn't a bad night.

KREON: he's shocked by her response The village was attacked. Weren't you scared?

MYRINA: A little. But your mom stayed calm, which made me a lot less scared. Then I noticed how everyone was getting together to fight and defend their town. Helped me understand you a little better.

KREON: I'm just glad you didn't get hurt.

Myrina puts her hands behind his neck and looks into Kreon's eyes.

MYRINA: Why do you think you need to protect me? tall, slim, long-necked Myrina is a perfect damsel, but doesn't like being thought of as one

KREON: I don't. I just don't like to lead you into danger. There's a difference.

MYRINA: I can take care of myself.

KREON: I know. puts his arms around her waist, pulls her close But when I heard they attacked Kocho, all I could think about all night was how lost I'd feel if I lost you. Kreon yawns, ruining the moment

MYRINA: Are you tired?

KREON: Kind of. I was up all night.

MYRINA: Maybe I should take the reins.

KREON: laughs You don't know how.

MYRINA: You could teach me. If I'm gonna be travelling a lot with you, might as well learn.

Kreon blushes and feels faint. Before Myrina, he'd never experienced the good kind of woozy, where his stomach ties itself in knots and it's not because he fears for his life. She climbs on the horse and sits in front of him. Kreon grabs the the reins with her. He puts his feet on top of hers to teach her how to use her legs to control the animal. The horse quickly turns east towards the rising son and moves at a moderate gallop. Kreon lets go of the reins and wraps his arms around Myrina's waist.

MYRINA: I think she likes me.

KREON: Of course she does. Who wouldn't?

As dawn approached, Hiero rode past the pond where he left his horse the night before. Nicanor turns and gallops towards his master. Hiero dismounts the stolen horse and takes the reins off. Nicanor bows his head obediently so Hiero can put the reins back on him. Hiero mounts his well-rested stallion and begins the final dash for home. During the night, they made a feint to the west and then turned back east so Hiero and some of the others could reclaim their original mounts. Now they head west again, hoping that their maneuver will have confused and disorganized the girls who didn't go off on a wild goose chase to the east after Straton's decoy squadron. Before heading home, Kreon met with his sister Andrea and told her he was sure where Hiero would head. She told her older sister Penelope. Leaving enough girls to the east in case her brother is wrong, she led 300 girls to the western edge of the border. Hiero figured that if he broke through somewhere in the middle, he'd have to fight 500 girls, but if he crossed back at the edge, he'd only have to fight half that number. He was about correct. When the morning light shows him the small force rushing to block his way, he is sure they won't be able to hold him. The girls aren't lined up deep enough to withstand a heavy cavalry charge. They'll either be run over or run out of the way.

Hiero has his squadron in five groups of ten. Each group forms a triangle, with one rider in front, two feet him, three behind them and four in the back. Hiero leads the center group, charging on his white stallion. The girls point their spears in his direction. He levels his lance, lowers his head and narrows his eyes. Directly in front of him is Penelope. She goes down on her right knee, holds her shield in her left hand and braces the back end of her spear against the the ground, the point facing outward and upward. She raises her head, tightens her jaw and narrows her eyes. Penelope believes that as long as she holds her ground, the other girls won't run. Hiero fearlessly leads his men onward. Nicanor trusts him completely, and gallops at full speed towards the hedgehog of spear points. A 1,500 pound horse running at a 120 pound girl at 20 miles per hour – Hiero is sure that she'll flinch at the last moment. And if she doesn't, he'll stab her in the face. Either way, he wins. Andrea comes galloping towards the men from the east. They are too focused on the girls in front of them to notice her. When the men are 50 yards from the enemy line, she swings her rope and lassos a man in the last row of the group on the far right. Catching the hapless rider round the waist, Andrea pulls him off his horse and drags him south, in the opposite direction of his comrades.

As Hiero bares down on Penelope, she does get a little bit frightened. Still, she know that if she turns and runs, he'll easily ride her down. Her only hope is to hold her ground. She puts her left arm up and out so her shield covers her face. As Hiero drives his lance down, Penelope thrusts her spear up. The horse suddenly stops, and Hiero flies forward, sailing over the entire line of girls. He flips and lands on his back, quickly rising to his feet despite the bruising impact of the fall. The girls in the back row turn and attack. He pulls out his sword, striking two of them with his shield and swinging his blade at another, forcing her back. The girls back away from and surround Hiero, none of them within eight feet of him. Though dismounted and de-lanced, they still see Hiero as a dangerous man.

While the girls focus on Hiero, the nine riders behind them break through the line and gallop north to safety. The two outside groups of ten rode around the enemy line. Unlike Nicanor, the lead horses in the two groups on either side of him refused to ride into a wall of stubborn enemies. These two groups are quickly surrounded by the girls. Knowing what happened to the Amazons, the twenty men are terrified. They are pleasantly surprised when offered a chance to surrender, and eagerly choose survival over honor. Hiero looks over the heads of the girls in front of him. He sees Nicanor lying on the ground, Penelope's spear driven up through his skull. He is enraged and horrified. Now he wants blood.

HIERO: Nicanor! No!

Hiero puts his left foot forward and is about to charge into the enemy when he notices the twelve spears pointed at his neck. He may be brave, but he's no fool. Hiero puts his head down in shame as he raises his hands above his head and drops his shield and sword. Seeing this, Penelope turns around to look at Andrea, who's dragging her poor prisoner back towards the lines.

PENELOPE: It's over! They surrendered!

Andrea drops the rope. The young man gasps for air amidst a cloud of dust. His elbows, knees and face are skinned and bleeding, and his shirt has been torn to rags. Penelope turns back around to look at Hiero. Her girls gasp.

PENELOPE: What! What's the problem?

A few of the girls point meekly at Penelope's left arm. She holds it up and realizes that Hiero drove his lance clear through her left forearm, pinning her shield to her arm. She moves the arm up and down, and the the lance and shield remain stuck in place. Hiero looks at Penelope with deadly fury.

HIERO: You killed Nicanor!

PENELOPE: What? I didn't kill anyone. looks down Oh. Your horse. Forget about the horse. Look what you did to my arm!

HIERO: I'm sorry. I wasn't aiming for your arm.

Penelope chuckles. This guy's got guts, telling her he's sorry he didn't kill her when he's defenseless and should be begging for his life. She decides to play along and respond in kind.

PENELOPE: And I wasn't aiming for your horse.

Andrea has ridden up to the lines. When she notices her sister's wound, Andrea leaps off her horse and runs over to Penelope.

PENELOPE: It's okay, sis. Doesn't even hurt.

Andrea smiles. She realizes that Penelope won't give the enemy the satisfaction of seeing her in pain. Andrea can't help but admire that. Still, no one hurts her sister and gets away with it. Spike's orders were no killing. That left a lot of leeway. She pulls out her dagger, looks at Hiero and smiles. The fourteen year-old blonde tomboy gives him the willies. Meanwhile, Andrea grinds her teeth, groans and rips the spear point out of her arm.

HIERO: You shouldn't do that. You have to wait until you can cauterize –

Andrea puts her dagger blade to his left cheek.

HIERO: I'm just trying to help.

Andrea pulls her dagger back and laughs.

ANDREA: If you care about my sister, why did you try to kill her?

The blood pours out of Penelope's wound. She puts her right hand around it, trying to slow the bleeding.

ANDREA: Somebody get her a bandage.

She looks at Hiero. He's wearing a green shirt and brown breeches that come down to just below his knees. She looks at the girls, who think of her as second-in-command.

ANDREA: Take his shirt.

Two of the girls rip off Hiero's shirt and bring it over to Penelope, tying it tight around her wound. This stops the hemorrhaging. She walks up to the shirtless Hiero.

PENELOPE: Wonder what else I should take off you.

Hiero glances down at his pants, fearing the worst. Instead, she takes off his helmet. The golden bronze helmet has a red horsehair crest running down the center and two ornate silver tin wings on the front.

PENELOPE: Nice hat. Got a little dent. Still pretty nice.

She puts it on her head and chuckles. It comes down over her eyebrows. Andrea looks at Hiero's long black hair. She grabs it and puts her knife to his scalp.

ANDREA: Maybe we should make this boy bald.

PENELOPE: No! Don't touch them. Tie them up, but first make sure they're healthy. We're taking these boys back to Zalpa. Nobody hurts them!

Andrea can tell Penelope's serious. She puts her dagger away and runs over to the man she dragged around, helping him to his feet and trying, along with some of the other girls, care for his wounds. Since he was too far away to hear Penelope's terms, the man thinks they're either preparing to sell him into slavery or sacrifice him. Otherwise, why would his mortal enemies be so nice to him? He's heard all sorts of horrible things about Spike's maenads. To the people in Amastria, they're unnatural, hysterical, bloodthirsty pubescent monsters. Then he wonders if they're going to turn him into their sex slave. That doesn't sound like such a bad fate. Much preferable to getting torn limb from limb.

ANYA: I'm sorry, Lorne. I didn't look into that. You'll have to ask Angel. If and when he returns. hangs up the phone They're having trouble coming to terms with what's happened.

GILES: They must be worried sick about him.

over at the Hyperion

FRED: What'd she say?

LORNE: They worship him. They know about us.

FRED: What do they think of us?

LORNE: She says she doesn't know.

GUNN: I damn sure better not be God of Sidekicks.

back at Buffy's house

BUFFY: Angel's been gone for two-and-a-half weeks. That can't be good.

GILES: Spike can be exceptionally stubborn.

BUFFY: Giles! Did you forget what I said about not taking sides?

GILES: My apologies. For your sake, I'll try to suspend my objectivity until they return.

XANDER: Buffy's right. They're exactly the same. They both went to a strange land, tricked people into worshipping them, then tried to become as powerful as possible. Giles, you think Spike's Brando and Angel's Martin Sheen. The truth is, they're both Brando.

BUFFY: Excuse me? What the hell does that mean?

KENNEDY: They're both fat and bald?

XANDER: Not yet. smiles at this fantasy Then again, it is only 11:30.

Giles looks down at his watch.

GILES: Oh no. With everything going on, I completely lost track of time.

DAWN: It's okay. You had a lot on your mind.

ANDREW: Like learning that you're a deity. Which, I've heard, is a big thing in a person's life.

GILES: I forgot about the girls. Buffy also remembers

BUFFY: We were supposed to send them home a half hour ago.

XANDER: Boys? What boys?

ANYA: The ones the Potentials are making out with. Xander remembers and winces

BUFFY: Go tell them to leave.

GILES: Me? I'm not going down there. It's your house.

BUFFY: You're the one who said they could come over.

ANYA: True. But Giles would be more scarred by catching those boys rounding second with his Potentials. He is their father figure. You're just their big sister-figure.

DAWN: Hey! She's my big sister-figure. Oops. I mean, my actual big sister.

BUFFY: Andrew, go kick those boys out.

ANDREW: What? Why me?

BUFFY: Lowest wiggins factor. Willow, Giles and Xander nod in agreement

ANYA: But what if they refuse? You need someone intimidating. I'll go with him.

BUFFY: Fine with me. Anya and Andrew walk towards the door

WILLOW: Try not to threaten to eviscerate anyone.

ANDREW: I won't.

WILLOW: I wasn't talking to you.

Willow and Anya walk down the stairs.

ANYA: Okay hormone bags. Party's over. They turn on the lights in the living room. It's empty.

FADILA: They're in the basement.

Anya and Andrew turn around to see Fadila, Chao-ahn, Izora and Ariella in the dining room.

ANYA: That you, dateless ones.

Anya and Andrew go into the kitchen and open the basement door. Andrew flickers the lights a couple times. The girls get the message.

meanwhile, upstairs

WILLOW: Angel doesn't strike me as the type who would enjoy being fawned over and worshipped. What is he doing?

DAWN: Raising an army to defeat Spike?

KENNEDY: Men can be so immature.

Angel sits in a courtyard, looking up and basking in the sun. Nearby, Silenus sits in front of a desk with a quill and several scrolls.

SILENUS: Has Wesley apologized to you?

ANGEL: I don't know. I think so. It doesn't matter. Apologies don't change what already happened.

SILENUS: Does he even know what he should apologize for?

ANGEL: Of course! He's not stupid.

SILENUS: Losing Connor wasn't his fault.

ANGEL: I don't believe this! You're taking his side? Why does it seem like lately you've been against me?

SILENUS: His mistake was not believing the prophecy. His mistake was failing to tell you about the prophecy. He should have trusted you. He should have known you were strong, wise and caring enough to handle any news, no matter how troubling. Wesley doubted you. That is why he suffered.

ANGEL: No Silenus. He suffered because Holtz was psychotic and Justine had no will of her own.

SILENUS: Neither of which would have mattered if he had trusted you. Has he at least promised never to keep vital information from you ever again?

ANGEL: He doesn't have to.

SILENUS: You trust his judgement? Even though his judgement nearly ruined you?

ANGEL: Wesley learns from his mistakes. We all do.

SILENUS: Even Spike?

ANGEL: laughs Probably. But he just goes and makes new ones. Can we get back to my laws? Where were we?

SILENUS: We had just finished property law. You wrapped up marriage and inheritance yesterday. Now it's on to criminal. We'll start with murder. Currently, there is a trial by peers. Majority needed to convict. Penalty is execution.

ANGEL: Majority? Make it unanimous.

SILENUS: By there are between 200 and 500 jurors.

ANGEL: That's not a jury. It's a reality show. With killing. Knock the jurors down to twenty. And no killing. You know how I feel about taking human life.

SILENUS: But they have already taken lives themselves. And what about the victim's families? Don't they deserved justice?

ANGEL: It's vengeance.

SILENUS: And vengeance sullies the souls of all who engage in it. I'm well acquainted with your teachings on that subject. But what would your punishment be?

ANGEL: How about exile? Banishment to a desert island? No, that's also too reality show. Just plain old banishment. They can never return to see their families and friends and homeland ever again. Also, we could seize their property and put it into a fund used to compensate the victim's families. I think that would be just, but not vengeful.

SILENUS: The people would never support such a measure. That is, unless it came from you.

Lysander rushes into the courtyard. The men who escaped from the girls have made it back to Lampedos, and told what happened to the others. He whispers in Angel's left ear. Angel's formerly serene face now looks worried and distressed. He stands up and walks away from Silenus, towards the colonnade around the outside of the courtyard. Lysander follows him.

ANGEL: Go north. See what allied forces you can gather. Send Demetrius to the coast. Let our friends out there know what's happened. Aratus can mobilize our own forces. I'll handle Spike.

LYSANDER: What about the prisoners?

ANGEL: Leave that to me.

LYSANDER: Sire, are we at war? Angel still finds it creepy when they call him that

ANGEL: Not until Spike declares it first. We just need to be ready when that happens. It's time I teach Spike a lesson. Again.

NEXT: Angel and Spike return to LA and Sunnydale in the next chapter. I promise!


	22. Give Spike Enough Rope

Word of the captured Amastrians reaches Zalpa when they are five miles away. The people are jubilant. For once, Spike sees the folly of rubbing it in. He steps up to the platform in the agora. The people quickly grow silent and look his way.

SPIKE: The defeated enemy will soon arrive. (cheers) And when they do, there will be no gloating. (sighs and whines of disappointment) Now, I know I sound like the bloodiest of bloody hypocrites for saying this. (laughter) But I want to show them how much fun we have in Zalpa. (cheers) Show 'em a good time. Treat them like honored guests. Make them want to stay. Or at least make them want to tell their countrymen about how great life is in Thermadonia. Then maybe that country will come to its senses and want to join us. (cheer and applause)

Spike leaves the stage and walks towards the front gates. Along the way, he passes by the theater, where they return to rehearsing their latest production. The director runs up to Spike as he goes by.

NABIS: They couldn't have picked a better day to get captured. Tonight, I'm premiering "The Gift Cycle." Four acts, two heroes, one epic story of rebirth and transformation. Maybe it will make the misguided Amastrians understand your greatness.

SPIKE: Knowing your track record, I'm sure it will.

Nabis looks delighted.

NABIS: You mean you saw "Becoming!" I thought you couldn't make it.

SPIKE: I didn't. Just heard the raves.

Nabis looks disappointed.

NABIS: Does this mean you won't be coming to tonight's show? laughs Excuse the pun.

SPIKE: Duty calls, Nabis. We have to mobilize for war.

NABIS: That means people will be leaving the city to fight in the north.

SPIKE: Most of the forces are already in the field. Live should go on here as normal.

NABIS: Life hasn't been anything approaching normal since you arrived.

SPIKE: I meant you can continue putting on your shows. People need to be entertained. Plus, it'll help morale.

NABIS: That's true. Tomorrow night we're putting on "A Touch of Magic." It's a crowd favorite, and none-too-serious. The people need comedy in these tense days. Am I right?

SPIKE: That you are. Good luck with the opening.

NABIS: I'm sorry you can't be there. Come to think of it, you haven't made it to any of my shows.

SPIKE: I've been busy.

NABIS: Could you at least look at the sets and costumes to make sure they're accurate?

SPIKE: I trust your judgement completely.

This complement causes Nabis to cease nagging Spike, who is understandably wary of seeing dramatizations of events he actually lived through. Especially highly idealized propagandistic dramatizations.

"The Gift Cycle" covers the end of Season Five, all of Season Six and the start of Season Seven. Act One begins with Glory torturing Spike and ends with Buffy's death. Act Two chronicles Spike's grief, Buffy's rebirth, and ends with the musical episode and their first kiss. To fill the Buffyless void, a subplot is developed about Spike's role as Dawn's protector and "big brother." This is meant to show Spike's goodness and display how "naturally" he fits into the Summers home. There are also allusions in Act One to how "well" Spike got along with Joyce and how she "liked" him so much better that cradle-robbing Angel and boring Riley. After intermission, Act Three follows their passionate affair and bitter breakup. Act Four begins with Spike winning back his soul which tragically leads only to agony, guilt and insanity. But then Buffy's love saves him, and they live happily ever after. As you can see, Spike's people have taken enormous liberties with the facts. The Buffybot appears as a fighter, but there is no mention of her origin as Spike's sex toy. The rape scene is entirely omitted, as are all references to how degraded the affair with Spike made Buffy feel. The happy ending is of course entirely invented. Spike is "bad" in the sexy rebellious sense, but he never does anything evil. Even when he's soulless, Spike always tries to do good. But he can't BE good until he gets his soul back. In addition, there's no mention of the fact that the chip in his head is what prevented Spike from killing people.

"Becoming" begins with the eponymous final episode of Season Two. Spike rescues Buffy from the police and gives her a chance to save the world when all hope seems lost. Buffy bursts into the mansion, beheads Vampire #1 and begins fighting Vampire #2 while Spike beats Angelus with a stick. Dru tackles Spike and Angelus pulls the sword out of Acathla. From then on, things don't go according to plan. When Xander enters, and instead of punching Vampire #2, he stakes him. (Spike and the Thermadonians don't know that Buffy gave Xander a stake in place of his rock when they were walking up to the mansion, which bolsters the plausibility of their retelling.) Now, instead of wasting fifteen more seconds on this anonymous vampire, Buffy goes after Angelus at the moment when he pulls the sword out. Xander liberates Giles and they leaves the story, but not before Giles sings a verse or two crediting Spike with saving his life. Dru has just decked Spike when Angel grabs the sword. She notices Buffy coming at him from behind with her own sword. Dru leaps at Buffy to keep her from harming dear Angelus, knocking the sword out of Buffy's hand. She moves just in time to avoid Spike's sleeper hold. With Buffy occupied with Drusilla, Angelus goes after Spike, trying to kill him for his betrayal. Spike grabs Buffy's sword, cuts Angelus and sends him to Hell seconds before Willow's spell would have restored his soul. A few seconds earlier, Buffy staked Dru. She watches Angelus get sucked into Hell. Spike's happy. Then he notices Dru is a pile of dust. They've won, but each of them has lost their lover forever. Full of grief and rage, Buffy and Spike fight a vicious battle which decides nothing. Exhausted and despondent, they go their separate ways. Soon enough, Spike realizes he's in love with Buffy. He tracks her down in Los Angeles. She wants nothing to do with him. Spike gets desperate. Buffy just calls him a sick pathetic loser. Spike earns his soul. Buffy returns to Sunnydale, and shortly thereafter so does Spike. She begins to give him a chance. Then Angelus returns, evil and thirsting for revenge. Spike helps Buffy kill him. Soon they fall in love and live happily ever after. Faith's arrival is only alluded to. Somehow, Spike's presence keeps her from going evil. Her fate is not mentioned, since the only relevant part is Faith goes bad when Angel's around but stays good when Spike takes Angel's place. At the end Buffy jokes with Spike about resurrecting Angel so Faith can have an ensouled vampire of her own. Spike says he thinks Faith deserves better. They laugh. End of show.

"A Touch Of Magic" is briefer and less intense. It centers around the time Willow accidentally made Spike and Buffy want to get married. After the spell wears off, Spike realizes that he liked being in love with Buffy. Slowly, Buffy comes to the same realization. In the end, they live happily ever after. Riley is portrayed as a buffoonish third wheel. The Giles-Spike relationship is developed along father-son lines which would deeply upset Spike if he ever actually saw the play. And in a move that would disturb Spike and enrage Willow, the Willow-Tara relationship is depicted as something of a parallel for Spuffy, with Willow and Buffy each trying new things and discovering their true selves. Like I said, it's the sort of propaganda the Great Leader himself would be ashamed of.

A little later, Spike stands outside the walls as the captives are brought up. Andrea leads one column of 11 men. Their hands are bound behind their back with rope. Andrea rides her horse and has her lasso around the neck of the man in front, occasionally yanking on it to pull him forward when he slows down. Spike realizes she's taking way too much pleasure in this. Penelope rides on her horse in front of the other column of 11 men. She doesn't have a lasso. The lead man in that column is the bare-chested Hiero. All the other men hang their heads down in shame. He holds his head up, his jaw clenched, his face looking stern but proud. Hiero refuses to give the enemy the satisfaction of seeing him look humiliated. It helps that, like his hero Angel, Hiero looks quite good with his shirt off. Behind and on either side of the men are hundreds of armed girls, skipping and dancing and laughing and singing. Spike runs up to Andrea and Penelope. He doesn't look happy.

SPIKE: Untie these men.

ANDREA: They're our prisoners. We caught 'em fair and square.

SPIKE: They're MY prisoners. Untie them right now. And take your lasso off that poor sod's neck.

Andrea does this and gives the order to unbound the captives. The girls quickly do what they are told. Spike inspects the men. He stops in front of Hiero, who glares at the Golden God with contempt and scorn.

SPIKE: Where is this boy's shirt?

PENELOPE: On my arm. He speared me. Spike looks at the wound. Then he looks at the local dignitaries behind him. Get Penelope a doctor right this bloody instant. And get the boy a shirt.

HIERO: My name isn't boy.

SPIKE: Rude to his elders. I like that. Tell me boy, what should I call you?

PENELOPE: His name's Hiero.

Spike turns to look at her. He takes her left arm in his hands.

SPIKE: How are you, pet?

PENELOPE: I'm fine. But thanks for asking. smiles. Hiero rolls his eyes and groans. Spike and Penelope turn around

SPIKE: Do you have a problem with me being nice to the wonderful girl you tried to kill?

HIERO: No. Just with her being nice to you.

Spike decides to kill Hiero with kindness. He walks up and condescendingly rubs the top of Hiero's head with his right hand, mussing up his hair.

SPIKE: Well aren't you a cutie. gives him a brief noogie. looks at High Priest Nicias I like this one. Put him up in the palace. looks at all 22 prisoners Welcome to Zalpa. Telamon, show our special guests the best this fair city has to offer.

TELAMON: Right this way, gentleman. I'm sure you must be very hungry after your long journey. We have prepared a great feast for your pleasure.

The confused and suspicious Amastrians file through the gate. Everyone they pass in the marketplace is extremely polite. The women all smile at them. They are led into a luxurious banquet hall where the famished men, who have been walking and riding without food for the past 18 hours, wolf down fruits, breads and meats served to them by pretty women. After plying them with liberal amounts of wine, the women oil and massage their weary muscles, then feed them grapes as they recline on couches, listening to musicians serenade them. The women are prostitutes, who as a group are very grateful to Spike because he allowed them to keep all their income by convincing their pimps to allow them to become independent contractors. (Spike achieved this by threatening to give the pimps to Panthesilea's Amazon tribe, knowing full well that they'd torture the men to death or sell them into slavery. The terrified pimps decided to give up their occupation and invest their ill-gotten profits in more respectable ventures. For comparison, Angel outlawed prostitution, personally counseled the women to try to convince them to turn their lives around, and offered to train them for more rewarding employment.) The women are volunteering their time, and don't expect to have to do anything they would normally get paid for. And they are right. After a sleepless night, a gigantic meal and copious amounts of wine, the men all fall asleep early in the afternoon and are carried off to the best guest bedrooms in the best mansions in town.

Hiero will have none of Spike's temptations to join the Dark Side. He refuses to go to the banquet and retires to the luxurious room Spike has set aside for him. Hiero demands something less luxurious. Spike jokes that in his town this IS the least luxurious room. Hiero stays put, but refuses to eat. He also refuses the shirts he's offered on the grounds that they're too fancy. He believes accepting anything from Spike would be tantamount to accepting a bribe.

Kreon and Myrina return to the city. They've heard the joyous news. Myrina hugs Spike when he tells her she's not late for work because Spike has declared today a holiday. He relishes playing the nice guy, especially while he is simultaneously bringing together all the components of his army for an invasion of Amastria that will bring Angel to heel once and for all. Kreon reminds Spike that Hiero is Angel's protege. Now the young man's ascetic political prisoner act makes sense. He decides it's best to leave Hiero alone, isolated from his more pliable comrades. If he wants to suffer, Spike won't stand in his way. But he won't antagonize Hiero, which is why he keeps Andrea from talking to (taunting) him. Penelope has got her wound bandaged. Nicias is busy trying to get the blood stains out of Hiero's shirt. The one perk of Spike's job that hasn't grown stale is forcing the High Priest (and all the other Priests) to perform menial tasks. Penelope insists on bringing Hiero a new shirt. Since she seems to be the one Thermadonian Hiero does not detest, Spike lets her go in. Her older brother Kreon, who would not have approved of this contact, is napping at that time. Penelope enters carrying a corse brown tunic.

PENELOPE: I hope this ain't too fancy for you. she hands him the shirt

HIERO: Is it HIS?

PENELOPE: Course not. he goes to put in on, then pauses

HIERO: Why do you care?

PENELOPE: Without a shirt, you look like a slave. And we don't have slaves in Thermadonia. Not since Spike came. Plus, you ain't decent. You think I wanna see this? I hardly know you.

Hiero has good manners, and knows it's not very polite to be half-naked in front of a young female stranger. If he took after Spike, Hiero would have jokingly implied that Penelope liked what she saw and protested a little too much. But that's not Hiero's way.

HIERO: Okay. Now I'm decent. That makes two of us in this country. Hiero thinks Penelope's smart enough to see the error of her ways and join Angel.

PENELOPE: I didn't mean to strip you. Just needed somethin' to stop the bleeding.

HIERO: How's your arm?

PENELOPE: You say that like you care.

HIERO: I do. I am the one who hurt you.

PENELOPE: Yeah, right. You call this hurting me?

HIERO: Have you been wounded before?

PENELOPE: In battle? No. Course, I've only been a warrior for twenty days.

HIERO: You're a natural.

PENELOPE: I learned a lot from my brother.

HIERO: Kreon? laughs I can't believe you two are related. You're noble. He's a scoundrel.

Penelope slaps his face hard with her right hand.

PENELOPE: Don't you ever insult my family. Say one more bad think about my brother, and I'm gonna make Spike let my brother fight you. And this time you ain't gonna be able to run away.

HIERO: I know. Because after I killed him, you and your sister would come after me. THEN I'd be in real trouble. smirks. Penelope pulls back her hand, but decides against slapping him a second time.

PENELOPE: What's your problem, rich boy?

HIERO: I'm not rich.

PENELOPE: Course you are. Ain't no poor Amastrian horsemen.

HIERO: Didn't say I was poor. My family has land. Not a lot. But it's enough. I mean, it WAS enough. Until Spike took it away.

PENELOPE: Spike took nothing. Your own people turned on you cause you weren't treating 'em right.

HIERO: I know. Penelope is shocked Angel taught me that. He's made my people better. We can show that to the people in the stolen lands if Spike would take his mercenaries out. But he won't.

PENELOPE: Because then you'll invade us. Your people can't stand that my people are finally free and happy and powerful. You think we're not as good as you.

HIERO: You aren't. So long as you keep following Spike.

PENELOPE: You talk like you're smart. But you're an idiot. Cause you can't see that we're both following Spike. Angel's doin' the same stuff Spike did. And he's doin' it CAUSE Spike did it.

HIERO: But Angel's doing it better.

PENELOPE: Do you like me?

Hiero is taken aback by this question.

HIERO: Whadya me like?

PENELOPE: Do you think I'm brave?

HIERO: Absolutely.

PENELOPE: Well, I'm brave cause of Spike. Wasn't for him, I wouldn't have been standing in your way.

HIERO: Spike didn't make you brave. You were always that way.

Walks away, shaking her head, then turns around right before the door.

PENELOPE: Must be the hunger that's got you talking crazy. You need to eat something.

HIERO: I won't touch his food.

PENELOPE: That's your people's problem. You're so fulla hate you don't know a good thing when it comes your way.

HIERO: I could go for some porridge. If you bring it.

Penelope is wary of this young stud.

PENELOPE: Sure. Okay. But you try any funny stuff, and you'll be wearing your lunch.

She leaves the room. Hiero lies back on the couch and smiles. Penelope isn't arrogant like Spike or Kreon. And she's nothing like the women in Amastria. When she's around, Hiero forgets about how mad Angel will be when he returns home. Now that Penelope's gone, the dread comes flooding back. And then Andrea comes skipping into the room, humming a happy tune. Hiero rolls his eyes.

HIERO: What now? You decided to burn me?

Andrea giggles.

ANDREA: You made a funny. Didn't know you had a sense of humor. That makes two ways you're better than Angel.

HIERO: Oh really. What's the other.

ANDREA: Your hair. (Hiero's haircut is coincidentally like Angelus's circa 1900, but a little curlier, just as Kreon's haircut is like Spike circa 1900, except brown instead of blonde.) Why don't you like Spike? What did he ever do to you?

HIERO: He took my home!

ANDREA: No he didn't. Your neighbors did. Shoulda been nicer to them.

HIERO: Maybe if they talked to me we could have worked something out. Attack first, talk later: that's Spike's way.

ANDREA: And Angel's way is what? Sitting around feeling sorry for himself?

HIERO: He doesn't do that.

ANDREA: Sorry. I meant walking around brooding and not helping no one.

HIERO: Angel helps people. He's helped a lot more people that Spike ever has.

ANDREA: Cause he had a hundred year head start. Spike's catching up to him awful fast. I'd rather have Spike on my side. He's a man of action.

HIERO: So's Angel. But Angel's also a man of wisdom.

ANDREA: looks angry. walks towards Hiero You think Spike's dumb?

HIERO: He's certainly not as smart as Angel.

ANDREA: Spike was smart enough to choose to be good. When did Angel ever do that?

HIERO: Spike only did that to be around Buffy.

ANDREA: Ain't that why Angel got in the game?

HIERO: That explains why he left her to help even more people.

ANDREA: You're jealous.

HIERO: Excuse me?

ANDREA: You're jealous of us. You're jealous of how happy and free people are in my country. Just like Angel's jealous of Spike.

HIERO: Why can't you be less like your brother and more like your sister?

ANDREA: smiles flirtatiously Why Hiero, I thought I was too young for you. Guess you really do take after Angel. Hiero takes offense at this gibe from the petite, athletic 14 year-old blonde girl who's good with weapons. Too bad for you I learned from Buffy's mistake.

Hiero decides not to defend Angel against this unprovoked cheap shot. It's beneath him.

HIERO: You know that's not what I meant.

ANDREA: Just kidding. Like I was sayin', William the Bloody comes along, pretty soon he's doing stuff Angelus never even thought of. Makes Angelus look like the Mini-Bad. Then when Spike goes good, he shows up Angel. Just like before. Anything Angel can do Spike can do better. she's too young to add "Just ask Buffy," which is what her older brother would have said.

HIERO: Who's Spike ever inspired? Who has he made good? How many lives has he changed? It's not even close.

ANDREA: How many lives has Spike changed? How many people are there in Thermadonia?

HIERO: I meant back in their world.

ANDREA: Only reason Angel helps people is cause he needs them to help him. Spike can rescue himself. giggles Guess you really are like Angel. I mean, look at you: trapped and helpless.

Andrea walks out of the room. She runs into Spike, smiles and hugs her hero.

ANDREA: Hi Spike. Why don't you look happy? Today's a happy day.

SPIKE: What were you doing in Hiero's room?

ANDREA: Just talking.

SPIKE: We want his stay here to be as pleasant as possible. Spike's using the royal we

ANDREA: He looked lonely. I wanted to keep him company.

SPIKE: Do you like hurting people?

ANDREA: I didn't hurt him. I swear!

SPIKE: I'm not talking about now. I'm talking about out on the battlefield.

ANDREA: Well yeah. Course I like hurtin' the enemy.

SPIKE: That's not good.

ANDREA: Why not? I thought that was the point?

SPIKE: The bloody point is to defend your family and your friends from people who want to harm them. You should never enjoy making people suffer.

ANDREA: Even bad people?

SPIKE: The bad people get their rocks off by causing pain. Don't be like them, Andrea. You're a great girl. Take after your big sister, and you'll be a great woman. Penelope walks past them and goes into Hiero's room

ANDREA: See! I am takin' after her.

PENELOPE: Here's some porridge. In a wooden bowl. With a wooden spoon. Hope it's simple enough for you. Also brought this jar of honey, case you wanted something sweet.

Hiero thinks of saying that he had something sweet as long as she was around, but decides not to push his luck.

HIERO: Thanks. Does this mean you're no longer mad that I tried to kill you?

PENELOPE: Are you still mad I killed your horse?

HIERO: You were defending yourself. I was the one who made Nicanor run into your spear.

PENELOPE: Guess I taught you a lesson.

HIERO: More than one.

He smiles at her. She blushes. After a few seconds of awkward silence Penelope leaves the room. By now, Kreon is up from his nap. He sees her walk out of the room and follows her out of the palace.

KREON: What were you doing with that heathen?

PENELOPE: Showing him more class than his people would ever show us.

KREON: You can't trust anything he says.

PENELOPE: Why are you so paranoid? Don't you trust me?

KREON: On the field of battle, absolutely. With boys, no.

PENELOPE: So it's okay if a boy wants to kill me, but not okay if he wants to ask me out?

KREON: Yes. Because you can't get away with killing a boy who's only hitting on you.

PENELOPE: He wasn't hitting on me. smiles, twirls her hair Okay, maybe a little.

KREON: I don't believe it. You like him!

PENELOPE: Do not. But he likes me. He feels sorry for hurting me, and doesn't mind that I killed his super-expensive war horse. It's funny. I could probably make him do anything I wanted. Like not fight us.

KREON: Oh. smiles So that's what you were up to.

PENELOPE: Why else would I bother talkin' to the enemy?

Andrea and Myrina come up. Myrina holds Kreon's hand. He looks at her and smiles.

MYRINA: Forget about work. Today's our day off.

KREON: I can't take a day off until the enemy surrenders.

MYRINA: I meant today's MY day off. And I'd like to take a walk through the park. Would you like to join me?

KREON: Spike won't be needing me for at least a couple hours.

They smile and gaze into each other's eyes as they walk away.

ANDREA: She has our brother SO whipped.

PENELOPE: I know. Isn't it adorable?

ANDREA: Totally. So what was Kreon mad at you for?

PENELOPE: Didn't like me talking to the prisoner.

ANDREA: Ain't none of his business. You caught that boy fair and square, so you can do anything you want with him.

PENELOPE: slaps her sister's shoulder and blushes Andrea, please.

ANDREA: What? I know you wouldn't wanna do somethin' like THAT with Angelboy.

PENELOPE: Exactly. fidgets He's rude. And besides, he hates my people. And my family. Especially my family. How could I possible like a boy who hates my family?

ANDREA: 'Nuff said. Let's get moving. takes her older sister's arm and walks away from the palace

PENELOPE: Why? What's happening?

ANDREA: What do you think? War. Spike wants us to lead the girls back to base. We need to work on the mixed tactics he taught us at lunch.

PENELOPE: I thought the captives would prevent war?

ANDREA: They will. If Angel surrenders. If he doesn't, we gotta be ready.

In the late afternoon, Spike introduced his captives to football. After a scrumptious dinner, he decided they had to start traveling home. Nabis was upset that they only got to catch the first act of his magnum opus. Hiero was upset that Penelope was gone and Kreon would be escorting him home. Spike gave the captives and their escorts new horses and they were on their way. Early the next morning, the group arrived at the border, where Angel was waiting for the handover. Spike, as usual, was late.

SILENUS: Why doesn't Drusilla get a chance?

ANGEL: What? What does that mean?

SILENUS: You, Darla, even Spike. Each of you got a chance at redemption. Why didn't Drusilla also get a chance?

ANGEL: Because she didn't.

SILENUS: I don't think that's fair.

ANGEL: Life isn't fair. Haven't I told you that before? What I did to her certainly wasn't fair.

SILENUS: Exactly. Of the four of you, she is the one who suffered the most from her transformation. You and Darla and Spike welcomed it. The three of you had little goodness to lose and plenty of power to gain. Of you four, she deserves redemption the most. It's cruelly ironic that she is the one who never even gets a shot.

ANGEL: It's not about who deserves it. It's just dumb luck. Forces beyond our control. I happened to get cursed by Gypsies. Spike happened to get a microchip placed in his head. Darla happened to get resurrected. None of us chose those fates. The people who provided them to us had no idea what they were setting into motion. It's nothing but a series of chance occurrences. That's all life is: making the best of the possibilities you're given but don't deserve or ask for.

SILENUS: Is it because you created her? Is she a symbol of your malice, a reminder of the evil you once perpetrated? Maybe that's why He didn't give her a chance like the others.

ANGEL: What He? Oh no you don't.

SILENUS: You accept the existence of Higher Powers – the ones who introduced you to Buffy. Why can't you accept the existence of a Highest Power who controls them?

ANGEL: Because then I'd have a lot of angry questions for Him about why He makes the people I love suffer so much.

SILENUS: Are you in rebellion against your God?

ANGEL: Am I what? How could I be? I don't even know He exists.

Silenus is starting to believe in Photius's theory that Angel and his friends lack free will. He finds something romantic and heroic and Promethean and Sisyphusian in Angel's eternal attempt to exert his non-existent free will and make the world a better place than the Highest Power will allow. Angel leaves Silenus and talks to his military commanders. A half-hour later, Spike arrives. He tells the captives they are free to go and says he hopes they enjoyed their stay in Zalpa. Most of them did. They love Spike's country. But instead of wanting to join it, they want to conquer it so they can have those lovely courtesans all for themselves. They walk over to Angel's side of the border. Hiero walks up to him, looking incredibly remorseful. Angel doesn't look him in the eye.

HIERO: I'm sorry Angel. I thought I was doing the right thing. Please, let me explain. I'm sorry. Please, please say something. Say something to me. Please.

ANGEL: I don't want to talk to you right now.

Hiero looks crushed.

HIERO: I know I need to be punished. Tell me how. I'll do it. I'll do anything.

ANGEL: I'm busy right now. Just go home. Your family's been worried about you.

Hiero hangs his head and walks away. Spike loves it. He swaggers up to Angel, grinning and chuckling.

SPIKE: singing "You're Hiero's father figure, I'm telling Connor."

ANGEL: Spike, shut up.

SPIKE: Aren't you a sad sack today.

ANGEL: Let's get down to business.

SPIKE: I understand your glummer-than-usual posturing. No one likes to lose.

ANGEL: What do you want in exchange for the freedom of these men?

SPIKE: Do you know how to kow-tow? Just kidding, mate. A one day truce. And an official acceptance of the present borders.

ANGEL: Done.

SPIKE: That's very giving of you. Normally I'd think you were playing a nasty little trick on me. But I think in this case you know you're the weaker party. Pleasure doing business with you.

Spike patronizingly pats Angel's left shoulder with his right hand.

ANGEL: Business is done. Now get out.

Spike smiles and slowly backs away.

SPIKE: Sorry. Forgot that you had get home to give Hiero a spanking. Try to go easy the bloke. He admires you. Wants to make you happy. Cares what you think about him. Just like Connor laughs – I mean, if Connor had grown up with you. pause Does that make Hiero the son you wish you could've had?

Angel does not appreciate Spike's attempt at an Angelus-ian low blow. He pounds Spike's face with a left hook. Spike answers with a quick left jab to the nose. He ducks under Angel's right cross and throws a right hook. Angel blocks this blow and lands a right jab. Spike lands a left cross, but Angel blocks his right cross and knocks Spike on his back with a left jab-right hook combination. Spike stands up, laughs and backs away. To Hiero, Angel proved his superiority by beating up Spike. To Kreon, Angel was just being a sore loser and taking out his frustration on the better man. Spike and his entourage go south. Angel's go north. His advisors are apoplectic at the terms of the deal.

ARATUS: You gave Spike everything he wanted!

ANGEL: No. I gave Spike enough rope to hang himself.

As Spike and Angel met, Spike's army was already marching north from their base twenty miles south of the front lines and 40 miles south of Lampedos. By nightfall, they had arrived at the border. The next morning, the truce would be over and Spike would commence his full-scale invasion. He had been planning this for a week. The hostages had ensured that Angel could not begin counter-measures, since if he did Spike could execute the men. (Angel was not willing to call Spike's bluff.) Spike hoped that by the time Angel could begin his defense, it would be too late. That night, spirits were high in Spike's camp. Spike tried the latest batch of beer, and found it a significant improvement on the first batch. These people were getting the hang of it. The Thermadonians, having enjoyed nothing but success under Spike, were certain of a swift, crushing victory. The only doubters were the professional soldiers, led by Memnon. Since he saw Spike as both a commander and a friend, Memnon felt he could speak his mind. He went into Spike's tent.

MEMNON: Why are we fighting? We've already won! They gave us all of the disputed territory.

SPIKE: They'll fight to get it back once I leave. Unless we teach them a lesson.

MEMNON: But we have no cause for invading them. A country gives us what we want, so we sack their capital? Think of how that will that look to the allies.

SPIKE: Our allies hate Amastria.

MEMNON: Because they fear Amastria. Once you beat Amastria, they'll fear you and turn against you. If you lose, they'll also turn against you. And that's a very real possibility. You have no seige equipment. Very little in the way of supplies. An army that's never been on campaign or even in a real battle. There are so many things that can go wrong.

SPIKE: Are you questioning my judgement?

Memnon takes a deep breath and waits five seconds before responding.

MEMNON: Yes. winces, wrongly expecting Spike to fly into a rage. You are the greatest of warriors. But tactically, you have made mistakes in the past.

SPIKE: Bollocks! I've had nothing but victories since I came here.

MEMNON: I meant back home.

SPIKE: Oh. So now you're playing armchair general with my past?

MEMNON: Maybe it's just the way they tell the stories. Please correct me if I'm wrong. When you got that invincibility ring, you immediately attacked Buffy. It would have been much smarter to spend the day running around town, massacring civilians and making Buffy chase after you. Then, at night, when she's tired and demoralized, you attack. More important, if you fought at night and she removed the ring, you wouldn't have to break off the engagement.

SPIKE: Well, the thing is . . . you have to understand . . . bloody hell, you may have a point.

MEMNON: Then there was the first time you fought her. Your soldiers split up and besieged the harmless civilians, allowing Buffy to take them in detail. Even worse, they weren't around to provide flank support for you during the actual combat. It would have been much wiser to keep your soldiers together, focus solely on finding Buffy, and then making sure they prevented anyone from coming to her aide during the climactic single combat.

SPIKE: They weren't soldiers. They were vampires. And it's impossible to keep vampires disciplined. Especially when there are lots of tasty treats nearby.

MEMNON: Tell them once Buffy's dead, the civilians will be helpless. She's the only enemy they feared. Kill her, and nothing will stand in their way. Wouldn't that convince them?

SPIKE: Whose side are you on? You wish I had killed Buffy? Cause if that had happened, I don't get my soul, and I don't ever come here to help you. Is that what you want?

MEMNON: Certainly not. My point is, you have made mistakes in the past. Your eagerness and your confidence has led you on occasion to blunder into battle under less than optimum circumstances. When you lead an army, you have to consider everything that could go wrong and plan accordingly.

SPIKE: If you worry about every bloody little thing that could go wrong, you'll never fight any battles.

MEMNON: You have everything to lose.

SPIKE: Story of my bloody life.


	23. Angel and Spike go to war

That night in Lampedos, Silenus reminds Angel why he puts up with his persistent questioning by organizing the city garrison and making sure grain and water supplies are adequate. Angel can sense that people are nervous and scared. He tries to personally reassure them. It works. But he comes across one familiar face that still looks despondent.

ANGEL: Mago, what's the matter? You look crushed.

MAGO: All my work. For nothing.

ANGEL: What work?

MAGO: My productions. Tomorrow was supposed to be opening night for "To Hades and Back."

ANGEL: You can still do your play.

MAGO: Really!

ANGEL: Sure. Show people that life goes on.

MAGO: Excellent idea! Boost their spirits. Remind them what they're fighting for. And the next night I can put on "Forgetfulness of Things Past." The people LOVE that one! It's so inspiring. You know what I'm talking about. You've seen it, right?

ANGEL: I've been busy, Mago. But I know the people are just crazy about your work. So put it on. It'll be just what they need.

MAGO: A royal endorsement. Thank you, sire!

Angel walks away. He hates when they call him that, and he's very uncomfortable about the dramatic works based on his life which have become all the rage in town. "To Hades and Back" is a fantasy based on Buffy's death and resurrection. Overcome by grief, Angel leaves Los Angeles for the summer, and journeys to the Underworld. After a series of excruciating trials and combats, he wins the right to see Buffy, and gets sent to Heaven. Buffy's really liked Paradise, but it hasn't truly been Heaven without Angel. While he's in Heaven, the Curse is lifted, and Angel learns that Buffy and him can enjoy eternal Perfect Happiness. But before he sees her, Angel has to choose between Heaven and Earth. He knows his friends need him. And he can see that Buffy's friends in Sunnydale desperately need her. So when he sees Buffy, Angel convinces her to go back with him and fight the good fight because neither of them can be truly happy if they know the people they love are suffering. Actual angels send them back to their respective towns, but alter their memories so Angel thinks he spent four months "meditating" in a monastery (The people Amastria aren't familiar with that religious concept) and Buffy has no memory of Angel's heavenly visit.

"Forgetfulness of Things Past" is a retelling of "I Will Remember You." Angel becomes human and enjoys transcendental bliss with Buffy. But this time, there are no Shanshu-related complications. Angel being human puts Buffy in no danger whatsoever. Nothing stands in the way of them living happily ever after. Except for Angel's conscience. He will be infinitely happier as a human being. But he wouldn't be a Champion. Evil would benefit from that. He has no choice but to serve the Greater Good and demand that The Powers make him into a vampire again. They point out how Buffy's memories of their temporary bliss will destroy her. So Angel undergoes a series of agonizing trials and mortal combats to earn one wish: that Buffy forget he was ever human. The people can't help but make their heroic Champion even more heroic.

The "race" begins at dawn the next day. Angel gives his people an inspirational speech before heading east to round up his allies in the coastal cities. They've been preparing for a fight, and were told the day before that this was now or never. Spike gets his 27,000 infantry and 6,000 cavalry on their way. Making a professional army of that size to travel 20 miles through enemy territory in a single day is a major challenge. But Spike's army is full of amateurs. The mercenaries try as best they can to keep the columns from stretching out. Their work is made even more difficult by the locals. Angel's told them they can attack the enemy to defend their property and hamper their advance. Hundreds of women fire at Spike's troops with their arrows, slings and javelins. Spike's cavalry chases them away without much trouble. But fighting off the intermittent attacks slows the army down. It's nearly nightfall when they reach a small river 10 miles from the capital. The day's almost done, and they're only halfway there. To make matters worse, thousands upon thousands of locals swarm at them from the rear, hoping to pick them off as they slowly cross the river. A group of brave young women closes with the invaders. Spike's girls eagerly face them. The Amastrians throw their javelins. The Thermadonians respond in kind. Then they charge the Amastrian women. Within seconds of coming to grips, the less-experienced Amastrians flee, leaving behind two dead and six wounded. Spike orders his girls to care for the wounded. He feels guilty about the senseless deaths.

It's well after dark by the time the entire army has filed across the narrow bridge. Spike has no choice but to set up camp on a hill nine miles from his destination. Spike is met by 1,000 cavalry from Dorin who have come from the west to fight at his side. Around the same time, Angel is met by 10,000 infantry and 1,000 cavalry from the coastal cities. He marches them back to Lampedos and arrives two hours before sunrise. Lysander has returned from up north with 500 archers and 1000 more cavalry. These forces join the 20,000 infantry and 3,000 cavalry that made up the original Amastrian forces. Spike's gambit has failed. He realizes this the next morning when Angel marches his numerically superior army southward, traveling within three miles of Spike's camp. Angel parks his forces to Spike's southeast, right at the river crossing, cutting off his retreat. He hopes this will intimidate Spike's army and cause them to panic and desert their leader. Spike convinces his followers that Angel's running away from them, since Spike's heading north and Angel's heading south. He calls Angel's bluff and marches three miles to the north, placing his army on a hill six miles south of the capital. Angel follows him, marching to within seven miles of Lampedos, still cutting off Spike's retreat. These maneuvers take up most of the day, and they each set up camp three miles apart, allowing their exhausted troops a chance to get some sleep. Morale is still high in both armies, but both Spike and Angel worry about what they have gotten themselves into. Both of them wanted to win without a battle. Now that doesn't seem possible. Spike is also dumbfounded by how quickly all of Angel's allies arrived.

SPIKE: Tell me the truth – has the coast revolted? Because at this point I bloody well deserve a straight answer.

TELAMON: The eastern cities are more devoted to you than ever, sire.

SPIKE: Then why are they with my bloody enemy?

TELAMON: They are not with you enemy. Their exiles are.

SPIKE: If by exiles you mean their entire bloody armed forces.

TELAMON: Why is everything becoming bloody?

Spike grabs his head.

SPIKE: Just tell me what the b - . . . what is going on.

TELAMON: The small minority of residents who supported Angel voluntarily left their towns. And they took their weapons with them.

SPIKE: Well why didn't anyone stop them?

TELAMON: Because that would have led to mass bloodshed and civil war. Look at it this way, sire.

SPIKE: Please stop calling me that.

TELAMON: I apologize. The point I am trying to make is, all your enemies in the entire world are in that little camp over there. Defeat them, and you will have absolute power.

SPIKE: But I don't want abso – you really mean that?

Spike puts megalomaniacal temptations on the back burner (omnipotence is exhausting) and ventures out to meet with Angel in the no-man's-land between the two camps.

ANGEL: Well this is a fine mess you've gotten us into.

SPIKE: We wouldn't be here if you hadn't made all those people hate me.

ANGEL: Your actions made them mate you.

SPIKE: And your propaganda had nothing to do with it?

ANGEL: My propaganda? What about that those pornographic stories your people pedal about you and Buffy?

SPIKE: So you're brassed because they find me exciting? Better than your people's lame stories about you and Buffy getting married and living boringly ever after. And the Shanshu! Shows you these people don't know a sodding thing about demons.

ANGEL: What's that supposed to mean?

SPIKE: It means their imaginary demon is bloody ridiculous.

ANGEL: Imaginary? Spike, you mean you've never heard of –

SPIKE: A demon who turns vampires back into human beings? Please. You can't be human without a soul. So that means an entire species of demon came into existence to turn YOU into a human being. You're telling me you find that plausible?

ANGEL: So now our lives have to be plausible?

SPIKE: There are limits.

ANGEL: Since when?

SPIKE: groans How are things over at the Un-Popular Front?

ANGEL: Do you want to make me hit you again?

SPIKE: Fight to the death. That would be one way to settle this.

ANGEL: My people would also go along with that. Right now, it seems like the only way to prevent a battle. Too bad it's not workable.

SPIKE: Wouldn't want to make Connor an orphan.

ANGEL: And I would definitely not want to make . . . who exactly would mourn your passing?

SPIKE: Now now old boy. The fate of nations is at stake. Let's not get petty.

Spike smirks and walks away. They return to their respective camps. Meanwhile, Memnon is out on night patrol. He crosses paths with an enemy, also on night patrol. Memnon pulls out his sword. Antiope points her spear. Then she pulls it back and looks disappointed.

ANTIOPE: Oh. It's you. For a second there, I thought I was in danger.

Memnon puts away his sword and walks up to her, looking serious. She backs away and laughs.

MEMNON: I had a feeling we'd cross paths. We always do. Wonder why that is.

ANTIOPE: Because you can't take a hint.

MEMNON: Wrong. It's because you can't admit that you have feelings for me.

ANTIOPE: I admit I have feelings for you. And they're all bad.

MEMNON: What about that night we spent together?

ANTIOPE: You no that meant nothing to me. It never does.

MEMNON: Because an Amazon can never love a man.

ANTIOPE: No. Because no woman could ever love a jerk like you.

MEMNON: So you admit it's possible for you to love a man.

ANTIOPE: A good man.

MEMNON: I can be good. A man can change.

ANTIOPE: You've said that before.

MEMNON: I want to. But you and your women don't. It doesn't have to be like this. We don't have to fight. We can work together.

ANTIOPE: Why would I ever want to work with you?

MEMNON: Because being enemies isn't working out for either of us. I'll do anything to be with you. Give up everything. You're all I want in life.

ANTIOPE: That mean you'd rather die than live without me?

MEMNON: Yes.

ANTIOPE: I can help you with that.

MEMNON: Tell me you're happy.

ANTIOPE: Don't ever give me orders.

MEMNON: Something's missing in your life. Something's always been missing. You can have any woman you want. You've had plenty. But you've never loved one.

ANTIOPE: You think I could love you?

MEMNON: Stranger things have happened.

Memnon disappears into the darkness before she can say "I could never love you." Two miles to the south, Hiero is out on his horse. Ostensibly, he was patrolling. But the real reason he is out is because he didn't think Angel wants him around. And he isn't patrolling so much as looking for Penelope. In the moonlight, he can see a young woman who looks like her. She wears a leather forearm guard on her left arm, possibly to cover the wound he gave her. Hiero gets off his horse and tiptoed into the forest, where she is standing watch. He gets within 25 feet and watches her for a few seconds from behind a tree.

HIERO: Don't worry. This time I'm alone.

Penelope turns towards the voice, frightened.

HIERO: You don't recognize my voice, Penelope?

PENELOPE: Hiero?

He steps out from behind the tree and walks towards her.

HIERO: Thought you could use some company.

PENELOPE: You shouldn't sneak up on a soldier like that.

HIERO: I didn't sneak up. I even gave you warning.

PENELOPE: If one of my girls catches us together, she'll kill you and then have a lot of questions for me.

HIERO: I checked. No one's nearby.

PENELOPE: For now.

HIERO: I just wanted a few minutes.

PENELOPE: To do what? Insult my brother? Badmouth my king?

HIERO: I know you love your brother. He's family. Family's important.

PENELOPE: Your family must be real important. Is your daddy a rich baron?

HIERO: He's dead. My mother and father died of the plague when I was four.

PENELOPE: Oh. I'm sorry. My father died when I was ten. He was killed by Amazons.

HIERO: I'm sorry. That must have been tough for you.

PENELOPE: Even tougher for Andrea. She saw them kill daddy.

HIERO: Wow. That explains a lot. And I guess it means your family knows how costly war can be.

PENELOPE: Not standing up to your enemies costs even more.

HIERO: Do you want a battle?

PENELOPE: I'd settle for a surrender.

HIERO: Doesn't it bother you that we could be killing each other tomorrow? That I could kill your brother?

PENELOPE: In your dreams. Why are you going soft? Is this a trick?

HIERO: Whatever happens tomorrow, I hope nothing bad happens to you.

PENELOPE: You too. she looks confused. Why is the enemy wishing her well? They stand in silence for a few seconds You want us to take you hostage again? Get!

Hiero walks back to her horse and rides away.

PENELOPE: That boy ain't right.

When he gets back to camp, Hiero meekly goes over to Angel's tent.

ANGEL: Come on in.

HIERO: Thanks.

ANGEL: Forget about the other night. We don't have time to worry about the past. There's too much happening right now. Speaking of which, you don't look like a man on the night before battle.

HIERO: What was it like when you first met Buffy?

ANGEL: Are you in love?

HIERO: I don't know.

ANGEL: But you've met someone?

HIERO: I have. How did you and Buffy meet?

ANGEL: I approached her from behind. She kicked me to the ground.

HIERO: smiles Must have made you feel great.

ANGEL: No. It made me feel pain.

HIERO: I meant seeing her. Talking to her for the first time. Looking into her eyes.

ANGEL: You really are in love. Who is it?

HIERO: I'd rather not say. I'll just say she's special. Definitely not like any girl I've ever met before. But she's not the sort of girl guys like me are supposed to marry.

ANGEL: She's poor.

HIERO: Among other things. But she has a noble heart.

ANGEL: This is why you shouldn't waste your time playing warlord. Promise me that once I settle things with Spike, you'll give up fighting and go home to be with her and to help your country.

HIERO: I'll be with her. I'll help my country. I promise. I don't want to fight if it takes me away from her.

ANGEL: I'm glad you've finally figured out what really matters in life. rubs the top of Hiero's head, who smiles and laughs.

HIERO: So you'll be leaving? I mean, once you take care of Spike?

ANGEL: People need me back home.

HIERO: I know. Connor needs you. Does he know how lucky he is to be your son?

ANGEL: Considering everything that's happened to him, I think Connor would have been luckier to have anyone but me as his father.

HIERO: He's had it really rough. But only when you weren't around to help him. His life's a lot better when you're in it. Does he know that?

ANGEL: Maybe someday he will.

SPIKE: What's on your mind, Mems. Worried about the battle?

MEMNON: No. You're battle plan's good. And cautious. Which surprised me.

SPIKE: I know how to make the other bloke make the first mistake. So what's bothering you?

MEMNON: It's Antiope.

SPIKE: You won't be facing her.

MEMNON: I know. I just don't understand why she can't see how much I love her.

SPIKE: Killing her friends might have something to do with that.

MEMNON: I had to prove my manhood. Before that, all she did was laugh at me.

SPIKE: I understand. I really do. But it's time you try something new. Instead of proving that you'll kill for her, trying showing Antiope that you're willing to die for her. Girls like that better.

MEMNON: Okay. But how am I supposed to do that?

SPIKE: Do I have to do all your thinking?

MEMNON: Sorry. I'll figure it out for myself. Thanks Spike.

Angel's made the rounds to his commanders, and talked to the Amazons. He's worried they won't hold back until he orders them to attack. They are an independent bunch of women who don't like to be ordered around by men. But they love Angel. After taking care of business, he headed back to his tent for the night. Antiope went after him.

ANGEL: Is there a problem?

ANTIOPE: I just wanted to talk.

ANGEL: Sure, Antiope.

ANTIOPE: We can go to my tent, if you want.

Angel pauses for a few seconds. He's afraid of leading her on. But she knows his heart belongs to Buffy. So he goes.

ANGEL: What is it you wanted to talk about?

ANTIOPE: A man. I mean, men. Since you are one. Kind of. Angel looks hurt I mean, you're more than a man. More than other men. Stronger. Braver. Better.

ANGEL: Just stronger.

ANTIOPE: No. You're better than any man I've ever met. Nicer. More gallant. You're better than any man any of this girls have met. To be honest, you're kind of like our dream guy.

ANGEL: Please don't say that.

ANTIOPE: But it's true.

ANGEL: Well, smiles bashfully if you insist. Thanks. You women are pretty amazing yourselves. You know I've met some really special women, but you're right up there.

ANTIOPE: You mean that? smiles. her heart races

ANGEL: Yeah. Hasn't anyone ever told you that before?

ANTIOPE: Maybe. But it means more coming from you. I know you used to be bad. But then you changed. And became great. Can other men change?

ANGEL: What kind of men are you talking about?

ANTIOPE: The normal kind. With souls. And no special powers. Can bad men become good?

ANGEL: Everyone can change.

ANTIOPE: Even if they've killed people?

ANGEL: If they really want to.

ANTIOPE: How do you know you can trust them?

ANGEL: You can't. It's about faith.

ANTIOPE: You mean how you trusted Faith even after she tried to kill you?

ANGEL: On one level, maybe. But on another, more literal level, I meant you have to have faith in the person. There's nothing they can do to earn or deserve your trust.

ANTIOPE: So you have to take a chance. Like what you do. But you have such a huge, brave heart. Much bigger than mine.

ANGEL: No I don't. I just know what it's like to need someone to give you a second chance.

ANTIOPE: Because you were evil. I haven't been evil. So I'm not like you. Am I like Buffy? She's always been good, but she gave you a chance. laughs She even gave Spike a chance. Not that I would use their relationship as a model. I'd never want to have with any man what she's had with Spike.

ANGEL: You really shouldn't want what she had with me, either.

ANTIOPE: No. I want what you two would have had if there wasn't a Curse. That's what all the girls want.

ANGEL: I'm glad you're thinking of finally giving the weaker sex a chance.

ANTIOPE: I am not! I was just, curious. About you. And about your thoughts. On things.

ANGEL: I'm sure there are a few decent men in this world who want to make you happy. And a few who will hurt you. The problem is, they're usually the same guys. Loving men takes a lot more courage than killing them.

Spike's soldiers only have a two days' supply of food left. Angel's advisors want him to wait Spike out. They say time is on his side. But Angel isn't so sure. Spike has spent two days in Amastria unopposed. Angel's soldiers are getting frustrated. If he doesn't fight Spike soon, they'll become demoralized. Outnumbered and on enemy soil, Spike knows he has no choice but to offer battle. He's picked the most advantageous spot. It's a little to the south and east of his camp, between the hills and the river. Angel deploys his army opposite Spike's, two miles to the east. The tedious task of deploying tens of thousands of mostly amateur soldiers takes most of the morning.

On Spike's right wing, next to the river, are his 3,000 mercenary heavy cavalry, led by Memnon. A hundred yards in front of them is a screen of 500 archers. To the left of the horsemen are 10,000 heavy infantry from southern Thermadonia, then 10,000 heavy infantry from northern Thermadonia, all of them lined up eight deep. 4,000 women were mixed in among the 16,000 men. Behind the infantry, on its left and right flanks are squares of 2,500 infantry, the one of the left led by Penelope and the one on the right led by Andrea. In the center of each square are 1,600 girls armed with axes, swords and short spears. Surrounding them on all sides are 900 men lined up five deep. These men, drawn from the freed Amastrian serfs in the occupied territories, carry 15 foot-long pikes, and the outermost row wears bronze corselets to protect their chests. The enthusiastic girls on the inside will push the men forward and make it impossible for them to retreat. Once this irresistible force has smashed through the enemy line, the girls will pour out and slaughter the disorganized and terrified enemy soldiers. To the left of the infantry are 3,000 Thermadonian light cavalry, led by Kreon. He lines up in the center of this formation with his 500 picked cavalry, all of them wearing black capes. The left wing rests on a hill, where Spike has stationed 500 archers. Two hundred yards in front of the entire left wing is a screen of 1000 slingers. Hidden behind the hill are the 1,000 heavy cavalry from Dorin.

On Angel's left wing, opposite Spike's mercenary cavalry, are 3,000 heavy Amastrian cavalry commanded by Hiero, who is in the center with his 600 picked cavalry that wear black capes with gold borders. One hundred yards in front of them in a screen of 500 Uxili archers. To their right are the 10,000 heavy infantry from the coastal cities. To their right are the 10,000 heavy infantry from Amastria. They face their historic enemies from Northern (Old) Thermadonia. Behind the phalanx are 10,000 newly-trained Amastrians, arrayed in battalions 1,000-strong and eight men deep, placed at intervals behind the main line as a reserve. The reserves are armed with spears, swords and rectangular shields. To the right of the infantry, and facing Kreon's light horsemen, are the 2,000 allied heavy cavalry and Thalestris's 1,000 Amazons. To Thalestris's right are the thousand Amazons led by Hippolyta, with the thousand led by Panthesilea on the far right wing. These 2,000 Amazons overlap Spike's line, though the hill on which Spike anchors his left wing makes it difficult for them to outflank him. However, the Amazons on Angel's far right flank make it impossible for Kreon to attack the cavalry in front of him.

Angel slowly marches his army west until his lines are within a half-mile of Spike's. They stop. The two armies get a good look at each other. Spike's battle line is close to two-and-a-half miles-long. Angel's is nearly three miles long. There are more than 72,000 combatants on that field, ready to tear each other to pieces. Spike and Angel are both more-than-a-little queasy. They try their best not the show it. Angel leaps up a tall tree on a ridge behind his lines to get a good look at Spike's formation. When he gets down, he moves his reserve infantry towards the left and right flanks of the phalanx to protect against Spike's squares. According to Angel's orders, no one can attack until Panthesilea's Amazons begin the assault on Spike's left wing. Angel knows that, given her conflicted loyalties, this Amazon Queen won't jump the gun. Spike's orders are for everyone to hold their ground until the Amazons attack. He wants to hold his strong defensive position until the enemy is tired and overextended, then counter-attack. This is a perfect recipe for a stalemate, which is what the two vampires want.

The Amastrian phalanx is armed with bronze helmets, bronze corselets, bronze greaves, a three foot-wide round wooden shield covered in bronze, eight foot-long spears and two foot-long swords. The Thermadonians weren't wealthy enough to afford all this armor. So Spike created their phalanx on the cheap. They all have bronze helmets, but only the front row wears a corselet and greaves. They each carry a 15 foot-long pike with two hands and wear a two foot-wide round leather-covered wooden shield around their necks to protect their chest and left arms. The spear points of the first four rows extend out in front of the phalanx. Angel's officers are worried about the new type of phalanx Spike has "invented." Angel reassures them that Spike's formation is too shallow to stand up to Angel's forces. The weapons and polished armor of Angel's foot soldiers gleam in the sunlight. Spike's forces are dirtier and of more humble appearance. Spike walks out in front of the center of his line so his soldiers can see him.

SPIKE: Look at them. Did Angel come for a battle, or a parade?

The Thermadonians laugh at their spiffy-looking enemies and flip them the bird English-style. Angel's men yell back at them. Then Angel jumps over his front-line. They cheer their leader.

SPIKE: Bloody show-off.

The two sides continue roaring at one another. It's like an FA Cup championship at Wembley. Except there's no game to watch, and the tens of thousands of Arsenal and Manchester United fans are about to spill onto the pitch and slaughter each other. Spike and Angel walk two hundred yards in front of their lines. The soldiers grow quiet. Everyone is tense, expecting the battle to start any second now. Spike wears his silver diadem and golden laurel wreath atop his head. Angel wears a gold crown. On his chest is a richly decorated bronze corselet which depicts a mythical hero slaying beasts. The two vampires stare at each other for over a minute. Then they begin walking towards one another. The soldiers murmur. They believe Spike and Angel are about to settle the matter through single combat. Everyone gets excited, expecting their hero to defeat their arch-villain once-and-for-all. When he gets near Angel, Spike puts his arms out and spins around, looking at the great mass of humanity that surrounds him on all sides. When the two of them meet face-to-face, the seventy thousand warriors go dead quiet. Spike's chuckling. Angel looks very serious.

SPIKE: Can you believe this? It's like Woodstock. With weapons! Bloody amazing.

ANGEL: Good to know you're finally taking this seriously.

SPIKE: Well, that's your fault. How can I take you seriously when you're wearing a tiara?

ANGEL: It's a crown. And you're wearing two. laughs Is the Golden God trying to call me pompous?

SPIKE: You're wearing armor! Either that makes you pompous, or it makes you a coward. Take your bloody pick, mate.

ANGEL: Spike, in case you haven't noticed, this is a lot bigger than the two of us.

SPIKE: You've always had a flair for the obvious.

ANGEL: These people want a battle. If that happens, thousands will die.

SPIKE: Unless we tell them not to.

ANGEL: It's not that simple.

SPIKE: Of course it is. We're gods! We can do whatever we bloody well want.

ANGEL: So, what you're saying is, there's no reason these two peoples can't live in peace.

SPIKE: Now you're gettin' it. You've always been a little slow on the uptake.

ANGEL: Why didn't this occur to you BEFORE you invaded my country?

SPIKE: It did. I just wanted to negotiate from position of strength.

Spike looks back over his shoulder, waves to his line of battle, and smiles. Angel groans at what he sees as Spike's grandiose immaturity.

ANGEL: You know what Churchill said about Americans?

SPIKE: He liked to talk. I'm pretty sure he said more than one thing about them.

ANGEL: I think it was something like they do the right thing after they've exhausted all the alternatives. Guess the same thing would apply to you.

SPIKE: Wait just a bloody minute. Are you calling me an American? Cuz if you want to make a deal, it's not good to start by insulting my honor.

ANGEL: Maybe I wasn't the one who made Drusilla insane. A century with you would drive anyone crazy.

SPIKE: Is this your idea of negotiating? I have an army on your soil. You should show me some bloody respect.

ANGEL: And I'm the one without a sense of humor.

They pause for five seconds and look around.

SPIKE: So how do we do this?


	24. Back to Sunnydale

ANGEL: I don't know. I'm not very familiar with royal protocol. We could just lay down our arms.

SPIKE: Okay then. Let's try that out.

Spike and Angel turn to face their respective forces. They pull out their swords and stab them into to the earth. Then they remove their crowns and hang them from the hilts. Angel also takes off his ceremonial armor. More mumbling from the tens of thousands of warriors. Angel and Spike walk to the north, between their lines, headed towards the hills beyond Spike's left and Angel's right wing. That's where they'll work everything out. As they walk, the soldiers on both sides realize there will be no fighting today. Slowly they start to break formation and prepare to return to camp.

ANGEL: Looks like it's working.

SPIKE: You know I would have beaten you.

ANGEL: Please. With your insta-phalanx? They've never even fought before.

SPIKE: Which means they have no fear. And they hate your guys. Who I'm sure are a little put off by my innovations. They'd never fought what I was throwing at them.

ANGEL: They'd be tentative at first. But they'd adjust, hold their ground and eventually break up your formation.

SPIKE: Your best case scenario. But even then, my line would hold yours back long enough for me to deploy my reserves.

ANGEL: My second line would have swallowed up your squares.

SPIKE: Not if they were hit in the flanks. You think your rookies could stand up to my Amazon-slaying girls? They'd break in a second. My girls would roll them up, then attack your hoplites in the rear.

ANGEL: Your best case scenario. But you're still forgetting about the cavalry.

SPIKE: My mercenaries would trample your spoiled brats.

ANGEL: Honestly, the fight on that wing could go either way. But those mercenaries are your best soldiers. Besides, it's the other wing where you'd have your problems.

SPIKE: My slingers can outdistance your Amazons and their arrows.

ANGEL: There would be casualties, but soon enough they'd ride them down.

SPIKE: My slingers would retreat to higher ground. You're forgetting about terrain. My left flank is a hill with hundreds of archers at the top. That's pretty bloody hard for those women to take. Especially with my cavalry assaulting THEIR left flank.

ANGEL: I have the allied heavy cavalry backing them up. The Amazons weaken your forces, then the heavy cavalry breaks their lines.

SPIKE: That means you didn't notice the cavalry I had hidden behind the hill.

ANGEL: The ones from Dorin? I knew they were somewhere on that wing.

SPIKE: Once you'd committed all your horse, and they were tired and wounded, my reserves would come out of nowhere and clobber them.

ANGEL: Why would I commit all my horse on that wing? I'd always hold one or two of the Amazon tribes in reserve.

SPIKE: But your allied cavalry has no faith in them. They've never fought together. Once your allies retreat, they're not coming back. Then you have a huge gap between your right wing and your center.

ANGEL: You're assuming my plan was to win the battle with my right wing.

SPIKE: That's where your greatest strength was.

ANGEL: I was going to win with my hoplites. The heavy cavalry would cover their flanks while the Amazons harassed your left wing. And if they were hurt bad enough and couldn't take it anymore, they'd attack and find my allies in front of them and the Amazons on their outer flank.

SPIKE: Once again, you forget that my cavalry was protected by slingers and archers. And that my phalanx was supported by fearsome, bloodthirsty warriors while yours was backed up by peasants who've never even used a spear.

ANGEL: You say that like you're proud of turning those girls into killers.

SPIKE: I taught those girls how to stand up for themselves. I empowered them.

ANGEL: chuckles I forgot. You're the champion of homicidal feminism.

SPIKE: This from the bloke who makes common cause with the Amazons.

ANGEL: I've been trying to convince them to turn away from violence.

SPIKE: And I'd be singing "What's So Funny Bout Peace, Love and Understanding?" too if my people's neighbors stopped attacking them. Except you probably don't even know that song.

Memnon throws aside his spear and sword and charges out from the lines, travelling diagonally to the east and north, towards Antiope. Angel and Spike turn around and see this. By now they are at the north end of the lines.

MEMNON: Antiope! Antiope!

ANGEL: What's his problem? Doesn't your guy know the fight is over?

SPIKE: "As I walk through, this wicked world, searching for light in the darkness of insanity. I ask myself, is all hope lost? Is there only pain, and hatred, and misery?"

Angel looks at Spike. He realizes the difference between Spike and Dru was that Dru made more sense.

MEMNON: Antiope!

CALLIOPE: Is that Memnon?

MARPE: What does he want?

ANTIOPE: Me.

Antiope gallops towards him, with all her weapons.

ASTERIA: She's gonna kill him!

EURYBIA: It's about time.

Everyone watches as the two of them race across the field of battle. When she is within 100 yards, Antiope puts an arrow on her bowstring and pulls it back. The vast majority of Amazons smile. They can't wait. Memnon holds his hands out to the side, showing that he carries no weapons. Antiope hesitates. When she is within fifty yards, she fires her arrow into the ground and tosses her bow aside. The Amazons look disappointed. Then she grabs her spear in her right hand. They breath a sigh a relief and look happy again. Memnon keeps riding towards her. He's putting Spike's advice to the test.

SPIKE: "And each time I feel like losing sight, there's one thing I wanna know"

Antiope tenses her arm and prepares to stab Memnon. Twenty yards away. Ten yards away. He shows no signs of letting up, or defending himself. Five yards away. Memnon holds his right hand out. Antiope stabs for him. He doesn't flinch. Her spear goes a few inches to the left of his neck. She drops it to the ground and puts her right arm around him. He caresses her face with his right hand and gazes at her, his eyes full of passion and desperation. Antiope pulls his head towards her and kisses him. The jaws of thousands of Amazons drop to the floor. Spike raises his fists into the air.

SPIKE: Yes! Memnon, you bloody fool. You did it. You really did it!

ANGEL: That's Memnon?

SPIKE: My mercenary commander. And that lucky lady must be Antiope.

ANGEL: Why is she kissing that vile, evil killer?

SPIKE: He's no more of a killer than she is.

ANGEL: He killed her friends.

SPIKE: And she killed his friends. I thought you believed in forgiveness.

ANGEL: Antiope likes me. She has a crush on me.

SPIKE: You're getting lot of practice at being jealous.

ANGEL: Oh no. It must have been something I said last night. I had no idea it was HIM.

SPIKE: You want to know why I went to war? This is why I went to war.

ANGEL: You put thousands of lives at risk, you plunged an entire dimension to the brink of disaster, so some guy could get some girl to kiss him?

SPIKE: What can I say? I'm a sucker for love.

ANGEL: Did it ever occur to you that there had to be an easier way?

SPIKE: No. Because unlike you I'm not fighting for the forces of dull.

MARPE: Why is she kissing him? Why didn't she kill him?

ASTERIA: Maybe she's stringing him along. I've heard it's fun to build men up before you dash their hopes.

PHOEBE: Maybe she likes him.

EURYBIA: She's always hated him.

SKYLEIA: That was before Angel.

MARPE: Memnon is Angel's enemy!

SKYLEIA: That's not what I meant. Angel taught us that men don't have to be our enemies. Some of them can be our pets.

PHOEBE: pouts I wanna get myself a pet.

Lovers Marpe and Asteria look at each other and roll their eyes at the comments of straight girls Phoebe and Skyleia.

MEMNON: I love you, Antiope.

She kisses him again.

MEMNON: Wait. You were supposed to say you loved me.

ANTIOPE: But I don't.

She goes to kiss him. He pulls back.

MEMNON: Then what are you doing?

ANTIOPE: I'm giving you a chance to make me love you. That's what you wanted, right?

MEMNON: smiles. his heart races More than anything.

They kiss some more. Memnon's men are positively giddy.

LYCON: Does this mean we can be with them? For more than just one night?

BASIAS: Spike really has changed everything.

Feelings are a lot more mixed on the other side. Some of the Amazons think Antiope is sinning against nature. Others just think she's just being unseemly.

ERINA: How can she kiss a guy like that in front of all these people?

GINGONA: Having a private moment in front of the whole world – it's just not natural.

SPIKE: Looks like my work is done. Time to head home.

ANGEL: Uh, Spike. We still have to make peace between these two nations.

SPIKE: Right. Let's do that. How hard could it be?

Angel walks out of his bedroom.

FRED: You're back!

Fred rushes up and hugs him. Lorne and Gunn rush up. Of course they don't hug him. A few minutes later, Willow hangs up the phone. Everyone looks at her.

WILLOW: Angel's back. He's fine. Spike's fine.

BUFFY: So he should be home soon.

Everyone rushes downstairs.

GILES: What about the world they irrevocably altered? Are those people fine?

ANDREW: Do we have a Prime Directive when it comes to other dimensions?

ANYA: Obviously not. Angel already messed up one dimension.

GILES: He liberated humanity from Pylean slavery.

ANYA: And what do you think happened after that? Vengeance. Massacres. Reprisals. That's what happened.

GILES: You don't know that.

ANYA: Bet you a thousand dollars I'm right.

XANDER: Where would he get a thousands dollars?

DAWN: And how would you found out who's right?

ANDREW: One of us could go there and see.

ANYA: It's too risky. Whoever went could get killed. Or enslaved by demons.

KENNEDY: Andrew could go. everyone gives her dirty looks Like you weren't all thinking the exact same thing.

They sit down and wait in the dining room. The Potentials are asleep in the living room. The light over the dining room table is on. A few minutes later, Spike walks through the front door. He sees them sitting there.

SPIKE: Went out for a drink. Did I miss anything? silence I'm going to bed.

ANYA: Where's your coat?

SPIKE: Don't think I wore it.

ANYA: You didn't leave it in an Amazon Dimension?

Spike bursts out laughing. Soon enough, he notices that everyone looks serious. They must know. He stops laughing, puts his hands on his hips and looks at the ceiling.

SPIKE: Bugger all.

He tries to look at Buffy, but can't. He's too embarrassed. Spike just marches into the kitchen and goes down into the basement. They follow him. He sits on his cot and lights up a cigarette.

SPIKE: I missed these.

They stand in front of him.

ANYA: Tell us how it ended.

In Los Angeles, Angel sits in his office with Gunn, Fred and Lorne.

ANGEL: It was a good thing I came when I did.

SPIKE: I'm glad Angel showed up.

ANGEL: Spike was just breeding war and chaos.

SPIKE: I made life better for my people. And most of their neighbors.

ANGEL: Everywhere he went, he made bitter enemies.

SPIKE: But some people have to be different just for the bloody hell of it. They won't be sheep, even if the shepherd's leading them to better pastures.

ANGEL: Spike enriched his people by preying on their neighbors.

SPIKE: For those people, there was Angel.

ANGEL: He was going to invade and dismember a country just because they wouldn't submit to his will.

SPIKE: He did for them what I had already done for everyone else. Freeing slaves, emancipating women, liberating serfs: basically making everyone free. In a way, Angel completed my work.

ANGEL: Spike gave his people license. I gave mine freedom. Eventually, Spike's people saw the difference, and chose my way.

SPIKE: The Thermadonians had always been the underdogs. The Amastrians had always been the bullies. I taught my people to stand up for themselves. Suddenly, they weren't letting their neighbors push them around. Angel's people couldn't stand it. They would never accept the Thermadonians as equals.

ANGEL: Spike turned them into maniacs. They lashed out in all directions. Subjugating, intimidating, stealing. Making their neighbors bow to their will. But the Amastrians wouldn't bow. Even when they were alone. They refused to be terrorized by Spike's mobs. So he invaded them in an act of naked aggression.

SPIKE: Angel began building an army. I had no choice but to do the same to defend my people. I knew that before I left, I had to show the Amastrians that they couldn't push around their humbler neighbors to the south. Cuz if I didn't, once I left, they would attack the Thermadonians. Try to "put them back in their place."

ANGEL: He was bold. And his army was enormous. But I outmaneuvered Spike. Soon he realized this wasn't going to be another one of his easy victories. For the first time, his enemies were standing up to him.

SPIKE: Angel had the larger army. Since his people were richer, they also had better weapons. But my people wouldn't be intimidated. They held their ground. The Amastrians would have to fight to get what they wanted.

ANGEL: They was no way I was going to send all those men and women into battle. Spike tried to use that against me. I could never be sure if he was serious about fighting. All I could do was make him see that it would not be easy.

SPIKE: The Amastrians had always beaten the Thermadonians. But now, for the first time, they were afraid. The tables had turned.

ANGEL: From the start, I wanted to negotiate. But Spike refused. He wanted nothing less than total victory. Finally, he realized that wasn't going to happen. Not as long as I was around.

SPIKE: Angel had no choice but to negotiate. He always wanted that. His people saw there was no other way. They would finally have to recognize the dignity of the Thermadonians and treat them as equals.

ANGEL: Negotiations weren't easy. Not after everything Spike had done to make these people hate each other.

SPIKE: Angel had made things personal. He put out vicious propaganda to turn the people against me, spreading The Gospel of Angel Superiority. This only fed Amastrian jingoism. I'm sure that wasn't Angel's intention. He had to pump himself up to establish authority. He didn't know how elitist his people were, and how they would twist his words to demonize the Thermadonians. With all the vitriol that was thrown around, it's amazing how easy the negotiations went.

ANGEL: The key was to create similar constitutions and similar legal codes. That seemed to me the best way to prevent conflict.

SPIKE: Like I said before, Angel more-or-less gave the Amastrians the same laws I had given the Thermadonians. So there was no reason these two peoples should have been fighting.

ANGEL: Hammering out all the details took time. Spike wasn't interested in that kind of thing. So I had to do all the dirty work. Which was what I expected.

SPIKE: It was simple. One side loved me. The other loved Angel and hated me. But they both loved Buffy. Once everyone realized that, fighting a war seemed bloody absurd. Angel wanted to set up some stupid League of Nations thing where different peoples could come together and, I don't know, have group hugs and all that other touchy-feely hippie crap. I said we didn't need to treat them like children. They just needed something to bind them together, so they would respect their neighbors and treat them as equals. Like I said. Bloody simple.

ANGEL: I hated letting them think I was a god. But Spike left me no choice.

GILES: Peace between bitter, longtime enemies is never simple. What makes you think they haven't already begun to resume hostilities?

SPIKE: You're right Rupert. It's impossible for one man to bring about peace and justice overnight. But not very hard for a god. That's why I went along with the pretense.

GILES: sarcastically It was only for their own good?

SPIKE: Of course. Why else would I do it? The pressure's unbearable. They expected perfection every second of every day.

XANDER: Twenty two days. And they never doubted you. The standards for perfection in that world must be pretty low.

ANGEL: I don't want to talk about the religious aspect. It was weird enough to go through.

LORNE: What do they think I look like?

ANGEL: They think you look like you look.

GUNN: Do they think I'm a sidekick?

ANGEL: No. I don't even think that word's in their vocabulary.

FRED: Are we worshipped? Willow and Anya said everyone in Sunnydale's worshipped.

ANGEL: You're honored. They think very highly of all of you.

LORNE: Anya said they characterized each of us by a particular trait.

GUNN: Perfect. I'm the muscle. In two – make that three – dimensions.

ANGEL: No you're not. My people –

FRED: You're people?

ANGEL: The people who lived in the country that chose me to be their ruler didn't generalize or oversimplify like that. To them, we're all complex, gifted, brave individuals.

LORNE: I'm brave? Boy, I love propaganda.

ANGEL: But they also see us as a unit. They believe that if any one person left, the rest of us would be helpless and doomed.

FRED: Really?

LORNE: Even me? Come to think of it, your life did suck royally while I was out of town.

ANGEL: To them, we're like a phalanx. If one of us steps out of line, the whole formation collapses. You have to understand, the analogies they can draw from are very limited.

SPIKE: You told your Amazons a lot about Angel, didn't you Willow?

WILLOW: Uh, um, I told them a lot about Buffy, so he mighta came up once or twice.

SPIKE: Bollocks, Red. They were worshipping Angel before they even met him. You made him out to be some sort of bloody saint. Though you don't seem to have said one kind word about me.

WILLOW: Well, see, the thing is, you've been good for a lot less longer, and, you know –

KENNEDY: What's the matter Spike? Jealous?

Spike laughs.

SPIKE: Of what? Not winning your girlfriend's affections? I only bring it up because Willow's words had consequences. The Amazons who heard your stories became Angel's most fanatical supporters, desperate to glorify him by vanquishing the Thermadonians and "putting me in my place." The Amastrians were willing to negotiate. The tribes who fell under your spell –

ANDREW: I thought one of the tribes was with you. What about the Queen who wanted you to sire her offspring?

Everyone else winces, including Spike. Andrew inadvertently makes it sound like Panthesilea wanted him to vamp her children. Also, Spike doesn't want to discuss Penny around Buffy.

SPIKE: Her tribe treated me fairly. The other two were hell-bent on war, convinced that Angel was destined to prevail cuz you convinced them he was better than me. Your Angel bias became a threat to world peace.

XANDER: How many times have I said that?

SPIKE: Good thing I was able to melt one their hearts. Actually, Memnon, my general, did the melting. A certain Princess he loved named Antiope.

KENNEDY: But he's evil! How could she?

WILLOW: There was no one she detested more in the entire world.

SPIKE: You knew this bird?

KENNEDY: We spent a week with her.

SPIKE: laughs Really. I hadn't a bloody clue.

GILES: Won't argue with that. Spike and Buffy glare at him

WILLOW: Memnon was a blood-thirsty, woman-hating misogynist.

DAWN: Aren't those last two redundant?

SPIKE: He was a warrior. Just like them.

WILLOW: I saw him kill Asteria in cold blood. I mean, mortally wound Asteria. Luckily I was there to save her.

SPIKE: She wasn't also trying to kill him?

WILLOW: Okay. Maybe. Yes. But only in self-defense.

ANYA: I've had it with your grossly hypocritical double standards. You're turning a brave female warrior into a victim. I think your Amazon would find that patronizing.

GILES: Fine. We'll assume they were equally bloodthirsty.

KENNEDY: They can't be. Asteria is good.

SPIKE: So's Memnon.

KENNEDY: That's impossible. They can't try to kill each other and both be good.

ANDREW: Can we please stop imposing our Hellmouth values onto non-Hellmouth cultures?

SPIKE: Mems wanted to work side-by-side with the Amazons. But they were stubborn and pigheaded. He was an open-minded bloke in a world filled with narrow-minded sexists. And when the sexists refused to talk to him, he killed them. I'm not saying the guy's perfect. He has a nasty habit of trying to solver every problem with violence. But he loved Antiope. And now she loves him.

Willow and Kennedy appear very disappointed in their Amazon friend.

WILLOW: You mean she's sleeping with him?

SPIKE: By now, probably. Last I saw they were kissing each other in the middle of the battlefield. Right in front of the two armies. Lovely scene, really.

GILES: Try callow. Make love, not war? Come on.

ANYA: Why can't they do both? They will do both. You raise a couple armies, and then convince them not to fight each other. So they'll fight someone else. What did you think they'd do, join hands and sing kum-bay-yah? They'll conquer until they hit the wall, then they'll implode and fight each other. It's the way of the world. Our world. Their world. Any world. Nothing real can end with "And they lived happily ever after." And where is your coat?

SPIKE: The locals wanted to keep it. Souvenir. By the way, anything happen while I was gone?

ANYA: Giles went on a date, and the Potentials had boys over.

Spike laughs. He notices no one else is.

SPIKE: You're serious. Rupert has a girlfriend? Did I return to the right dimension?

FRED: By the way, Angel, were you wearing those jeans before?

ANGEL: looks down. he had forgotten No.

LORNE: So after you returned, you took time to change before telling us you were back?

ANGEL: No. They wanted to keep my leather pants.

FRED: They wanted your pants? Why? appears queasy I wish ah hadn't asked that.

ANGEL: They didn't have smooth, shiny clothes like that in their world.

FRED: Oh. looks relieved. then looks confused But your coat's the same way? Why didn't they take that instead?

Along with everyone else – Fred included – Angel wants to change the subject.

ANGEL: Where's Connor?

LORNE: Out like a light.

ANGEL: Has he been asleep this whole time?

FRED: Sure has. He was tired after, you know.

ANGEL: So my son knows nothing about my little trip abroad. That's a relief.

FRED: Yeah. He'd probably be freaked out by the whole god-king thing. Is he also worshipped?

SPIKE: If you don't mind, you all can sod off now. I need to rest. You have no idea how exhausting it is to have millions of people depending on you to reorder their world, make their lives better. All that responsibility weighing down on my shoulders. What a relief it's over. I think I'm gonna sleep for the next week. Wake me if the First tries to destroy the world.

ANGEL: What time is it?

LORNE: Half-an-hour to closing time. One-thirty to the rest of you.

ANGEL: It's been a long day.


End file.
